Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[Bride2b]

Mhairi - I think this is a good question! One that I have been thinking about too (so I know what to do when the time comes...and I bloody hope its soon!)
Last time I didnt want to tell anyone as I was so scared that something would happen. My OH best mate & his GF lost their baby @ 9 weeks but found out at the 12 wk scan and they have pretty much told everyone. So obviously had the hard task of then telling people after the 12 wk scan that the little one wasnt meant to be. This all happened about 4-5 weeks before we got our BFP. We waited 3 weeks to tell anyone (parents, sister) and we only told them at that point as OH dad was 88 and been ill in hospital and we didnt want to not tell him in case he wasnt around much longer. We then told close friends after our 12 week scan (I think I was 13 wks before I told my best friend). I kept thinking I should tell people but was too scared. I then told my very close work colleague when I was 17 weeks, and no body else at work knew (apart from my manager for H&S reasons). To this day people at work do not know that I was pregnant or that I have lost a baby. In some ways I am glad as I can go back to work without having to face all those people as they know no different. In another way I feel quite sick that there are people who know me who will never know about my beautiful baby, who has changed my life.
I am really torn. Part of me wants to be able scream from the roof tops next time (at 12 weeks) that we are expecting, as I want to be proud of being a mummy. But at the same time I feel I would want to keep it a secret until at least past 19 weeks when I lost Bertie (or until the 20 wk scan) or even to 24 weeks.
I guess it also depends on if it gets obvious. I am a small person & surprisingly my little bump didnt show, people didnt even notice I was pregnant & those who knew kept on saying I didnt have a bump. I could see a very small one with no clothes on but with clothes on it just wasnt obvious. I am not sure if next time I not show so soon as now my stomach muscles are a bit more stretched than they were before & not being able to exercise wont tighten them back up. So I would think if I get pregnant sooner rather than later it might be more obvious.

I have just banged on havent i???? I didnt actually give you an answer!!!!! Has someone got any suggestions???????????

 

[OliveBay]

Mhairi this is something I've been thinking about recently. When I get my next BFP half of me wants to tell everyone straight away and the other half of me would like to keep it a secret until the baby is born!!! We were so cautious last time and hadn't told anyone except our closest family members until after the 13 week scan. When I told my colleagues at 13 weeks some of them had suspected anyway as I already had a little pot-belly bump, so i think it would have been impossible for me to keep it secret for much longer.

My thoughts on this topic today (which could very well be different tomorrow, and each day after that) are that I would probably tell my parents and close family quite soon, but I would wait until after 12/13 weeks to spread the news wider. If anything unfortunate were to happen after that then I would probably still want people to know that I'd been pregnant in the first place - I don't want to have to hide it, and I had so much love and support from friends and colleagues in the early days after my loss which really helped.

I think this is definitely one of those things where we will all do it differently for so many reasons, and we just have to do what feels right for us at the time.

 

[MummyStobe]

I have a question for those carrying a rainbow (or for anyone else who has thought about this at great length like me!!)

for those who are past their 12 weeks scan - have you told the world yet or are you still keeping it quiet? And if you are still keeping it quiet, how long do you think you will do that for?

and for those still awaiting their 12 weeks scan - what do you plan to do when you get the all clear at 12 weeks?

All the people who supported us through the loss of our girls, already know about our rainbow, most of them have known for weeks. I have my scan on monday, and assuming all is fine, I feel a bit uncomfortable telling the world yet. But, it's becoming pretty obvious and hard to hide. And, I keep telling myself, there's no way I could keep it a secret until I get past the time I lost the twins (23w). I also think I owe this little one the same excitement I had last time. But I don't want to be constantly forced to have to talk about babies pregnancy etc, as I like to do that on my own terms these days if you know what I mean? Not sure what to do!

