I worry I will shake the baby

[moomin_troll]

i very much doubt u could forget about ur baby, altho my mum did leave me outside a shop got home n my nan asked where i was hahaha luckly we only lives 2 mins from the shop n i was ok.

we can all lose it but when ur baby is trying u and he/she will u just have to out them down and step outside the room and cool down, ivw had to do it myself afew times. well i still have to as zane loves to push me

 

[muddles]

You wont forget the baby don't worry! You will however find yourself rocking the shopping trolley back and forth or swaying side to side if you see a baby crying when you don't even have your baby with you!

If you feel yourself getting angry with your baby put him/her down somewhere where they can't hurt themselflike in their cot and walk away, calm down then go back for them.

 

[bubbles123]

I rock when I'm sitting on my own now! And you won't forget your baby. I do remember finding it so strange at first having a buggy but now it's second nature. It is really scary though but honestly you will be fine. Everyone gets stressed from time to time, just take a deep breathe, some time out and carry on. All the best

 

[pinktaffy]

u know mad thoughts do run through your mind when your pregnant spesh a first time mum its the unknown that is so scairy.

i had thoughts that i had gotten lazy while pregnant and wouldnt want to get up do night feeds or wouldnt bond with her. just crazy thoughts and none of them entered my head once i seen her.

and now 5 months down the line i think im a pretty good mum even if i do say so myself hehe xxx.

 

[winegums]

thanks everyone (except one of you...). I think for now i am going to assume its hormones or marital problems. Just b/c i want to strangle my husband doesnt mean I would ever do such thing to may baby right?? I was reading an article in the newspaper the other day about a woman who shook her baby and just said he just didnt stop crying and she lost it. I just worry, could it happen to me, it happened to her??? I am not an angel, I get mad at my husband! But then again I have a big fear I will the leave the baby in the car and foregt and it will die of hyperthermia or when I go on a diet after the birth my breastmilk will be not nutritious. I think maybe I just worry and that I need to have some counseling with my husband. right? There is no reason if I get mad at husband I would get mad at baby? I have never been a mother before, I don't know what it feels like yet.

hun in the early days with my son sometimes i felt like i wanted to kill someone i swear i was sooooooooo frustrated. its hard you cant understand why they keep crying and you just want some peace and quiet and sleep.

the thing is you will not hurt your baby. you'll put the baby down somewhere safe like in its cot and calmly walk out. maybe into another room for 5 or 10 minutes to calm down. crying will not hurt the baby for a short period and is better than losing your temper.

many a time when my baby was tiny i would sit in the bathroom and close the door and just sit on the floor and sob and sob because... well... i just didnt get it. i didnt get why he kept crying and i was so frustrated as there was nothing i could do.

i found that every time i did this i would cry and cry for 10 mins or so and then i would feel calm afterwards. sometimes my son would even have settled down while i was in their crying, but not often. i would then maybe put him in his pram and go for a walk or put on my sling and even just walk around outside the house

what i'm getting at is only mental people actually physically hurt their babies. the rest of us no matter how upset stressed frustrated we realise its not their fault and its not our fault. after a few weeks it gets sooooo much easier anyway

 

[emilyjade]

hun

dont you panic yourself! you will NOT shake your baby! anger is a funny thing and i will admit i have a bad temper but it can be controlled! my LO always cried and still does quite often and if i could feel myself getting worked up i used to take him up stairs put him in his cot and id sit in the living room for 2 mins on my own and would go back to him and control the situation so easy! Babies cry thats all they can do and you will get used to it, make sure you have extra support from family OH ect! But dont you panic yourself i could never imagine getting to that point of hurting my son just nip it in the bud!

 

[cannotwait]

I think if this is really worrying you then it would be sensible to mention these worries to your midwife or health visitor as they may be able to reccommend some sort of anger management. Not everybody is the same and obviously some people DO get to the point where they are violent to their children, but thats not everybody and it sounds like if your panicing about it now then you already have your babys best interests at heart. I for 1 know that as unperfect as I definately am, and i have thrown the occasional object at my husband (and i mean hard ones not just fruit), my children are 10 and 13 and I have never once so much as given them a little smack.

