Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[blav]

Thanks, darlings. You ladies are right. And I can't go back now and make things different so what is the use beating myself up over it? Honestly, I'm lucky to have a photo as so many don't even have that. I'm lucky I got to hold him as many don't get to do that either. I hope some day that the "what ifs" and the "I wish I hads" aren't so painful to think about.

 

[Bride2b]

Does anyone elses mind play tricks on them?
I am still waiting for AF to show...as I said yesterday and earlier today I have spotting. Theres nothing yet today. Why does my brain then start running away with me and start thinking implantation bleeding? WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself???

Ok so where the 'F' is I was sure after spotting yesterday she was on her way, and had calculated potential due dates etc after 'this' cycle and the next. Feel a bit of a wally now for getting excited about AF starting and doing all this planning about when to ttc!
I know Krissy & Nat have had super dooper long cycle...Nat congrats on AF by the way! And I am certainly not in that category. I just really thought she was coming due to the spotting! Did anyone else have spotting then nothing before their first AF after their loss?

I cant help but let my mind wander! Sorry of you read this on my IC thread but I saw a rainbow today....not that I'm superstitious but cant help but want this to be implantation bleeding. Its so ridiculous to even consider it! I am a total dick! Can someone bring me back to reality please?????

Well, I know it's possible to get pg before AF even appears after a loss because you could O, so if you have been BDing without protection in the last week or 2 there could be a chance? I know we didn't BD at all in the time before my first AF, which was exactly 4 weeks after the D&E (which was 10 days after the loss due to retained products). I was too terrified to, and we were advised to wait at least 3 weeks I think, but I didn't at all til she showed. I was too scared of infection. But only you know your dates...is there a chance?

Well bleeding stopped 14/15th completely we bd 16th,25th dec then 1st 2nd.....really didn't care about getting pg!!! No one told us not too DTD! So maybe a slight possibility. But have had a bit of 'spotting' this eve. So a little bit yesterday n little bit today! I'm sure it's just AF coming but very slowly!

Nat I might have to try DTD if it worked for you,good tip!x

 

[dnlfinker]

Does anyone elses mind play tricks on them?
I am still waiting for AF to show...as I said yesterday and earlier today I have spotting. Theres nothing yet today. Why does my brain then start running away with me and start thinking implantation bleeding? WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself???

Ok so where the 'F' is I was sure after spotting yesterday she was on her way, and had calculated potential due dates etc after 'this' cycle and the next. Feel a bit of a wally now for getting excited about AF starting and doing all this planning about when to ttc!
I know Krissy & Nat have had super dooper long cycle...Nat congrats on AF by the way! And I am certainly not in that category. I just really thought she was coming due to the spotting! Did anyone else have spotting then nothing before their first AF after their loss?

I cant help but let my mind wander! Sorry of you read this on my IC thread but I saw a rainbow today....not that I'm superstitious but cant help but want this to be implantation bleeding. Its so ridiculous to even consider it! I am a total dick! Can someone bring me back to reality please?????

Well, I know it's possible to get pg before AF even appears after a loss because you could O, so if you have been BDing without protection in the last week or 2 there could be a chance? I know we didn't BD at all in the time before my first AF, which was exactly 4 weeks after the D&E (which was 10 days after the loss due to retained products). I was too terrified to, and we were advised to wait at least 3 weeks I think, but I didn't at all til she showed. I was too scared of infection. But only you know your dates...is there a chance?

Well bleeding stopped 14/15th completely we bd 16th,25th dec then 1st 2nd.....really didn't care about getting pg!!! No one told us not too DTD! So maybe a slight possibility. But have had a bit of 'spotting' this eve. So a little bit yesterday n little bit today! I'm sure it's just AF coming but very slowly!