xx

Hey hun, we kept the news to ourselves for a couple of weeks whereas with my last 2 pregnancies we told immediate family as soon as we got the BFP. The only people who know at the moment are those who supported us the most after Max, immediate family and a few close friends.
I'm going to tell my boss when I go back to work in the New Year as I probably won't be able to hide my bump much longer, I'm surprised I've got away with it this far.
And as for everyone else I think we've decided that people will find out (after the 12 week scan) whenever they happen to hear about it. We don't want to hide our news but at the same time it doesn't feel quite right to make a big announcement like we did last time. If people only find out when they see me with a bump then so be it.
I've joked about one girl I know (she's meant to be a friend but she's been making less and less effort recently so I haven't seen her for ages - in fact her husband dropped a Christmas card off today and she didn't even get out of the car to say hi but sent me a text afterwards instead with her excuses) anyway we've joked that it'll be that long before I see her again that a) I'll either be the size of a whale or b) I'll have had the baby by the time she finds out. I'll get grief if I tell her by text and I'll get grief if I don't tell her (but if I don't see her how can I?) so I can't win. - but I've given up caring now, I'm starting to realise who my real friends are.

 

[MummyStobe]

Rather random story...

I've mentioned my MIL's psychic friend before, well we've had another 'message' from her this week.

She sent a text to my MIL on the 19th November, I've attached a photo I took of it (sorry it's so big - not sure how to import them smaller)

https://i1105.photobucket.com/albums/h347/hesalisbury/02207487.jpg

we only got the BFP on the 8th November, told my mum parents on the 20th and my inlaws on the 29th.(MIL still hasn't told her I'm pregnant and there is no way she could have known on the 19th).

I always knew Max was looking after us but it was kind of nice to get the confirmation.

 

[Hellylou]

Mhairi - I have thought about this issue a lot too. I think it is something I would play by ear, really. I got so much love and support from family, friends and colleagues, it was a real blessing, and we'd only just started spreading the news in the first place, only to have to tell everyone the bad news a few weeks later. Some people had only just heard I was pregnant the day before we lost him.

At least at this time of year it is a bit easier to hide things - baggy jumpers and layers can be great for hiding things from those you aren't ready to share the news with. I'm sure you will get a lot of support from everyone, and it's probably better that they do know so they can make sure you are extra looked after, and I think everyone will understand that this pregnancy, whilst very exciting, is a very anxious experience for you.

Hayley - wow, that's amazing!

 

[mhazzab]

thanks everyone for your thoughts about sharing my news...it's been really helpful I think I will just wait and see how my mood takes me next week. Hubby says he will go with whatever I choose. I have told him that I don't want his mum announcing it to the whole pub over the microphone like she did last time though (I was so annoyed)

Hayley - wow! that's amazing, I want to meet this woman!
And as for your other comment about finding out who your real friends are - that is so true and something I have said several times myself over the last few weeks. I have been so disappointed in some people, and others have surprised me in a nice way. I have also made some lovely new friends
xxx
xx

 

[Nikki_d72]

Hi ladies, sorry been AWOL a bit, it's only 2 days from D-day for me and I don't mind admitting I'm struggling. I'm also trying to get things sorted for when we come back with visitors in tow, so have heaps to do. We are going to in-laws and then some of them are coming to stay immediately after so a bit of a logistical nightmare.

OH's brother has a 1yr old so we are taking the travel cot down with us for them to use (they are flying over from OZ so don't have stuff like that with them) and I was hunting under the bed for the pack with the sheets in and I had the thought that WE should be needing this. Then I came accross an under-bed bag full of baby clothes that we kept from DD and it just happened to be the really early stuff - so ended up hiding down behind the bed with 2 wee sets of white bootees clutched to me bawling my eyes out. It's the worst I've been in a long time, totally uncontrollable till I couldn't breathe and I didn't want DD to see me, it was a bad one. Hopefully that's it all out for a while and I don't ruin everyone's Christmas. Sorry for the pity-party!

Anyway, with OH home at the moment then us going away I'm not getting much time on here, so I just wanted to wish everyone as gentle a Christmas as possible. You'll all be in my thoughts, floaty kisses to all our beautiful angels...


