Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[feeble]

Hi Kelly x

 

[KamIAm]

Hi Kelly x

Hi Feeble!!

I'm sorry your here but I'm so glad you found your way HERE...

 

[feeble]

Its been a great comfort, i was on another forum with a 'loss' section but it covered all loss and though i think its great for that to be there, i really like that this has specific loss areas if you see what i mean!

 

[blav]

I bought a digi...

Pregnant 1-2!



Can't quite believe it...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!!!!



CONGRATULATIONS.

I think that more or less sums it up.

 

[blav]

Its been a great comfort, i was on another forum with a 'loss' section but it covered all loss and though i think its great for that to be there, i really like that this has specific loss areas if you see what i mean!

I know what you mean. Although I have never experienced a first tri loss, it does feel like a loss in the second trimester is much different. Many women deliver a baby they can hold and the loss seems to cut so much deeper since the reality that a real baby has been lost is more tangible (no offense to anyone, and I am not in any way diminishing first trimester losses). I know that the ladies here will be able to offer you much support through this difficult time.

 

[Hellylou]

Thanks everyone

I'm feeling fine so far, but it's such early days. I have been getting waves of nausea for the last week but I thought it must be way too early to get any of that, but I just had a feeling it had happened. I was so crampy, which I never usually am before AF, and super tired, but unable to sleep. I am just going to take this one day at a time. Problem with finding out this early is you then have WAY too much time to wait and think! I am praying this is going to be a sticky bean, though.

Hubby is actually pleased! After so much doubt and uncertainty not so very long ago, he's done a complete about-face, and despite being a bit gobsmacked, he's happy. We're both very realistic this time around. Somehow, though, I have a very good feeling. It just feels like it's going to be ok this time. I hope I'm right!

Anyway...

Kelly - so good to see you back to chat at last! So glad you had a good vacation. Sorry about witch getting you. Here's to next month xxx I know what you mean about feeling normal. Every so often you catch yourself and feel guilty like you're somehow forgetting or moving on. No, you are just healing, and getting strong, and that's exactly what Emma wants for her mummy. Are you going to put anything different on the grave to replace the xmas tree?

Jenni - I know what you mean about shutting the door on 2011. It was a very difficult year, especially for you. Good luck for 2WW!

Sally, I am so sorry to hear the latest. You are such a strong lady, I am in awe. Sending many hugs your way today

Love and hugs to everyone else xxx

 

[BMR3]

Hellylou Congrats!!!
So happy for you. I hope I will be joining you very very soon. I haven't tested yet but AF should show up on Saturday the 7th. Hopefully not! So I will POAS Friday.

So Exicted for you!

BMR3

 

[kiki04]

OK now I am more frusterated then ever I did a HPT yesterday and it was a I am on like cd51 now and today.. I just threw up! For now reason at all.... felt completely fine, suddenly felt like I was going to puke, went in the bathroom, threw up while thinking "great I have company coming over tonight, I cant be getting sick" came out and now feel fine! Maybe it is just from my hormones going wacked out but I dont get it.. why is AF mia and now I am randomly vomiting?!

 

[Hellylou]

Hellylou Congrats!!!
So happy for you. I hope I will be joining you very very soon. I haven't tested yet but AF should show up on Saturday the 7th. Hopefully not! So I will POAS Friday.

So Exicted for you!

BMR3

Thank you! Good luck!! I am still ahead of AF being due, as I tested so early! I have never done that before...mine was due Fri 6th, and I was getting faint positives yesterday, with confirmation by digi today, so keeping everything crossed for you xxxx

Krissy, how utterly frustrating. It doesn't make any sense. Are you seeing doc any time soon?

 

[jennijunni]

Krissy that sucks!! I have no answers for you. Have you gotten a blood test? That is a long time without AF. Have you had your first PPAF? I only ask, because when I had my second D&E this past time, I had a lot of tissue left over, and I dont know your circumstances, but could that be it?? I hope you get some answers soon. Hugs!!

Feeble, sorry you are here. I am happy to meet new mamas, but under much happier circumstances.

Helen, again congrats!! How exciting!! I hope to be joining you soon. Fingers crossed!!