 

[SIEGAL]

I think if this is really worrying you then it would be sensible to mention these worries to your midwife or health visitor as they may be able to reccommend some sort of anger management. Not everybody is the same and obviously some people DO get to the point where they are violent to their children, but thats not everybody and it sounds like if your panicing about it now then you already have your babys best interests at heart. I for 1 know that as unperfect as I definately am, and i have thrown the occasional object at my husband (and i mean hard ones not just fruit), my children are 10 and 13 and I have never once so much as given them a little smack.

This makes me feel better

 

[hopeandpray]

I think that if you get some anger management just to be on the safe side then in all likelyhood you will not be driven to feeling like you would shake your child. If however it does come to a point that after the birth you feel worse and more hormonal than ever maybe you should have somebody that you can call that could come over and mind the baby when it just gets too much for you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It shows how much you already love your baby that you are worried for her

 

[Sam9kids]

I cant add anymore escept some more (((hugs))) xx

 

[halas]

i think maybe talking to somone bout your concerns is a start at times my oh can irritate me more than any1 and i have thrown a soft things at him n stuff. i think perhaps you should really think of what makes you feel this way is it just ur oh that anoys you? and dig deep and think of what it is and talk it through maybe you need to get some stuff of your chest i held on to stuff that occured years ago. also just remember everyone reacts by habit oh anoys u ur immediate respone to throw somthing becomes an automatic reaction so try breaking that habit and take a deep breath instead and speak about it and if you find yourself getting angry or feeling like u wanna loose it just walk away and got for a walk in the park or somthing and you may find that that starts to become your habit instead of loosing control. also just to let you know i have never been a patient person i have been told by many that i am impatient but suprisingly turns out i only have patience for my lo's they have never caused me get angry maybe just stressed but they also are the ones to relive my stress with a cuddle or one of our little chats, i wouldnt worry bout leaving ur baby in the car because you will find the moment your lo is born you will have this constant awarness of them i find if i leavemy lo;s with thier daddy while get some milk or somthing i feel very empty i actully find it very hard to do they have almost become y security blanket lol. hope everything works out you sound like you will be a brilliant mum.

 

[sarahchops86]

I had the shortest fuse ever during pregnancy (and not much better before lol) the slightest thing would make me freak out. since having my child im much better ive not had to walk away from her crying once! seek help now to talk about your fears but remember they are just fears heightened through hormones- not inevitable in the slightest.

 

[Thedon]

Just throw fruit at your husband/boyfriend and tell him to deal with the baby and make him do the work

 

[kerrie24]

Im not suggesting you have it but do you know you can get antenatal depression (before the baby is born) which can cause extreme mood swings.Might be worth mentioning to someone.Everyone worries about coping once the baby is born,I agree with the others,its fine to walk away sometimes.

 

[Quartz]

Do you feel different other than the anger - it maybe you are suffering from antenatal depression which is relatively common (although not as well known as post natal depression). Also it sounds like he could be having some issues as well if he thinks you are trying to control him.
And I would not worry the very fact that you are worried about it makes me think that you never would

 

[kerrie24]

quartz we wrote that at the same time

 

[Thedon]

Hey a baby can change things, my friends wife is a nutter and has attempted to take her life a few times, she had depression and then got pregnant.
I thought it was a bad idea but once the baby was born she had a complete turn around. My friends baby is 3 years old and it completely changed her. Perhaps it may happen to you too.