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[Hellylou]

Nikki, I am so sorry, I didn't realise it was nearly your due date. At this time of year, too, it must be so difficult to hold it together, and thinking of you with your bootees breaking your heart like that has me sitting here in tears too. I will be thinking of you these coming days, even if you don't have time to log in, I'm with you. I really hope your Christmas is a gentle one too. Sending lots of love to you and your family, lovely. Massive hugs at this very difficult time. It can only get better for us all, right? I believe we will all have a better year in 2012

 

[yazoo]

Hi ladies, sorry been AWOL a bit, it's only 2 days from D-day for me and I don't mind admitting I'm struggling. I'm also trying to get things sorted for when we come back with visitors in tow, so have heaps to do. We are going to in-laws and then some of them are coming to stay immediately after so a bit of a logistical nightmare.

OH's brother has a 1yr old so we are taking the travel cot down with us for them to use (they are flying over from OZ so don't have stuff like that with them) and I was hunting under the bed for the pack with the sheets in and I had the thought that WE should be needing this. Then I came accross an under-bed bag full of baby clothes that we kept from DD and it just happened to be the really early stuff - so ended up hiding down behind the bed with 2 wee sets of white bootees clutched to me bawling my eyes out. It's the worst I've been in a long time, totally uncontrollable till I couldn't breathe and I didn't want DD to see me, it was a bad one. Hopefully that's it all out for a while and I don't ruin everyone's Christmas. Sorry for the pity-party!

Anyway, with OH home at the moment then us going away I'm not getting much time on here, so I just wanted to wish everyone as gentle a Christmas as possible. You'll all be in my thoughts, floaty kisses to all our beautiful angels...


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Hayley, that is amazing. Wow

Nikki- I'm sorry hun. Its so tough and I wish I could give u a big hug. I had a few of them really intense crying moments recently too. I hate that we have to do this. I hope Ethan & Hayden's due date is gentle on you. I'm sure they are looking down at their Mammy right now. You are in my thoughts.

 

[mhazzab]

Hi ladies, sorry been AWOL a bit, it's only 2 days from D-day for me and I don't mind admitting I'm struggling. I'm also trying to get things sorted for when we come back with visitors in tow, so have heaps to do. We are going to in-laws and then some of them are coming to stay immediately after so a bit of a logistical nightmare.

OH's brother has a 1yr old so we are taking the travel cot down with us for them to use (they are flying over from OZ so don't have stuff like that with them) and I was hunting under the bed for the pack with the sheets in and I had the thought that WE should be needing this. Then I came accross an under-bed bag full of baby clothes that we kept from DD and it just happened to be the really early stuff - so ended up hiding down behind the bed with 2 wee sets of white bootees clutched to me bawling my eyes out. It's the worst I've been in a long time, totally uncontrollable till I couldn't breathe and I didn't want DD to see me, it was a bad one. Hopefully that's it all out for a while and I don't ruin everyone's Christmas. Sorry for the pity-party!

Anyway, with OH home at the moment then us going away I'm not getting much time on here, so I just wanted to wish everyone as gentle a Christmas as possible. You'll all be in my thoughts, floaty kisses to all our beautiful angels...


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oh Nikki you have so much going on right now.It sounds like you won't have much time to yourself on your due date, but make sure you take any time you need to sit and cry your eyes out if that is what helps (that's what I did!!)

I'm sorry you got so upset the other day, but I think sometimes that's what you need to do, just let it all out.

I hope you manage to get through the day okay, I will be thinking of you and sending love to your little angels.

I'll miss your posts over the holidays, I do hope you manage without us! Make sure you come back to say hi as soon as you get back home.

lots of love xxxxx

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'll miss you all too, girls. Will log in as soon as I can when I get back!

Helen I'm sorry I upset you hon.

Love to all
xxxxx

 

[Hellylou]

Don't be sorry...I'm just so sad for you today. I know there have been and will be times when I am just the same and I will need support too.

