I promise, when I get my BFP.......

[MariaF]

SpicyWolf - I picked up on the "months" thing too....but then realised may be it's, say, 36 months or something....Although I think if anyone has been trying more than 2 years they would refer to it in years rather than months....

If, when trying for just 6-8-12 months, I only knew how much WORSE it gets with every passing month and yet another pg announcement......

 

[Jokerette]

I'm not going to post again I'm sorry for upsetting. I was really just trying to say I think it was probably not intentionally hurtful by your FB friends who posted about their pregnancy.

 

[Armywife84]

Maria- thank you. I think the time someone takes to get pregnant is a personal thing. I was trying to be vague because to be honestly I didn't want to be looked down on. We were married for 5 years and I eventually came off birth control and we were NTNP. I know that doesnt technocally count but it did scare me. Eventually we started trying officially.

I was trying to be vague because everyone is different. My sister in law, who is one of my best friend, finally got pregnant after almost 2 years of TTC and the first thing she did after her ultrasound was post it on FB. I was actively trying at the time. I wasn't annoyed at her... I was so happy for her. Not everyone who posts on FB got pregnant easily

That's all i was trying to say.... I don't think everyone does it to rub in people faces. I'm really sorry if I offended anyone I was just trying to say that I think people do it honestly not knowing it will hurt others feelings

I'm not going to post again I'm sorry for upsetting. I was really just trying to say I think it was not intentional by your FB friends.

I see your point. I don't believe people are intentionally trying to rub it in my face but it does get old seeing not just one, but several pregnant FB friends filling their FB with ultrasound pics, bump pics, and every status is dedicated to something pregnancy related. They're pregnant, of course they have bragging rights. But there comes a time when enough is enough. I got it that you're pregnant, you don't need to remind me daily.

When you've been LTTC that starts to get really discouraging and you feel saddened that it happens for everyone else but you. In the time I've been TTC, women have started later than I gotten pregnant in a matter of months and already had their baby, while I'm still struggling.

No I don't know everyone's story, but I am aware of my infertile friends on FB.

Don't get me wrong, when I was still in the standard 12 months of TTC, I didn't feel upset about pregnancy announcements..Then when it got into the 12 month mark, I started getting upset with every pregnancy related garb on FB.

I'm sorry, I didn't catch how long it took you to conceive? If you conceived in the standard year, then you wouldn't pay no mind to the pregnancy garb on FB. A woman who is LTTC is facing infertility. She doesn't know if she will fall pregnant naturally, or if she's going to have to resort to other expensive methods to get her dream. Some aren't even fortunate enough to know why they can't conceive. The longer we go in this journey the more bitter and fearful we get. It's hard to be happy for every pregnant woman when you're dying on the inside every single day. Wondering and waiting, if it will ever be your turn.

Not to sound rude, but it's one of those things of where unless you were or are LTTC yourself, then you wouldn't understand.

 

[readyformore]

I think once a woman gets pregnant and gets past a certain stage (say, 12 weeks) she will start thinking and feeling different. Even if she struggled TTC for years. At the end of the day she IS PREGNANT. That's all that matters.
x

Hmmm. . . . . I'm guess I'm changing the subject here, but I wanted to add my experience on that topic.

Well, as someone that had a successful pregnancy after ltttc and IUI, I can say that I didn't feel this way at all.

In fact, I was TERRIFIED the entire pregnancy. I figured if my body didn't know how to get pregnant, how would I ever keep a pregnancy.
There is no safe time in pregnancy. Period. (unfortunately, as an OB nurse, I see this everyday).

For the first few months, I couldn't even say the word pregnant. I kept telling people, "My last IUI worked."

When I was 14 weeks, my aunt approached my mom saying, "She won't talk about her pregnancy at all. Everytime I ask her something, she walks away, or changes the subject. Isn't she happy about the pregnancy?" No, I was terrified of loosing a baby I had worked so hard to get.

When I was 25 weeks, obviously pregnant, showing, feeling kicks and squirms, etc. . . . I had someone ask me about what the plans were for my baby shower. Honestly, I looked at her like she had 5 heads. A baby shower meant that I was going to have a baby and I still couldn't believe that I would get to be a mom. I just couldn't fathom ever being so fortunate to have a baby. It felt like it was miles away still and I was 25 weeks along.

I think I was in denial until about 34 weeks or so. And even after that, I sometimes wonder if my postpartum depression was related to my struggle with infertility. I took a good month or so to bond with my son as well.

I guess that just goes to show the depths that infertility can affect a person. It shaded my entire pregnancy and probably the first couple of weeks of motherhood as well.

