Could use a buddy

[SashimiMimi]

Hi guys! Sorry I've been AWOL! It's been an intense week, but we did the two IUIs on Wednesday and Thursday and I am officially in the tww!

I always feel really optimistic the first day of IUI and nervous the second day. I found it hard to hear my doctor talk about next steps, which would be the lap surgery. He also said that if AF shows up then I would need to come in for monitoring to make sure I don't have cysts on my ovaries. Apparently, the injections can cause this and I wish they had warned me about that in the first place. Sigh!!!!

Today I feel bloated, sore and nauseated. Called the clinic and they said this is normal because of extra fluid leaking into my abdomen from the 4 eggs. Poor OH got excited when I told him I felt like I was going to throw up and said , "maybe it means youre pregnant this time!!" He doesn't realize what implantation is and you don't get pregnant the day after you BD or do and IUI in my case!!!

Hope everyone is well! I'm exhausted but just wanted to log on to say hi to everyone. I will be around a lot more over the weekend!!!

 

[Pino6161]

SashimiMimi--- they really should have warned you about the side effects I really hope this is your month, and that you won't have to worry anymore!! If you don't mind me asking... what made you do IUI? I mean what led to it, and how did you make the decision? My Dr. brought it up, but I am stubornly resistent.

So today is officially the start of my diet. I woke up at 6:30 AM with a weight of 235 lbs. I took the Healthe Trim, and did half of my workout video (I couldn't do the whole thing) I am going to jump in the shower but you guys were more important!!

So last night was great. Me and OH went to dinner last night and then came home and watched "Chronical" It was a good movie except it was all peopleholding video cameras I got a bit dizzy. Anyways we had really good last night. I have to ask though. After we BD I always lay down on my back, but I can't stay there long cause I always really have to pee! . I know you are not supposed to but I got to go I got to go right? Do you think this is what is hurting my chances? I always use the restroom right before we BD, but ever since I cut my caffeine, and sugar, I have been downing water like no tomorrow.

Anyways I found out yesterday that my SIL is coming today. Her daughter is about 1 y/o and Her son is 11.

Spoiler

So I moved in with my OH in September of 2008, and my nephew moved in at the same time. My OH's family is from Caborca, Sonora, Mexico, so there is no English. So My SIL just let my MIL raise him. He was supposed to be going into the 2nd grade but got held back because he didn't know any English. So I taught him. The last 3 years I have taught him English, went to all his parent-teacher conferences and school functions, I helped with the homework. He was getting straight A's. I was SOOOO proud of him! My SIL only came every couple of months. He didn't even call her mom, he called her Morena (her nick-name) He called my MIL mom. The same thing with his dad. So then a little bit over a year ago Morena found out she was pregnant. Beto(my nephew) was 10. She decided that now that she was going to have a baby maybe she should have her whole family. Beto moved back to Mexico right after the baby was born, his mother decided he should go into the grade he was supposed to (a year ahead) and he failed his first year back. Iwas so upset. I had done everything to make sure he succeeded here, but while that happened he was not learning to read and write in Spanish, and Mexico's math is more advanced. I was so upset, not only did SIL get pregnant when he didn't even care about her own son, but was raising him, and trying to have my own. It'snot fare. I have been very civil to her though. As a gift, I bought her a beautiful stroller/car seat. The first time she came to visit with the baby, I was PISSED. The whole ride in the van/ shuttle to Tucson from Mexico the baby was on her lap! She was only 1 month old! All because she did not want to use the carseat I bought here so MIL bought her a used one for when she visits. Not Only was I mad because I spent almost $200 on the set, but it is so DANGEROUS. I was LIVID. My spanish maybe horribly broken, but I translate decently LOL. So I vented for as whole week to my OH but he didn't have the guts to day ANYTHING. So I went next door, and I sat my MIL and SIL down. I told them that the next time that she comes, and when I drop them off things were going to be different. I told them that if that baby was not in a car seat when I picked them up, I would take the kids home, and they can find another ride to Marana (an hour away). I was not putting them in danger, and if they don't care about the kids they can walk their asses back. When I dropped them off, same thing. There is NO reason in the world to have 2 carseats! They got mad, but I didn't care. Not even a day after I told them this, we all went shopping. I was on the freeway. MIL in front seat, nephew, neice, and SIL in the back. I look back, and SIL had the baby out of the seat to feed her a bottle. I pulled over, right there on the freeway. I told SIL that if she didn't buckle that baby into the seat to get out. It was dangerous. I mean what if I got into an accident, it happens all the time. On top of that it was illegal, and I am the one that would have gotten in trouble. She goes on to say that the baby like to be held when fed. I said I don't care lock her up or get out! She was mad, but I was pissed!! Things have blown over since. After she left I was at work about 3 weeks later, and it turned out that my BIL(he has 3 kids) and one was really sick, and in the hospital. SO my MIL called my OH and asked if I could take her to the bank to send him money to help out w/ the hospital bills, it was urgent. So I got off work early to take her.(She doesn't know how to drive a standard, and doesn't like driving anyways) On our way there I ask her why they need the money, and tried to find out what was going on. She goes on to tell me that my SIL wants a car and so she is giving her the money for one. I blew up. She lied about what the money was for, and I got off work for what I thought was an emergency!! Anyways my in-laws are very selfish. It's all about them. So they bought a car, to come back and forth when they visit, and when the visit it is for months and my MIL pays for EVERYTHING clothing, food, shoes etc. It makes me mad the my SIL is such a mooch. My nephew is about to do his first communion, and thats why they are coming. MIL bought his clothing for it. My nephews English is going down the drain as well it really frustrates me. Sorry this was so long but I really needed to vent LOL