Andrea? How are you? I ahve been thinking of you often the past few weeks.

I just want to say that I truely am greatful for all of you. It is nice to be able to chat with woman who have gone through the same things, and understand my feelings, and have BTDT. You are all so wonderful!!

 

[dnlfinker]

OK now I am more frusterated then ever I did a HPT yesterday and it was a I am on like cd51 now and today.. I just threw up! For now reason at all.... felt completely fine, suddenly felt like I was going to puke, went in the bathroom, threw up while thinking "great I have company coming over tonight, I cant be getting sick" came out and now feel fine! Maybe it is just from my hormones going wacked out but I dont get it.. why is AF mia and now I am randomly vomiting?!

Hi , perhaps you should go for a sonogram/blood test. That is surely a good sign. There are chances taht the test is not properly detecting it! ITs what I been thinking for a while but I cant find a doc that is willing to do so. I was told again yesterday taht I am making it up and that she can give me a pill to bring a cycle (Hell no because I am not taking any chances in case I am pregnant). Two months is a long long time. Yesterday when I wiped I saw a little blood spot so I been watching it . So far nothing!


Too bad you are not near , i would def partner up on paying that visit to a doc! My problem is that I cant convince a doc to check me , 2 months no af is not a problem for them ( I think its a big problem )

 

[KamIAm]

Well, Krissy... Natalie... I am stumped It's got me baffled... Krissy, hope you get in to see a doc soon and Nat, I'm sorry you haven't had any luck finding a doc that will listen and hear you... That is frustrating...

Helen... I'm not sure what I'll put up for Em' at her lil spot... I have been doing some thinking on that today... You know... I had some pretty deep thoughts and concerns while away on vacation... That is the longest time frame I've been away from Em's gravesite and I noticed that I was closer and closer back to actual happy me again, when I laughed, it was genuine... When I smiled, it was truly from happiness.. Not my typical show I put on daily..... BUT then I felt that twinge of guilt... Like I was forgetting her, or moving on... I feel like I'm stuck in a tug of war ... Do you girls do that?? I know Em' doesn't want me to be miserable and sad all the time but I feel if I "move on" I'm moving on without her.... Next to my chair, I have a picture of her last 3D scan framed in a perfect tiny frame.. I look at it a million times throughout my day but for some reason, when I looked at it today, it stung a bit again... Seeing her tiny, perfect elbows and fingers, even her knees ... This scan image is amazing... Like I can still feel her ... It's been a lil over 9 months since she was alive inside safely tucked away growing..... a life time ago....

Sorry girls... Not sure where all this came from....

Guess it's been a while ..and this is the ONLY place I have...

Thanks so much friends!

ANYWAYS ..... How are all my rainbow makin' friends doing??? Can't believe we have so many now! That makes my heart smile!! Any sporting a beautiful baby bump yet?? LOVE THE BUMP!!!

 

[MummyStobe]

I bought a digi...

Pregnant 1-2!



Can't quite believe it...

OMG HELEN. Wow I'm so unbelievably happy for you. Amazing news. xxx

 

[Nikki_d72]

Helen! HUGE congrats honey! OMG I'm so delighted for you, wishing you a happy and healthy 9mths hon, so glad you have a positive feeling this time, you know I truly believe in instinct on that. The first BFP of 2012 in our little group, isn't it? Yay, here's to loads more...

Krissy, I'm sorry you are going through this honey. I'm sure I read somewhere about progesterone making you feel sick, either high or low levels, and even changes in the levels. Normally the progesterone level drops away to induce AF but there are lots of changes that occur in different points in the cycle. I can't remember the details but hormone levels can definitely make you feel sick. Are you still using OPK'S? I ask that because I felt really nauseous last month when I ovulated. I hope you get some answers soon, can you go to your doctor and get bloods done or something?

