Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[Hellylou]

Ah Blav, I'm sorry - the 2 month marker was just awful for me too. I was a total mess. 3 months has been easier, I can say. Not much, but easier.

Anyway, I am sooo hoping it's a New Year gift for you both.

 

[mhazzab]

Thanks. I think the idea of being pregnant again is very appealing, and then the reality of it if it happens will be terrifying. I don't know how you all feel, but for me, pregnancy is a journey - you are counting off the weeks, checking progress on little charts and books, looking at what the baby is like at each stage, and when it is so cruelly stopped in its tracks, with nothing at the end, the thought of starting the journey all over again is so very scary. I can't help thinking where I should be on that journey right now, and yet I am either right at the beginning again, or more likely not on it at all yet. The weeks and months have somehow run away from me and I am nowhere. I should be so close to the finishing line, and I am not even at the starting block. Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me?

I mean, if it hasn't happened this month, it's not the end of the world, because I really shouldn't be trying anyway, but it will feel like yet another month has slipped away from me.

I feel EXACTLY the same, Helen. It makes me feel sad to see people who weren't even pregnant, or barely pregnant when I lost the girls, so far ahead of me yet I have so long to go. Sigh. I know that sounds terrible but it's true.

I will have everything crossed for you this month.

blav- fingers crossed you get some new years good news

Xx

 

[blav]

Thanks. I think the idea of being pregnant again is very appealing, and then the reality of it if it happens will be terrifying. I don't know how you all feel, but for me, pregnancy is a journey - you are counting off the weeks, checking progress on little charts and books, looking at what the baby is like at each stage, and when it is so cruelly stopped in its tracks, with nothing at the end, the thought of starting the journey all over again is so very scary. I can't help thinking where I should be on that journey right now, and yet I am either right at the beginning again, or more likely not on it at all yet. The weeks and months have somehow run away from me and I am nowhere. I should be so close to the finishing line, and I am not even at the starting block. Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me?

I mean, if it hasn't happened this month, it's not the end of the world, because I really shouldn't be trying anyway, but it will feel like yet another month has slipped away from me.

You're absolutley right, and I feel the same way as you, completely! For me, the time does slip away...it's like everything is a countdown to O and then to testing and I don't even know what's going on around me. Eeek.

And it's true, if it hasn't happened this month, it'll be okay. And my doctor said to wait two cycles and this is only my first cycle soooo, we shouldn't even have been trying but I agree that it will feel like another month gone.

 

[Bride2b]

Do you know what this has just summed up how I feel. I cant help but track where I should be in the pregnancy which is no more. New years eve is 24 weeks exactly for me a date when I was in the hospital I kept hoping I could get to even though all my waters had gone. I was reading about waters that had broken at 19 weeks & with bed rest people made it to 24 weeks & beyond as they were hospitalised at 24 weeks. I think I torture myself keep counting the weeks. I also deleted all my iphone pregnancy apps, but then reloaded them (ready for when I need them again) and one had stored my info and gave me the dates of where I should be .

All I can think about is being pregnant again, as I just hope that it will help heal some of the pain, even though I will be totally shit scared! I know I cant bring my baby back & secretly hope I another boy as then there may be a slight resemblence to Bertie & I might get an insight into what he would have been like.....is this crazy or normal?x

 

[Bride2b]

Good luck Helen & Britney xxx have everything crossed for you (except my legs...sorry crude joke had to be made!!!)

 

[mhazzab]

Do you know what this has just summed up how I feel. I cant help but track where I should be in the pregnancy which is no more. New years eve is 24 weeks exactly for me a date when I was in the hospital I kept hoping I could get to even though all my waters had gone. I was reading about waters that had broken at 19 weeks & with bed rest people made it to 24 weeks & beyond as they were hospitalised at 24 weeks. I think I torture myself keep counting the weeks. I also deleted all my iphone pregnancy apps, but then reloaded them (ready for when I need them again) and one had stored my info and gave me the dates of where I should be .

