Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[blav]

Well, I couldn't resist poas even though my gut tells me we're out this month. Not surprisingly I got a :Bfn: Blah, I hate seeing that one evil line!

 

[mhazzab]

Well, I couldn't resist poas even though my gut tells me we're out this month. Not surprisingly I got a :Bfn: Blah, I hate seeing that one evil line!

it's hard not to POAS when you know they are just sitting in the bathroom, lol. I started about 5dpo I think, only because they were cheapies though.

awww booo for the BFN. Still early yet though, I got mine at 10/11dpo, there hadn't been any evidence of a line the morning before. I was genuinely surprised when I saw the line.

xxx

 

[blav]

Well, I couldn't resist poas even though my gut tells me we're out this month. Not surprisingly I got a :Bfn: Blah, I hate seeing that one evil line!

it's hard not to POAS when you know they are just sitting in the bathroom, lol. I started about 5dpo I think, only because they were cheapies though.

awww booo for the BFN. Still early yet though, I got mine at 10/11dpo, there hadn't been any evidence of a line the morning before. I was genuinely surprised when I saw the line.

xxx

Ahh, well that does make me feel better. OH is so understanding...even if he thinks I'm a nutter he totally goes along with everything I say and do, reassuring me. I think I'll wait a few more days before I test again, especially because we don't even know if I ovulated this month so it might be a little far fetched that I'm even testing!

 

[dnlfinker]

First day of the second missed period and no lovely AF. Let the waiting game continue!

 

[kiki04]

CD 42 for me here!

 

[dnlfinker]

When was the last time you tested? are you planning on testing again?

Have not been here as much . Sorry if yu mnetioned it before!

 

[kiki04]

Well I tested last week but because I chart, and I have had a pg chart before, I havent tested again because it just doesnt show any biphasic pattern. If I get my next order of OPK's and HPT'S I ordered off ebay in the next few days I will test then but I honestly have no desire to test due to my chart looking so crappy

 

[kiki04]

OK curiosity got the best of me and I used my last test, at 10:30 at night and it was a If I WAS pg... by cd42 it should show at ANY time of day so yeah... I'm out for sure... but thats OK All I want now is for AF to just show up because I know I am not pg...

I just did a manual override on my chart marking cd38 as a "potential" OV.... lets see if AF shows around CD50-51 to give me a 14 day LP

 

[winterwonder]

Morning Ladies!

I hope everyone had a gentle Christmas, ours went quite well actually as we both had the morning together before seeing any family so we chatted/ i cried about bud and then just watched movies till the afternoon.

we almost slipped up about our rainbow as my mum asked if my af had showed up yet, i was just going to say yeah everythings fine now so she'd stop asking but oh said it still hadnt returned before i could open my mouth, and i just didnt know what to say, but my mum didnt noticed and just went on at me for not going to the doctors about it!

anyways lots of christmas to everyone!

christine xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Just checking in, sorry I have not been here. I am over the Christmas thing and ready to get on with my life . I hate the holidays and I am glad they are over Had a terrible Christmas and I decided today I am not spending New Years with my husbands family. I am going to say I am sick and I am staying home with my youngest son. I just don't want to be with these people.
I love you all and I hope everyone is ok and i pray 2012 we all get our

 

[KamIAm]

Aww! Andrea .. I'm sending huge hugs to you Hon' .. You do what you need...xoxo

Hi everyone!! I'm checking in on my cell ... We have a signal!!! Woot! Woot! We arrived yesterday afternoon... Ahhh! Just what my family needed... Peace, relaxation and fun!

Hope everyone is hanging in there : ) I'm 9dpo and I forgot to bring hpt! Hahah! sooo guess I won't be testing, which was a blessing... Well just wait and see : ))

Love you all and hope you all are smiling : ) Muah! Xoxo!

 

[blav]

Just checking in, sorry I have not been here. I am over the Christmas thing and ready to get on with my life . I hate the holidays and I am glad they are over Had a terrible Christmas and I decided today I am not spending New Years with my husbands family. I am going to say I am sick and I am staying home with my youngest son. I just don't want to be with these people.
I love you all and I hope everyone is ok and i pray 2012 we all get our

I'm glad the holidays are over too. It's too bad you can't spend New Years with them, but if you're more comfortable at home as they've not been understanding then I think you're right in staying home. I'll be at work. Ew.