Kelly, welcome back, I've missed you hon. Glad you had a good holiday and don't feel guilty for smiling and laughing, everybody needs a break, even from thier own emotions! Em wouldnt want to see you miserable for ever hon. I do know what you mean though. I feel so bad because as I was around other people and travelling on the day I never even got to mark the boys' due date properly - I lit some candles that night and had a spa bath and a good cry, but my DD realised the next day she'd missed it and was really upset. I didn't want to bring her down at the time as she was enjoying herself so I never mentioned it. It always seems so confusing to me which day to mark as well, as being twins they would never have stayed in till the 20th anyway, even if all was well with them. I'm rambling now, but I do know what you mean about feeling far from Em, but I don't think geography matters much to spirit. She would have been smiling with you, happy to see her Mommy happy for a while. Sorry the evil witch got you, here's to the new year bringing more rainbows to all of us.

Sally I'm so sorry hon, you are amazingly strong but I still wish I could give you a hug, it's not fair.

Not much to report here, the outlaws have left, was pretty chilled actually. I have work tonight which I'm dreading as it's been crazy busy, beyond control and I really am not as able to keep up the pace the way I used t.o, my concentration is so shot its ridiculous. At least they are putting two people on together so it won't just be me on, I would have just run off screaming if it had just been me the other night.

I'm getting more and more bitter about losing my only chance of a holiday because of folk that don't even care about us, I'm a bit twisted up about that at the moment, I'll need to just put a lid on it. I feel that the lack of relaxation will impact my chances of conception too as I so needed to relax to conceive and there will be none of that now. Swines, I could scream.

Anyaway, I'll try not to be so negative, I'm so glad to be able to chat to you all again!

XXX

ETA: I'm feeling a bit wierd at the moment as well as my neighbour and friend is about to give birth to her 4th baby - she was a month behind me. She's really into hombirth etc and birth in general so I've been avoiding her a bit recently. It's hard though and not nice to be this way and her DD is besties with my DD. My DD is all excited about the upcoming birth and it kind of kills me to hear her going on about it, but I don't want her to know how twisted up I am inside, it's not a nice emotion to be holding and she's only 8, so I have to grit my teeth and smile when she talks about it - it's like she wants to adopt everyone else's wee sisters and brothers, the poor wee girl.

This lady is also the one who gave me lots of books when I was pregnant about natural birthing etc, most of which I'm glad I read but one particular one had all sorts of info about the potential harm of modern sonos and was one of the reasons I declined my 12 week scan as I decided to only get one so waited for the 20 week one (which I never made it to). I can't help but feel resentful for that, which is ridiculous as I made my own decision at the time. If I had had that scan I would have known the boys were both in there and I would have researched the risks - I'm sure IC and prem labour would have been in the front of my mind, who knows whether it would have made a difference but that's my biggest "what if?".

The lady in question has never had any scans with any of her children either and has never had any problems so that makes me want to scream and shake her sometimes as she can come accross as a bit smug - she said to me that she didn't need the reasuurance of scans or hearing the heartbeat as she "has confidence in her body that everything is alright" - this was to me after my body kicked my babies out, I could have smacked her for that. She doesn't mean it badly though I don't think, she just can't see past herself and has never lost anyone close to her, never mind a baby. But she was aware of what was going on when it all happened to me and saw the fall-out from it, how could that not have an impact on her? She's now asked me to be her reserve to look after the children in case it all gets too much for her and I said I would but couldn't be in the house with them - she was a bit snarly and said "I wasn't asking you to do that". I felt a bit bad but I have to look after myself, no-one else is going to. She's at that late pregnancy stage of getting a bit snarly and bad-tempered I think anyway though. I've also agreed to help her with the kids when the baby is born as her DH might be working away and I so wish I hadn't - I don't know how I'm going to avoid being around her baby and I don't know that she won't think badly of me if (and when) I melt down if I am. Her midwife is the same one as I had too and it makes me sad every time I see her car go past, it's all just too close, I want to run away. I don't really know why I'm writing this as there's nothing that can be done about it and I don't even know what I want you all to say - there's nothing you can! I just wanted to put it out there - am I being a total Biotch feeling this way towards her? I never want to resent anyone else their happiness and I hate that I feel this way but her obliviousness (that's not even a word) to the way I see the world now hurts me - not that I'd want her to change her philosophy, just that I'd have thought that she could see how mine might not be the same now and never will be so not to carp on about it to me. The whole "trust in your body" thing will never resonate with me again!