So anyways, I am picking them up, and then going shopping, cause I really need groceries. I love seeing my neice and nephew, but I really don't like my SIL, but I hide it well around them. The jealousy over the baby is subsiding, but IDK. Oh and you want to hear the weirdest part::::

Mother's Name:: Hadahara
Babies name: Hadahara
Dad's Name: Juan
Nephew's Name Juan

I mean obviously there are alot of Jr's for males...But who in their right mind names their kids after each other. How weird.... Sorry, venting again

Thanks all for listening!!

 

[SashimiMimi]

Hi Pino!!! Thanks for the support. The reason we did IUI is because my doctor performed a test called a cervical insemination or C.I. where a drop of OH's sperm is mixed on a slide with a drop of my EWCM at the time of ovulation. The slide is put under a microscope which is hooked up to a TV screen and this shows whether or not the sperm can actually break through the CM. In our case they could not, and we could literally see the sperm swimming up to the CM and then turning the other way. If you google this, you might see the term "hostile CM" but my doctor doesn't like that term. He said it could be a number or reasons such as the CM is too thick, or it's a chemistry thing where it just doesn't jive. By doing th IUI you bypass the CM completely and our doctor felt this was our best route for getting a BFP. So the first IUI we did was unmedicated and I Oed naturally. The second was with femara and I produced 2 eggs on that, it was bfn as you all know. The third go, obviously was with those outrageously expensive injections, and I produced the 4 eggs and OH had an even more insanely high sperm count. We are cautiously optimistic.

My doctor couldn't say for sure if the hostile CM is why we havent gotten a bfp, because there is no telling if this is happening every month but he suspects it probably is.

I just went out for breakfast with OH and 3 pregnant women walked in at the same time. Sometimes I feel like the universe is pointing its finger in my face. OH is feeling really optimistic for this month, but I had my hopes up last cycle and it was such a heartbreak.

I'm seeing my niece and nephew today and they are both such miracles it reminds me that miracles DO happen!!!

 

[lauren26]

Pino - I always have to pee right after, too. I manage to lay still for 30 min, but it's tough for me! I'm a pee-er. Good for you for getting on a new regime!! It's tough at first but then it feels so good!

Sashimi - I bet your OH was feeling even better about his super gold medal sperm! I watched the Great Sperm Race last night that lxb mentioned (I think) and they were claiming that men have a sperm count of 300 million....I think that's very generous for the average male! Anyway, I hope this is it for you. I understand not wanting to get your hopes up. I feel similarly. I am very optimistic about this month because my acupuncture has leveled out my hormones so nicely, but also (especially after watching Sperm Race!) realize that it might not be it this time, either. Anyway, I hear you--this is a big cycle for you and OH. Either way it goes, I'm glad you have a Hawaiian vacation afterwards! When do you find out?

 

[SleepyOwl]

Sashimi - Definitely good chances for you this cycle, but I totally understand not wanting to get your hopes up. I hope you don't have to go through with the lap surgery. Is it possible to not do that and do something else, or is it sort of the next step in the process and something that's required? Have fun with your niece and nephew today!

