Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[Bride2b]

Hi Kelly9, I'm sorry you have joined us in such awful circumstances. Be sure to know that we are here to help you along the journey, this has been my life line when everything else in the world made no sense! You will have loads of emotions, thoughts and feelings...the worse probably guilt & emptiness. The way to fill this void will most likely be for you to want to be pregnant again. This will probably cause you to feel more guilt. I believe the feeling of trying again is actually a mixture of still wanting to be pregnant with the baby you have lost but wanting to be pregnant again to not have to think about not being pregnant....not sure that makes sense.
Sorry that you have not many chances due to IVF, the doctors will take care of when physically you are ready....thats their job. If its like me after my 6 week consultants appointment where I got all the results back they said there is no reason why we could try again straight away, but to make sure you have grieved & make sure you are ready emotionally. So I'd wait for them to give the all clear, and it will take a few weeks for bleeding to stop and AF to return.

We are here to help, I know how important it is to ask questions and be supported by people who know how you feel as people around you will not really have any idea of what you are feeling.

Nikki - yes theres not many of us left!!! I'm glad that some of our ladies are getting to a place where they do not need to be reassured everyday and come here....that is great! Are you in the tww? I've forgotten!

Krissy - where are you? Its something like CD 1001 isnt it? bloody hope you did ov the other day!

Sally, Andrea, Amanda, Fiona, Kelly, Britney, Tia, Mhairi I know some of you are around.

AFM - 7 weeks today I've got my first real counselling appointment (2nd time seeing her though as the first was like a quick session). Not really sure what I want to say to her today....feel ok today, not 'normal' but ok if that makes sense! I just miss him
I know that in a few days I will commence the poas madness as I work out when OV will happen.....purely for research so I can catch the egg next month. I am so tempted to say fuck it though...I just want to be pregnant and so be it if the damn wedding dress doesnt fit! My heart is saying just try, but my head is saying NO! I'd be 30 weeks pregnant when I get married...it'll be hot (hopefully), I'll be uncomfortable, wont be able to reach past my belly for the first dance! Thats is if I reach 30 weeks - just convinced the next one will come early at about 30 weeks for some reason!

 

[Andypanda6570]

I sadly get to be a member of your group now if you'll have me. I lost my little girl Hannah just a few days ago at 18 weeks. She had a sacrococcygeal teratoma that was growing very rapidly and taking blood away from her making her heart pump harder. We went to Toronto for fetal surgery on Jan 12 to try and cut off the blood supply, which went well but discovered in the morning of Jan 13 that her heart had stopped. They suspect she bled out into her tumour after the surgery. The labour was fast but horrible I didn't even have pain killers to numb myself and had a horrid nurse during most of the ordeal.

I don't know if I should add anything else except that my heart is breaking and I have no idea how to cope. I want to know when things will get better? I'm afraid that I'll feel guilty for feeling better or wanting to soon. My husband and I used all our savings to do IVF to have our Hannah and we're tentatively planning to do a frozen egg transfer as soon as my body is regulated. Thats all from me.

Hi Kelly,
I am so sorry for your loss. You are always welcomed here. Believe me you are surrounded by women who fully understand you and every emotion you are or will go through.
I lost my Ava at 20 weeks in March. I gave birth in my house and we buried her on 3/11/2011. Only now 10 months later do I actually feel stronger and I am going to try again. I got pregnant at 40 and it was a total accident as I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11. It was my little girl which I thought I would never have I went in for a sonogram and they said there was no heartbeat, I was devastated.

You have been through so much , but I promise you things will get easier, it takes a lot of time and this grief process is different for everyone, same emotions but different times of coming to terms with things. Its not a saying it is true that time does heal you, I promise.

Be gentle on yourself and when the emotions come let them out, it is healthy for you to do so. We are all here for you anytime you need to talk or vent or whatever you need. Hannah will always be in your heart, but I promise the day will come when you think of her with a smile and not a tear.
XOXOOX Andrea

 

[bek74]

I sadly get to be a member of your group now if you'll have me. I lost my little girl Hannah just a few days ago at 18 weeks. She had a sacrococcygeal teratoma that was growing very rapidly and taking blood away from her making her heart pump harder. We went to Toronto for fetal surgery on Jan 12 to try and cut off the blood supply, which went well but discovered in the morning of Jan 13 that her heart had stopped. They suspect she bled out into her tumour after the surgery. The labour was fast but horrible I didn't even have pain killers to numb myself and had a horrid nurse during most of the ordeal.

I don't know if I should add anything else except that my heart is breaking and I have no idea how to cope. I want to know when things will get better? I'm afraid that I'll feel guilty for feeling better or wanting to soon. My husband and I used all our savings to do IVF to have our Hannah and we're tentatively planning to do a frozen egg transfer as soon as my body is regulated. Thats all from me.