All I can think about is being pregnant again, as I just hope that it will help heal some of the pain, even though I will be totally shit scared! I know I cant bring my baby back & secretly hope I another boy as then there may be a slight resemblence to Bertie & I might get an insight into what he would have been like.....is this crazy or normal?x

this is all normal...I spent the rest of what should have been my pregnancy counting where I should have been, it was a relief when the due date came so I could stop. Now I just think about how old my babies should be, sigh, it's neverending!

One of my apps still has the details in from the last pregnancy, can't get rid of them. These things certainly weren't written by someone who has lost a child during pregnancy.

As for a new pregnancy - it does help. It's totally normal to be obsessed with getting pregnant again (I certainly was!!). getting the BFP doesn't cure all, and does throw up a whole new set of emotional problems, but, feeling another baby grow and planning for the future again is good distraction.

xx

 

[feeble]

I feel glad I will be 2 months pregnant when my angel would have. Been due... I do pray it's a girl, because I bought such beautiful girl clothes and I gave away such gorgeous baby boy clothes thinking we wouldn't need them.

But for now I cannot worry about that right now, just want a healthy bean and if it's a little Erik instead of a little Ivy-Mae then I will cope, and just make more babies lol!

I just think everything happens for a reason and even though it's been rubbish, a big part of me believes that our little angel, they knew all along they were not destined for skin-side, they wanted to feel the unconditional, beautiful, warm and uncomplicated love of their mothers womb, it's all their little souls were ready for. They made that choice, to witness the love of humankind without the bullshit and we chose too, on some level or another, to allow them that at great cost to ourselves.

We always talk about how special our angels are and they ARE, but we are special too, we are the strong souls that went through the worst any human being could, in order to give them that unconditional and eternal love.

 

[OliveBay]

Just to update you ladies who saw my earlier posts. I've been bleeding and cramping most of the afternoon and evening, I think I've lost this one too. I'm not 100% sure, but there must only be a slim chance now that this will have a happy ending. Seems like my best Christmas present ever was too good to be true. Guess I'll be joining you trying again in a month or two. This is so sad and unfair. 2012 can't come fast enough for me now - this year has been the worst ever.

Sorry for the miserable post, just needed to get it out of my system.

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for those of you trying and in 2WW at the moment x

 

[feeble]

Oh olive x so sorry x massive hugs x

 

[mhazzab]

Oh Sally...I'm so sorry. Have you phoned the hospital / your doctor to see if there is anything they can do to check what's happening, maybe check your bloods or something? It must be awful not knowing for sure what's happening. I will have everything crossed for you to get some better news.

Please keep us updated xxx

 

[OliveBay]

Thanks Mhairi. I did phone the midwife earlier and she said there was nothing they could do, just to get lots of rest. There's no point going to the hospital as they won't scan me this early as I'm only 5 weeks. I guess I just need to wait and see what happens over the next few days and then try to get some confirmation next week about whether I've definitely lost the baby. I'm kind of resigned to the fact that its over now but I'll still want to check, and I'll need to ask my midwife what happens now about trying again and check ups etc.

 

[kiki04]

Oh Sally I am keeping everything crossed they find a little bean next week who just gave mommy a scare

 

[Bride2b]

Thinking of you Sally xxx hope everything turns out ok xxxx

 

[Hellylou]

Oh no Sally, I am praying everything is ok. Is it heavy or light? Thinking of you, hun. Get lots of rest.

 

[OliveBay]

Still bleeding, pretty much like AF now. I think that confirms that its over. I'll ring my midwife next week and see what I need to do next Thanks for all your support ladies, you're great x

 

[Hellylou]

Oh no, Sally I am so sorry this is happening to you. What a terrible blow. We are here whenever you need to talk.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Sally, I am so deeply sorry this is happening, I wish I could just hug you
XOXOO. I am here if you ever need me

 

[MummyStobe]

Big hugs Sally I'm so so sorry you're having to go through this. You are in my thoughts xx

 

[kiki04]

Any updates Sally? Thinking about you hun

 

[blav]

Oh, Sally...my heart just sank reading your post. I'm so, so sorry. How unfair for something like this to happen after everything else you have been through. All my love and hugs are being sent your way, please keep us updated.