I just went out for a meal with OH. We talked about moving house, and other things, and the future, and I asked him if he still thinks about our loss. We haven't really talked about it in a long time and I know he deals with stuff differently to me. He responded "every day" and I ended up fighting back tears in the restaurant.

I am so keen to TTC, and I know I am getting into the right time of the month, but he's adamant we need to wait til we move...I think by the end of this week he'll be afraid to walk into any room because I will pounce, as the kids are away this week and we have the place to ourselves...

 

[KamIAm]

Hi Friends!!!

Man, I miss a few days on here and lots has happened...

Nikki.... I hope you are gentle on yourself and allow yourself to do what YOU need ... I didn't realize it was close to your due date either... Very hard time of year... Not sure if having family there visiting is a good or bad thing, might be good to have a distraction, or so they say... I'll be thinking boutcha babe... Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas!!!

Andrea.... I sent you a private message... You take care of YOU hon' and pop back in and let us know how your doing... Love ya chicka!

Everyone else doing OK???

I haven't had time to scroll back thru the last few days but I promise I'll catch up tomorrow ... Hopefully you all have been fine...

How are all the DPO's girls??? All the rainbow momma's OK?

AFM... I "should" be ovulating tomorrow... I haven't recieved my OPK's in the mail yet so, now I'm questioning if I am or ain't or have or haven't... haha... I've been trying to tell myself that tomorrow is MY day so been treating these last few days like that , sooo guess we'll see... When I am due to test I'll actually been away on vacation, so I haven't thought it thru or decided what I will be doing, if I will poas like a crazy woman while away or just leave things be and test when I get back home if AF hasn't shown... I'd love to go away and NOT test or worry about it, so we'll see..... Last night, I had myself thinking that I might be preg now, I know, Coo Coo LOL (I even had a normal length af) But I never like Chinese food, except when I'm preg and last night I was dying for it... hahaha... Last time I ate there I was preg with Em'.... Lots of thinking and feelings.... Cray Cray... LOL!

I changed my avatar picture... Stole this picture from someone, not sure if I like this one or not... LOL! But it's how I feel... All we want for Christmas is 2 glorious lines!!!!

Thinking of you all..... XOXO!!!

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hi ladies, sorry been AWOL a bit, it's only 2 days from D-day for me and I don't mind admitting I'm struggling. I'm also trying to get things sorted for when we come back with visitors in tow, so have heaps to do. We are going to in-laws and then some of them are coming to stay immediately after so a bit of a logistical nightmare.

OH's brother has a 1yr old so we are taking the travel cot down with us for them to use (they are flying over from OZ so don't have stuff like that with them) and I was hunting under the bed for the pack with the sheets in and I had the thought that WE should be needing this. Then I came accross an under-bed bag full of baby clothes that we kept from DD and it just happened to be the really early stuff - so ended up hiding down behind the bed with 2 wee sets of white bootees clutched to me bawling my eyes out. It's the worst I've been in a long time, totally uncontrollable till I couldn't breathe and I didn't want DD to see me, it was a bad one. Hopefully that's it all out for a while and I don't ruin everyone's Christmas. Sorry for the pity-party!

Anyway, with OH home at the moment then us going away I'm not getting much time on here, so I just wanted to wish everyone as gentle a Christmas as possible. You'll all be in my thoughts, floaty kisses to all our beautiful angels...


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I know how hard this, I love you. Just know I am thinking of you and your precious angels..XOXOOXO

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hi Friends!!!

Man, I miss a few days on here and lots has happened...

Nikki.... I hope you are gentle on yourself and allow yourself to do what YOU need ... I didn't realize it was close to your due date either... Very hard time of year... Not sure if having family there visiting is a good or bad thing, might be good to have a distraction, or so they say... I'll be thinking boutcha babe... Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas!!!

Andrea.... I sent you a private message... You take care of YOU hon' and pop back in and let us know how your doing... Love ya chicka!

Everyone else doing OK???

I haven't had time to scroll back thru the last few days but I promise I'll catch up tomorrow ... Hopefully you all have been fine...