Hi Kelly,
I am so sorry for your loss. You are always welcomed here. Believe me you are surrounded by women who fully understand you and every emotion you are or will go through.
I lost my Ava at 20 weeks in March. I gave birth in my house and we buried her on 3/11/2011. Only now 10 months later do I actually feel stronger and I am going to try again. I got pregnant at 40 and it was a total accident as I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11. It was my little girl which I thought I would never have I went in for a sonogram and they said there was no heartbeat, I was devastated.

You have been through so much , but I promise you things will get easier, it takes a lot of time and this grief process is different for everyone, same emotions but different times of coming to terms with things. Its not a saying it is true that time does heal you, I promise.

Be gentle on yourself and when the emotions come let them out, it is healthy for you to do so. We are all here for you anytime you need to talk or vent or whatever you need. Hannah will always be in your heart, but I promise the day will come when you think of her with a smile and not a tear.
XOXOOX Andrea

Andrea this is Tiff (fb).
Tiff I am so glad u found ur way over to here, the ladies here will offer you comfort and strength.
I am so sorry about your loss of little Hannah, you researched and seeked out Dr and you did everything u could have done to try and save ur baby girl, I hope you find some comfort in knowing u did all u could.
Thinking of u daily x

 

[Andypanda6570]

I sadly get to be a member of your group now if you'll have me. I lost my little girl Hannah just a few days ago at 18 weeks. She had a sacrococcygeal teratoma that was growing very rapidly and taking blood away from her making her heart pump harder. We went to Toronto for fetal surgery on Jan 12 to try and cut off the blood supply, which went well but discovered in the morning of Jan 13 that her heart had stopped. They suspect she bled out into her tumour after the surgery. The labour was fast but horrible I didn't even have pain killers to numb myself and had a horrid nurse during most of the ordeal.

I don't know if I should add anything else except that my heart is breaking and I have no idea how to cope. I want to know when things will get better? I'm afraid that I'll feel guilty for feeling better or wanting to soon. My husband and I used all our savings to do IVF to have our Hannah and we're tentatively planning to do a frozen egg transfer as soon as my body is regulated. Thats all from me.

Hi Kelly,
I am so sorry for your loss. You are always welcomed here. Believe me you are surrounded by women who fully understand you and every emotion you are or will go through.
I lost my Ava at 20 weeks in March. I gave birth in my house and we buried her on 3/11/2011. Only now 10 months later do I actually feel stronger and I am going to try again. I got pregnant at 40 and it was a total accident as I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11. It was my little girl which I thought I would never have I went in for a sonogram and they said there was no heartbeat, I was devastated.

You have been through so much , but I promise you things will get easier, it takes a lot of time and this grief process is different for everyone, same emotions but different times of coming to terms with things. Its not a saying it is true that time does heal you, I promise.

Be gentle on yourself and when the emotions come let them out, it is healthy for you to do so. We are all here for you anytime you need to talk or vent or whatever you need. Hannah will always be in your heart, but I promise the day will come when you think of her with a smile and not a tear.
XOXOOX Andrea

Andrea this is Tiff (fb).
Tiff I am so glad u found ur way over to here, the ladies here will offer you comfort and strength.
I am so sorry about your loss of little Hannah, you researched and seeked out Dr and you did everything u could have done to try and save ur baby girl, I hope you find some comfort in knowing u did all u could.
Thinking of u daily x

Thanks Bek for telling me, I am so glad she is here with us, hope we can help in any way..XOXOXO :Love you

 

[jennijunni]

I am so so sorry Kelly. How heartbreaking. I cant tell you how you will grieve, it is different for everyone. Some move on more quickly, others take their time. As for me, I agree with Feeble, my grief came in waves, and still 7 months later and 2 months later still does. Lots and lots of hugs!! I am so sorry.

 

[Bride2b]

After promising myself I wouldnt keep logging on several times a day I am back after being on a few times today

Anyway, does anyone know anything about reflexology when TTC? What cycle days are best to do it?

I just cant find the info out, I've been googling for about an hour! I just had my counselling appointment and if anything it brought me more to think of the next pregnancy. I emailed a reflexologist in my area on Friday but havent heard back from her, so I called her this afternoon and left a message. I just want to be in a place where my body & mind is ready to conceive next month. I feel if I can do everything possible I will get my BFP, not getting pregnant next month is just not an option!!!

 

[Kelly9]

It seems to come in waves now right now is a bad one my milk has come in and I was really hoping it wouldn't. Does the bleeding last less time with an early loss? I bled for about a month with my son. Also when does the milk go away? It was devastating to feel it in my breasts all I can think of is how I should be feeding my baby.

