Breastfeeding Grief Support

[bky]

and
It does get better if you talk about it and with time. I think weaning is a huge healer, but in the meantime you can still do lots of skin to skin cuddles while bottle feeding. There's lots of benefit from eye contact and cuddling while they are eating.

 

[Farie]

Please may I come in?

Over the next 10 days I'm weaning Nim off my boob and EBM and onto formula she's on the hypoallergenic milk Neocate for allergies multiple allergens, incl cows milk proteins and soy.

I tried cutting everything out in my diet but it's not working and she's getting worse. I cannot go on having her miserable.

My byline is 'I just want her happy' and it's true, her health and happiness come first, but inside I'm very sad.

 

[Farie]

Double post

 

[bky]

I hope your swap to hypoallergenic formula gets you a happy baby. If it's what's best for her it's what's best.

 

[Vilranda]

 

[Nic1107]

I hope everyone is doing well and in good spirits today.

 

[aliss]

Today's been a rough day.

Unlike many girls here from the UK, breastfeeding is very huge where I am, and it's not popular to FF at all.

I have had 2 seperate people today ask me if I'm nursing the baby. I usually just say 'yes' because I don't want to get into the long schpeel about what happened. One woman said, "OH, well I knew it, because he's so big and healthy!!" and then the next guy said "Oh well good for you, my wife did it for over a year because it's the right thing'. Don't get me wrong, I *know* that, but life did not hand me a happy healthy baby and it didn't happen.

Sigh!!! Sad day. This happens a lot here.

 

[Farie]

Not a great day today. Nims much better on the neocate, which is fab. But I'm just feeling so tearful and sad. She is only taking about 2oz a time (50:50 EBM and neocate) and seems very confused
I know it's for the best and her health but I just want to whip out a boob and make her happy poor mite just doesn't understand why there's no boobie for a pillow anymore, and when I'm home alone during the day it's doubly hard cos she cries and I leak like crazy but have to insist she takes the bottle, she keeps twisting her head as if to say 'no mummy, I want THAT'

Please god let this stage be over quickly and her start getting excited about the bottle.

Aliss it's very pro BFing here too, I'm very much the odd one out. I

 

[bky]

They learn about the bottle pretty fast though. Mine knows all about making milk from a can.
It's too bad there's no way you could keep some boob in there for her. I was going to ask if the Dr thinks its something she may grow out of? It's not quite the same thing but I've just gotten to the point where I can eat broccoli with out LO vomiting, but 4+ months of pump and dump is pretty daunting.

And on the subject of pro BF and lying... yes it's very pro BF around here, but I don't have any friends anyhow, and no mum and baby group so less issue there. I have, however, lied via omission to my family. Going to see then in about a month and really not looking forward to dealing with it. I know no one is going to get it. My mother was wholly stupid about me having a c-section (the only person who has been) and everyone on my side of the family BF with no more than the normal growth spurt issues (my great grandmother BF twins even). Of course on OH's side of the family they all FF, and think BF is gross, so I'm likely going to have to hide while BF. One week on one side, one week on the other. There is no win anywhere.

 

[Seity]

I've been struggling with something lately and wonder if you ladies might be able to put in your 2 cents.
I've been combo feeding for a long time and my LO had been waking up just about every 2 hours at night to feed, so I gave a bottle of formula before bed, so that I could make it the night without having to make a bottle of formula. We'll after almost 11 months he's finally starting to sleep better. Some nights I only BF him once on top of always BF him in the morning.
Since I work all day and started weaning him, he gets formula all day and when I'm home for lunch I only have time to give him solids, so no more lunch BF's.
Here's the thing: Lots of BF moms eventually get to the point where they only BF nights and mornings. I'd love to be able to do that, but if I continue to give a bottle of formula before bed I fear I'll end up able to BF mornings only. However, I'm afraid to BF him to sleep at night instead of giving him the bottle because I fear he won't get enough milk and it'll muck up his sleep and I admit that after 10 months of constant sleep deprivation, finally getting some sleep is a god send.
Suggestions? Comments?

 

[bky]

I always BF first and FF 2nd (so my last feed is BF topped off with FF), but maybe you could give him half a bottle (or some amount) and still let him BF off to sleep? Or is it more that you are worried about not having enough at night if you don't FF for the last feed?

 

[Seity]

I always BF first and FF 2nd (so my last feed is BF topped off with FF), but maybe you could give him half a bottle (or some amount) and still let him BF off to sleep? Or is it more that you are worried about not having enough at night if you don't FF for the last feed?

I think I worry about supply after not doing a night feed before bed for so long and that he'll wake up more and then I won't have enough for him. Also, we still get some nights where he wakes up often and if I BF before bed again he might need to wake more because there isn't enough.
I think maybe doing a partial BF partial FF tonight and see how it goes. At the worst tomorrow is a weekend, so I don't have to get up at 7am for work.

