I worry I will shake the baby

[moomin_troll]

u do need to control ur anger as its not right for baby to grow up seeing mummy throwing things at dad just cuz shes pissed off. zane saw me one slap his dads arm in a joking way and then straight after he went up to his dad shouted and punched him, so children really do pick everything up

but i will say that with baby ule have more patience then u realise u have and if things get on top of u which they always do with babies u just put them down in a safe place and walk away.

 

[mum2b2009]

I have bad PMT now ive had my baby! i know how it feels to get angry! i get annoyed at my OH too! He does not help with the baby much andthe other week i just lost it and went off on one. Anyway.. even tho i feel these things i would never ever hurt my son.. you just dont even go there!
like people say if you feel yourself getting stressed with the baby then just walk away for a min or two! xxx

Ive never thrown anything at anyone tho... i think you need to see someone and get help with that good luck

 

[emma3997]

Ok this worries me. If your temper is that bad,maybe you should of got some help before deciding to have a baby

This is very unhelpful and incredibly rude.

To the OP-I too am a thrower, as is my DH. Some of the rows that we have are unbelievable. However, each relationship is different.....this is just the way that we work. Always have done and always will do. A close friend of mine once told me that if her DH ever raised his voice at her, even once, she'd leave him. It doesn't mean they have a better relationship than we do, its just horses for courses.

He aggravated me so much while I was pregnant! Hormones are a killer! I also gave up smoking so i was uber irritable. If its just your OH that affects you like this then i can understand.

My beautiful baby boy is an entirely different matter-just because you get angry with oh, doesn't mean you'll get angry with Lo. Yes, sometimes it is incredibly hard, but if needed (as others have said) take 2 mins out, breath & regather yourself.

I think people are concentrating on your anger & have missed your points about breastfeeding & forgetting the baby. I think youre having pre baby nerves, if you look at your fears.......you will not forget the baby!!!!

Anyway, I'm rambling.......but my point is, just because you have a volatile relationship, does not mean you won't be able to stop yourself harming your baby. Find someone close to you to talk to about this fully and also speak to your oh? He may not realise how alone and scared you're feeling.

(Oh, and neither myself nor my DH have ever or will ever be violent to each other!)

Edit: what I'm trying to say is that they are both "irrational" fears. You're scared you'll forget the baby-you won't! You're scared youll shake the baby-you won't! You've just got the jitters!

 

[Buffy71]

Emma makes a good point and I meant to say it but forgot in all my rambling (ranting?) about hubby! I STILL worry about forgetting baby somewhere (I dream about forgetting where I left her in her pushchair while shopping). It just won't happen honey. They occupy your every waking (and dreaming!) thought. You can't forget them.

 

[dani_tinks]

Aw hun, Id suggest maybe talking things through with your GP if you feel that worried. But things do change when LO comes along, I was also so angry and hormonal when I was pregnant and couldn't bare my OH most of the time.
But i've never ever EVER got angry with Jacob.. even in the middle of a colicky moment. I have walked away many a time, but never ever thought of hurting him or shouting at him. Good luck

 

[tiggerlix]

i think your very brave for posting this..so good on you.We all have emotions we cant control sometimes and anger is one of them..its perfectly normal to have these feelings occasionaly even when not pregnant as its part of being a human being..but we also equaly have as much self control.i think your showing very good mothering skills, already admitting that you have a concern about your anger feelings and you are already showing protective feelings to your baby.
i get angry i throw things,i sometimes shout at the top of my voice,but i have just as much patience.
If your baby starts to get you stressed and you can feel yourself gettn angry then put baby safe and leave the room as others have suggested.
good luck hun and congrats on your pregnancy
xx

 

[RJsMum]

I've never thrown anything at DH...but I've wanted to, believe me.

Still, I think absolutely the first step is to talk to your GP about how to get into some counselling on the NHS. It's really good actually that you're recognising now that it may be an issue down the line because it only shows that you really want to get a handle on it now. If your OH is the one provoking you by breaking your things, I would question involving him in some counselling as well or depending on how severe it is...having him around altogether when the child is here. The last thing you want is for your child to grow up seeing that kind of behaviour because that is what they will learn is right to do, and that is just unhealthy.