Winterwonder--that is too funny about what your mom said...typical mom!!!

KamIam-I WISH I didn't have any HPT, took one yesterday and today, both painfully neg! Gonna just wait and see if AF shows up. I feel like I have a lot of the symptoms I did from last time, but I also wonder if I'm almost "making" myself have them!

 

[Hellylou]

Hi all - hope you all had a nice Christmas. Mine was very pleasant, with lots of family. Lots of eating, drinking, singing and games. I only got a bit emotional in the morning when I lit a candle, but after that I was pretty ok. Kids loved their pressies, and were so excited, and I got some lovely gifts. So in all, a very good day. I have eaten so much over the last few days, I feel like I need to do a serious detox!

 

[collie_crazy]

Hello girls I hope everyones christmas was as easy and peaceful as it could be.

Christmas eve I got really upset, I wrote a long letter to Emily and cried myself to sleep. I'm really struggling right now, its only a few days to her due date and I just feel like I am not coping. I dont see my psychologist again until the 10th and I really wish I could speak to her now, but she is off until then.

My mum, sister and I went to the grave on Christmas morning and put down some fresh flowers and wished Emily a merry christmas. I've never seen the cemetery look so busy. There were so many parents there visiting there little angels it made my heart break even more.

I managed through the rest of the day and even received some lovely gifts 'for' Emily - my aunt gave me a personalised christmas bauble with her name and date on it and a picture of an angel in pink and OHs parents gave us an angel ornament. We told OHs family about our rainbow on christmas day as well so there were a few tears!

On boxing day my sister told us that she is 5 weeks pregnant and I just cant make myself be happy for her. She has only been with her current partner for 5 months and he is very controlling - the baby was very much an accident. He doesnt work, she is low paid and I have no idea how they will cope.

But on a selfish note I am struggling enough as it is with anxiety over this pregnancy and now I cant get the thought out of my head that if I lose this baby and she goes on to have hers how hard that will be. Its hard enough just now with my colleague in work who is due just after I was with Emily but this is a million times worse.

I look to the future and I cant picture me holding a baby... all I see is another coffin and another grave

 

[kiki04]

Oh huney I certainly dont see another coffin or another grave for any of us I am so sorry the holidays were hard on you but it sounds like you have some wonderful support around you and that makes me so happy The build up to the due date is very difficult, I found it harder then the actual day for some reason... I hope the next few weeks are gentle on you and I just know you will be holding your sweet newborn in no time

 

[mhazzab]

Hello girls I hope everyones christmas was as easy and peaceful as it could be.

Christmas eve I got really upset, I wrote a long letter to Emily and cried myself to sleep. I'm really struggling right now, its only a few days to her due date and I just feel like I am not coping. I dont see my psychologist again until the 10th and I really wish I could speak to her now, but she is off until then.

My mum, sister and I went to the grave on Christmas morning and put down some fresh flowers and wished Emily a merry christmas. I've never seen the cemetery look so busy. There were so many parents there visiting there little angels it made my heart break even more.

I managed through the rest of the day and even received some lovely gifts 'for' Emily - my aunt gave me a personalised christmas bauble with her name and date on it and a picture of an angel in pink and OHs parents gave us an angel ornament. We told OHs family about our rainbow on christmas day as well so there were a few tears!

On boxing day my sister told us that she is 5 weeks pregnant and I just cant make myself be happy for her. She has only been with her current partner for 5 months and he is very controlling - the baby was very much an accident. He doesnt work, she is low paid and I have no idea how they will cope.

But on a selfish note I am struggling enough as it is with anxiety over this pregnancy and now I cant get the thought out of my head that if I lose this baby and she goes on to have hers how hard that will be. Its hard enough just now with my colleague in work who is due just after I was with Emily but this is a million times worse.

I look to the future and I cant picture me holding a baby... all I see is another coffin and another grave

oh Amanda...I feel the same as you, I am really struggling this week. I miss my parents and I miss my babies, this past week has been awful, I can't wait till the festive season is over. I can't imagine having to deal with my due date coming up as well, that must make it even harder for you.