Nat I might have to try DTD if it worked for you,good tip!x

This morning it looked like lot but now back to spotting. Yesterday I just had tint of it , so it looks like more after DTD

 

[Nikki_d72]

Britney, I'm sorry the photos are all the same, and don't feel bad about not taking any - we only did because the midwife suggested it, otherwise we probably wouldn't have thought of it either. I think the hospital may have taken some too, I never asked them later if they did, but they weren't in my notes when I requested them, so maybe not. We only took 3, one of them wrapped together and then one each of their whole body. I really wish I'd taken hands and feet and closeup of their wee faces, but it was just too sad at the time. There is always regret.

Bride2b, there is a possibility given those dates, was the spotting pink or red or brownish? I think IB is supposed to be pinkinsh or light brown mucousy rather than bright red? If you O'd maybe say 12days after you stopped bleeding (27th) then that would put you at about 8DPO now, the sperm can live for 4-5 days in your body so it is possible. I don't want to build your hopes up though, but I'm sure if you're anything like me you'll be doing a damn fine job of that yourself! I've also read that if you haven't O'd then there isn't enough of a progesterone buildup, then dropoff to then trigger your body to start AF so it can cause lots of spotting until the lining gets thick enough to come away on it's own, I hope it's the former for you though. Our bodies and cycles do seem to change after birth, even if it's early. Everything crossed for you hon.

Helen, I know exactly what you mean by losing your spark, that's exactly how I'd put it too, and yes, you'd think our friends would notice that. like you say though, different folk have different ways of dealing (or not dealing) with grief. I've only been living here for coming up 2 years so nobody really gets me anyway. My MIL had a similar experience to you when she lost her DH at 59 - her best friend of decades was over and wanted her to put all the flowers and cards and things away, this was while we were still there so must have been within the first 4 weeks! She just couldn't deal with the grief and when she lost her own mother she did just put it all in a box and just shut it away. Their friendship got through it but it took a bit of a knock because of it. I think we've all done amazingly - when I think of the state I was in and we all were, it makes me strangely proud. I do think our angels have taught us all a lot - about our own strength, how much we have to give one another, about humility and compassion and lots of things.

Erica, glad your back is getting better, ouch!

Fiona, yay for HB!

Mhairi, Amanda, Hayley, how are you all? Anyone heard from Joelene recently?

Jenni - how are you doing hon?

Kelly, how you doing?

Nat yay for the witch, here's hoping it's your last one for 10 months...

Hope everyone else is well, our wee family is getting big, so sorry if I haven't named everyone!

xxx

 

[Bride2b]

Britney, I'm sorry the photos are all the same, and don't feel bad about not taking any - we only did because the midwife suggested it, otherwise we probably wouldn't have thought of it either. I think the hospital may have taken some too, I never asked them later if they did, but they weren't in my notes when I requested them, so maybe not. We only took 3, one of them wrapped together and then one each of their whole body. I really wish I'd taken hands and feet and closeup of their wee faces, but it was just too sad at the time. There is always regret.

Bride2b, there is a possibility given those dates, was the spotting pink or red or brownish? I think IB is supposed to be pinkinsh or light brown mucousy rather than bright red? If you O'd maybe say 12days after you stopped bleeding (27th) then that would put you at about 8DPO now, the sperm can live for 4-5 days in your body so it is possible. I don't want to build your hopes up though, but I'm sure if you're anything like me you'll be doing a damn fine job of that yourself! I've also read that if you haven't O'd then there isn't enough of a progesterone buildup, then dropoff to then trigger your body to start AF so it can cause lots of spotting until the lining gets thick enough to come away on it's own, I hope it's the former for you though. Our bodies and cycles do seem to change after birth, even if it's early. Everything crossed for you hon.



xxx

I'm sure its the latter of the two! But who knows,when you want something so bad the mind can play tricks!

X

 

[Nikki_d72]

Britney, I'm sorry the photos are all the same, and don't feel bad about not taking any - we only did because the midwife suggested it, otherwise we probably wouldn't have thought of it either. I think the hospital may have taken some too, I never asked them later if they did, but they weren't in my notes when I requested them, so maybe not. We only took 3, one of them wrapped together and then one each of their whole body. I really wish I'd taken hands and feet and closeup of their wee faces, but it was just too sad at the time. There is always regret.

