Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[Hellylou]

Thanks girls

Nikki, yes this was the friend whose house we went to on NYE and who invited the other people...we've been friends since we were 12 - been through thick and thin together. I think she has a different angle on grief, she just believes in shutting it all away in a box never to be opened again. That can work for some people, but certainly not me, and I don't think it's particularly healthy to be honest. Still, I would never tell her what to do or not to do regarding her grief (she lost her dad a few years ago) so it's a bit unfair to advise me on mine. She is my dearest friend, though, and she can always say anything to me and I always forgive it. I'm kind of used to it.

I have been so proud of the progress I've made too, in this time. I would never have thought, 3 months ago, that I would ever even smile again, let alone find joy or happiness again in anything, but little by little it's getting easier. But I still cry, and I still struggle in social situations, and I still think about what might have been, and I have lost a lot of my spark. I would like it if people I knew recognized that and encouraged me, and although I might not want to talk about what happened, it would be so nice if they at least acknowledged it and asked how I was doing. But instead of being encouraged for having done so well, I am made to feel bad for not being completely over it already, and I feel like I ruined their party. How rude of me!

Agh, that just turned into a rant!

 

[jennijunni]

Helen, of course we want to hear your news!!! I am so excited for you. Please dont feel like you should not post! I know when we got pregnant with our baby girl, that I would be healed, and I was. Even though that pregnancy ended as well, I was happy, very, very happy the entire time I had her with me, and I loved that time, and would not give them up. She healed me. I am now grieving her, but happy I had her. So dont feel guilty, I am truely happy for you.

On another note, people can be such douchewads. I dont think they know what to say, so they say the dumbest, most inappropiate thing that comes into their mind, regardless of whether it is offending or hurtful. And then they think they are so wise, helping us and all. UGH!!! LOL!! We have all been there I am sure!!

Nice to see you Andrea! February will be here before you know it!!!

I hope all is well with the pregnant mamas!! Thinking of you all, and praying for strong, healthy babies!!

As far as Zumba, I have never done it. I typically do running, power step, circuit training, and the like. I have heard it is awesome though, give it a go!

 

[feeble]

hello all, just wanted to let you know that i had a scan today and wee baby is looking good, bang on dates with a very clear heartbeat x

hugs to all that need them xx

 

[blav]

I've done Zumba and it was a lot of fun. I used to go once a week before getting pregnant and always had a great time. Haven't been to the gym much since then and am at my heaviest...definitely brings me down. I need to get back into it!

 

[ericacaca]

Collie.... so good to hear from you! How was the 12 week scan? I know what you mean about crapping yourself! I’m constantly doing that.... very close to date when we lost baby girl. I keep on running to the loo to check when I feel wet and its just discharge. ARGH! I’ve had bad dreams too. I had one last night that I woke up in the dark but felt really wet... went to the loo and knew I was bleeding and felt what I felt last time, I went back to my bed, lights on this time and my nightie was drenched in blood and my side of the bed was too. Strange thing was I was sharing the bed with my Mum and all she said was to keep my legs up and I’d be fine, but I knew that I wasn’t fine. It was horrible!

Finker – hang in there, I really hope AF comes soon. It took me around 6 – 7 weeks. If I knew there was a pill I could take I’d have asked for it!

Bride2be – your dress is amazing! I really hope you’ll fit in it  There are some great seamstresses out there though that could try and tweak it for you just in case.... We’ve been watching One Born Every Minute too. Hubby didn’t think I’d want to watch it as it scared me last time! But we watched it last night and all it did was make me blub! I REALLY WANT THIS BABY! SO SO SO MUCH! That boy was HUGE! 10lbs 10 ozs? And she made hardly any noise? Good grief!

Olive, I’m sorry this isn’t your month. But as you said I’d much rather a baby passing at 4 – 5 weeks rather than into the 2nd tri when everyone thinks you’re “safe!” Trouble is, I would hate saying that to people who are going through the whole angst of bleeding etc during that time even though it is so true. I waited until a couple of cycles just to get my body back in sync and then we started not trying but not preventing. I think its cus there are so many people we know that have spent years TTC and we just wanted to start as soon as and if we were blessed with getting pregnant in only a couple of months then we’d take that blessing!

Feeble, I know how you feel about feeling sick in the kitchen! Hubby has to cook at the moment, I can’t go in when meat is cooking still! Blurgh! And the smell of clothes just come out of the washing machine sends me out in shivers! Urgh! I could imagine the gender threads getting you down. I was browsing and saw you around on there but couldn’t type as was in so much pain with back - sorry you were made to feel that way. I know people say that a baby is a baby, girl or boy, we should be thankful blah blah blah – but there are so many memories and bottled up emotions that we can’t let go of that can get us down. Its understandable, really it is.

