Felt like giving up, Got new hope!!

[xanzaba]

Hi Ladies- Leetie I hope you have some good news by Thursday!

Sorry TTc- hope April brings more than showers.

DH and I are into game of thrones. I haven't read the books- I can't really read something that dark. I can watch it, but something about reading it and hearing it in my head gives me the worst nightmares. We also like the binge watch, so we wait until the season is over. For now we're catching up with True Detective- creepy.

 

[labgal]

We binge watched True Detective - that was a great show! Really creepy!

I don't blame you ladies for not reading the books - some parts of it are really exponentially more disturbing than what is even in the show. DH and I both read the series before it was on TV at all, and we both had to skip some sections because it was so sexually gross. I got DH a collection of George RR Martin's short stories and some of them are even more disturbing than that. Kind of makes you wonder about his psyche...

Dragonfly, you are making me crave pasta salad! I may just have to get some now... one of my coworkers taught me a good way to roast red peppers that I've been meaning to try, so perfect opportunity! I can't wait for your u/s!!!

Leetie - have you ever had feta cheese? That's a type of goat cheese. Regular goat cheese is super soft and creamy, kind of like mozzarella but even more melty.

 

[Leetie13]

Some of the scenes on game of thrones are hard to watch. And Xan I understand about reading things that are dark and having the story actually in your head, for some reason it makes it more real.

Lab- No I've never had feta cheese that I know of. DH says he doesn't like it but I don't know what he had it on. Have you O'd yet?

afm- FF changed my O date. My temp was really low this morning so it changed it to cd 25 but that actually makes more sense to me because I had cm around then. So I am only 3dpo.

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

Labgal - Ooh if the peppers work out, you must share with me how you do them! I'm a total novice and just either have them raw or toss them on a frying pan for a quick moment. We really need a grill...

Leetie - Bummer that FF changed your O date... but at least it does make sense to you rather than being totally random.

 

[xanzaba]

Hi ladies- just checking in here. Hope all is well with everyone, and Dragonfly, looking forward to your first ultrasound.

CD9 and strangely feeling first twinges of O. I'll probably O in a couple of days or so, which would be early, but not unheard of. Does anyone know if there is anything bad about O'ing very early?

Gearing up to go to a professional meeting in May. I used to love going to this every year, but now I am looking for a job and I have to be professional and I always feel on guard. Jobs in my field are very hard to get. I applied to a couple this year- one of the places I applied was not overly competitive but still received 100 applications for a single position! Other places got 200-400 applications. I made the initial cut at a couple of places, but didn't get an interview. This year my odds will be better (more experience) but everything is far from guaranteed.

The reason I bring this up is because the interviews for these positions will be exactly 9 months from now. I feel really torn because I have been working for a long time, putting in long days (and weekends) for this. I have moved cross country twice. And I love what I do and have had fun the whole time.

I have been following the idea that if it is meant to be, it will happen and everything else will work itself out (job- and baby- wise). But now with the vitamins and the idea of doing IVF in the summer/fall it seems less like nature taking its course. But I could be applying for jobs for the next 2 years- not getting any younger meanwhile. I can't really express my frustrations to DH without him feeling hurt, so I hope you ladies don't mind that I talk it out here...

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

Hey Xan, that's tough Im on my phone so a long response is hard but lots of hugs and I know things always work out. Maybe you just have to play it by ear for now until you know what's best for you.

 

[Leetie13]

Xan - I know how you feel about "nature taking its course" . Sometimes I wonder if God wanted me to have a baby I would get pregnant naturally. But sometimes God chooses a path for us that we don't understand. Maybe that path involves medicine or surgery or maybe even adoption, we just have to keep faith that He knows what He is doing. You and dh need to discuss what's more important right now. Can you put off starting a family for a while or would it be too late. Or can you put off your career with hopes that you will find something after you have a baby. I am sorry that you have to make such a life changing decision. But we are always here for venting or opinions. Good luck.

 

[TTC n Hopeful]

Wow Xan sounds like you have your plate full of decisions to make. Of course you can vent here. Fortunately in my opinion we have all became friends and discussing our everyday lives is just as important as discussing TTC. I really hope things work out for you. Just know God is in control and things will happen on His time. Whether it be a job or a baby. That's the only thing that keeps me sane during this whole process. I figured I would have a baby while I'm doing my Master's program for teaching thinking I would've had a baby by now and been able to enjoy time with them before I start putting my degree to use next year. So far that hasn't happened but I just put my trust in God and know He's working it all out for me. I hope you can find comfort in that and ease your mind a little.

AFM- I've had 5 long days of AF. Slow and steady AF at that lol. It hasn't reached my normal flow but it's been steady so no doubt it was AF. I had a big clot last night about the size of a golf ball maybe a tiny bit smaller. Normally I don't have those just tiny little stringy ones on occasion. Tomorrow is the big appointment with my new gyn. I'm super nervous but I'm excited too. Hopefully this leads me in the right direction to finding my bfp soon.

 

[labgal]

Xan, I completely feel your frustrations. DH and I have had this conversation, and we have a couple of friends who are in the same position. Everyone has their limits of how far they want to go, how much they can bear emotionally and, sadly, financially. I've been watching some of my friends who are going through IVF now who have basically been told there's almost no chance that they will be able to become pregnant. Many of her eggs are empty, I guess, but they keep going cycle after cycle. I couldn't do it.