 

[Vilranda]

I had to change my WIC today from part time FF to full time. I just dont' make enough even with all the supplements to give him one full bottle of EBM... it doesn't help that I only really pump three times a day.

And so I waffle back and forth on whether or not to continue pumping after Chibi hits 3 months. I'm trying really hard to make it that long...so I'll have a 3 month milestone...but I want to go longer at times...and then I don't want to do it anymore... I get so depressed about it...I need to start drinking the tea again, if I want to continue. I stopped cuz work was getting too hectic...but I need to start it back up again...not that I noticed any difference, but every ounce counts.

I'm sorry but it helps me get it out with ppl I know understand...

 

[Seity]

I had to change my WIC today from part time FF to full time. I just dont' make enough even with all the supplements to give him one full bottle of EBM... it doesn't help that I only really pump three times a day.

And so I waffle back and forth on whether or not to continue pumping after Chibi hits 3 months. I'm trying really hard to make it that long...so I'll have a 3 month milestone...but I want to go longer at times...and then I don't want to do it anymore... I get so depressed about it...I need to start drinking the tea again, if I want to continue. I stopped cuz work was getting too hectic...but I need to start it back up again...not that I noticed any difference, but every ounce counts.

I'm sorry but it helps me get it out with ppl I know understand...

It's so much harder when you have to pump at work.

 

[Seity]

So, I decided to do breast for 10 minutes and give him a 5 oz bottle before bed. It seems to be going well because his sleep didn't change. I'm hoping maybe over time to wean the bottle out completely.

 

[bky]

I had to change my WIC today from part time FF to full time. I just dont' make enough even with all the supplements to give him one full bottle of EBM... it doesn't help that I only really pump three times a day.

And so I waffle back and forth on whether or not to continue pumping after Chibi hits 3 months. I'm trying really hard to make it that long...so I'll have a 3 month milestone...but I want to go longer at times...and then I don't want to do it anymore... I get so depressed about it...I need to start drinking the tea again, if I want to continue. I stopped cuz work was getting too hectic...but I need to start it back up again...not that I noticed any difference, but every ounce counts.

I'm sorry but it helps me get it out with ppl I know understand...

Best advice I've been given on this is don't quit on your worst day. Setting goals is good. You may have found something workable by the time you get to 3 months, but if you don't you don't. The early weeks are hard enough without trying to fix problems. It's important to find, at the least, something tolerable. If it isn't tolerable it's just going to lead to frustration calling the shots rather than you making a choice. When you do make a choice it helps to write it down. Then later on if you're like me you'll be second guessing yourself and feeling like you shouldn't have given up and you can go back to what you wrote and see, yes, that was a good choice I made at the time I made it with what I knew at the time.

I've been meaning to post this https://www.normalfed.com/Why/staytouch.html I thought I had a better one that was less critical of formula (little things still sting), but I can't seem to find a better version. Edit: reading it again, I guess it's not as critical as I thought.
I know when I started bottle feeding I didn't hold my baby close or look at her or anything, almost like I was punishing her with no contact for needing a bottle. Don't be like me! When you need to move to bottles, you do, so make eye contact, play with their hair and fingers, tickle toes and noses.

 

[aurora]

Great thread! I'll do up a post when I can properly reach the keyboard!

 

[bky]

Problem is getting recognized, at least somewhat.
https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/wellbeing/4680702/Breast-not-always-best

 

[mrs_park]

I'm so happy I found this thread!

I am feeling like a complete and utter failure. All I wanted was a natural birth with skin to skin contact once he was born, to feel that magical moment once he was born and then to go on to breastfeed.

It didn't go that way....

After labouring for 28 hours, they decided that my baby was stuck so proceeded to send me for a c section. I was soooo anxious about the procedure I was shaking uncontrollably. By this stage I was exhausted, and desperate to meet my baby! Once he was finally born he was shown to me and it broke my heart as I couldn't hold him I could only look at him. He was very cone headed and bruised and swollen after being stuck in the birth canal which I wasn't prepared for.

I started breastfeeding but he never seemed settled and the nurses in the hospital were awful and didn't help me at all. It wasn't until a community nurse came to visit at home on day 5 that she suggested we try formula top ups as he had lost too much weight and she believed the reason he was unsettled was that he was hungry.

I just feel like a failure. My body has let me down, it couldn't deliver my baby and it cant make enough breastmilk. All my life, all I ever wanted was to be a mum and now I am, I am soooooooooo happy and I adore him. At the same time I can't help but feel disappointed that things didn't work out the way I wanted them to... I thought my 'calling in life' was so be a mum, so I assumed it would all come naturally...

So now I breastfeed first and then if he seems hungry I will offer a formula top up. I feel sick giving it to him

 

[Mystique26]

Hi ladies. I think my having low milk supply is what triggered my postpartum depression which I am experiencing at the moment. There is not a single day that I didnt cry because of this. My depression worsens when DH leaves for work in the morning. For now, I try to BF so LO can have a bit of breast milk that I can offer and then top up with formula. I just finished a crying episode today.