I hope that didn't offend you, and I know it was off topic, but I felt it was worth mentioning.

 

[cooch]

A woman who is LTTC is facing infertility. She doesn't know if she will fall pregnant naturally, or if she's going to have to resort to other expensive methods to get her dream. Some aren't even fortunate enough to know why they can't conceive. The longer we go in this journey the more bitter and fearful we get. It's hard to be happy for every pregnant woman when you're dying on the inside every single day. Wondering and waiting, if it will ever be your turn.

Not to sound rude, but it's one of those things of where unless you were or are LTTC yourself, then you wouldn't understand.[/QUOTE]


This is exactly how I feel (AF due but we haven't tried this months as I'm being monitored on meds). I have been so positive recently but after another unplanned preg announcement I am really low!

 

[Armywife84]

A woman who is LTTC is facing infertility. She doesn't know if she will fall pregnant naturally, or if she's going to have to resort to other expensive methods to get her dream. Some aren't even fortunate enough to know why they can't conceive. The longer we go in this journey the more bitter and fearful we get. It's hard to be happy for every pregnant woman when you're dying on the inside every single day. Wondering and waiting, if it will ever be your turn.

Not to sound rude, but it's one of those things of where unless you were or are LTTC yourself, then you wouldn't understand.

This is exactly how I feel (AF due but we haven't tried this months as I'm being monitored on meds). I have been so positive recently but after another unplanned preg announcement I am really low![/QUOTE]

 

[Nissie]

I promise I will the best version of myself possible.

 

[4magpies]

Can't believe you are in here telling LTTTC ladies how to feel...

https://www.babyandbump.com/introduce-yourself/567548-my-first-post.html

You had been TTC for 1 MONTH in March 2011. So you were pregnant by May/June as you are due in Feb.

What a Joke.

Anywho...

I promise to cherish every moment of my pregnancy, every time I throw my guts up, everytime I get awful heartburn, every time my back aches.

I promise not to plaster details of my pregnancy over FB (I hardly use it these days anyway due to the amount of announcements).

Although I do not promise not to worry all the way through, from day one of getting my BFP.

x

 

[MariaF]

4magpies - thanks!

Jokerette - its posts from ladies like you that make us LTTC girls resent those who are pg already. Sorry to be so rude and blunt but when someone who conceived on the 2nd/3d month TTC tells me to stop being so sensitive and start being happy for all those bragging about their pregnancy on FB I can't help but think these people either don't have a heart or a brain.

You'd have no idea WHAT it feels like trying for a baby for YEARS! Yes, years! Not being off BCP for 4 months and then ttc'ing for 2 more. And just because your SIL was LTTTC that doesn't mean you know/feel what it's like.

I always thought the reason there were different sections in this forum was to segregate ladies with different experiences. Like you are not really allowed to post BFP announcements here bcause it can be upsetting. So I have no idea why someone NOT LTTTC would come to this section and try to advise us about how we should feel?!

 

[Sophe]

4magpies - thanks!

Jokerette - its posts from ladies like you that make us LTTC girls resent those who are pg already. Sorry to be so rude and blunt but when someone who conceived on the 2nd/3d month TTC tells me to stop being so sensitive and start being happy for all those bragging about their pregnancy on FB I can't help but think these people either don't have a heart or a brain.

You'd have no idea WHAT it feels like trying for a baby for YEARS! Yes, years! Not being off BCP for 4 months and then ttc'ing for 2 more. And just because your SIL was LTTTC that doesn't mean you know/feel what it's like.

I always thought the reason there were different sections in this forum was to segregate ladies with different experiences. Like you are not really allowed to post BFP announcements here bcause it can be upsetting. So I have no idea why someone NOT LTTTC would come to this section and try to advise us about how we should feel?!

Exactly why even come in here? I really don't understand? Maybe I will got into the first trimester forum and tell them all what to feel.... having no experience of it myself I think I would be the right person to post on that forum!!!

 

[readyformore]

4magpies - thanks!

Jokerette - its posts from ladies like you that make us LTTC girls resent those who are pg already. Sorry to be so rude and blunt but when someone who conceived on the 2nd/3d month TTC tells me to stop being so sensitive and start being happy for all those bragging about their pregnancy on FB I can't help but think these people either don't have a heart or a brain.

You'd have no idea WHAT it feels like trying for a baby for YEARS! Yes, years! Not being off BCP for 4 months and then ttc'ing for 2 more. And just because your SIL was LTTTC that doesn't mean you know/feel what it's like.

I always thought the reason there were different sections in this forum was to segregate ladies with different experiences. Like you are not really allowed to post BFP announcements here bcause it can be upsetting. So I have no idea why someone NOT LTTTC would come to this section and try to advise us about how we should feel?!