I can honestly say that although I would NEVER in a MILLION YEARS would lay a finger on my son or entertain the thought of harming him...I can totally appreciate how people end up shaking their babies. I'm in no way saying that I would do this -- I can't make that clear enough -- I'm just saying I can see how people get to that point. Especially when my son was a newborn and I was shattered and awake every hour feeding him and he REFUSED to sleep anywhere but ON me. There have even been a couple times since he was 6 months or so that I have left him whinging in his cot so I could step outside and collect myself. It's because I am aware of my triggers and like another poster said, I just remind myself that he is a baby and the only way he knows to communicate is to cry -- he certainly doesn't do it to be manipulating.

But yes...without a doubt...seek counselling now. If anything it will help you deal now with the feelings you're having and the hormones.

 

[redpoppy]

COnsidering a mothers natural maternal instinct I'd be very suprised if you were to shake your baby. You have to remember at all times that NOTHING the baby does is its fault and that its scared and confused about this great big world that YOU chose to bring it into. You are its sole protector for the most part. (I realise dad's are there to but mum's are 99.99% times the main and sometimes only carer) .

However, due to hormones and essentially baby blues and PND I think maternal instinct can get thrown out the window and its a case of you not being WELL enough to look after your child.

Speak to your GP about your fears and explain that you're not violent but that you have anger control issues. I have, or perhaps HAD a terrible temper on me but 2 things helped. 1. I got married to annoyingly the most calm man ever (heh heh, annoying when you're shouting and he's all "why are you shouting?". "Because I shout when I'm angry!!! That's what normal people do!" ) and 2. I came from a family where any type of physical aggression was totally unacceptable (UNLESS it was in self defence or to react against someone elses physical aggression, for example in the playground) Otherwise never, towards each other, towards anyone. I never had a finger laid on me when I was naughty and neither did my brothers. SO although I had a TERRIBLE temper it was limited to shouting and being a bit brash and mean.

But I know how that loss of control feels and so you have to learn to think at a time when your brain stops functioning. People who don't get angry like that don't understand it and although I NEVER condone anyone who is ever violent in any way as adults should learn to manage their behaviour I do totally understand where it comes from. It comes from that hazy brain space where you're totally incapable of thinking due to rage. It's sometimes wise to try and do the "I'm so mad I can't talk or act or be around you" thing but speak to your GP. Speak to someone. There are different tips and tricks and I'm sure you'll be fine.

The fact you're worried means you can do something about it and PLEASE be aware of the baby blues and PND. Try and remember the baby is helpless and its your job and a gift for you to protect him or her.

Best of luck.

 

[twinklestar]

your not abnormal hun, not at all, hormones are a sh*t and make pregnant women crazy, i couldnt look at my hubby without wanting to stab him for the first 20 weeks, and the poor sod had done nothing wrong

its also normal to worry about taking care of your baby all new mummies have fears they wont get it right, once your buba is here you wont forget him/her and love will over power anger, yes at times its stressfull and we all have times when the crying gets too much and you need to walk away once they are safe in their cots for a few mins

id suggest getting someone to talk to just to help you put your feelings in order and recognise when its time to have 5 mins to your self

im sure you will do just fine hun,

x x

 

[littleone2010]

Hi Hun,

If its something that has just started since pregnancy I would put it down to hormones, I remember at 18 weeks me and my DH almost broke up over the most stupid thing- im embarassed to say even what- but everything seems the biggest deal with you are in it!!

By about 25 weeks I was a lot better, then by the end of the pregnancy I was more 'cry-ey' than angry- my husband became THE most annoying person ever lol Im glad to say that now we dont really argue at all.

To reaasure you- when your baby is upset you will see their little face and you wont feel angry or impatient - you just want to make them feel better...for most people natural mum instinct that we dont even know we have kicks in.

The worst thing was when she suffered from colic- crying for hours.. you need to make sure you give yourself a break even if its 10 mins then go back and comfort her hopefully your DH can support you with it in the earlier days and you will be fine.. but your baby maybe the best baby that rarely cries! I hear they exist somewhere! lol

Just because you feel like this now it doesnt mean you will feel like it when the baby comes.

