Could use a buddy

[SashimiMimi]

Oh and Lauren... I really do hope the thyroid mess help. I always felt in my gut something was off with my hormones, so I really hope it gets us that bfp. Also no mix test today, I guess I am still a day or two away from O?? My fertility clinic is open on the weekends so maybe we will have to do it then. I'm eager to see how it goes as well!!

Sleepy: that's nuts about the relative who insists you are pregnant! I have told a few people we are taking a break from TTC just to get them to stop asking. I had a friend loudly ask at a Xmas party if I would be drinking or not and was I pregnant. I was like ummm... No bfp yet !! She proceeded to tell me that I was doing it wrong and I need to try every other day. Sigh!!

 

[countrygirl86]

That must be tough having people asking you about TTC! It's amazing how people don't realize it's kind of a big deal and just continue to ask and almost rub in it! I really struggle with wanting to tell someone but I think we're going to wait until we at least know if we are fertile... *sigh* Hopefully ppl will leave you alone Sashimi now that you've said you are having a break. And hopefully you'll get a BFP in the meantime!

 

[lauren26]

Wow!! You ladies have a lot of people asking you really personal questions about TTC! I told our family when we started, thinking it would happen right away (obviously it didn't). They asked if I was pregnant 'yet' for about 3 months, then stopped. At the time I took it as them not really caring whether we have kids or not, but now I think they're just trying to be polite. My friends don't really ask because they're all against it, lol (have to laugh or else I'll cry!), with the exception of my BF, who is super curious, supportive, great at listening about this stuff. The one thing that felt really triggering to me recently was my mom coming to visit (last week) and saying 'I just had a feeling, I just KNEW you'd be pregnant when I came up to see you.' I don't know if it was really mother's intuition because I'd just had the chemical, but I had to, in front of OH and my stepfather, say 'Nope, got my period full force. I have it right now. No, not pregnant'...Anyway, I can only imagine that having this type of thing happen loudly and publicly would make the TTC process all the more emotional and difficult! Makes me even more grateful for our little community While I don't have people constantly asking, the lack of care or interest that some of my friends show is disheartening.

The thing that got me early on when we announced we were TTC was people asking things like, 'Are you really ready to make such a big sacrifice?', 'Are you going to get rid of your cats?', and 'Can you afford kids? They're so expensive!' With all of this I felt like, yes, yes, and yes, and this is NONE of your business!! The social interactions I've had around TTC remind me of when we told people we were engaged--suddenly everyone had an opinion about this very personal and intimate thing we were doing, and they felt they needed to share it! LOL. I think that people are just trying to be helpful. That said, I'm so glad we can relate to each other on here!!

 

[SashimiMimi]

I think unless people struggle with TTC, they don't know the etiquette around the topic. I recently met up with a former employer of mine for coffee and when she saw me for the first time in a couple of years she said "wow! I thought you would be out to here by now." while making baby bump motions with her hands. My response: "yeah? Me too!"
Lauren, I agree that ttc is similar to wedding planning in regards to everyone having to add their two cents. We had a non-traditional wedding with no receiving line and some people were like "how could you NOT have a receiving line!!??" Now we get a lot of "when are you and OH going to have kids?" and it's hard for me not to say "was wondering that myself." my neighbor keeps telling me that she has had a couple dreams recently that I had twins and this was before I told her we were trying.

I just walked by a magazine rack and saw very pregnant Jessica Simpson on the cover of Elle. I had a moment of feeling annoyed! LOL But writing back and forth with you ladies is really helping me chill out!! So thank you to all of you for keeping this conversation going!!!

Well, we are doing the mix test tomorrow. So if everything "jives" we will BD the natural way. If it doesn't, then we will do an IUI!!

I was wondering if anyone else here has changed their baby "wishes" since TTC? For example, before I started TTC I always wanted a girl and I wanted her bday to be in the spring or summer. Like when we started TTC 9 months ago, had we succeeded the first time the baby would have been born next month in april. Now I just want a healthy baby girl or boy and I don't have an opinion on what time of year he or she is born!! When we eventually do get a bfp I will really and truly appreciate it!

