Hey ladies!!! I hope everyone is doing well!!!
I have had a couple really bad weeks. First, I lost my job and I'm 100% positive it's because I'm pregnant. I was practically forced out the door and my job was made beyond unreasonable ever since I told my boss I'm pregnant. We did end up working out a deal where I would stay and train my replacement in exchange he would approve unemployment. (This would allow me to keep my job until about November, as it's a lot to train someone on.) I know if I took him to court over this I would win, without a doubt. But to be honest, it's not worth the time, stress or money. I'd rather just move on. In a way, this has kind of worked out for the best. I wouldn't of had a ton of time built up for maternity leave, so money would be very tight. Now this way, I'm really just taking maternity leave 2 months early, will be paid throughout and even a for a couple of months after the baby is born. But here's the problem...about 6 months ago I spoke to my boss about going back to school and he gave me his blessing. We spoke about how I would need to move around my schedule sometimes, but would take as many evening/online classes as I could. He was more than ok with it. Gave me his blessing and even told me he was proud of me. So I enrolled. This was one of the problems we ran into. All of a sudden this wasn't ok and that was that. So I went from having a very flexible boss to a boss that could care less. I've already enrolled and will be completing my second semester in a month. This will only better myself and my family and I won't give up on this dream of mine. So instead now I will have to work a part-time job, be a full-time student and a full-time mom. It's going to be tough. Not impossible, but really tough. Thankfully I have a very supportive husband and I'll do whatever I need to do in order to provide for my family, continue going to school and graduating. It will be 2.5 years of hell, but all worth it in the end. Moving on.....one of the other issues I ran into at work is my previously approved time off in August is no longer approved. My best friend is getting married, I'm her MOH and her family planned her bridal shower around when I would be traveling up to NY. I haven't had the heart to let them know I can no longer come up. It's not just not having the time off, it's also not fair to my family to spend money we really don't have anymore. So I feel like the biggest piece of crap right now. Her family is like a second family and would 100% understand, but that still doesn't take away from the guilt. In addition, I grew up in NY and was going to have a baby shower while I was there, since all my friends and a lot of my family would be there. That can get thrown out the window now.
Moving on....my brother, the only family I have close by, and I had a huge falling out because he's not making the best decisions in life and I'm too protective to not say something. I have been at rock bottom, I know what's it like. I can't just sit back and watch him throw away his life. I just can't. But he's stubborn, just like me, and won't listen to anyone. I finally came to the realization, after 2 sleepless nights that you can't change people that don't want to change and the only thing I can do, is sit back and watch. I've bailed him out of jail once and told him I would never do it again. That was his one free pass, anything else he was on his own. (He got a DWI a few years back. He's not a thief or drug addict or anything super terrible. He's an alcoholic who won't admit it and I'm afraid he's going to make the same mistake since he just got his license and car back.) We have since put the bullshit behind us but it still hurts my heart.
Moving on....my family is visiting. My mother and step-father are very heavy smokers. I was too until the day I found out I was pregnant. Being around smokers has never been a problem for me. Obviously it's not wise to be around smoke while pregnant, but they smoke outside and I decided to sit down and spend some time with them. I tried to stay away from the smoke as much as possible, (I was sitting about 15 feet away) but with my brother also being there, there were 3 heavy smokers surrounding me. The smoke wasn't bothering me and then out of nowhere, made me ill. I went inside to get away from it and for the first time all pregnancy, threw up. I think I threw up for 10 minutes straight. It hurt so bad. I couldn't breathe. I feel sooooooooo bad for anyone that has thrown up during their pregnancy. I don't think I've thrown up in like 10 years.
Moving on....I have a UTI. Fucking awesome.
Sorry for the extremely long rant everyone. I'm sure there are plenty of people that have it worse than me. Like those who can't even get pregnant. I know, I was there for a very long time....I'm very grateful for the experiences I am going through, I just needed to vent to some women who can really understand.
My husband and I are VERY excited! We just had our second scan last week and I loved watching our baby's little feet move! Nice to be a part of this group!
for you though! Roll on January so we find out!
), but ahhhhh the feeling of relief when I handed my thesis in was amazing! You can do it, and if you ever want any support, or to vent about the difficulties of juggling studying and motherhood, don't hesitate to PM me on here.