I'm glad your mum and sister came to Emily's grave with you, it must be comforting to know that they still care. I think that's part of my problem - it feels like nobody remembers my babies any more, it makes me sad. On xmas day my MIL was joking about how my niece is her favourite grandchild, but once my baby comes along there will be some competition as then there will be two (actually, the thought of that made me angry but that's another story). I just wanted to scream that I already had two babies and they are her grandchildren too. I know she didn't mean any harm but I was so hurt. I'm so glad I refused to have dinner there, we only stayed for an hour, it was more than enough. I just feel extra sensitive this week to everything people say, I just want to hide away till next week.

That was so lovely that you received some gifts for Emily too

As for what you say about your sister - I have the same problem. Once I announced my pregnancy to my family, my brother told me his wife was also pregnant, a month ahead of me, they had been keeping it from me. I'm ashamed to say I have struggled to deal with the concept of it, and with a couple of other people in my office who are also pregnant. Of couse, I would never wish any harm on them, but, like you, I'm expecting the worst to happen and am already thinking ahead - how will I cope being around these people if I lose my baby again and they get to hold theirs? It feels like everyone else around me has easy pregnancies and get to take their babies home, they get to be carefree while I worry sick it will happy again. I feel terrible for having these thoughts but I think it's natural, and I just wanted you to know you are not the only one feeling this way.


xxxx

 

[MummyStobe]

Hi everyone I hope the Christmas Holidays were kind to you all.
We spent a lovely day with family but once we got home and it was just me and Mark, the floodgates opened and I couldn't stop the tears, been a bit weepy ever since, think it's because my due date is approaching (New Years Eve). Roll on 2012 and a fresh start. On a more positive note I had my letter through today for my first consultant appointment on 11th January, hope my scan date letter is following closely behind.

Amanda sorry to hear about the vanishing twin but I'm really pleased that the rest of your scan went well and that they are going to be keeping a close eye on you. Don't be hard on yourself for how you are feeling about your sister announcing her pregnancy, I felt exactly the same when my little sister told me she was pregnant (although my circumstances were a bit different back then - about 18 months ago) it took me a long time to work through my jealousy. Give yourself time, you'll get used to the idea that you're going to be an auntie as well as a mummy.

Sorry for those of you who have recently had bfn. Keeping my fingers crossed that we'll see lots more bfp in 2012. Sending to everyone ttc.

 

[OliveBay]

Hi all, just wanted to pop in and say that I'm back from visiting family over Christmas. Think it'll take me a couple of days to catch up with all the new posts, but just wanted to send everyone some love and support, and say that I hope everyone has got through the holidays ok so far

 

[feeble]

Hi everyone x

Bit of a bittersweet Christmas for us. I was so excited getting everything ready for J and then it came and I realised (as I have so often this last few weeks) that I hav been trying to hide myself in stuff and things to do rather than allow this awful grief to consume me

And I cannot let it consume me, I need to stay strong for my son

I am growing another baby now and we know that there is nothing we could hav done to change what happened to our angel, but I am still so worried and confused

She would have been due on the 18th jan, I am dreading jan and so glad I am pregnant again. I will be 8 weeks on her due date. Still so fragile.

Liam kept asking me 'what's wrong' and I wanted to slap him 'I lost my baby, now you keep bugging me about what's the matter, is it not obvious'!

I cannot wait to just say goodbye to this year... Next year will be about life and love I hope so much

I thought today about how I would have to explain to jasper and my other children why I am sometimes sad in September. I just feel bruised inside, that's how it feels x

 

[OliveBay]

She would have been due on the 18th jan, I am dreading jan and so glad I am pregnant again. I will be 8 weeks on her due date. Still so fragile.

I totally understand how you're feeling. Your dates for your loss and your new pregnancy sound pretty similar to mine. These constant mixed emotions are really something to contend with aren't they?

I'm feeling rather panicky today. After going to the toilet this morning I had a small amount of light pinky spotting. It seems to have stopped now, but I'm so scared it might be a sign of something bad...... Please please please don't let me lose this one. Its so hard to stay hopeful and positive. It just feels so unfair that getting pregnant has been really easy for me both times, but that's only half the battle. Just trying to think positive and keeping all fingers and toes crossed for good times ahead for all of us.