 

[countrygirl86]

I agree that people often don't understand and therefore aren't usually sensitive to TTC struggles. That's definitely what makes all of you more important! Good luck with the mix test Sashimi.

I used to want similar to you, a girl in the early spring but now that we've started TTC I'm happy with boy or girl whenever! Fx for everyone for a BFP which I think is babies in Winter?!?!

 

[sweetie888]

@Sweetie - I'm sorry she got you!! It's the worst feeling. I, too, made the grave error of looking up Google pics of pregnant celebs today, all glowing and 40. We went to see Wanderlust tonight and there was a preview for What to Expect When You're Expecting--apparently part of the premise is that all these ladies just get pregnant 'all of a sudden'--I was like, come on!! Now Hollywood's rubbing it in? Anyway, it did look funny. How long have you guys been TTC? I have several mid-30s friends who have never had any of the above. And then I have one who just turned 32 who got pregnant right away (she's one of those 'We weren't even trying!' types...annoying but also great for her). She had never had a mc or abortion. Don't lose hope!

THANKS for everyone's kind words and answers! I know I'm actually not "too old" yet. I'm feeling a little bit better today, and glad I have Coachella to look forward to next month. I told DH I wanted to go before we have kids and it was probably our last year/chance to do it! At least I won't be pregnant and camping in the desert. That's my way of seeing it half-full.

F&F are so funny when it comes to TTC right? It swings from one side of the pendulum to the other. The same people that kept stressing our ages and how hard it would be to get pregnant the older we got, would now be the ones who say "don't worry about it. have fun. do everything you want to do before having kids." I swear people just need to say something for the sake of saying something.

 

[sweetie888]

On a side note, I think being a little sad last night and asking DH again to do a SA helped him finally say OK! I will also ask my doc if I can start taking some tests. What is the first test I should ask for? I'm sooo clueless about that stuff!

 

[lauren26]

Christmas babies!! If we all get our BFPs this month we'll have Christmas babies!! That's the thing I always wanted to avoid, but at this point it's like, whenever is GREAT. I wanted a girl, too, at first and didn't want her born at the end of summer. Now I don't care! I'm equally interested in having a boy at this point--maybe because our new nephew is a boy, and the first boy in his little family. I like picking out girls' names more--that's probably the main reason I was wanting a girl, which is a little silly now that I'm writing it out.

My OH really wants twins, LOL. I'm like, let's go easy on these hips the first time around! I think it's genetic, though, and I have a set or two in my family...So you never know!

Yes, I think talking about TTC is taboo and there isn't much etiquette around it. It gives a sense (maybe false sense?) of intimacy when people talk about it, and maybe that invites them to share their opinions.

Excited to hear how your test goes, Sashimi! I should be O in a few days, though my OPKs aren't even close to positive yet.

 

[SashimiMimi]

I always thought it would be a rip off to have your birthday so close to the holidays, but I figure when ever a BFP is meant to happen there is no stopping it. I also used to want to avoid September because that is back-to-school time, which is never fun for kids!

I just got offered the job I interviewed for yesterday, so it looks like its back the grind full time for me in a couple of weeks. It might be good for me to have something else to focus on other than TTC, although I do wish the BFP had happened while I was off for the most part and stress was at an all time low.

Sweetie: hope you are feeling better. That's amazing about Coachella!!!!! I saw the lineup for last year and it looks amazing!!

Have a great weekend ladies!!

 

[JustKeepSwimN]

Hi...I think I'm in a similar boat. I'm 32 and TTC #1 on cycle 10.
I'm so new to the idea on this forum idea that I have to look up most of the abbreviations.

BUT...there really isn't anyone who knows about our TTC attempts...so...I thought it might be a good idea to find some online support )

 

[SashimiMimi]

Hi...I think I'm in a similar boat. I'm 32 and TTC #1 on cycle 10.
I'm so new to the idea on this forum idea that I have to look up most of the abbreviations.