Lauren - That test looked pretty positive to me. Yay for BFP's...even if it's only an OPK. Preparing you for the real thing hopefully!! And no, I'll never be sick of your pee sticks or anyone else's for that matter. Sometimes before I go to bed I Google BFPs. I know. Ridiculous.

Pino - That sounds rough. I hope your weekend goes alright and that your SIL doesn't act reckless with the baby and the car seat. That is really ridiculous!

Preg - Are you testing tomorrow? I can't remember which day, but I'm anxiously awaiting!

 

[lauren26]

Sleepy - I do the same thing!! I think that if I get used to seeing BFPs it will somehow make 'seeing' mine more possible! Sometimes during the TWW (since I'm a POAS addict...) I just can't even imagine ever seeing the double lines appear--when you've never seen them on your own stick it can be hard to believe! I got a + before my chemical, but I only noticed it after the time limit and was already having AF/mc at that point so I didn't really get to have that moment of excitement and knowing that it's possible. Anyway, I'm with you on loving pee stick pics! Lol.

 

[Pino6161]

Ok so i was looking at another string that i follow on here and there is a women that has been trying since march 2 MONTHS and she was saying how hard ttc is etc and bam got her i mean how is that fare!!! I know i sound horrible but jealously eats me. besides i AM hot and cranky. I have been waiting for an hour for my SIL to show

 

[preg_pilot]

Sashimimimi, and lauren Good luck this cycle

Sashimi - Definitely good chances for you this cycle, but I totally understand not wanting to get your hopes up. I hope you don't have to go through with the lap surgery. Is it possible to not do that and do something else, or is it sort of the next step in the process and something that's required? Have fun with your niece and nephew today!

Lauren - That test looked pretty positive to me. Yay for BFP's...even if it's only an OPK. Preparing you for the real thing hopefully!! And no, I'll never be sick of your pee sticks or anyone else's for that matter. Sometimes before I go to bed I Google BFPs. I know. Ridiculous.

Pino - That sounds rough. I hope your weekend goes alright and that your SIL doesn't act reckless with the baby and the car seat. That is really ridiculous!

Preg - Are you testing tomorrow? I can't remember which day, but I'm anxiously awaiting!

Yep. testing in about 12-14 hours now

 

[treasured]

Cant even explain how im feeling at the moment.... worst day.

Just got a call from my best friend an hour ago telling me that shes pregnant. Shes just been seeing a guy for like a month, not serious and she didnt even want kids Didnt use protection on a couple of drunken nights and BAM there she goes. HOW EVEN?

She says shes deffinately goin to have an abortion cause the guy shes with doesnt want kids and shes not in a stable relationship or anything, and of course i am the one that has to talk to her about it and listen to her telling me that her dark lines appeared within a second and they only didnt use protection a few times.

ohh im just so frustrated that its been 8 months for us and nothing, and then ihave to deal with hearing this im now starting to think there must be somthing seriously wrong with me

I dont know what to do now im so jealous and feel so deflated!

what should I do girls?

hope everyone else is good xxxx

 

[lauren26]

Ladies, I have had at least some amount of EWCM for eight days. Eight!!!!!!! I def had a + OPK the other day and my temp was way up today...doesn't CM dry up right after O?? Could I have missed O even though my temp was up? I have heard that sometimes the body releases a 2nd egg within 24 hours of the first, and twins run in my family so it could be that, but I'm kind of freaked out! I have been doing PreSeed this month....each time I've noticed the EWCM I think that it could be leftovers from the last BD, but I always count back and it's been 24 hours since BD each time...Could it be sperm that much later? Does anyone else have EWCM at 1dpo? I don't know why I'm freaked out about it, I just am! I usually only have 3 fertile CM days, and this month I've had so many.

treasured - That SUCKS! I'm sorry you've had to deal with that. I don't know what you can do--are you comfortable enough with her to tell her that you want to support her but that you feel triggered and need to take it easy with the pregnancy/abortion convos? That must be so hard to hear--I'm sorry!!

 

[lauren26]

How is this already the HARDEST TWW EVER? I am only 1dpo!! Dangit!!

 

[SleepyOwl]

Treasured - I am sooo sorry you have to deal with that. I can't even imagine. I'm not sure what to tell her, but maybe something like Lauren said. Does she know that you're TTC and that this would be very difficult for you? It is so frustrating that people who are in no way ready get BFPs quickly and we are SOO ready and have to wait so long. Nothing is wrong with you - don't even think like that!! You are getting your BFP no matter what.