WinterWonder – thinking about you for the 21st. You can get through it. Just make sure you have spend that day doing things and have some time just to reflect. We decided to spend no more than a couple of hours thinking about baby girl. And that was right for us. It might be different for you though.

Helly – thats amazing! Digi tests are the best! Theres nothing more exciting that seeing the word PREGNANT on a POAS is there! Woohoo! Congratulations, praying for a healthy and happy 9 months.

Nikki – gosh, thats a crap situation to be in. Vent away all you like on here – this is such a group of amazing ladies who are so supportive whatever you’re going through.

Andrea, Blav – you’ve not spoken much about yourselves. You’re always so lovely chatting about us all! Hope you are doing well and that the weight loss goes well.
REALLY SORRY if I’ve forgotten anyone.

This has been a MAMMOTH post! I haven’t typed on here for ages because of my back but its getting better! I can walk without keeling over now at least. And I can drive without crying/crashing! Yay! Basically, I slipped my disc back in August – I went to see an osteopath and he worked wonders... but I stopped treatment when we saw BFP for 1st tri and the pain came back with a vengeance! It was horrendous! I couldn’t stand, sit lay, walk, do anything without pain and crying! But after 3rd visit to osteopath things are looking better. I’ve been off work – was meant to be back at school Tuesday! Eeek – but am going back in tomorrow, although I’m dreading it as I really don’t know how my back is going to be. Its more sciatica though rather than my back hurting – its the pain in my leg that gets EXCRUCIATING! ARGH!

I’m crapping myself at the moment too. It was around this time in pregnancy with baby girl that I started bleeding and going to hospital all the time for checks. I keep on feeling butterflies and feelings that baby is moving but I’m worried that it’s just me convincing myself that baby is ok. We get to hear heart beat next Thursday at midwife appointment which I’m nervously looking forward to. It’s just so hard not knowing what’s going on inside my belly! I wish I could see baby! All that keeps me going is knowing that there isn’t any bleeding... but even then sometimes mc’s happen without bleeding! Argh! I’m just trying to let go of it and try and relax about it all.

Last week me and hubby had a really nice chat about baby girl and finally decided to name her. Hubby was hurt pretty bad by it all too so I never really confronted him about not naming her and when he suggested Eve because it just fitted her it just seemed so right. So baby girl is called Eve. We’re hoping to get to the children’s memorial garden at some point where her ashes were scattered to get a nice plaque set up for her to remember her by. It also helped us to accept that there are names we’ve set aside for Earth and names that are there for our babies in Heaven.

Phew! Thats loads I’ve written! I need to get up and have a walk around!

Love and hugs to you all!

Erica xxx

 

[ericacaca]

And just a question.... how is an Onion bigger than an Advocado? Must be one huge onion! xxx

 

[blav]

Well ladies, I finally got the pictures I've been hounding the hospital about for the last 2 months and although I'm happy to finally be done with it, I'm a little disappointed. It's just the 30 copies of the same picture. I thought for sure they would take some of just his little hands and feet but this is just like a portrait. And his head looked banged up, which i dont remember in the hospital but it probably was I guess...the day was such a blur I don't know how I remember anything.

When we were in the hospital, OH has if I wanted him to take any pictures and I said no because 1. I thought it was weird and 2. the hospital was supposed to take some for us. Not taking any is definitely my biggest regret (aside from not going to the hospital sooner of course). Ugh.

 

[OliveBay]

I have been so proud of the progress I've made too, in this time. I would never have thought, 3 months ago, that I would ever even smile again, let alone find joy or happiness again in anything, but little by little it's getting easier. But I still cry, and I still struggle in social situations, and I still think about what might have been, and I have lost a lot of my spark. I would like it if people I knew recognized that and encouraged me, and although I might not want to talk about what happened, it would be so nice if they at least acknowledged it and asked how I was doing.

Helen, its so weird, I feel i could have written these very words myself. 'Losing my spark' is exactly how I've descibed how I feel to my friends. And social situations yep, just the same as you. i can handle small groups ok now, but if there's a big group or too many people I don't know, I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear. Making small-talk with strangers just seems so insignificant these days. Its so positive that we're getting some of our spark back though

hello all, just wanted to let you know that i had a scan today and wee baby is looking good, bang on dates with a very clear heartbeat x

GREAT news feeble, I'm soooo happy for you

Olive, I’m sorry this isn’t your month. But as you said I’d much rather a baby passing at 4 – 5 weeks rather than into the 2nd tri when everyone thinks you’re “safe!” Trouble is, I would hate saying that to people who are going through the whole angst of bleeding etc during that time even though it is so true.

Thanks Erica. Second tri loss is just so cruel in my opinion, because like you said everyone assumes they are 'safe' by then (but all of us here sadly know that isn't the case). I hope people don't think I'm being insensitive but I just feel so massively different about my early loss compared to the utter devastation that I went through in September. Isn't it amazing where you get your strength from sometimes?!

