Dealing with azoospermia?

[Olive333]

Sharon - we chosed an open donor. We wanted to give the choice to our child if he/she wanted to know more about them. We don't have the choice to see adult pictures to protect the donor. Once I become pregnant then the bank will send me all of the information of the package that we purchased. There is only limited information to downlod and the rest is view only. I can't remember, but have you decided to go the donor on your next IUI?

 

[NikkiR143]

Idk what to do ? whenever I feel something positive so somewhere news from other side makes me and my hubby upset. Since yesterday we got two news of two sister in laws who got their BFP'S one is expecting 2nd and other one 3rd baby. I try to control myself but somewhere i fail I want to cry ..... I just want to go away from all this stuff truly I badly want baby now but may be I cant be mom like others are .

I'm so sorry! The worst part is that you want to feel happy for them but it's so hard. Yesterday was a hard day for me too- I must've cried 10 times throughout the day. Some are harder than others. You will be a mom- and this journey will just make you stronger.

 

[Stinas]

tulip - Its really really hard. No matter how happy you are for them, there is always that pit in your stomach….then you feel guilty for having that pit in your stomach. It just sucks. This is when you realize who your true friends are. I have learned who is truly happy for me and who is not. To my surprise, the ones who were not or didn't really care, were the ones I went above and beyond for. The ones that freaked out….were the ones I barley know. Opens up your eyes a bit.
One day you will be able to shout it from the rooftops. When that day comes, don't care about anyone or anything….just be happy…don't let anyone rain on your parade.

 

[sharon99]

Tulip, I totally understand where you're coming from. I hate that feeling of sadness/happiness/guilt at feeling jealous that happens to me. My younger brother called the other week and said, "I have some great news!!"- and my stomach dropped & immediately got the cold sweats-- "I got a promotion at work!" And then I was probably way too excited and congratulatory about that. And then of course, I felt guilty about how sad I would have been if they were pregnant.

Olive, yes, this will be our first donor IUI. It could have been last month, but I choked under pressure & missed my ovulation. Any pain involved with it at all? I've heard it's not bad at all- just some slight cramping perhaps.

Deafgal, hope you're doing OK. Thinking of you.

 

[Olive333]

Sharon - I felt no pain during it, except being uncomfortable with the speculum. The only pain was ovulation pain during the day, I was barely able to walk at some points. The nurse was very gentle and she just had a hard time positioning the cervix, but after that was super easy. I didn't feel the actual insemination.

I'm still waiting to test on Sunday.

 

[BrandyRelax]

Tulip, I totally understand where you're coming from. I hate that feeling of sadness/happiness/guilt at feeling jealous that happens to me. My younger brother called the other week and said, "I have some great news!!"- and my stomach dropped & immediately got the cold sweats-- "I got a promotion at work!" And then I was probably way too excited and congratulatory about that. And then of course, I felt guilty about how sad I would have been if they were pregnant.

Olive, yes, this will be our first donor IUI. It could have been last month, but I choked under pressure & missed my ovulation. Any pain involved with it at all? I've heard it's not bad at all- just some slight cramping perhaps.

Deafgal, hope you're doing OK. Thinking of you.

I agree with Olive - no pain during the IUI except for inserting the speculum, the IUI was done before I even knew it!

And ovulation was insanely painful - pain for about 5 hours, but I was on Femara, and I understand ovulation is more painful on Femara. I had 2 "good looking follicles" (according to my doctor) on my right side, and that was the painful side.

I'm still in the TWW, so still waiting for the positive test to tell me it's all worth it!

 

[sharon99]

Brandy, I didn't know you were in the TWW, too! Good luck! And good luck tomorrow, Olive!!! And thank you both for the IUI reassurances. My doctor wants to try 3 natural cycles before moving on to meds, so I doubt I'll have any ovulation pain (I usually don't).

 

[BrandyRelax]

Brandy, I didn't know you were in the TWW, too! Good luck! And good luck tomorrow, Olive!!! And thank you both for the IUI reassurances. My doctor wants to try 3 natural cycles before moving on to meds, so I doubt I'll have any ovulation pain (I usually don't).