If this problem started before you became pregnant and Is worrying you- It wouldnt hurt to maybe go and see someone for your own benefit of feeling better about your yourself.

Sorry I couldnt give more advice. Im sure you will be great xxx

 

[AppleBlossom]

I agree you should look into some sort of anger management before you have the baby

 

[clara123]

I agree with the others. I wanted to punch my husband in the face so many times when was pregnant- he just annoyed me by everything he done- even the way he breathed. But I'm chilled out now.

But if you are worried then def speak to someone x

 

[bubbles123]

My mum threw a chair at my dad when she was pregnant... and she is the most calm, chilled person you could meet! Hormones are weird things! Seriously though, I would recommend some sort of counsellor or anger management. One thing that is really important though, as others have said, If you find yourself in a situation with your baby where you feel you are going to lose your temper, make sure the baby is SAFE (ie in their cot for example) and step out of the room for a few minutes and take a few deep breathes. Don't return until you are calm. Good luck

 

[winegums]

omg people overreact sooo much! by all means get anger management, but it's not really needed hun! xx

 

[jennie_78]

You've had some good advice already so i wont write a long reply. I also threw things at my OH when i was pregnant, i found it the most stressful time of my life. Things improved once i had my LO though, and its very hard when their crying and your tired but ive found a patience i never knew i had.
Walking away for a few minutes is the best thing.

 

[pinktaffy]

im sure u will be fine i would suggest going the dr's and maybe getting sum help.
but i know plenty of people who r in relationships like u with kids and dont harm there babys.
if your worried get help.. but im sure u will make a fantasic mum xxx.

im the opposit mind i dont screem and shout i tend just cry my eyes out haha i a hige baby.

 

[mrsthomas623]

Ok this worries me. If your temper is that bad,maybe you should of got some help before deciding to have a baby

^Are we really shock by her comments anymore?

To the OP- I think you are very brave to admit this. I have a short temper and have been known to throw items such as pillows or food at OH when he pisses me off! Nothing to cause harm, but it does feel better.

And I will admit (please no judgments!) after having a LO with colic, I understand how people can snap and shake a baby. One particularly bad night, Nolan had been screaming for 5 hours straight, I held him out at arms reach and screamed "shut the f* up!" and I could feel myself start to shake from frustration. I had to put LO down and go to the other side of the house and just cry and punch pillows. I took a good 15 minutes to calm down and then I just felt so incredibly guilty and had to go love on my screaming baby.

Now I will say, when he fusses (like a normal baby) I do not get angry, I feel bad and just want to make him feel better. So more than likely this will be your response.

If you do get angry, set LO down in a safe place and find a way to vent away from the baby.. punching pillows in the guest room really helped for me! And if you are really concerned, mention it to you doctor or HV!

 

[muddles]

Well done for realising you have an anger problem and for doing something about it before your baby arrives. I'm sure your doctor can put you in touch with some sort of counselling service or details about anger management classes. Sleep deprivation can make small things seem like really big problems so definitely get it sorted before your LO arrives. Good luck and let us know how you are getting on.

 

[twiggy56]

My HV spoke to me about 'Shaken Baby Syndrome'....they warn all new mothers as they know the stress they are under...

but you MUST speak to health professionals that will be doing your aftercare about this now so they are aware. If you think you might be more prone to the stress of prolonged crying...its best to be pro-active.

In most cases the mother means absolutely no harm on the baby, its literally just a result of utter frustration....but one quick jolt can cause trauma to the neck and be fatal....so best safe than sorry...



Hope you get your head sorted

 

[SIEGAL]

thanks everyone (except one of you...). I think for now i am going to assume its hormones or marital problems. Just b/c i want to strangle my husband doesnt mean I would ever do such thing to may baby right?? I was reading an article in the newspaper the other day about a woman who shook her baby and just said he just didnt stop crying and she lost it. I just worry, could it happen to me, it happened to her??? I am not an angel, I get mad at my husband! But then again I have a big fear I will the leave the baby in the car and foregt and it will die of hyperthermia or when I go on a diet after the birth my breastmilk will be not nutritious. I think maybe I just worry and that I need to have some counseling with my husband. right? There is no reason if I get mad at husband I would get mad at baby? I have never been a mother before, I don't know what it feels like yet.