Am i the only one who thinks this is wrong?

[Dk1234]

I agree. I mean you really shouldn't get so personally offended by someone who obviously has no real experience. That would be like someone who never bf saying I can't believe anyone doesn't bf. I mean would you really care what they said. Now if she came on here and said I worked 60 hr weeks and chose not to have kids because its wrong or said I quit my job all of you should too, then yes offensive. She has on opinion which changes with circumstances. But again I'm sticking by that 60 hrs a week is a lot to be gone from home and away from both parents. It does make me sad for thise parents. None of you even do this though.

When we had our first son I was at a job I had to commute to, about an hour and a half each way. So our baby was at the sitter about 11 hours a day. Ir was very difficult and I did always feel guilty, but at the time I had no choice because there were no closer jobs. When he was around 6 months old a job finally opened closer to home, so I now only have a 20 minute commute. So I have been in a similar situation to what she is saying, and think its rediculous to imply that because I knew I was in that situation that I shouldn't have had my son at that time.

But still yet you didn't have them in 12 hrs a day. So I'm not saying she was right but you shouldn't be offended because what she said doesn't even refer to you. You got an hour everyday with your baby that those parents wouldn't and that's actually a lot of time. Plus you were actuvely trying to change your situation. I just think people are looking to take offense in this. And I think that is because people have guilt about this. Which they shouldn't. If you're doing the best you can c then that's all you can do.

 

[bananaz]

This discussion just reminded me of this quote from Elizabeth Banks, who apparently made the brave decision to dismiss her childcare for the holidays.

“[We] had no help, no nannies, no babysitters. It was crazy. You forget how difficult it is to wake up in the middle of the night, how exhausting it is,” she admits, adding being a hands-on mom took on a whole new meaning. “I lost all my nails. I did dishes and cleaned bottles for 10 days so I lost all those nails!”

I have to say that the idea of hiring someone to get up with your kids in the middle of the night so you can sleep sounds pretty crazy to me (though kind of appealing at the moment, haha), and made me wonder about how far super rich people go in delegating care for their children and how that affects their relationships. Anyway, just a little tangent

 

[devon_91x]

Ooh I see! I wonder why that is! I am now wondering if nursery nurse in the OP actually exists or if it was a cover story to start this whole thread hahaha.

Oh please.. You're sounding more immature than I am, grow up.

 

[Pink Flowers]

I personally have never had to put LO into child care. Our intentions was that I went back to work when he was 9 months old and he went FT to nursery. We couldn't afford it where we used to live.

He starts pre school in the next few weeks, he is really excited and I am looking forward to the break. I work shifts and my OH works shifts, it is hard! we did it all so we could spend more time with LO.

When LO starts school and the baby is about a yearish I will be going back to work FT and baby will be going to nursery. we don't need the money, maybe I am being selfish. But when that time comes I might change my mind but at the moment its an option we are thinking of taking, we both want the best possible life for our children.

Maybe we are wrong for wanting to be able to afford nice things, holidays and all that stuff.

 

[omfgski]

...

 

[sue_88]

I will be a single parent when my baby is born.

I currently earn a fantastic wage, and when I go back to work when baby is 7 months old, I will continue on my fantastic wage.

My baby will have to be in childcare from 8am - 6pm so I can work full time.

I want to work full time.
I want to earn my money.
I want to spoil my baby and go on 3 abroad holidays a year.

If the only price I have to pay is Baby having lots of friends at a nursery - I'm willing to pay it.

I never in a million years thought I would be a single mother, my ex-partner earned triple my salary so I was going to take a couple of years off, however my circumstances have changed and now I have no choice. As much as some people rave about the masses of money in benefits they recieve, me being on benefits would not cover all my lifestyle choices and I refuse to give them up as I also want baby to have the same luxury lifestyle.

I'm not offended by the OP, but I think don't judge until you know the circumstances. People have to work, and people (like me) LOVE their work and will not give it up.

 

[Noelle610]

I guess at the end of the day I just don't think there are many parents who relish in leaving their children for long periods of time in the care of others.

