Funny Things Your Child Has Said!

[AC1987]

My 3 year old is hilarious!! I honestly had no idea kids could say such funny things!!

This morning I asked her what she was doing to a pillow and she replies "I'm folding it up, then I'll smash it into a tree, you'll be happy to know your insurance rates will be going up"

I know she is quoting some commercial LOL

 

[PugLuvAh]

My son is 3 (almost 4) so saying 'poo poo' and "pee pee" is hilarious and we've been having to talk about how these are bathroom words and not appropriate to use all the time.

My mum, son and I were driving home one night and my mum asked me about my second son who had been sick. She asked me how his poos were and if his poos were loose. My son interrupts us:

Son (very seriously): grandma, poo is a bathroom word
Grandmda: yes it is
Son: and where are we grandma?
Grandma: uh....???
Son: We're in the car grandma. When you say a word like poo, you only use it in the bathroom. Not the car, because its a bathroom word. I'm not mad about it, just don't do it again. ok grandma?

My mum and I laughed so hard over his little lecture, it is completely what his dad and I say to him! hahahaha!

 

[Sarah lo]

**WARNING** bad mummy alert ⚠ the faint hearted need not read any further

Very late for school this morning and as we were getting out of the car, my 4 year old finds some chocolate buttons that she dropped down the side of her car seat last week. She wants to eat them, they've been on the seat for a week. She's not sure so she looks up at me, her number one female role model, for guidance. We're in a hurry so at this point I will do or say just about anything if it means it will get her out of the car and into school any quicker so I look around to make sure nobody is watching and I give her the nod. She grabs the chocolate off the seat and comes bounding out of the car and into school. Result!

So when we get into the cloak room, the chocolate is long gone of course, and as she's taking of her coat she whispers in my ear "mummy please don't tell my teacher I was eating chocolate at school"

Kid, there is precisely zero chance I am going to tell your teacher I allowed you to eat week old car seat chocolate at 9am

Instead, I said "ok, I won't tell if you don't tell"

 

[AngelofTroy]

Me: "do you need any help getting dressed?"
Micah: "no I'm OK, I've got my maternity trousers on"

Elastic waists just like mummy haha

 

[NeverBackDown]

No stories yet, since I'm currently pregnant. But I told my mom this joke when I was about 4.

Me: "If people put money in people banks, where do fish put fish money?"

Mom: "I don't know,where baby?"

Me: "River banks!" 😂

 

[Natsku]

I overheard Maria talking to the cat last night

"Charlie, please will you come into my room"

Pause

"I don't want to sleep all by myself!"

Longer pause

"Thank you Charlie"

She's so bloody polite to the cat but not to me!

 

[Babybump87]

Was showering the other day and my littlw girl walks in(just turned three) points to me and says boobies and walks out!.

I didn't even know she could say boobies!!

 

[Bevziibubble]

I told Holly to stop bouncing around on the bed and she said 'in case I break James and we have to buy a new baby?'

 

[pandacub]

On the way to school last week...

'I don't want to go to school today'
'Don't worry, it's only a few weeks until Easter!'
'I'm not getting an egg though'
'Of course you are'
'No I won't, no one will buy me one!'
'I will, and nanny will and I'm sure lots of other people too'
'Yeah... Well... My nose hurts and no one even cares!'

Ok then

 

[AngelofTroy]

Micah: "Look Mummy I made a Lego jail, but in case he gets out I've put it in this black box so that he can't see... and then I've put this shark in the box so if he does get out then the shark will eat him"

I think we're raising a potential Bond villain XD

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Lucas was choking up with tears last night..

"What's wrong?"
"I've just seen so many sad things in my life"
"Like what?"
"Like on Toy Story when Woody was really mean to Buzz!" *sobs*
"Ok..."
"That's not all! Remember that time you tickled me too hard?" *more sobs*

He cried for two hours

 

[Natsku]

Drama queen!

 

[AngelofTroy]

Lucas was choking up with tears last night..

"What's wrong?"
"I've just seen so many sad things in my life"
"Like what?"
"Like on Toy Story when Woody was really mean to Buzz!" *sobs*
"Ok..."
"That's not all! Remember that time you tickled me too hard?" *more sobs*

He cried for two hours

 

[Bevziibubble]

Holly: it's annoying when babies cry and children can't hear Peppa Pig.
Well that's James told!

 

[Spudtastic]

My daughter suddenly gets up and rushes put of the room whilst I'm breastfeeding her baby sister.

Me: Where are you going?
Dd: Toilet
Me: Do you need a hand?
Dd: No thanks Mum. I have two.

 

[icklemonster]

Charlotte "here you go Mummy"
I take thing out her hand and closely inspect it. "Urgh well it looks like a giant bogey, where did you get it?"
"From my nose, Mummy"
Brilliant.

 

[Bevziibubble]

My MIL recently bought a sand egg timer and Holly loves it and keeps playing with it. She said she wanted one of her own, so I told my DH that she wanted him to buy her one:

DH: Holly, I'll buy you an egg timer if you give me a kiss.
Holly: ok! (Gives daddy a kiss).
DH: ok, I'll buy you an egg timer.
Holly: oh daddy, I WISH we had a trampoline in the garden!

I love how she tried her luck with that one!

 

[MummyMana]

(about her nail varnish)
Imogen: I the wind blew it off!
Me: I think you picked it off
Imogen: why?
Me: because you're doing it right now
Imogen: hmm... So I am...

 

[.Mrs.B.]

Leon peeling his easter egg wrapper off while walking around;
Me: "I hope you're going to put the bits of wrapper in the bin"
Leon: "No, I need to leave a trail otherwise bubba wont know where to find me"
:/

 

[AngelofTroy]

OH: I'd love to swim in trifle
Micah: what's trifle
Me: it's a pudding like a cake with fruit and jelly and cream
Micah: no... Because, daddy.. *looks at OH like he's incredibly stupid* cakes are very small... And we are very much bigger.