I do want to be pregnant again as soon as possible but I know it will be an emotional ride with happy and sad tears. I do feel so empty I hate that I can sleep on my stomach and that gas in my intestines feels like her little kicks. Everything hurts inside and out. Even my belly is still tender from the surgery. I don't want to be such a downer but it's only been a few days. I think we will ttc naturally till the clinic calls and tells us its ok to do a transfer. How long does it take af to show up after delivery? Is it 4-6 weeks?

 

[kiki04]

From the day of my d&c it was 41 days later when I got AF. I bled for about 2.5 weeks after the procedure though.

 

[Hellylou]

Hi all,

Kelly9 - I'm so sorry for your loss. This is the very early raw stage on a journey that is so individual for everyone. There is so much to deal with, and the physical on top of the emotional is a lot. I found until I was better physically I couldn't even begin to deal with the emotional side. You can get tablets to dry up the milk - I remember how distressing that was for me, as no one even warned me it would happen. I thought at 16 weeks it would be too early... I had a D&E 10 days after my loss for retained placenta, but after that I only bled for about 2 weeks, then AF returned 2 weeks after that. If you have any questions or need to talk about it all, we're here. Sending hugs

Gemma - not sure about reflexology. I don't know much about it with TTC. You could always try some reiki? I know a bit about that...

AFM: had no spotting at all yesterday, then today a little bit more red spotting, just when I thought it might have backed off. It was only a tiny bit, then nothing again. I felt really sick this morning. I really don't know what to think. I guess a scan will tell.

 

[feeble]

i had the same phantom gassy kicks

 

[OliveBay]

Hi Kelly9, I'm so sorry you've had to join us here, but I'm glad you've found us.
My milk lasted for about 4 days and I do remember it being really painful. I found that a warm bath helped ease a bit of it, then wearing a tight sports bra to keep them compressed. I asked my GP about the medication to make the milk dry up as I didn't sleep for a couple of nights because of the pain, but he was rather unsympathetic and I just had to wait it out

I bled sort of heavily for a week and then lightly for a week after I lost my baby at 22 weeks. To be honest I expected it to last longer, so was relieved when it stopped. Then after another 3 weeks (5 weeks after delivery) had AF.

Please be gentle on yourself and give yourself plenty of time to rest and grieve. This is a truly awful thing to go through, but you will get through it - it just takes time....and a lot of it. I think everyone of us on here has been through that desperate need to be pregnant again, infact its amazing how quickly we can get to that stage. After we received the news that our baby had died my immediate thought was 'how can anyone ever want to get pregnant again?' but within days of delivering him I had totally changed my mind and felt that urge to be pregnant again as soon as possible. I would advise waiting until all your follow up appointments to see what your doctor recommends about trying again though. It sounds like your body has been through a lot recently and you want to be as strong and fit as possible for your next pregnancy. We were advised not to even BD for 6 weeks (which seemed like forever ), although I think that advice varies. Sending you lots of love and support in these difficult days


Everyone else Sorry not to write to you all individually, but I am sending hugs to you all

Gemma, sorry I don't know anything about reflexology. I can't stand anyone touching my feet, it maks me feel all icky!!!

Helen - still sending major positive vibes and hugs your way

 

[Bride2b]

It seems to come in waves now right now is a bad one my milk has come in and I was really hoping it wouldn't. Does the bleeding last less time with an early loss? I bled for about a month with my son. Also when does the milk go away? It was devastating to feel it in my breasts all I can think of is how I should be feeding my baby.

I do want to be pregnant again as soon as possible but I know it will be an emotional ride with happy and sad tears. I do feel so empty I hate that I can sleep on my stomach and that gas in my intestines feels like her little kicks. Everything hurts inside and out. Even my belly is still tender from the surgery. I don't want to be such a downer but it's only been a few days. I think we will ttc naturally till the clinic calls and tells us its ok to do a transfer. How long does it take af to show up after delivery? Is it 4-6 weeks?

Like Sally (olive) says wear a really tight sports bra, find the smallest bra you have and wear it! I was also told switching between really cold compresses (like a bag of peas) then a hot flannel (as hot as you can stand) also takes away the pain in the breasts. My milk lasted for about 4 days. I had read that expressing a small amount helps....but then read this actually encourages milk production too. I think squeezing a small amount out helps as I remember. This is a horrible thing to go through as it just adds insult to injury.

I bled for just under 2 weeks after I delivered my son (at 19 + 3 my waters broke - he was still alive, but delivered him 8 hours after they broke). The bleeding differs from one lady to the next though.
My AF arrived exactly 4 weeks after bleeding stopped. (Now need to get through this cycle to see if they are 'normal').

I think the general consensus is to wait to ttc until bleeding stops as this could lead to infections. (I'm not really sure if anyone would really dtd when they are bleeding after a mc - it just doesnt seem right to me!)