Bride2b, there is a possibility given those dates, was the spotting pink or red or brownish? I think IB is supposed to be pinkinsh or light brown mucousy rather than bright red? If you O'd maybe say 12days after you stopped bleeding (27th) then that would put you at about 8DPO now, the sperm can live for 4-5 days in your body so it is possible. I don't want to build your hopes up though, but I'm sure if you're anything like me you'll be doing a damn fine job of that yourself! I've also read that if you haven't O'd then there isn't enough of a progesterone buildup, then dropoff to then trigger your body to start AF so it can cause lots of spotting until the lining gets thick enough to come away on it's own, I hope it's the former for you though. Our bodies and cycles do seem to change after birth, even if it's early. Everything crossed for you hon.



xxx

I'm sure its the latter of the two! But who knows,when you want something so bad the mind can play tricks!

X

I know that only too well honey. Still, there's nothing wrong with hope and there is every possibility! You're not out till she shows proper. FX'd.

 

[kiki04]

Nat I am so jealous I never thought I would see the day when I said I was jealous of someone else getting AF

If on the off chance it did end up I was pg and it just isnt showing for whatever reason... I would already be 7 weeks?!

 

[jennijunni]

Nikki, I am doing very well thank you. Christmas was a bit hard, but we are hopeful that we will become again, and THIS time bring a baby home with us. How are you?

 

[OliveBay]

Hi everyone. I've just spoken to my midwife to let her know I've had a negative test after my bleeding. She was really lovely and actually said that as it was so early (4-5 weeks) to just consider this a late period and there's no reason not to TTC again straight away!!!

Part of me still thinks it would be sensible to wait a month, but maybe we should just NTNP this month and see what happens.... I don't feel like being sensible right now! I've got a new stash of OPKs which arrived yesterday so I might just keep an eye on those over the next few weeks (yesterdays came back almost totally white except for the control line, so at least I know my hormones have gone right down). Just need to wait for AF to come along now. I'm hoping it'll just be like a normal cycle.

My OH has no idea about my OPK antics - he thinks I just have this amazing women's intuition as to when we need to BD in order to make a baby, and I daren't confess my poas obsession to him!!! Are all of you quite open about your poas habits with your OH or is it your little secret?!

 

[blav]

Hi everyone. I've just spoken to my midwife to let her know I've had a negative test after my bleeding. She was really lovely and actually said that as it was so early (4-5 weeks) to just consider this a late period and there's no reason not to TTC again straight away!!!

My OH has no idea about my OPK antics - he thinks I just have this amazing women's intuition as to when we need to BD in order to make a baby, and I daren't confess my poas obsession to him!!! Are all of you quite open about your poas habits with your OH or is it your little secret?!

Yay! I'm glad you've gotten good news from the midwife...that's excellent.

As far as my POAS addiction, OH is aware. In fact, I made him run out with my ON CHRISTMAS to find a place to buy pregnancy tests. I don't think he really knows the extent of it, but he knows mostly! He doesn't tell me I'm crazy, at least to my face

 

[Hellylou]

Hi everyone. I've just spoken to my midwife to let her know I've had a negative test after my bleeding. She was really lovely and actually said that as it was so early (4-5 weeks) to just consider this a late period and there's no reason not to TTC again straight away!!!

Part of me still thinks it would be sensible to wait a month, but maybe we should just NTNP this month and see what happens.... I don't feel like being sensible right now! I've got a new stash of OPKs which arrived yesterday so I might just keep an eye on those over the next few weeks (yesterdays came back almost totally white except for the control line, so at least I know my hormones have gone right down). Just need to wait for AF to come along now. I'm hoping it'll just be like a normal cycle.

My OH has no idea about my OPK antics - he thinks I just have this amazing women's intuition as to when we need to BD in order to make a baby, and I daren't confess my poas obsession to him!!! Are all of you quite open about your poas habits with your OH or is it your little secret?!

That's such positive news - FX for you, whether you go for it this month or next. It is certainly worth using the OPKs to see what your cycle does this month either way.