I also feel a bit used - I seem to be the first one she turns to when she needs something but dont get invited to the fun things. I know I'm not a real friend to her, just someone handy but at the same time she was the one who held the fort for us while we were down in hospital, got a plumber to fix the burst pipe and cleaned up etc so I owe her a huge debt of gratitude, so I feel really mean saying that. Oh I dunno. I guess I'm hitting the angry stage of grief!

 

[Hellylou]

Ah Nikki - I can totally see why you're frustrated. People can be so thoughtless, especially when they are wrapped up in their own situation like that. You're not being a biotch at all, and this is exactly where you can let stuff like that out. Like I said in Feeble's thread about her MIL, nobody else gets it at all. They either just completely ignore that it even happened, or they blurt out thoughtless comments, and the longer ago it was, the more they think it should be water under the bridge. Even my best friend on NYE actually told me I needed to "draw a line under it", after 3 months.

As for thoughtlessness, I am also feeling a bit guilty for announcing my news here. I really hope I haven't upset anyone in doing so. I know this is a bit of an 'everything' thread, including highs and lows, but I don't want to cause anyone any pain, and there haven't been any BFP announcements in here since it changed from a TTC thread. I do love you all, and you are my absolute rock, so if I need to shut up about anything, please tell me!

 

[feeble]

Nikki, there are are couple of things about you experience that I can relate to and I hope that we can take some strength from each other x

Firstly my ex-best friend got pregnant 3 days before me, also with a little girl, she lives up the road from me and I see her about three times a week, she's due in a week or so I would say, it's heartbreaking. I just have to ignore her if I see her, I know that must sound cold but I have to keep strong for jasper and there is no way if I had to have any more contact with her, I would find it possible to keep it together

Also when I was 18 weeks pregnant with my angel, I was also 'told off' by a holier than thou hippy type who decided to tell me that utrasound definitely WOULD give my baby brain damage and then again a few weeks later told me off for cleaning my carpet as it was 'more harmful crap for your unborn'

She wasn't even willing to discuss these things, just told me that shed never had an ultrasound because she trusted her body. Well I went into my next ultrasound and found out my baby had died, horrid woman.

I have really researched ultrasound and in return for perhaps a tiny tiny change of harm to a baby, we have much less physically disabled to the point of having no quality of life, babies born into the world. We can check a child's heart before they are born rather than after which is far more complicated.

We can offer the best help to our children from an early age. I would be worried about not knowing if my babies had a heart condition or something! Or one not working kidney! These things might not present problems for years, what a risk is that?

It's hard for me, and I am sure it is for you, because this is stuff people should just 'know' isn't it? I am fairly sure that before I had a babyl I would have been a bit more sensitive towards those who had lost a child but so many seem ignorant to our pain!

Maybe our angels have taught us, to be stronger, more sensitive people.

I really feel for you, I would hate to live next door to her, is there anyway you can arrange to go away, visit your mum etc and use that as a reason why you cannot be her backup?

Good luck missis xxx I am so sorry you have to go through this, isn't life so bitterly cruel at times x x x

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hey everyone!!
Helen, congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SOOOooooooooooooooooooooooo happy for you, great news

Nikki, I am so sorry for what you are going through , I am here to talk if you ever need me.



Nat, I don't understand why the doc wont look into your situation more . I hope things get on track for you.

Kelly, Glad you are back, my son also had a blast in Florida! I am so happy you had fun, you needed a break. Missed ya

Jenni, Thank you for asking, I am doing ok...I will be trying again in February and I am scared shitless but I am going to do it anyway
I also am so very thankful for you all

Amanada , hope you are feeing good and strong

Mhairi , You are coming along so fast!!!! Hope you are feeling strong and doing ok, I miss you.. XOXOXOO

Love You All

 

[Bride2b]

Nikki - Thats a real crap situation to be in, its not like you can hide from her if she lives next door & your DDs are friends. From a mother perspective surely she must have had the thought in her head 'oh god how would I feel if I lost a child.' All my friends who have children have been great as they understand what it would be like to not have one of their babies. This woman sounds like she is a little too wrapped up in her 'problems' rather than understanding your feelings. Its great she helped out with the plumber etc, but would anyone seriously let your house flood if they were were holding the fort when you were in hospital. I think there is a difference when it comes to not wanting to help her out, you will be around a new born when you feel like your baby should be in your arms, its totally natural to feel upset/hurt/angry. Can you do something that is a nice gesture, maybe a bunch of flowers and a little note that very briefly apologises that you are not longer able to give her the support you offered as with your recent history being around a new born will not help your emotional well being.