And just a question.... how is an Onion bigger than an Advocado? Must be one huge onion! xxx

I always think these size comparison tickers are hilarious!


Helen, great news on the digi result

Britney, hope this month is successful for you, but otherwise there's definitely space for you in the ever-increasing Feb TTC crew! I know what you mean about the fear of being psycho over POAS. Its just that once you are tuned into your cycle and when things should happen, it so hard NOT to think about it! Oh how I'd love to be one of those people who doesn't know they're pregnant and just finds out by accident one day that they're like 20 weeks or something! For me, even without POAS, once AF is late that's it, my mind is already racing away and calculating due dates I'm sorry the pictures aren't what you'd hoped for. Its so hard to make that decision about what to do at the time so please don't blame yourself or have regrets. Your biggest task on that day was just to get through it, which you did and you are continuing to do

Gemma your dress looks amazing. I remember drooling over that designer's dresses when I was looking for mine a few years ago. This year is defo going to be a good one for you honey, hopefully in more ways than one

Everyone else (Amanda, Andrea, Jenni, Nat, Christine, Krissy, Mhairi, Kelly, BMR3, Nikki, MummyStobe - sorry for forgetting anyone, this group is so big we'll need a register soon!) I hope you are all keeping well and feeling good

Thanks to everyone for your support, I am so glad to know you all. I am still feeling positive and hoping I can face my due date at the end of the month with this same outlook. Hubby and I have had a lovely couple of days doing fun things and I'm determined to get more fun back into our marriage - we've had way too much sadness over the last few months and we blooming well deserve a bit of happiness. I've decided I am going to spend the next month doing everything I couldn't do or didn't want to do when i was pregnant, just to get it out of my system before Feb - soft boiled eggs, dying my hair, hot baths, a few cheeky drinks perhaps...... Got to make the most of it!

 

[dnlfinker]

Helen ,

CONRATS ON YOUR LITTLE RAINBOW IN THE MAKING!

Update: I never been so happy about the witch Its such a relief to know that we
can start trying again

 

[Hellylou]

Erica - glad to hear all is well, apart from the back problem - sounds terrible! Glad to hear that is getting easier, although I can imagine when you start getting proper huge it might be a bit sore - maybe you can wear one of those bump support belt things? And Eve is such a beautiful name. It's one of my favourites. Fly high little Eve

Sally - good to hear from you, and you sound so positive, which is wonderful to hear. You should definitely spoil yourself, you deserve it. And yes, we are all regaining our spark little by little. What amazingly strong women we all are!

Britney - sorry to hear the pictures weren't what you hoped for. I didn't get any from the hospital, although I know they took one, and I didn't take any myself either. It's so hard to know what to do at that terrible time. My gut instinct on the day was not to know or see anything at all, and it wasn't until 2 days later that I decided to see Thomas, and another 2 days before I decided to find out if he was a boy or a girl. Then it took a lot longer than that to decide to give him a name. There is certainly no right or wrong way in any of this, but try not to be too hard on yourself over the choices you made that day.

 

[Hellylou]

Helen ,

CONRATS ON YOUR LITTLE RAINBOW IN THE MAKING!

Update: I never been so happy about the witch Its such a relief to know that we
can start trying again

Thank you hun

I didn't realise the witch had come at last - I lose track of where everyone is. That's great news! Here's to this month!!

 

[jennijunni]

In a way I wish I had taken pics of Judah too Britney. But the pictures in my mind will never go away, and they will forever be burned into my brain. I will have to share with you all his little box we buried him in. Maybe tomorrow I will upload some pics, they are beautiful, and that is what I want to remember.

 

[Bride2b]

Britney I know what you mean about photos. I didnt want any taken when I had Bertie (I was worried about it being a bit weird - I was worried the mw would think I was weird holding my dead baby and didnt hold him for as long as I wish I had!) I phoned the family liason almost 2 weeks after to see if a) she could ask 'if' they took any and b) to see if any could be taken. It took almost a week for me to find out they hadnt taken any, as when I phoned the useless woman back she told me I would need to phone labour ward myself....why she didnt tell me this before I dont know. So I phoned labour ward, I was so upset that my opportunity to get photos of my baby may have passed me by as by this time it was almost 3 weeks since he was born! The lovely midwife took photos of his hands & feet as I asked and also put a little hat on him and took a photo. That particular photo is still at the hospital as I hadnt expected to have that photo & wasnt sure I wanted to see it as was worried he may look different to what he did when I last saw him....and that he wouldnt look like my baby. I will one day go and collect the picture as its the only one I really have of my baby boy.
I am kind of glad others chose not to have photos - not that I want other ladies to miss out, but I didnt know what to do at the time. I didnt expect to have my baby, I didnt expect for him to never come home, I never expected that we would have to have a funeral for him. None of us should never have had to have gone through any of this or experienced the pain we have or had to make the decisions we had to make. Its just not fair! x

 

[feeble]

I didnt even look at my baby, i just couldnt. She was born in her sack too so she wouldnt have been properly visible unless they would have removed her from it and i thought that was a bit strange, removing her from the last little bit of 'us' that we shared together

I do regret it, i do wish i had of looked but i just didnt.