Yes, there are crappy parents out there. No one is denying that. But I really think they're the exception and not the rule. Most parents love their children and are doing their best.

 

[Dk1234]

I personally have never had to put LO into child care. Our intentions was that I went back to work when he was 9 months old and he went FT to nursery. We couldn't afford it where we used to live.

He starts pre school in the next few weeks, he is really excited and I am looking forward to the break. I work shifts and my OH works shifts, it is hard! we did it all so we could spend more time with LO.

When LO starts school and the baby is about a yearish I will be going back to work FT and baby will be going to nursery. we don't need the money, maybe I am being selfish. But when that time comes I might change my mind but at the moment its an option we are thinking of taking, we both want the best possible life for our children.

Maybe we are wrong for wanting to be able to afford nice things, holidays and all that stuff.

No one has said this is wrong.

 

[Dk1234]

Ugh this is really starting to bother me. I think this is all more annoying than the OP. no one has said working is wrong. No one has said nursery is wrong. I think she was referring to people who never see their kids. 10 hrs a day in a nursery is a lot different than 12. Spending 2 hrs of quality time a day with your baby is much different than 0. I don't agree with the OP entirely and I def don't agree with her attitude, but people are dragging this out looking for offense where there wasn't even any.

 

[Randianne]

I will disagree with you as a mother who did have to put her child in day care for 12 plus hours. It's not ideal, and I hated it. The alternative was to quit my job, scrap our business, and depend on the government. I refuse to do that because I won't teach my LO that you quit and look for hand outs when life is hard. Sometimes you have to make hard choices to succeed. In her original post, she flat out said that was wrong. That is offensive. I'm pretty sure that if I started a thread calling SAHMs 'wrong' for staying at home instead of bringing in as much income as possible, people would be very offended. As they should be. I understand why you wouldn't find her post offensive, but those of us who have been there do. Granted, she obviously did not start this looking for experiences, only validation, and no matter what is said she's not going to change her mind. That's her right. But let's not pretend her posts haven't been offensive.

 

[devon_91x]

I guess at the end of the day I just don't think there are many parents who relish in leaving their children for long periods of time in the care of others.

Yes, there are crappy parents out there. No one is denying that. But I really think they're the exception and not the rule. Most parents love their children and are doing their best.

Please don't put words into my mouth. I don't think anyone on here is a crappy parent, I would never say that. Of course parents feel bad leaving their children I have no doubt about that, all I think is that leaving your child 12 hours a day, 5 days a week is too long. That's MY personal opinion. Most of you that have jumped down my throat don't even send your Los to nursery for that long anyway. I'm sorry but I do find that a few people on this forum try and look for conflict. I love bnb as much as the next person but I try not to take anything too literally..

 

[Randianne]

I guess at the end of the day I just don't think there are many parents who relish in leaving their children for long periods of time in the care of others.

Yes, there are crappy parents out there. No one is denying that. But I really think they're the exception and not the rule. Most parents love their children and are doing their best.

Please don't put words into my mouth. I don't think anyone on here is a crappy parent, I would never say that. Of course parents feel bad leaving their children I have no doubt about that, all I think is that leaving your child 12 hours a day, 5 days a week is too long. That's MY personal opinion. Most of you that have jumped down my throat don't even send your Los to nursery for that long anyway. I'm sorry but I do find that a few people on this forum try and look for conflict. I love bnb as much as the next person but I try not to take anything too literally..

She said there were crappy parents out there. Where did she say that you think people on here are crappy parents? Talk about looking for conflict and taking things too literally...

 

[Dk1234]

I will disagree with you as a mother who did have to put her child in day care for 12 plus hours. It's not ideal, and I hated it. The alternative was to quit my job, scrap our business, and depend on the government. I refuse to do that because I won't teach my LO that you quit and look for hand outs when life is hard. Sometimes you have to make hard choices to succeed. In her original post, she flat out said that was wrong. That is offensive. I'm pretty sure that if I started a thread calling SAHMs 'wrong' for staying at home instead of bringing in as much income as possible, people would be very offended. As they should be. I understand why you wouldn't find her post offensive, but those of us who have been there do. Granted, she obviously did not start this looking for experiences, only validation, and no matter what is said she's not going to change her mind. That's her right. But let's not pretend her posts haven't been offensive.