Helen - Dont be silly, I think the general concensus is that we are super excited and over the moon that you have a little rainbow growing xxx

Feeble - that woman sounds nasty!!

Krissy & Nat - Demand to see a doctor, just for peace of mind! I know cycles can be all over the place after losses, but as I say at least you will have an indication of what might be going on. xx

Andrea - how are you sweetie? Not long until Feb!!! I'm going to start TTC in Feb too xx

Kelly - dont feel bad hun about smiling again, it doesnt mean you have forgotten Emma, you are allowed to be happy again xx

Hi Jenni! We've not spoken much but wanted to wish you well xx

AF still not come for me....just a bit of spotting so far....lets see what happens today!!x

 

[Nikki_d72]

Helen, don't you dare go anywhere! I think we would all agree that we are more than delighted to hear your fab news and we'll all be following your progress with you. If anyone feels differently feel free to say so but for me at least it gives me something to smile about...nothing to feel guilty for. Your friend sounds so insensitive, was that the one that arranged the NY party with the other folk?

Thanks Fiona, Bride (Britney, isn't it? Sorry I have a crap memory), Helen, Andrea. I was thinking about trying to get away or something to duck out but I'd feel too guilty and I have to work so no chance of getting away. My Mum is in Scotland and has offered flights but I wanted to go after summer here is over, it would all be a bit of a rush if I was to try to organise it now. I may go back down to MIL's with DD for a few days though, it's just hard to judge when it should be, she could go from anytime now for the next 4 weeks, realistically, then I said I'd help afterwards with the other kids, who knows how long that will go on for - he was going to be away through the week for about 3 months I think. She hinted about the helping her when the baby comes only about 3 weeks ago and I stupidly piped up that I would help, then she asked me to be reserve for the kids during the actual birth last week, so it was well after losing the boys, so I don't think I could come out and change it now based on my emotinal health, unfortunately. I'm too soft.

Fiona, that hippy woman sounds a rude biotch! My neighbour holds similar beliefs but words it more nicely...she still says it though.

She does say all the right things by text etc, she is the only one that kept in touch with me but it's been fading a lot more recently and has only been when I'm useful, I feel. I just feel that a lot of it isn't always sincere and when she's slipped up and said some of these other things face-to-face she is probably being more real and I just find it hard to fathom how she could still spout her "philosophy" of trust in her body etc to me without thinking she is being tactless. Anyway, thanks for making me feel less evil about moaning, I'll see what I can do about getting away or something, otherwise I'll just have to do what I can without going into the house for as long as possible...I suppose I'll have to face it someday anyway.

Not long to go till Feb, Andrea - how's the weight loss doing? I was thinking about starting Zumba, has anyone tried it at all? I was hoping that feeling like I'm dancing might feel better than just working out - I love dancing and never get to do it these days. I have half a bottle of wine to drink and then I might quit drinking and diet too, I've never been so heavy in my life!

Much love to all xxx

 

[Bride2b]

I'm Gemma xx Its so hard to keep a track tho so dont worry!!

Does anyone elses mind play tricks on them?
I am still waiting for AF to show...as I said yesterday and earlier today I have spotting. Theres nothing yet today. Why does my brain then start running away with me and start thinking implantation bleeding? WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself??? I then think about the bloody wedding dress.....oh well maybe the venue has a spare date in May? Maybe we can move the wedding earlier? Maybe the bridal shop can call up to see if my dress will be done in time? WHY WHY BLOODY WHY do I put myself through this!!!!! In reality I know that AF is coming, not had usual cramps but few tummy pains.

Has anyone else has stupid thoughts like this?

Must go and get myself ready to meet my friend...x