How are all the DPO's girls??? All the rainbow momma's OK?

AFM... I "should" be ovulating tomorrow... I haven't recieved my OPK's in the mail yet so, now I'm questioning if I am or ain't or have or haven't... haha... I've been trying to tell myself that tomorrow is MY day so been treating these last few days like that , sooo guess we'll see... When I am due to test I'll actually been away on vacation, so I haven't thought it thru or decided what I will be doing, if I will poas like a crazy woman while away or just leave things be and test when I get back home if AF hasn't shown... I'd love to go away and NOT test or worry about it, so we'll see..... Last night, I had myself thinking that I might be preg now, I know, Coo Coo LOL (I even had a normal length af) But I never like Chinese food, except when I'm preg and last night I was dying for it... hahaha... Last time I ate there I was preg with Em'.... Lots of thinking and feelings.... Cray Cray... LOL!

I changed my avatar picture... Stole this picture from someone, not sure if I like this one or not... LOL! But it's how I feel... All we want for Christmas is 2 glorious lines!!!!

Thinking of you all..... XOXO!!!

Love you.. Sent you a message also. My signature says I should ovulate in 3 days, but i got a postive just now so i am going to ovulate tomorrow also, day 14 , every month is friggin different
XOXOXOXO

 

[mhazzab]

just a wee message to let you know that my scan went well today, my little dude was measuring 3 days ahead, so now I'm 13 weeks tomorrow I like it when that happens!

The NT measurement looked good, but I will get my risk factor back next week once the blood results come back.

Baby was super active and constantly kicking me, she made me go for a walk to try and get him to calm down so she could get measurements (it worked)

It was very emotional being there and seeing another baby, kind of took me back to last time and then made me sad, but, I know I have to move forward with my life now. This little guy has two big sisters who will always look over him, and us.

xxx

 

[Hellylou]

Mhairi that is wonderful news!

I can understand it must have been emotional though, but I just know this time will be perfect, and your girls are so proud of their mum right now

 

[mhazzab]

Mhairi that is wonderful news!

I can understand it must have been emotional though, but I just know this time will be perfect, and your girls are so proud of their mum right now

aww thank you, that's so sweet, I hope they are proud of me.

At one point during the scan we both realised that at the bottom of the screen were screenshots from previous exams...they were pictures of the twins. It made me feel so sad, they were from their 20 weeks scan so not long before we lost them God, I miss them so much. But I love this baby, and I know that this one is only here because the twins died. Hard to get my head around sometimes.

xx

 

[blav]

Mhairi-that is amazing! I'm so glad everything went well and is looking good. Your twins ARE proud of you. You're their mama and they love you so much.

Winterwonderland-CONGRATS!!!!

Andrea-As frustrating as your ovulation makes you, it gives me a little hope because I haven't ovulated yet and I'm pretty sure I should have

Kelly-Girl, I think we're all a littl cray cray, don't you?


AFM, I thought I should have ovulated this weekened but the OPK kept giving me a negative. OH and I a few times just for good measure (and fun ) I really hope I ovulate in the next few days. It worries me a little becasue OH and I got in a HUGE fight and although everything is fine now, I'm wondering if that could have effected things. Also because I didn't eat much for the 2 days it was going on. It also kind of makes me sad because my AF was so normal, I thought for sure I would ovulate normally. It could also be that my cycle will be longer than it was before the baby. Fingers crossed that it will be tomorrow.

On a good front though, OH and I have picked out our boy name for this time around. Liam Mateo (Mateo after our angel, of course) and we're keeping our girl name from list time Isla, but changing the middle name to Mattie (short for Mateo). I love both names, but would love a rainbow more


Ahh, I know I've missed so many but need to get ready for work! to those going through tought times (Bride2be with the memorial, and others who are at due dates and such) Such strong angel mommies.

 

[mhazzab]

oh Kelly you got me all excited with your new pic...but then I realised I had seen it already, it was on the postsecret site (you ever look at that? I love it)

I'm hoping you get one with two lines on it over christmas

xxx