Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[Hellylou]

Gemma, sorry things are so tough at the moment. I found this website which has a little info. This is the first section but on the left hand side there are more links - the bit called 'men move on' is particularly interesting. Hope the link works.

https://www.pregnancy-info.net/men_miscarriage.html

Nikki - total FX for you this month. Hope you caught that little egg

Krissy - hopefully the cramps are a sign of her finally coming! I really hope so x

Andrea and Kelly - great stuff on the fitness regime! Good luck to both of you Kelly, hope you manage to pounce on OH at some point the week, sick or not!

Tanya and Nat - FX for you this month.

 

[dnlfinker]

Natalie did you get like major cramping just before your MIA AF arrived? Cuz wow tonight am I bloated and getting this random on off on off cramping this hurts like an SOB

I didnt get cramping, but kind of felt sick to my stomach. At that point i knew thst it ws comming and is a m atter of time. I hope that helps. I feel my cycles are not same afteer d and e

 

[feeble]

Gah had a rubbish day, had a dream that i was at some party and a girl i know who is due 2 days before me (so should be ready to pop any minute) was there and being really off/weird with me.

Woke up feeling just horrid

Then went into town with OH who decided to just be really off with me, like i had deeply offended him or something and then got really upset when i asked him why he was being so horrid to me, i dont GET It! how is it okay for him to be just a total t**t for HOURS and then when i finally say 'WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NASTY TO ME???' he stands really smugly and says 'can you stop shouting at me please' like THATS the problem

Gah, sometimes i want to just throw him off a cliff i really do!!!

Back home now, baby is asleep and i need to get on with some housework...

 

[ericacaca]

Gemma, here is a link to what the pastoral midwife gave to us when we lost Eve.... Hubby found it very comforting to read through and helped me to understand a bit of what was going on in a bloke's head:

https://www.mhfi.org/menandmiscarriage.pdf

It was soooooo difficult last year for both of us. I was so blessed that hubby did all the practical stuff. When we ended up in the hospital he went home to pick some stuff up for me, had a cry and then got EVERYTHING baby related and put it in a box so it wouldnt be in my face when I got home. Hubby is a practical man, and knowing that he couldnt do anything to change what was going on shattered him! I wanted to talk about it all the time, hubby didnt.... but he would let me just talk at him about stuff. On Eve's due date he arranged everything beautifully and I think that doing things about it was all part of the healing process for him. Naming Eve only last week gave us both some closure - even when I thought he has stopped thinking about her it became apparent to me that he hadnt especially when he said that everytime he thought about her the name Eve just made sense. So Gemma, please have hope - he must be going through the grieving process in his own unique way, I really hope that will make sense soon.

xxx

 

[kiki04]

The cramps were NOT an indicator of AF.... actually thinking it was finally ovulation... on cd53, now cd55. My temps are the highest they have been all cycle If so, there were alot of failed attempts for O this month

 

[Bride2b]

Thanks all for your help. I think that it all just got too much. With losing his dad, he hates his job, and our baby (which was a really positive thing to look forward to that was keeping him going). I need to grieve & just dont want to burden him with my emotions on top of everything else. I was also freaking about going back to work which is FULL on 100% of the time & didnt know how I was supposed to cope. I met up with a colleague from work today & she basically said stay off as long as I need & my managers certainly dont expect to see me anytime soon & that all my lessons are covered. This is a massive relief as I think I was putting too much pressure on myself to be 'better' when I am not really coping very well. I am hoping we get a bit of reassurance tomorrow at the consultants appointment...I just hope there is news that will help me move on & help reassure me for the future as this is such a major worry as I just dont think I could lose another baby.

 

[Bride2b]

Hi,

Somebody told me about this product today for shorter periods. I think because mine is too long, i cant seems to find the right time for........

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0021XRMU0/ref=oh_o00_s00_i00_details



Product Description
Effective for:* Heavy Bleeding.** Lengthy Bleeding.Shepherds Purse is a naturalherb which is used to stop heavy bleeding, particularity fron the uterus.It is effective in reducing heavy menstrual periods, and is used to treat postpartum hemorrhage.



Just wanted to share

These look good & worth a try! Man Krissy I still cant believe your cycle!!

 

[collie_crazy]

Good evening girls, I hope you are well I know I dont really post in here often but I do come and read and try and keep up with you all - I'm like a silent stalker! I just dont really have the energy to be on the laptop much so I use my phone to log on and catch up but it makes replying a nightmare!

Helen I dont know if I've said but I'll say it again OH MY GOD CONGRATS!!! Is that our first 2012 BFP? Heres to many many more BFPS and rainbows in 2012

Andrea your doing amazingly well with losing weight - keep it up girl!

Krissy I hope AF comes soon - and stops messing you around.

Kelly I'm sorry AF got you after your trip away - but good luck for this cycle!

Gemma I'm sorry about what your going through with OH. I went through similar things and thought he really didnt feel the same way about our loss as I did. But then he did and said some things out of the blue that made me realise that he does hurt and he does think about our daughter, he just tries so hard to 'keep it all together' for my sake, and his. And he is much better at putting on a brave face than I am. Perhaps it is the same with your OH. I cant find any of the websites now but I remember reading a lot about how losing a child is different for the mother and father and how actually it can cause the break down in a lot of relationships as both parties try to deal with things differently.