Lauren - I think I have had EWCM at 1DPO, but it was just like a little bit leftover, not a significant amount though. Don't be too freaked out, maybe just wait and see at 2DPO if you still have it? Also could it be because the acupuncture and your hormones have balanced out that you produced more EWCM this month/for more days? Either way, it's a good thing and you could always BD to be safe

 

[Pino6161]

SashimiMimi---- I am sorry you have gone through all of that, but your story really is inspiring. It's better to know now right?? I mean at least you know why if my Dr says the words "unknown infertility" I will puke!

SleepyOwl--- She wasn't sitting in a carseat AGAIN. I snapped so instead of me translating I got my nephew. I pretty much said I was done, I would take them home, but find another ride. She was pissed. Turns out they are going to send the carseat with them back to Caborca. I am a bit relieved, but IDK I will NOT have this on my concsonce

PregPilot--- I am so excited to hear/see your test!

Treasured--- I know what you mean I always say I am Prochoice, just don't tell me what you choose. I don't agree with women who get abortions, I could nver even think about it! I really hope your day got better! You deserve your !

Lauren-- there is usually CM that late, but not so much that you can notice, and not so much as it still looks like EWCM. It sounds good to me...wow twins??? LOL I never really get EWCM myself so I might be nuts LOL

So my day got a bit better after venting, I am sorry for you guys having to see it. So I have been taking my vitamins for 2 days and something weird happened today. I have an app on my phone that tracks my periods. Well It say I am in my fertile days and I ovulate tomorrow. Well I started having crams, nothing horribly painful but noticable. Well I sat there on the bed talking w/ OH cause we started the weight loss pills today and so we were just taking it easy this month and going hard core next month. You guys will probably call me stupid, but I feel like having a baby in March is my sign. January-sister/OH
February--Mom
MARCH---???
April---niece
May---FIL
June--niece
July--nephew
August Me/MIL
September---brother
October---Dad
November---brother
December---Christmas

Anyways we talked, and we didn't have it goes against EVERY grain that I have!! What if I missed my chance? It hurts

Does this sound weird? The thing is I have never really thought about it this way, until earlier this week. IDK I might just go wake him up...

 

[preg_pilot]

treasured - I´m so sorry
here´s a bunch of for you for this cycle, I def have some to give away now...

 

[preg_pilot]

Oh, and I got my this morning...
Feel like such a cheater

 

[lauren26]

Yayyy!!!!! Preg, it's about time!! Congratulations!! That's so incredible that you got it in your little window of time where you could get it! Have you told OH yet? Or anyone else? Congrats!! Now please tell us every single symptom you've had and everything you did different this month. Why do you feel like a cheater?? BFP is the goal for everyone, after all! Lol.

 

[lauren26]

Pino - Did you guys skip BD because you want a March baby? You probably still have a chance if you BD today, if you change your mind.

Sleepy - I think/hope you're right! I do feel healthier and more on track, hormonally. I looked back at my old charts and I do have some fertile CM at 1dpo (silly me!). I was just shocked a the # of days in a row, but I guess I can't complain! And I'm sure I Oed since my temps are still up etc.

 

[SashimiMimi]

Congrats Preg!!!! That is amazing news and it's really inspiring. You were worried about the timing of getting a BFP based on your job, and here everything has worked out in your favour. Way to go!

Lauren, I just looked back on the charting I've done over the past year on my iPeriod iPhone app and there have been a couple of occasions where I had EWCM a few days after O. I also have found that my EWCM naturally comes a few days BEFORE O and then almost disappears during O, then might come back for a day. I wouldn't worry too much about it, as it is probably just leftovers! However, it seems those of us in the TWW are all having a hell of a time.

I'm feeling a lot better today. Had a great time visiting with my family yesterday and actually talked to my grandmother about TTC and the fertility procedures we have been doing. She told me that she actually had a still born baby and a miscarriage prior to having my mother. She grew up in Germany and left to come to Canada after WW2 and the second she came here, she got pregnant with my mom. She said looking back the timing wasn't right because life was terrible during WW2 Germany.

It also made me realize that there are things far worse than long-term TTC. It's one thing to TTC for several months without results and it's another thing to experience a MC, but to get your BFP, carry your baby to term and then experience a still birth... I can't even imagine that kind of pain.