BUT...there really isn't anyone who knows about our TTC attempts...so...I thought it might be a good idea to find some online support )

Hi JustKeep!!! I'm newish to these boards as well and often have to Google abbreviation meanings. I found this site helpful in learning the lingo: https://www.tryingtoconceive.com/abbrevs.htm

As I mention in almost every post, chatting with these ladies helps a lot! Before I first posted on here I was at an all time low with frustration. I feel less isolated knowing there are other women out there around our age who have been trying for a few months. It's a great place to vent, ask questions or just chat!!

 

[sweetie888]

Hi...I think I'm in a similar boat. I'm 32 and TTC #1 on cycle 10.
I'm so new to the idea on this forum idea that I have to look up most of the abbreviations.

BUT...there really isn't anyone who knows about our TTC attempts...so...I thought it might be a good idea to find some online support )

Hi and Welcome JKS! I love the handle btw! Just keep swimming!
We're the same age! The forum really IS the best place to talk about TTC without letting everyone know in your real life!

 

[SashimiMimi]

Hi Ladies!! Well, we just did the mix test and DH's sperm sample was great. He has 180 million swimmers, so he felt proud of that. But my EWCM is blocking any of them from getting through!! So we are now waiting to do an IUI. Doctor thinks IUI is the way we will have to TTC from here on out. I admit part of me feels kind of deflated... I love my EWCM and think its neat! At least there are tests that show if it's blocking, so that's a good thing.

 

[sweetie888]

Hi Ladies!! Well, we just did the mix test and DH's sperm sample was great. He has 180 million swimmers, so he felt proud of that. But my EWCM is blocking any of them from getting through!! So we are now waiting to do an IUI. Doctor thinks IUI is the way we will have to TTC from here on out. I admit part of me feels kind of deflated... I love my EWCM and think its neat! At least there are tests that show if it's blocking, so that's a good thing.

How did they test your EWCM and how is it blocking the sperm? Too thick? Not thick enough? Did they have to test for that during your O period? At least you get to know what's going on instead of wasting a whole year's worth of time. Good luck!

 

[lauren26]

Wow, Sashimi, I bet you're super glad you've done all of these tests!! I'm also curious to know how and why the EWCM is blocking the sperm. Now you guys know what you have to do, though, which is awesome!

I was at my father-in-law's 60th birthday celebration last night. My mother-in-law put together an amazing video and photo slide show etc etc of his life--it was so HARDDDDD for me to see my nieces and nephews in the photos but no kids from us, and to know that my FIL is now 60 and MIL is now mid-50's and we don't have grandkids for them yet! And I now retract my last post where I said no one asks me about it, LOL--like 15 people asked me last night. Which was kind of nice, actually (maybe that's the wine remembering...). The worst part was when one of the women from church who is a mutual friend of mine and my SIL's said to me, 'Are you having kids yet?? I guess you don't need to because your SIL is doing great at it! She's already got 3 kids, so it really doesn't matter if you guys have them.' I was like, OUCH. I know she didn't mean anything by it, but it was rough. So, so many people brought it up and everyone was like, 'Oh, you're young, it'll happen.' Again, nicely intentioned but it was still hard to see my SIL and BIL with their three gorgeous children getting fawned over. Sorry, I'm throwing a mini pity party...It was a rough night! Fun, too, though, and I do love my nieces and nephew, so it's always amazing to be with them.

Anyway, I hope everyone's having a great weekend!

 

[SashimiMimi]

Hey Sweetie! So they took a drop of DH's sperm and a drop of my EWCM and put it on a microscope that was hooked up to a TV screen. Yes, this test (called Cervical Insemination or C.I.) has to be done during ovulation. I have been going for cycle monitoring every day this week and having blood tests and ultrasounds done to see when the surge was coming.

We could see on the TV screen that the sperm was swimming toward the EWCM very well since DH has such a high count. Then we could see that it was being blocked by my EWCM, basicslly giving up and turning around!! So yes, it would be safe to say my EWCM is probably too thick to let anything through. What I didn't ask is if this is the chemistry with just DH and I? Would someone else's sperm be able to get through? Or am I just one giant sperm blocker!?!?