I didn't. I said I didn't t all agree with her attitude and not completely with anything she has said. But it's the people who are taking it an attack on all working moms and the ones who don't even use nursery like she said acting like she is saying something to them I find really ott. I never said she wasn't offensive, I actually said it was offensive to someone who did use nursery 12 hrs a day if you'll read all my posts. You have a right to take offense. But someone who uses nursery for 8-10 hrs a day pretending she has started a crusade against you is just pointless to me. I think they have felt guilty over something that was t even talking to them.

 

[Randianne]

I will disagree with you as a mother who did have to put her child in day care for 12 plus hours. It's not ideal, and I hated it. The alternative was to quit my job, scrap our business, and depend on the government. I refuse to do that because I won't teach my LO that you quit and look for hand outs when life is hard. Sometimes you have to make hard choices to succeed. In her original post, she flat out said that was wrong. That is offensive. I'm pretty sure that if I started a thread calling SAHMs 'wrong' for staying at home instead of bringing in as much income as possible, people would be very offended. As they should be. I understand why you wouldn't find her post offensive, but those of us who have been there do. Granted, she obviously did not start this looking for experiences, only validation, and no matter what is said she's not going to change her mind. That's her right. But let's not pretend her posts haven't been offensive.

I didn't. I said I didn't t all agree with her attitude and not completely with anything she has said. But it's the people who are taking it an attack on all working moms and the ones who don't even use nursery like she said acting like she is saying something to them I find really ott. I never said she wasn't offensive, I actually said it was offensive to someone who did use nursery 12 hrs a day if you'll read all my posts. You have a right to take offense. But someone who uses nursery for 8-10 hrs a day pretending she has started a crusade against you is just pointless to me. I think they have felt guilty over something that was t even talking to them.

I kind of understand that. I've never met a mother who didn't have at least some guilt about putting their child in day care. It's a sensitive subject. Some of the comments have been out of line.

It would be nice if people would take more of a 'hey, it's not my situation so I can't effectively judge' instead of calling it wrong and asking why we bother to have children. But as a PP pointed out, you can't win as a mother. Someone out there thinks all of our LOs are headed straight to therapy. Although, if my LO is, I feel like it'll be less 'my mom worked too much' and more 'my mom wouldn't let me date until I was 30'.

 

[Dk1234]

Absolutely I think people take offense because they feel guilty. My mom worked all the time and my dad was a construction worker so was home a lot when it rained or was too hot. I had barely any relationship with my dad. My mom is my best friend.

 

[fannyadams]

I didn't take offence cos I feel guilty.
I took offence because its an incredibly judgemental thread (and I'm not one to use that word at every little thing)

I feel guilty working part time because I want to be with my lo. I can't be with her 24/7, simple as that. I HAVE to work. So that must be magnified if you have to work full time.
I fully accept some women choose to do it. Plenty wouldn't choose it if they had a choice.
Either way is ok but to come on a forum like this and make people that already feel guilty, for something thy have to do, feel even worse is shitty to say the least.

 

[Scottish mum]

What if you want to work tho is that selfish? Yes we do need the money but I also enjoy my job x

 

[cissyhope]

I didn't take offence cos I feel guilty.
I took offence because its an incredibly judgemental thread (and I'm not one to use that word at every little thing)

I feel guilty working part time because I want to be with my lo. I can't be with her 24/7, simple as that. I HAVE to work. So that must be magnified if you have to work full time.
I fully accept some women choose to do it. Plenty wouldn't choose it if they had a choice.
Either way is ok but to come on a forum like this and make people that already feel guilty, for something thy have to do, feel even worse is shitty to say the least.

But that is her opinion... We all have guilt in parenting,god i would have to ask every one to stop posting about BF if i was to follow what u are saying,as iv got massive guilt issues to do with BF...

 

[louandivy]

lawd

 

[fannyadams]

I haven't seen anyone say what's the point of having children if you can't breast feed.