Dealing with azoospermia?

[arzoo]

So sorry to hear your news. It's entirely upto you if you want to tell others or not. My dh and I had decided that we will not tell anyone if we went down the donor route. I just could not trust family or friends with our secret.

 

[bubumaci]

Nicole, I am sorry to hear your news! That feeling of hopelessness is just so awful! It really is up to you. I have always been very open with everyone about our journey - but that's just how I am. I don't see it as anything to be ashamed of, quite the contrary, it shows how far you are willing to go to have your little miracle! And that is something - imho - to be very proud of. It is not an easy journey!
It is totally up to you, whom you tell and what you say xoxo

 

[rdleela]

Awh Nicole, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this; I have no advice on telling people regarding donor sperm; hubby and I could never agree whenever we got to that topic, it's a tough decision that I think has to be right for you guys - it's good you're so open and honest with each other, first!

 

[NikkiR143]

So sorry for the news sounds like you have accepted the donor sperm route. I would tell your friends what you want others to know because friends talk. To others. So i would say be wise with who you choose to tell. Otherwise just tell them everything is all set to go so treatment starts in April. They don't have to know the details; just you are good to go.

Thank you. I agree. I told all my friends today that they did find sperm. They wanted details. I just said they found enough viable sperm to go through with the IVF cycle. I said there's no guarantee it will survive thawing, so we're cautiously optimistic...just so they know why I'm not overly excited. My friends immediately called me. I ignored their calls. They text me that they were crying and just so overjoyed for us. I had a panic attack. I HATE lying. My friends are like my sisters, and they've been with me through this journey every step of the way, and I'm lying. My mom and grandma are the only ones who know the truth. Even my real sister thinks we found sperm. But...I've decided this is the best thing to do. I think once our future baby is born, it will be so much easier for my husband if everyone thinks it's his. I don't want talk going around that we used a donor. Because, going through this pregnancy together we won't know any different. This baby WILL be his. Next step is looking for the donor online. Have to admit...I'm a little excited for this part. Haha. Can you tell me your experience? Any advice? How did you and your DH deal with this? What website did you use? Etc...

 

[sharon99]

It's been a while since I've been on here, and I just saw your fantastic news, Gem!!!! Big congratulations to you.

Nicole, I'm so sorry they didn't find any sperm. I would not feel guilty AT ALL about doing what you think is best for your family. We have told a select few about using donor sperm, and I don't consider NOT telling others "lying". It's just protecting those who are most important- you, your husband, and your future baby.

Ha, looking for a donor online was one of the weirdest experiences ever. DH didn't really want to be involved initially. I narrowed it down by DH's cultural background, and once I had weeded based on my own criteria (health, education, etc.), there were only a few choices. DH and I looked at them together (he did not want to see photos), and then chose one. Very strange!

 

[deafgal01]

I agree with the ladies, Nicole. You're not really lying- it's more of a white lie, a small lie to protect your husband and you and the baby from having someone else tell the baby before you two tell the baby. I'm a bit late in chiming in my thoughts I know.

I've been quite withdrawn lately because it's just been hard coming on bnb and seeing my other ladies being pregnant with their 2nd or 3rd babies and I'm still waiting. Besides I'm kinda on hold at the moment with waiting for grad school news. I'm supposed to find out this week if I've been accepted. Plus there's a wedding in Dec I want to go to and that'll prevent me from flying if I'm too pregnant so I thought it was best to hold off for a while longer so that I can be sure to fly for my cousin's wedding and focus on grad school. I hope to start trying this fall though after I've started the grad school program.

How's everyone doing?

 

[MoBaby]

I've just done another transfer- bfn. Official beta Wednesday.

We have 3 more frosties but I don't know if I can keep going. It's way to stressful.

 

[SunUp]

Mo, I'm with you there. I'm doing my third cycle now for number two and it's hard not to lose hope. The second BFN was a huge blow to me and now I just am going through the motions with this cycle, if that makes any sense. If this cycle fails we may take a break, it's really frustrating.