Exactly why even come in here? I really don't understand? Maybe I will got into the first trimester forum and tell them all what to feel.... having no experience of it myself I think I would be the right person to post on that forum!!!

 

[SIEGAL]

Hi ladies. I am not LTTTC but I came upon this post because it was the last post (on the front screen) and I didn't realize what section it was in. But reading it has been very enlightening and if I am blessed enough to get pregnant again I will much more sensitive to other women. Your right, if your not in your shoes you dont understand the pain. I do not understand the pain of people in your situation and I am going to be hyper vigilant from now on since this post enlightened me so I do not hurt any of my friends/acquaintances. I wish you all the best of luck on your journey.

 

[SarahJane]

I have been TTC since May 2009, I do not have a baby so in a way I am LTTTC. I am also 35 years old. The difference with me is that I did get pregnant after 18 months trying but my baby died.

I just wanted to add something about the facebook thing. I intend to plaster my next pregnancy all over facebook. I am sorry if that hurts people but for me, a real live baby is not something I think I will ever achieve. Due to my history, I need to enjoy every single second of my next pregnancy as that could be the only time I get with my baby. My baby could die at 24 weeks or 30 weeks or 40 weeks.

I just wanted to share another angle on the facebook thing - would you resent me for sharing every detail of my pregnancy? Can you understand why some people do need to do it?

 

[doodles999]

I promise to never utter the words "well, I was more relaxed that month" or post those horrendous pregnancy test photos on Facebook! (Who does that??) I also promise to always treat all of my fellow females as though they are struggling with infertility, as well, as you never really know who is or isn't...I wish some of the people who don't know what I'm going through would be a bit more gentle with me.

 

[Mellybelle]

I have been TTC since May 2009, I do not have a baby so in a way I am LTTTC. I am also 35 years old. The difference with me is that I did get pregnant after 18 months trying but my baby died.

I just wanted to add something about the facebook thing. I intend to plaster my next pregnancy all over facebook. I am sorry if that hurts people but for me, a real live baby is not something I think I will ever achieve. Due to my history, I need to enjoy every single second of my next pregnancy as that could be the only time I get with my baby. My baby could die at 24 weeks or 30 weeks or 40 weeks.

I just wanted to share another angle on the facebook thing - would you resent me for sharing every detail of my pregnancy? Can you understand why some people do need to do it?

My husband and I started trying in 2006. Its now been 5 years, 6 pregnancies and one baby later. I never posted a thing about my last two pregnancies on facebook out of pure fear, which turned out to be justified. But I did post about my sadness and sorrow after I lost my babies and I recieved enormous support from my friends and aquaintances. I also had messages from other friends who had miscarried that I didnt know about. I had people post poems and messages to my angels. This time, I did my "facebook announcement" at 15weeks just after telling my close family and friends and even then i couldnt put it in a status, I just changed my profile pic to my scan photo. My husband on the other hand changed his status as he couldnt wait to tell the world. Before posting on facebook, I made sure I had told my friends who I knew were TTC or had had a loss/losses that I was going to do this. I now have a photo album of my baby, with all of my test pics, scan photos, bump pics, a couple of random rainbow photos. I post about the tiny kicks I feel and how much I love being pregnant and my baby. I recieve all sorts of encouragning messages from friends.
Does this mean I am boasting or bragging or rubbing anyones faces in it.? I am well aware of others pain as once upon a time I'd burst into tears when I saw a pregnant stranger in the street. But I dont post on facebook to deliberately hurt anyone. When i rub my belly in public, there may be someone else who sees me do it and they feel pain. But I dont do this to intentionally hurt anyone either.

 

[dreamqueen]

WOW
Firstly, i have been TTC for a very long time...13 years to be exact, and i have never thought that people announcing bfps and posting scan pics where doing so to 'brag' or 'rub my nose in it'....fair enough ive felt a little sad that its not me....and hoped that one day it will be...but i have NEVER resented anyone for it. I know the pain of infertility probably more than most people.... but no one is to blame for that and i dont expect anyone to walk on egg shells because of it! If resentment is felt due to these announcements that says more about the recipient in my eyes than it tells me about the poster trying to show off. Everyone has the right to be happy and excited about being pregnant and have the right to tell the world. Its a HUGE thing for them.... and its a NORMAL thing for them to do, its only when you want something that someone else has do you think they are posting to rub your nose in it. They dont realise that there is someone reading that to some extent is jelous..... so dont judge people too deeply, and take it for what it is. A happy announcement! I feel the pain i really do...but thats no reason to think bad of someone who hasnt had to go through the hell of infertility. I wish you all an end to your infertility nightmare! Good luck to you all x