My POAS habits are a total secret. I only started with the OPKs last cycle though, but he had no idea! I think men are better off knowing as little as possible!

 

[yazoo]

Girls, sorry I haven't been on in a few days. I find it hard to get sitting down & replying properly when DD is at home. (She's still on Xmas holidays) I don't know what I am going to do when I go back to work on Monday. Thanks for your replies about AF. Looks like its different for everyone. I've missed so much this past couple of days. I have about 10 pages to catch up on so I'll do my best.

Nat & Krissy- this time last year I was in the exact same situation you both are in and it nearly drove me crazy. CD 64 AF arrived. I really hope it arrives soon.

OMG Helen, just read your first post about the lines. I'm so excited here. Cant wait to read on. lol

Hi Tia, I am glad you found your way here. Although google can be very informative it usually always brings up horror stories. I'm sorry for your loss. xx

Oh Amanda hun, big hugs. I can only imagine how you are feeling. That dream sounds awful. For the past 2 weeks I have been dreaming about being pregnant & not feeling baby move, going for a scan & the sonographer saying baby was gone & having to take pills to induce labour. It is so scary. I wouldn't mind that wasn't even how it happened with J. He was alive the whole time & died at the end of labour so i don't know why I am dreaming that. Its amazing how our minds play out our fears. I really hope this passes for you & you begin to feel more confident about this pregnancy. You have had such a rough time recently. Mwah.

Sally I am so sorry hun. Its just so unfair & my heart is breaking for you. Feb will be your month & you will take home your baby.

Britney- thats exactly what I was thinking the other day. Women are much more aware now of early losses because its so easy to grab a test & do it. Thats why I always wait until the day AF is due or a day later.

I'll be joining the Feb ttcers if it doesn't happen for me this month.

Ahhhh Helen, just read your update. Congratulations. Woohoooo. I'm so happy for you. How are you feeling?

Hi Feeble, Fiona is it? So glad your scan went well. I'm Tanya by the way.


Girls, i'll catch up with the rest later.

 

[feeble]

Hiya Tanya x yes I am Fiona

I must have written it someone and someone picked up on my name! I am glad they did I feel very at home here!

I have sonogram dreams too

Hugs to all that need them today x I am feeling very positive x x x

 

[feeble]

Hi everyone. I've just spoken to my midwife to let her know I've had a negative test after my bleeding. She was really lovely and actually said that as it was so early (4-5 weeks) to just consider this a late period and there's no reason not to TTC again straight away!!!

Part of me still thinks it would be sensible to wait a month, but maybe we should just NTNP this month and see what happens.... I don't feel like being sensible right now! I've got a new stash of OPKs which arrived yesterday so I might just keep an eye on those over the next few weeks (yesterdays came back almost totally white except for the control line, so at least I know my hormones have gone right down). Just need to wait for AF to come along now. I'm hoping it'll just be like a normal cycle.

My OH has no idea about my OPK antics - he thinks I just have this amazing women's intuition as to when we need to BD in order to make a baby, and I daren't confess my poas obsession to him!!! Are all of you quite open about your poas habits with your OH or is it your little secret?!

That's such positive news - FX for you, whether you go for it this month or next. It is certainly worth using the OPKs to see what your cycle does this month either way.

My POAS habits are a total secret. I only started with the OPKs last cycle though, but he had no idea! I think men are better off knowing as little as possible!

Liam knows all about my random poas habit!

He found it a bit insane to say the least lol!

 

[yazoo]

Natalie, I'm so glad the witch has made her appearance.

Girls I'm just reading about what ye were saying about taking pics. Regardless of how many pics you took you will still have regrets. I took quite a few pics of Jakob but I still think oh I wish I had taken some of his feet, I wish I had done this or that. I think we will always find something to regret. We done what we could do in such a bad situation. We were not prepared for it. I have shared J's pics in the photos section here. I just felt an urge to show him off because I know nobody in real life really wants to see him. Apart from a few people of course.