Treasured - I can definitely imagine how hard it must be to hear about your friend getting a BFP so easily and an unwanted one at that! I guess we all have our own paths, some will have to make decisions about unwanted pregnancies and others, like us, will struggle to get that wanted pregnancy. I think you could definitely confide in your friend and explain that you are struggling to get PG and while you are her friend and care for her, you just aren't in an emotional place right now to help.

I had to really spell out what this "emotional place" is all about to OH last night. On the car ride home after visiting my family, he brought up that we really need to see our friends' new baby. Now I have mentioned in previous posts that the wife of this particular friend has inadvertently been somewhat offensive with my TTC. When I first started TTC and did acupuncture for my first 4 cycles she rolled her eyes and said we just needed to...wait for it... "relax." At Christmas, she loudly asked if I would be having wine because surely I MUST be PG by now because it only took them 3 months to get a BFP and even though she is 39 she has the fertility of a 15 year old. Then we had them over to dinner after our first IUI and she kept asking if I had any news, and why was I drinking water? Did that mean something?

Anyway, I don't think the wife means to be offensive at all. She hasn't struggled with fertility in the way I have, so I think she simply doesn't know that asking if I have any news is annoying. I think she probably thinks she is just being a good friend by asking, and I can totally appreciate that. I told OH that I just can't visit the new baby during this TWW because I am finding it is the hardest one yet in 11 cycles. I feel a lot is riding on this cycle and I need to feel emotionally protected. I would be happy to visit the baby after we return from our trip at the end of June, but cannot do so before then. OH got irritated with me and told me that I was incredibly selfish and rude, and was like Okay, fine. I'll tell them why we can't visit them then... Then reminded me that they are our friends and we should support them. So I said, I'm your wife... how about you support me. I had to explain how different TTC and BFNs affect me differently than him. He doesn't have to have the invasive procedures, he doesn't have to inject himself with fertility drugs, he doesn't have to show up for the bloodtest and have the nurse call him to say it didn't work and he doesn't have to get on the wait list for exploratory surgery. So if I feel more pressure than usual this month, he needs to understand why. Also, I'm incredibly busy at work and can't visit them during the week. Next weekend will be a few days before my PG test and I'll feel too vulnerable. The weekend after I have too many things to do to prepare for our trip and if the results are not in our favor, well then I'll be too heartbroken to deal with not only seeing someone else's new baby, but also I KNOW they will ask and I can't deal with telling anyone outside of this board what we are going through.

I'm sure you have all experienced people who don't understand TTC struggles say offensive things, even if they are unintentional. For example, someone recently said to me that it was obvious the Universe does not want me to have kids with my OH because my CM won't get his swimmers through. Then he suggested I adopt... Well you have to go through a hell of a lot to even get on the adoption wait list and even then there is no guarantee. I do not feel adoption is my path and I found it really irritating this friend said that, not to mention we haven't even been TTC for a full year. Other girlfriends of mine, don't know the difference between IUI and IVF and believe they are the same thing. (I'm sure I thought that once upon a time too.) But they say things like wow, you must be broke doesnt that cost thousands of dollars? Or if they hear I'm taking fertility drugs they say, Aren't you worried you will end up like Octomom? *Bangs head on desk*

Anyway, when I explained to OH how I was feeling he totally got it. In any other case I would be there for our friends and be supportive, but I just feel I have earned the right to be a little selfish and "rude" this month. I will be testing most likely on Wednesday May 30 and I'm still trying to figure out how I can handle getting what ever news comes to me while I'm at work, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

I think the good news for all of us is that we are all young, we are all healthy and there is nothing medically wrong with any of us. And if it turns out there is, medical technology can fix it. So we WILL get our BFPs, it's just a tough lesson in patience.

 

[SashimiMimi]

Lauren we posted at the same time again!!!!! And by the way, I've had more EWCM certain months than others... sometimes it has been scant and sometimes it has been abundant. I think it just depends on how much you have inside, not what is necessarily coming out. The injections made me have an unreasonable amount of EWCM. To the point where I did a silent scream when I sat down to go to the washroom!

 

[treasured]

Lauren/sleepy/pino- thank you for hugs i want to be a supportive friend which I am trying to be, offering to go to the clinic with her and stuff, but cant help but be jealous! she doesnt know im TTC so not her fault that she wants to talk to me about it and its harder cause I dont want to say anything to her about my trouble with it all!

preg- omgggg finallly! so glad someone got their BFP this month so happy for ya xxx