 

[moomin_troll]

i did suffer from anti natal depression myself when i was having zane. its a awful thing to go thru.
i constantly wanted to cry, i tried to push my oh away, always trying to kick him out and wanting him to leave me and i also thought about abortion even tho i knew i wanted my baby.
my doc refered me to a mental health nurse, who in the first meeting got to the bottom of why my depression started but i stopped going as my mw said if i didnt feel better id be put into a mother and baby unit. which i no now i shud of stayin in my counciling as by covering it up im still not over my depression.

when zane was 6 month i did feel myself wanting to hit my oh but i didnt want zane growing up in a home like that.

u might have anti natal depression like the 2 above said (i never even thought of it) so either way u need to go have a chat with ur mw and or doctor

 

[surprisepreg]

I have no patience. Sometimes when I mad at my husband I throw things at him (nothing hard, I am not trying to hurt him just aggravate him -- last week I threw cut up fruit at him) and occasionally if I am hysterical I will throw his stuff around (and don't get me wrong he will start by breaking my stuff). I know this isnt partiucalarly healthy or normal but I am worried when the baby is born I might not be able to control myself if it doesnt stop cyring, or annoys me????? Or is this just a fear new mothers have? I feel like a horrible person

I don't want anyone to misunderstand, I am not a violent person, I never got into a fight (besides verbal occasionally with husband, mom or something), never hurt anyone, nothing like that. But when me and my husband fight I am just so annoyed I throw fruit, pillows, non-hurtable things,etc at him. and I am just so aggravated I can't help it. I just wonder if something like that can happen with a baby? I think I just worry too much, I also worry I will forget to feed the baby or if I got on a diet after i give birth my breastmilk will have no nutrients (that one has been torturing me as I want to diet!), I especially worry I will forget about it an leave it in the car, etc

Hi,

I think some of your fears are completely normal (such as a fear of forgetting to feed your baby or leave it in a car). Its scary becoming a new mommy.

As for any potential violence... I too have a low frustration level sometimes...especially around my boyfriend (we have a lot of problems) and my mother. lol I have been known to throw things at my boyfriend when im really frustrated...not typically at anyone else though. It does worry me that sometimes I can get out of control...but sometimes I just cant deal with frustration...especially since getting pregnant. However I dont believe I would ever hurt the baby. I have a 2 year old that I adopted last year but I have been caring for since he was born (long story). Although there have been many frustrating moments in the last 2 years (having a baby is frustrating...so are toddlers! lol) I have never lost my temper with him (except for occasionally yelling at him as a toddler...not as a baby...lol).

But I personally find it easy to be patient with children... (not w/ adults who are acting like idiots...lol)

A newborn is going to cry....and you wont always know what to do to make him stop. At first its usually just basic needs so feeding him or changing a diaper will help...but sometimes you just cant figure it out. Dont be afraid to put him/her down (gently of course...lol) in a crib or other safe place and walk away for a minute to calm down. Dont be afraid to ask for help. Being a new mom is hard for anyone...

But you also need to know yourself...if you ever feel yourself getting really frustrated..to the point that you may yell at him or worse then you need to put him down, walk away and ask your SO, friend or family member to help. If you do find yourself getting to that level of frustration you should seek professional help. And theres nothing wrong with that...you may wanna consider seeing a therapist anyway. I personally think theres nothing healthier then having a therapist to talk to.... ive been going to one for years.

As far as being worried about dieting and breastfeeding...you need to remember that there is a difference between eating healthy and dieting. If you are really eating healthy (lean proteins, whole wheat carbs, fruit, veggies and dairy) then you should be able to lose weight while giving your newborn plenty of good, healthy nutrients. If you choose to eat in a different way, such as atkins or a crash diet then you are probably not getting the right balance of nutrients and should consider formula feeding instead.

Good luck! Im sure you will be fine!

 

[lanaross]

Learn how to walk away and calm down for five minutes. Learn with your husband now and you will appreciate it once your bubs is here. Nobody is going to lie, it's super hard the first three months, the worst time, but you need to keep it under control even when the baby is crying at 1am for hours and nothing helps. You will need to walk away, do whatever - run, have a drink, sit ups, whatever relaxes you. I actually picked up smoking right back after bubs was here, because I didn't know any other way to stay calm. Also when you have sleep deprivation, it's much worse than the hormones in pregnancy so try to learn now what calms you down and could be done in five minutes or so.