We could see a few of the sperm were getting through in certain areas, but not enough to really make anything happen. Now the doctor doesn't know if this has been the case every month, but suspects its part of the reason we haven't gotten our BFP!! We are doing another IUI tomorrow and will likely continue TTC this way. (kind of takes the romance out of it, but I'm game!)

As for the IUI, they take DH's sample and do something called a sperm wash to basically isolate the swimmers. Then they injected it directly into the uterus so it bypasses the EWCM having to carry it up to where it's supposed to be .

I am completely blown away by the technology at this fertility clinic. The entire facility looks more like a spa than a medical clinic, so it's a very relaxing environment. While I was kind of sad and deflated that we didn't get the green light to go home and BD naturally, I'm glad these solutions are available in this day and age. While I was having the IUI done, I had a casually conversation with the doctor about tennis. Lol!! I was thinking if I do get a BFP this month, it would be a funny conception story... Unlike those who go on a romantic vacation and conceive!! Well at this point I will take a bfp any way I can!!

Sorry for the long post... And for using the word "sperm" so many times!!! Not sure if the acronym is just S or what. DH was very amused and sheepish about having the give the sample!! He giggled a lot all morning, especially when they offered him magazines and videos (which were apparently very cheesy!!!) to assist with the process!!!!

Hope you are all having a great weekend. How is everyone else doing in their cycles this month?

 

[SashimiMimi]

Wow, Sashimi, I bet you're super glad you've done all of these tests!! I'm also curious to know how and why the EWCM is blocking the sperm. Now you guys know what you have to do, though, which is awesome!

I was at my father-in-law's 60th birthday celebration last night. My mother-in-law put together an amazing video and photo slide show etc etc of his life--it was so HARDDDDD for me to see my nieces and nephews in the photos but no kids from us, and to know that my FIL is now 60 and MIL is now mid-50's and we don't have grandkids for them yet! And I now retract my last post where I said no one asks me about it, LOL--like 15 people asked me last night. Which was kind of nice, actually (maybe that's the wine remembering...). The worst part was when one of the women from church who is a mutual friend of mine and my SIL's said to me, 'Are you having kids yet?? I guess you don't need to because your SIL is doing great at it! She's already got 3 kids, so it really doesn't matter if you guys have them.' I was like, OUCH. I know she didn't mean anything by it, but it was rough. So, so many people brought it up and everyone was like, 'Oh, you're young, it'll happen.' Again, nicely intentioned but it was still hard to see my SIL and BIL with their three gorgeous children getting fawned over. Sorry, I'm throwing a mini pity party...It was a rough night! Fun, too, though, and I do love my nieces and nephew, so it's always amazing to be with them.

Anyway, I hope everyone's having a great weekend!

Lauren!! Here we go posting at the same time again!!!!!!!! See my looooong post above regarding the test and IUI today. So yes, EWCM is probably too thick or maybe it's just the chemistry with DH. I will ask tomorrow and get answers!

Sorry about your experience at the party. I'm so annoyed at the SIL comment about her being good at having all the kids so you don't have to worry. Sheesh!!! We are having friends over in a couple of weeks who have told us we are doing TTC wrong, loudly ask if I will be drinking or not, the ones I mentioned previous posts. So I have half a good mind to respond, "Not yet, I have a thyroid problem and my cervical mucus is not letting DH's sperm through... But we basically had artificial insemination done, we we'll see." I bet if I give an honest frank answer like that they will stop asking.

Lauren, those comments last night must have been hard considering you just had a chemical. Even though chemicals happen very early, you still have the right to be sad and grieve. I really admire your ability to shrug off the silly comments and prodding about when you will have kids with such a great sense of humor!! Hugs!!!!