 

[Bride2b]

I didnt even look at my baby, i just couldnt. She was born in her sack too so she wouldnt have been properly visible unless they would have removed her from it and i thought that was a bit strange, removing her from the last little bit of 'us' that we shared together

I do regret it, i do wish i had of looked but i just didnt.

No one could have prepared us, all we could do was make decisions that were right at the time.

 

[ericacaca]

I didnt even look at my baby, i just couldnt. She was born in her sack too so she wouldnt have been properly visible unless they would have removed her from it and i thought that was a bit strange, removing her from the last little bit of 'us' that we shared together

I do regret it, i do wish i had of looked but i just didnt.

We didnt either. It was difficult when in labour as I had to have my eyes closed most the way through it all!

 

[feeble]

they gave me so much smack it was quite an effort to keep my eyes open!

They were really good to me actually, just kept me properly smacked up and every time someone gave birth in the labour ward there was a midwife just there at the end of the bed to support me. They were wonderful x

 

[Bride2b]

Does anyone elses mind play tricks on them?
I am still waiting for AF to show...as I said yesterday and earlier today I have spotting. Theres nothing yet today. Why does my brain then start running away with me and start thinking implantation bleeding? WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself???

Ok so where the 'F' is I was sure after spotting yesterday she was on her way, and had calculated potential due dates etc after 'this' cycle and the next. Feel a bit of a wally now for getting excited about AF starting and doing all this planning about when to ttc!
I know Krissy & Nat have had super dooper long cycle...Nat congrats on AF by the way! And I am certainly not in that category. I just really thought she was coming due to the spotting! Did anyone else have spotting then nothing before their first AF after their loss?

I cant help but let my mind wander! Sorry of you read this on my IC thread but I saw a rainbow today....not that I'm superstitious but cant help but want this to be implantation bleeding. Its so ridiculous to even consider it! I am a total dick! Can someone bring me back to reality please?????

 

[dnlfinker]

Does anyone elses mind play tricks on them?
I am still waiting for AF to show...as I said yesterday and earlier today I have spotting. Theres nothing yet today. Why does my brain then start running away with me and start thinking implantation bleeding? WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself???

Ok so where the 'F' is I was sure after spotting yesterday she was on her way, and had calculated potential due dates etc after 'this' cycle and the next. Feel a bit of a wally now for getting excited about AF starting and doing all this planning about when to ttc!
I know Krissy & Nat have had super dooper long cycle...Nat congrats on AF by the way! And I am certainly not in that category. I just really thought she was coming due to the spotting! Did anyone else have spotting then nothing before their first AF after their loss?

I cant help but let my mind wander! Sorry of you read this on my IC thread but I saw a rainbow today....not that I'm superstitious but cant help but want this to be implantation bleeding. Its so ridiculous to even consider it! I am a total dick! Can someone bring me back to reality please?????

Bride2b,

Just a little something to help you. if you think the witch is on her way and
you want it to come faster , then try to BD. I know everyone is different but
it worked for me yesterday :0

 

[Hellylou]

Does anyone elses mind play tricks on them?
I am still waiting for AF to show...as I said yesterday and earlier today I have spotting. Theres nothing yet today. Why does my brain then start running away with me and start thinking implantation bleeding? WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself???

Ok so where the 'F' is I was sure after spotting yesterday she was on her way, and had calculated potential due dates etc after 'this' cycle and the next. Feel a bit of a wally now for getting excited about AF starting and doing all this planning about when to ttc!
I know Krissy & Nat have had super dooper long cycle...Nat congrats on AF by the way! And I am certainly not in that category. I just really thought she was coming due to the spotting! Did anyone else have spotting then nothing before their first AF after their loss?

I cant help but let my mind wander! Sorry of you read this on my IC thread but I saw a rainbow today....not that I'm superstitious but cant help but want this to be implantation bleeding. Its so ridiculous to even consider it! I am a total dick! Can someone bring me back to reality please?????

Well, I know it's possible to get pg before AF even appears after a loss because you could O, so if you have been BDing without protection in the last week or 2 there could be a chance? I know we didn't BD at all in the time before my first AF, which was exactly 4 weeks after the D&E (which was 10 days after the loss due to retained products). I was too terrified to, and we were advised to wait at least 3 weeks I think, but I didn't at all til she showed. I was too scared of infection. But only you know your dates...is there a chance?