Thanks Sharon! It's the first IUI, so I don't really know what to expect.

My doctor decided to go medicated (Femara) on the first IUI because he knows I respond well to medication, and I have a late ovulation (usually day 18-19) and short luteal phase, so having the medication will help control that and manage any issues as well.

And Friday's the day... we'll see how it goes!

 

[deafgal01]

Deafgal, hope you're doing OK. Thinking of you.

I'm doing ok, just taking it one day at a time. The bfns was a blow to my confidence and I'm still convinced something's going on with my body, but I don't know what. The clinic said they could do a blood test but I didn't want that to ruin my Christmas as it would be final and there's no debating whether the bfns home tests are not good enough. So I agree with DH that I should wait til Jan to see what af does. If nothing or still wacky, then I will follow up with a blood test to figure it out. If it returns to normal for that cycle, then I guess we'll be trying to find a way to afford more sperms and another go at IUI. I dread having to do more needles- DH and I both hated having to do that to get to this point.

I still lurk my journal, but I've pretty much abandoned bnb for the most part. It's necessary to give myself that break as it was consuming me too much and having a negative effect on my moods. I'm finally starting to be happy again in the past few days.

 

[Olive333]

deafgal - I just has a negative HPT yesterday 15dpiui and it was negative and I still don't have AF. I'm hoping that I could still be pregnant, but I know is just that hope. I took clomid and ovidrel and it was my first IUI, so I'm not sure if it's normal to get AF late.

BrandyRelax- I hope you get your BFP!

Sharon - Good luck with your IUI!!!

 

[sharon99]

Deafgal, I'm sorry things are still wacky, but I'm glad you're able to regain some happiness. And Olive, it sounds like things are wacky for you at the moment, too! I don't know anything about those drugs and their side effects as I've never taken them... I will be thinking of both of you!!

Brandy, good luck on Friday! Bring us some good news! My luteal phase is short-ish too (10-11 days, usually), so if these 3 natural cycles don't work, hopefully the drugs will help with that for me, too.

To everyone else, Happy Holidays! Wishing everyone much joy and peace. And cookies. Which I'm eating right now.

 

[BrandyRelax]

Olive333 - sorry that the tests are coming back negative. I know for me, it takes 3 days off the progesterone suppositories before AF comes, so about 16 day LP compared to my normal 10 day.

sharon99 - just let your doctor know that you have a short LP, and he/she may put you on progesterone even though it's a natural cycle, just so you have the best chance possible. I was also on Femara which produces multiple follicles - I think because our IVF and FET cycles failed, he wanted to increase the odds, but if you've not had any cycles yet, your doctor may not want to risk multiples.

deafgal - we're here if you need us. I agree with sometimes needing a break from the forums and focusing back on how amazing you are as a person and all the good things in your life. It doesn't take away the disappointment of not being pregnant, but helps re-focus some positive energy so that when you are pregnant, you're already starting from a happy place!

 

[gem10]

I just want to wish all of u wonderful women a very Merry Xmas, or Happy Holiday.. I will think of each of you each time a family member asks when I am going to have kids. It already happened tonight. My own mother didnt even stand up for me, she just went along with it. Oh, all I have are granddogs. But Im sure she was caught off guard. Anyway, a New Year is approaching and I am praying it brings us good fortune. Love to you all.

 

[sharon99]

Happy Holidays to you too, Gem- and to everyone else! Yes, it would be nice to have a round-up of all the insensitive comments everyone heard over the holidays! Although Gem, I agree your mom was probably caught off guard. It can be hard to know how to respond in those situations, where everyone is laughing and having a good time. Possibly she was trying to deflect/protect your privacy by trying to make jokes? I don't know, but I could see my mom doing that.

How are the IUIers doing? Thinking of all of you and hoping for good outcomes.