 

[dreamqueen]

Although i have said what ive said above...i do get annoyed at people moaning about pregnancy symptoms as they are extremely lucky to be pregnant and whether they have suffered with infertility or not....they should be grateful! This link is to a little poem i wrote a while back! So i promise not to moan about my pregnancy symptoms!

https://www.babyandbump.com/problems-trying-conceive/481890-silly-pregnant-people.html

 

[Armywife84]

I'm not going to tell you women what you already know...you felt that way once then you FINALLY got your pregnancy. Luckily for you guys, your journey has ended. And I wish you both a happy and healthy nine months. The rest of us don't know when and if it will ever end, or if we'll go broke from IVF, ICSI.

You know what the LTTC journey is like, how your emotions can get out of control and just how sensitive you are to the baby topic. Maybe FB didn't bother any of you like it does us. Maybe you hardly have any pregnant friends on FB..I have loads and deleted them all because I was fed up with looking at their baby filled profile.

Regardless of how long it takes us to LTTC, we're all after the same goal. We all equally want it just as bad...it still sucks to watch people get their BFP. We want that happiness and excitement, we're more than deserving of it. But we don't understand why we still haven't gotten there.

I'm not asking people on FB to walk on eggshells around me. I'm not asking them to stop posting about their pregnancy because I know that won't happen, and that's an unreasonable request.

Basically what we're saying is that we don't like seeing it because it causes us heartache. So in return we're not going to do it to others on our FB who might be suffering infertility. Just out of respect. That's our feelings and promise to ourselves. People can't tell us how to feel.

This forum is for LTTC women to write their promise for when we get our BFP.. With all due respect, if you are pregnant and offended in any way by what we write then you probably shouldn't read this forum anymore.

 

[dreamqueen]

That is not how i felt when i FINALLY got pregnant...that is how i felt when i was INFERTILE.... Just because im not bitter or resentful towards pregnant people doesnt give you the right to say i should not post here!
I understand the pain of infertility and the heartache it brings....but i have never deleted a friend from FB cos they are pregnant. That would mean i wasnt their friend to start with.
Im not telling YOU how to feel...im telling you HOW I FELT......
I am contributing to this thread as being a VERY LTTTCer i am making a promise not to complain about my pregnancy!
I hope you all get your bfps. I wouldnt wish infertility on my worst enemy!
I think its a shame that it has made you so resentful inside......i hope you find peace in your heart.

 

[Armywife84]

That is not how i felt when i FINALLY got pregnant...that is how i felt when i was INFERTILE.... Just because im not bitter or resentful towards pregnant people doesnt give you the right to say i should not post here!
I understand the pain of infertility and the heartache it brings....but i have never deleted a friend from FB cos they are pregnant. That would mean i wasnt their friend to start with.
Im not telling YOU how to feel...im telling you HOW I FELT......
I am contributing to this thread as being a VERY LTTTCer i am making a promise not to complain about my pregnancy!
I hope you all get your bfps. I wouldnt wish infertility on my worst enemy!
I think its a shame that it has made you so resentful inside......i hope you find peace in your heart.

All I was doing was further explaining FB, since we're getting attacked for it by pregnant women. Our promises aren't a debate.

In fact, I'll tell you about my infertile friends I'm going to respect. One can't ever conceive a child because her body went thru menopause at the age of 20. Her and her DH chose to adopt a baby, but she still feels like a failure because she can't ever conceive. Another LTTC for 3 years finally got pregnant to find out her baby has CDH..They did some procedures to help his condition and the odds of him living greatly increased. However, when it came to his birth he only lived for a matter of hours until passing. The next girl has LTTC for 7yrs with 3 miscarriages and 2 failed IVFs. She doesn't know if she will every carry a baby to full term because her uterine lining is too thin. The last one has LTTC for 3 years and 2 miscarriages. I know I have been LTTC for 19 months+, but I respect these friends and any other ones silently suffering with infertility to not post about my BFP.

Yes, you were infertile once. So you definitely know how it feels and keep it mind what it once felt like. However, you are now pregnant and have made peace with your LTTC journey. The rest of us are not at peace.

It's my coping mechanism to delete pregnant women from my FB. It's FB, not real life. Doesn't mean I'm not their friend, I need time and space because of my own struggles. There's nothing wrong with that.

I didn't state you had to be bitter and resentful to post here. All I'm saying is that since you're taking offense to comments on here from people who are still LTTC then maybe you shouldn't read this forum anymore. Just my 2 cents.

I do wish you a healthy 9 months and a congratulations on your LTTC journey coming to an end.