It did make me think of this poem though -

It must be very difficult to be a man in grief
Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong" no tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult to stand up to the test
And field calls and visitors so she can get some rest

They always ask if shes alright and whats shes going through
But seldom take his hand and ask "my friend but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night and thinks his heart will break
He drys his tears and comforts her but "stays strong" for her sake

It must be very difficult to start each day anew
And try to be so very brave when he lost his baby too

AFM: I am doing OKish. I have the cold at the moment so basically sneezing, snuffling and coughing my way through the day! I have my psychologist appointment on Tuesday and my next scan on Thursday which I am already panicing about. I keep getting a feeling of dread now that I have passed 13 weeks... as horrible as it sounds I know my hospital will only do a D&C / D&E upto 13 weeks - afterwards you have to deliver naturally and I just cant get that out my mind
On a slightly more positive note I appear to have a baby bump that has come from nowhere

 

[blav]

I made a photo album for OH's birthday of pictures and stuff from the past year and the portion I dedicated to Mateo, I included that poem. I really liked it too I think it's very accurate at describing how a lot of men feel.

 

[feeble]

Morning Ladies! its monday i am feeling quite positive about the week (despite a world of cleaning to do!

hope everyone is well x

 

[Bride2b]

Yay positivity on a Monday morning! great way to start the week!

Its D Day today, get my results back in just over an hour. Starting to feel really nervous!

Hope all else are ok this Monday morning xx

 

[feeble]

Oh sweetie x hope it goes okay... well, not Okay but its not something to be mindful of in future and just terrible bad luck

I found i did get a lot of closure with mine I hope you find the same x

 

[Nikki_d72]

I hope you get some answers honey, if not, at least a good plan for next time. GL xxx

 

[jennijunni]

I too hope you get some answers!! Thinking of you!!

As for me, I am cleaning my parents house today. My brother and SIL are coming in from Montreal for their baby shower! I am excited to see them, and to celebrate their baby.

 

[Bride2b]

So I check in at the hospital at colposcopy - thats what one appointment letter said, the other letter said 15 mins later at the maternity ward. I told the woman but she assured me I was in the right place. So I sit and wait for one hour! I say to OH that this is ridiculous, so I get up and go and ask the woman if ive been forgotten. She phones to see where the consultant is....he's been waiting at maternity for us! Off we go to maternity....consultant has been called to A&E! We are told to wait....with new borns, pregnant women etc!!! Anyway OH gets annoyed and goes to ask if there is someone else we can wait given the circumstances, then the consultant arrives! Hurrah!!!!

He basically says there was no infection found, no clotting disorders. My cervix was long when examined.....
He said my group strep b test came back + & - which was from the placenta (I think if I remember) but strep B wasnt found anywhere else, not even on the swab they took from where the placenta was cut where it was attached to Bertie. He thinks the + - might indicate contamination & that its wasnt present as it would have come back in other tests.

So, after not finding any cause he says its good news as there is a 99.9% chance that this will not happen again. He said its good nothing was medically wrong. He said Bertie looked normal and was measuring correctly for the gestation, and sees no reason why there would be a problem with him.

I feel relieved that I am ok in the sense that there is nothing that needs to be monitored. BUT cant comprehend why my baby was born so early & for no apparent reason. My example to my OH is that "it doesnt just rain" there is a process in the sky that causes rain, so something happened for our baby to be born.

I will be seen at 12 weeks next time (TVS) and they will check the length of the cervix (although he didnt think there was any cause for concern, but he is willing to monitor this especially with previous history). I will be scanned at 16-17 weeks and have swabs taken for in infection (think I will ask about checking cervix here - he didnt mention this).

The consultant & his wife lost a baby at 19 weeks 15 years ago, so he had a 'human side' to him. He was really lovely & very reassuring. He said he would expect to see me more next time & that people will see me quicker as they will mark my notes to show I have had a loss in the past.

I have to now just accept there is no answer & look to the future xx

 

[feeble]

Oh honey

No cause... Oh i dont know how i would feel

Its understandable that you are going to be extra concerned in the next pregnancy hunny, I hope they do realise that and will offer extra scans and care x

we are all here for you x R.I.P little Bertie Bear x

 

[Bride2b]

I feel more confident that next time I will be looked after and the chances of it happening again are slim. I guess the chances of it happening the first time were slim & it happened.
I had hoped there might be something to say what caused it.....it doesnt just happen for no reason. There is always a reason why something happens!

 

[feeble]

so what is it 'labelled' as? just premature labour? or did something happen to the baby in utero and you had to be induced? (sorry) xx

 

[Bride2b]

I'm not sure

He said I didnt go into labour - I beg to differ. i explained that I had lots of pains through out the day & then some excruciating pains just before my waters went. But he said he couldnt say if they were factors.

I guess its 'just' PROM with no cause. He said he is writing to my GP and will send me a copy. I did take notes but did say there didnt seem to be a cause

On the good side though he said there is no reason why we cant start trying again now as my body is ok to do so. The only thing he said is that psychologically I might want to grieve & go through that process before starting again as no doubt the next pregnancy will bring up a whole load of new emotions and fears.

 

[feeble]

Wow... Is there any chance you can have a follow up appointment when you have had time to digest all this?

I would have further questions myself x

I absolutely didn't go into labour, they had to really force my body to let go of that wee dead girl, I had been holding onto her for five weeks

So it certainly sounds to me like you went into labour, if your waters broke, hmmm honey x I don't know how that would make me feel I must say I Really, Really am feeling for you today x x x x