For me, clomid is basically my point. If it doesn't happen on it, I'm not going to go ahead with any other treatment. I don't want to go down that path and my DH is older anyway (43, turining 44 in Oct), so the risk of problems is greater the longer we spend (though I wouldn't tell him that - it would really hurt him to think he is too old). We'll just travel the world, take fabulous vacations and enjoy our life together and maybe move somewhere warmer. My best friend can't have children, anyway, and her 11+ year boyfriend doesn't want them either so they aren't going to adopt at anyway point, so I don't see myself as ever feeling "alone" or "passed by". Sometimes I feel somewhat selfish for that position - that it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I can't conceive, but it would probably be worse if I had that devestating pressure. I hope that helps some...

p.s. got my positive opk yesterday morning and def O'd in the middle of the night last night - it woke me up! It felt like the left side last month, which is the crappy side, but this time it felt like the right side, so fx!

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

TTC - Good luck at your new gyno! I'm sure everything will go great and look forward to hearing about it

Lab - Fingers are tightly crossed!! And I wouldn't let yourself feel selfish about your thoughts, I think everyone should have a set point rather than not.

I'm feeling a bit bummed out today, BIL's girlfriend, who I see as my own little sister found out today her dad has terminal cancer. They've been doing chemo and radiation for the last year or more and it's slowed it down a little bit, but they said all they can do now is make him comfortable. She's only 19 and my heart is shattered for her and her family.

 

[TTC n Hopeful]

Great news Lab!! I have my fingers crossed for you!!

AFM- my doctors appt went good. Although now I'm a little confused. We discussed my endometriosis I thought I had at 13-14 but she seemed shocked it was that young and then she examined me and said all my lady parts are very mobile doesn't appear as if I have an scar tissue so she wants me to do some research and see exactly what happened through my laproscopy I had. I really thought I had endo but with all that happened today and then no signs of painful intercourse or severe painful periods she's curious. She said if I'm not pregnant by my 1yr date (June) she wants to see me back in July and we will take the next step. She helped ease my fears of being overweight and pregnant. She said being overweight and pregnant isn't really a problem the problem is when women are overweight and pregnant and gain tons of weight during the pregnancy. She said if I were to get pregnant we would want to keep my weight gain at less than 15lbs. She just told me so much stuff that really helped ease a lot of fears and questions. She said I'm doing everything right except I have to come off all my meds and no ibuprofen. I can only take tylenol and I have to steadily take a prenatal. Some of my meds can cause miscarriage as well as ibuprofen. Now I just take what I've learned today and continue on. I had a moment of breakdown because all the stuff was so overwhelming. DF tried to console me on the way home but I totally lost it lol. I'm better now though. Hope you ladies are doing good.

 

[labgal]

TTC, so glad your appointment went well! Strange about the endo confusion - did you maybe have dysplasia then that they went in for a lapro and removed? I know quite a few people who had to have that done. I've heard that painkillers of any kind can affect your cycle - I'm not even taking tylenol myself because I've read conflicting things that it can delay or hurt ovulation. I hope the meds you are stopping won't cause you more grief or frustration at all.

Everyone deserves a complete breakdown at some point imo, I've had quite a few myself! Especially after the HSG. Doctors seem to bring that out more than anything. Wonderful that your DF is supportive and you can draw strength from each other!

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

TTC that's fantastic your appointment went well! And I like the sounds of your new gyno having a plan if you hit the 12 month mark, so wonderful. So glad DF is there and giving you support. It was a lot to take in today, but it was a great appointment and you know it's possible and it will happen! Whether your gyno needs to be involved or if it happens naturally, it's going to happen!

 

[TTC n Hopeful]

Thanks so much ladies! I really don't know Lab. I called my mom and she even said they went in for exploratory surgery to see why I was having such bad lower stomach pains then the Dr told her he had found endo and had gotten it all but that it does come back. That's all she remembers. She's had brain tumors and such so she sometimes struggles with her memory. I have to find out how to access the records hmmmm. But thanks again. I'm feeling very hopeful.

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

Hmm, I'm sure there's a way to find your old medical records, I'm just not sure how. Do you remember where you had the procedure done? Maybe that would be a place to start.

 

[xanzaba]

Hi ladies- thank you for all your understanding. I'm lucky to have you all here

TTC- good luck, hope you have a good appt.

Labgal, I think it's selfish to insist on kids if you aren't convinced. I want kids if possible, but yeah, DH is a bit older (just turned 41), so I understand. It is a personal decision so whatever feels right.

Dragonfly, I'm sorry for your friend. I hope she has some quality time with her dad and comes to term with everything. My dad is currently going through radiation and, though they are very optimistic, nothing is guaranteed. One of the reasons I am feeling more pressure is because I want my daughter (or son) to know my dad. My dad and I are two of a kind- he called me today to be the first to say happy birthday so that he could be the first.

 

[Leetie13]

Dragonfly - I'm sorry to hear about your BIL's girlfriend's dad. My thoughts are with her and her family.

Ttc - so glad your appointment went well and your doctor sounds nice.I hope you find your records so you know for sure what the surgery was for.

Lab - yay for O!

Xan - Happy Birthday!

AFM 6 dpo my temps have been low for being past O. If I can figure it out I will post my chart instead of trying to explain if not I will attempt to explain what it looks like lol.

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

Xan - That's so sweet of your dad, you sound like peas in a pod I'll be keeping him in my prayers that the radiation goes well.

Leetie - If you get around to it, do post your chart so we can have a peak

 

[xanzaba]

Sorry TTC- I always respond before refreshing my screen- glad everything went well and you are getting some answers

 

[Leetie13]

https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/48e6b7/

I don't know if this link will work or not. My temp was up this morning but you can look and see how it was low for a few days.