Sally / Helen - thanks about reflexology, does anyone else know? The bloody woman hasnt got back to me yet! I want to find out as I think you might have to go before you OV which should be Friday (ish) if I OV like I used to. I'd like the reflexology to start working this cycle....so I'm ready for next month xx

 

[Nikki_d72]

kelly 9 - So sad you have to join us hon. I remembr too well the phantom kicks, I had them a lot - I hated the contracting down feeling too - I took paracetamol to numb the feeling and the pain a bit for the first few days. I got my milk in after 4 days too, I delivered at 20 weeks and also had no idea this would happen, nobody warned me either. I got engorged and it was really sore - I had to stand in a hot shower and unblock the ducts manually. I took belladonna for a few hours to clear the engorgement (it's a homeopathic thing) but then thought it was increasing the let-down reflex and they were filling up faster than ever so I stopped that. I had to just squeeze a tiny bit off now and then as it was just so sore but was careful not to do it so it would cause a let-down and produce more. Having said that, it lasted for 2 weeks for me so maybe I did prolong it a bit doing that. I hope it doesn't last too long, there is a drug you can take to dry it up.

As for bleeding, it can be pretty much the same as a term delivery I think - I bled for about 3 weeks and then got AF 2 weeks after that so 5 weeks PP. It does seem to vary from woman to woman though. Even after that my hormones were still not settled properly, I feel it's taken quite a while for me, again we are all different though.

I hope all the physical stuff is over soon for you, again I'm so sorry you have to join us but I hope we can help you in some small way.

Gemma, sorry but I don't know anything about reflexology either, though I have heard some good reports about accupuncture for TTC and also emotional stuff, I've been thinking about it but it's quite expensive here. If I get no joy this month I may try it.

Helen, when are you getting your scan honey? I hope the bleeding stays away but you must be going nuts wanting to know what's going on in there?

I hope everyone else is well, my DD is still on school hols so I better go and entertain her a bit... xxx

 

[Kelly9]

We won't be jumping back in to soon we have male factor infertility do there's like no chance of being pregnant before then and I will wait till I have had at least one cycle. We have an apt at the fertility clinic tomorrow to see what their recommendations are but we're thinking in about 3 months time. I got my period back at 3 months exactly while bf'ing my son and was surprised at how fast things got back to normal.

So far I've had my milk for a day and some and no let down feeling! Just extremely engorged. I pray that I don't let down and start leaking. I won't squeeze any off unless I can't bare it and am going to pick up some cabbage later will also be asking doc about the pills to dry me up I just don't want to take anything that will mess my
Body up more. I kind of figured that it would take about 5-6 weeks to get my first af so that was expected. Someone mentioned that they couldnt start to heal emotionally until they were physically better and that's how I feel. It's hard enough without all the horrible reminders from our bodies.

I'm relieved to hear that a fair few of you only bled for 2-3 weeks I feel like mine will end sooner I already can wear a pad for 24 hours without needing to change and even then I'm sure I could go longer I just prefer to be fresh.

I appreciate all the advice and kind words from everyone and am sorry for the losses you have had I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

 

[jennijunni]

I did not get engorged, since I was still nursing my little girl, but I felt all the "new baby" let downs. It is the worst. Hugs!!


AFM, I am on CD33, 5 days late, no AF, and really no sign of her either. I am never, ever late. With my last loss, I started AF 5 weeks and resumed my normal 28 day cycle. I was hoping that would happen this time too. I will test again on Thursday if no AF.

 

[kiki04]

Or you could test tomorrow... that works just as well

 

[Bride2b]

Jenni - I hope your cycles havent gone whack too!

I've thought about acupuncture but not sure if I want to be pricked with loads of needles! Reflexology seems a nicer option for me! I did post in the TTC forums...wonder if I've had a response there! If not I think I'll phone another woman in the area that does it.

x

 

[Andypanda6570]

I did not get engorged, since I was still nursing my little girl, but I felt all the "new baby" let downs. It is the worst. Hugs!!


AFM, I am on CD33, 5 days late, no AF, and really no sign of her either. I am never, ever late. With my last loss, I started AF 5 weeks and resumed my normal 28 day cycle. I was hoping that would happen this time too. I will test again on Thursday if no AF.

I wish you all the best..XOOXO I am right now in a 2WW , I was not planning on trying now, but lets see what happens.

XOXOXOO

 

[kiki04]

Last night I had a dream that I vaginally delivered via water birth a 12 lb baby girl!? And I wanted to name her Isabella.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Last night I had a dream that I vaginally delivered via water birth a 12 lb baby girl!? And I wanted to name her Isabella.

LOL.. You are SO funny, but what a great dream.. Holy Moly 12 pds