 

[lauren26]

Sashimi - Thanks for the support!! It means a lot One of my favorite mottos, borrowed from a spiritual teacher, is 'You have to laugh or else you'll cry.' I try not to get hung up on this stuff, but it is hard. Really and truly. It's hard to see another family member treated with what seems like more value or respect because they have kids. Anyways, I think it did help that most of the people who asked and found out we are TTC seemed really excited. The exception is that one lady with the SIL comment....She's strange and I don't know her that well--I really shouldn't take it personally. It was the end of the night, too, and I was exhausted. That heightened it. But you're right--I do totally have a right to me feelings about all of this. I noticed so many times over the weekend, seeing my in-laws and nieces and nephews etc, that I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I am just trying to allow whatever feelings are there to come up. I think it's helping....?

I hear you--the IUI could seem less romantic. Really, though, maybe it will take the pressure of BDing so it's just sex and just enjoyable! One of the family members I saw this weekend did IVF with her son and was really into it. She was really happy with the process and it took the first time (she had tried through other methods before--all of them 'artificial'--I still don't like that word in this context because it's a miracle no matter what!)

I'll keep you ladies posted...I think I've almost got my +OPK, and had a little EWCM today...I was beginning to think I wouldn't O this month after the chemical. I was just getting SUCH faint OPKs. I just did this one at 8 pm and it's pretty dark. It seems like I have to do them at a different time every month. I guess that makes sense!

Hope everyone had a great weekend.

 

[lauren26]

PS Ladies, need your opinion!! After last month's CP I decided to go SUPER healthy/strict on the 'fertility diet' this month...veggies, whole grains, whole milk and butter, proteins, no sugar, minimal caffeine and alcohol. Well, as luck would have it, since Thursday was my OH's 30th bday, Friday was my FIL's 60th, and there was family in town, I ate some total garbage this weekend. I had pizza at midnight, a few glasses of red wine, sweets, fried food, greasy Mexican food, and almost no veggies...Yikes! Almost wanting to delete that now that I've written it out and am actually seeing what I ate, lol. It looks like I'm about to O, but my diet was bad last month and I had the CP.....the bad diet and the CP probably weren't mutually exclusive, but still. It worries me. Any thoughts?

 

[SashimiMimi]

Lauren, I wouldn't worry about what you were eating. Think of all the people who conceive on New Year's Eve or some occaision like that where there is lots of drinking and party food. You looked after your body all month, a couple nights of having fun food and drinks won't hurt, I'm sure of it. If anything, just the fact that you had a great time with friends and family will probably help your body relax so it can do it's thing. Don't worry! Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

As for me, I'm totally emotionally exhausted. The beginning of this week feels like a lifetime ago. Monday I got called for the job interview, Tuesday had the HSG, did cycle monitoring every day from Wednesday until today, Thursday had the interview, Friday got the job offer, Saturday and today we did two rounds of IUI!! Definitely an exciting week, but I feel absolutely miserable tonight. Probably because I've had little sleep with all the early morning doctor's appointments. I'm a totaly worry wart and I keep wondering how I will continue to do IUIs at the fertility clinic if I'm at a new job, etc., I tend to "what if" about things that may or may not happen. My mom says things seem to happen all at once for me... we booked our Hawaii trip, I'm starting a new job, so she feels the BFP must be around the corner! I hope she is right!

By the way, I asked the doctor about why my CM is blocking OH's sperm. I read about the term "hostile cervical mucus" and the doc says he doesn't like that term. He said it could just be the way OH's sperm reacts to my CM, as in a chemistry thing, it could be that it's too thick, there is no way of knowing for sure and that's why IUI is so good because it just bypasses CM completely. (On a side note, I explained all of this to my mother and she said she had never even heard of CM, but Jennifer Anniston once said "cervical mucus" in a movie and she thought she was just being vulgar!) That actually made me LOL!!

So the next steps for me is I have to take natural progesterone suposetories twice a day. Now sorry if this is TMI, but I have to do it rectally or vaginally. Sounds like most people opt for the latter, but I was warned that it will be messy and I need to wear panty liners. (This thing is a tiny pellet! How on earth is it going to create this much leakage!?) Well, if it helps me get my BFP, it will be worth it. Of all 9 cycles that we have been TTC, this will be the longest 2WW for sure!!!