(Oh and if your wondering how I am reading and typing at the same time, I have 2 pages open on the laptop so I can read and write. lol. Its the only way I can do it when I have to reply to so much. I would forget otherwise.)

Bride- I'm sorry I can't remember your name. Anytime I see a rainbow now too I am thinking oh maybe this will be the month.

Sally- I am so glad that you can try again. I am quite open with OH about POAS. I don't tell him everytime I do an opk but he will ask if they have been positive or negative. He actually gets quite involved and will ask when I think I am ovulating etc. There are some things I keep secret though eg. checking CM and CP. lol. There's just some things they don'e need to know.

Yes I read your thread and it said your name. Nice to meet you Fiona- although I hate that it is in these circumstances.

Nikki- how are you love? I'm sorry your having a bit of a rough time with your neighbour being pregnant. HOw are you feeling? Are you with me with ttc this month?

Ok I think I have got everybody and I'm sorry if I haven't. There was just so much to catch up on. About 13 pages I think. I have nothing really to report, I mentioned about AF coming & I wasn't really as devastated as last month as we weren't trying properly last cycle. It was more NTNP. We figured it would be too much with starting work at the same time as getting a BFP. I think I would have freaked. I still don't know how I am going to handle being back at work when I get my BFP. There is a lot of lifting involved with the kids- The worst is lifting them up onto changing stations. I want to keep my next pregnancy a secret & I don't know how I will do that at work because I really don't want to be lifting the kids.
I get my blood results back for the clotting disorder next week. is it weird that I almost want me to have the disorder? On one hand I think it will be better if I have it because I will be seen by a high risk specialist and I will get heparin treatment but then on the other hand I am thinking- no Tanya you don't want to have this because it is so risky during pregnancy. I'm really leaning towards wanting to have it though because I will feel much better being treated.

 

[jennijunni]

My worst are or were my OB appointments. Up until I lost this baby girl, I would have such anxiety going to the doctor, and my blood pressure would be high, because I was so anxious. I have a feeling that will never end. When we get pregnant again, I have a feeling it will be just as bad if not worse.

On the dream front though. After my pregnancies, all of them, and while I was patiently waiting for AF, (sometimes I would wait a year since I was nursing) I would have a dream that I started my period, and I kid you not everytime, the next day I would start my period. And it was not always upon waking. sometimes she would not show until night time, but it never failed!! How strange is that??

 

[Hellylou]

Hi Tanya - thanks hun. I'm feeling fine so far, very positive. I keep POAS though just to see if the lines are getting darker, which they were today... Been feeling a bit nauseous but nothing major. I really hope this little bean hangs in there! I have to keep a realistic head on though, but underneath I am excited. Cautiously optimistic!

Hope the test results give you the answers you need. Let us know how you get on

Good idea with having 2 pages open. I think I might start doing the same, as I am losing track all the time!

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hi Everyone!!!

Nat, I am glad she came..LOL.. Hope everything is positive from now on for you.

Kelly, where are you girl?

Hope everyone is doing ok, I will be trying in February, my diet is going well and I am feeling better

Sally, I am thinking of you and I am so happy you got positive news..

Hope everyone has a great day,XOXOXOOOXO Andrea

 

[blav]

Tanya---ya for January TTC...I'll also be in the Feb group if we don't get a BFP this month. Looks like we'll both be POAS nutters come the end of the month!

 

[Bride2b]

AF finally arrived BIG time today!!! Glad it's finally here! Hope this accounts for why I have felt so down the last few days and especially today-bloody hormones!

Mum mentioned that my step dads niece has her 20 week scan today...she was 5 weeks behind me. Then my sister piped up & said she looks quite big from photos of her bump she's been showing off on Facebook! So glad that I've hidden her posts from my facebook as don't think I can cope! It put me in an ever shitter (I no its not a word) mood today! Feel so sad I don't have a bump to show off!!& that I don't get to have my baby in my arms in 3 1/2 months!! Makes it worse that her pregnancy was unplanned with a bloke she had only been with less than a year!

Just on my phone so will check in later,love to all x