I had my first donor IUI today. It's a little early (CD 12), but I had a crystal clear + OPK yesterday, so I went with it. Not too bad. Very surreal experience, though, with my husband holding my hand while another man rooted around my nether regions to shoot yet another man's sperm into me. It's just about the very furthest thing from my idea of conception as possible. It's good timing, as we're leaving next week for Florida, so I can relax & not think about it for a week. After seeing my family, I'm sure I'll have 1 or 2 comments to add to the "insensitivity list". Speaking of, while I was waiting for my IUI today, the medical assistant was talking to me about her 2 kids, and she started complaining about how her 1 year old has a cold and she wasn't getting very much sleep. Is it just me, or should you not be complaining about your baby when you work at an infertility clinic?!?!

And can I add one more rant? It is very cathartic for me to write these things out! Our Christmas was really nice, and we had a really fun, quiet day. But by the next day, I guess the bunches of pictures of happy kids I saw on Facebook got to me, and I had a little cry. Seems totally understandable to me, right? Sometimes I feel like I'm in a sci-fi movie, and my husband is a robot or an alien who has come to live with the humans. "What is this salty water coming out of your eyes?" And I have to explain, "It's called crying. It's something humans do when they're sad." It's like he couldn't understand why I might be feeling a little more sad around Christmas- it genuinely puzzled him. ?????

 

[BrandyRelax]

Unfortunately our IUI wasn't successful... on to the next month I guess. With only 25% odds of it working, I have to be realistic, that the odds weren't good, and it's probably not the end of the world, and it takes some tries.

For Christmas, our family is pretty small, and they all know what we're going through, so I was really lucky not to have anything to add to the list of insensitive comments.

Brandy

 

[deafgal01]

Mine had no comments about family- nothing.

My Christmas was ok. Just glad another holiday is over. Not sure what 2014 will bring as I am putting any baby plans on hold for a while to adjust changing jobs and saving up if possible for more tries. Most likely focused on trying to pay off other debts first to free up money for saving for baby.

Btw Sharon that is just rude. I do not think nurse and dr should complain about their kids in the room with us there.

 

[Rainbow123]

Fingers crossed for you Sharon!
I was exactly the same Sharon. I thought I was doing pretty well (for me!) until Christmas Eve. It is so easy for everything to get too much all at once when you're off guard! DH was working 'til 7pm, so I got to see LOTS of families when I went food shopping, then on the radio on the drive home there was a special shout out for the maternity ward at this hospital in UK and that set me off BIG STYLE! Was just driving along crying my eyes out feeling very bitter about our situation! Ho hum.

Sorry to hear this cycle wasn't successful for you Brandy and Deafgal. Fingers crossed for next cycles and massive hugs for you both XXX

 

[Olive333]

Sharon - I hope you have a positive with your IUI. Have a great vacation

Brandy- I'm also out this month and since we were out of town I had to skip a month. I'm going to focus this month on losing weight to up my chances for February.

 

[sharon99]

Aw man. I'm so sorry to hear about the BFNs. Brandy, I'm trying to keep that in mind too- the odds of it working the first time around are small, and it takes most women several tries for it to work. I'll try to remember that in 2 weeks myself.

Deafgal, sorry to hear about the plans being put on hold. A new job sounds exciting, though! Wishing you lots of success and happiness at it.

Rainbow, thanks- I'm glad I'm not the only one who had a Christmas Cry!

And Olive, good luck with weight loss! My (unexpected) hiatus from trying last month actually turned out to be a welcome break from worrying.

Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year!

 

[Rainbow123]

Happy New Year lovely ladies!

Has anyone had counselling before IVF/ICSI on the NHS? We've got our appointment through for 16th January to see a counsellor, but I'm a little confused as she left a message on my answer phone today. Apparently after we see her at 1pm we're seeing another counsellor at 2pm. Has anyone else had to see 2 lots of counsellors?

Has anyone got any new year's resolutions? I'm thinking mine is going to be to spend more time on myself by doing lovely relaxing things to try and address my stress-headedness!

Love to all XXXXX