 

[deafgal01]

Mo and Sun that is hard. I took a year break after only 2 tries at IUI. Heck, still on break even after that year off. Probably will be 2 years break mark before I finally give it another try. It is definitely very stressful.

 

[MoBaby]

Yes at this point in wondering if I should just considering my LO my blessing And just move on. I'd love to be preggo again but not at the risk of focusing too much on that and not on my family. I have 3 frosties; 2 tries if I do Sets because one isn't great quality. It's just so hard. i was so convinced this last fet worked because it was just like the one with my son.

 

[deafgal01]

Mo you know what you want and what is best for you and your family. You're right that the one you do have is a blessing definitely.

 

[rdleela]

Awh sorry about the recent BFN's girls...Deafgal, it must be SO HARD to wait like you are xoxo

I actually just saw the RE today to start prepping for fresh IVF #2 in August (we have no frozen embryos from #1). Gotta do all the stupid tests again, really not looking forward to the HSG. Anyways, hubby got his sperm count done, first time in 1.5 years, 1 million count with very poor motility. I think hubby was hoping it might be a bit better, since we managed to somehow get pregnant naturally with Lux, but it is what it is! I was already focussed on doing IVF again while he was holding out hope for natural. So anyways, now he's totally on board with IVF...

 

[deafgal01]

RD- it is very hard. It'll be 2 years in Nov. this year since my last real try at a bfp if I wait that long (which I'm assuming I probably will as I'll have grad school to do which would keep me pretty busy). That plus we don't have extra money saved up for IUI- we do have emergency funds saved up but for a rainy day if in case we need for surviving on one income. I have my good days and bad days - more bad days if I come on bnb too much but I stay away, and I have better days/ time coping with the fact that I'm still in this spot. That's why you see me mainly staying only in my journal and not venturing out into the other journals/forums much at all if I lurk in any of them. Basically I follow what my mom's advice is- if there's nothing good I can say at all, then I am better off keeping my mouth shut and not regretting what words I said later.

I have days when I'm very tempted to say screw it all and try anyways but I do want to go to my cousin's wedding in December and I don't want to be worrying about the pregnancy if I get knocked up (even though I've read the best time to travel is in 2nd tri). Z worries about the effect of pregnancy on me if I'm going thru grad school (like I wouldn't be as focused as I can be). Blah, I'll just take it on a day to day basis and see what happens.

 

[SunUp]

Hugs, Mo & DG

DG, I cannot imagine how difficult it is to wait, and I don't blame you for needing to stay in your own space/journal. You have to do what is right for you and DH, just hoping for you that the futures holds both a graduate degree and you holding a little one. I still keep you in my prayers - now for grad school and future TTC... they can be stressful but it can be done!

 

[NikkiR143]

How's everyone doing? Seems quiet here lately. I had my first IUI with donor sperm yesterday so I can finally say I'm in the 2ww. I did an all natural cycle this month. I got a positive opk on Thursday morning, so IUI was scheduled for 11 am yesterday. It would be such a miracle for this to work the first time. If it doesn't, we'll do a medicated cycle next month. Only 1dpiui and I'm already so anxious. Wish me luck ladies!

 

[snd80]

nicole!!!!

Hope everyone else is doing well!!! to all!!!

 

[rdleela]

Best of luck Nicole!

DG, I hope you are coping well xoxo

 

[MoBaby]

Nicole fx for you!
Sun up congrats!!

I'm having scratch biopsy Wednesday for FET next cycle, late May. I wish my fet was this cycle because I ovulated yesterday and it was a strong ovulation so it would have been good for fet. Just waiting now

 

[bubumaci]

to you Nicole

DG ...

 

[NikkiR143]

Sooo I'm 11dpiui now. I caved and tested at 9dpiui with FMU...and it was negative (stark white on a First Reponse 6 days sooner test) Grrr....I know it could've been really early. Praying that's the case. I'm not testing again till Thursday morning, at 13dpiui. I want to see that BFP soo bad. Anyone here ever test negative early, that went onto a BFP?