Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[SLCMommy]

Thank you ladies. Even though we can't physically hug - I feel them

I really love the build a bear idea too! The only issue is, is that I know it wouldn't last as long as an urn... but It's definitely still a possibility in my mind. I am also wanting an urn because years and years from now - when I am old, my DH and I want this baby to be buried near us or with us.

 

[blav]

Sally-Thats positive!!

Britney- Looks as though cd19 was your ovulation day putting you at only about 3 dpo right now.

How can you tell???!!! That is not what I would have guessed at all!!!! I guess because of the dip? But why would I not get a pos OPK until now?

Are you SURE it was positive though? Because you will almost always have 2 lines on the tests... even a dark one can show but that doesnt mean it is positive... If you got your surge on cd19-20 it could still be showing a line on the way back down from your LH surge. There is *usually* a dip on ovulation day or the day before and then a rise... if your temps continue to go up from here for a few more days, then level out... I would say cd19. I always ovulate (minus last cycle ) around cd17-20 so it wouldnt be unrealistic to think you could too... its quite common actually! How long are your cycles usually?

I'm pretty sure it was positive. I had several days before where there was nothing (not even a hint of a line). Then I had two days where the lines were both dark but the test line clearly wasn't as dark. Then today they were more or less identical. Tonight I took another and the test line was much lighter than the control. My last cycle was 30 days. Before Mateo they were about the same 28-30 days if I remember right. I am actually kind of okay if I o'd on CD19 because that would mean there is still a chance that I could be preg this month as we did BD before then when I would have been quite fertile ideally. I really need to stop overthinking all of this or I'll never get pg! Thanks for all your help! I'll be interested to see what my cycle does next month if I don't get a bfp.

 

[Hellylou]

Ladies, I just got a call from a nurse saying that pathology is done with my baby and that they will be calling the cremating society.

Bitter-sweet. I hopefully will get my wish that my baby will be cremated, but I'm still gutted this happened.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby boy at 16 weeks when my waters broke early. Sorry you've had to join us here like this

 

[Bride2b]

Sally-Thats positive!!

Britney- Looks as though cd19 was your ovulation day putting you at only about 3 dpo right now.

How can you tell???!!! That is not what I would have guessed at all!!!! I guess because of the dip? But why would I not get a pos OPK until now?

Are you SURE it was positive though? Because you will almost always have 2 lines on the tests... even a dark one can show but that doesnt mean it is positive... If you got your surge on cd19-20 it could still be showing a line on the way back down from your LH surge. There is *usually* a dip on ovulation day or the day before and then a rise... if your temps continue to go up from here for a few more days, then level out... I would say cd19. I always ovulate (minus last cycle ) around cd17-20 so it wouldnt be unrealistic to think you could too... its quite common actually! How long are your cycles usually?

Britney & Krissy I am totally intreaged by this! I see what you mean about CD19 dip. I want to learn!! I hope this is good news Britney that youre not out then!
I am now doubting the OPKs as by the sound of this they are not accurate.....my OPKs have been totally white - with just the control line. I'm wondering if I have a duff batch. I had the faintest line I think Fri am but it was almost not there. I've added my chart now to my signature. I'm obviously not TTC this month so I'm not worried about catching the egg. I just want to make sure that I know what my body is doing for next cycle. Maybe I will OV later as this is my first cycle since my loss & my body is returning to normal. Any advice would be good xx

Britney I LOVE the idea of Build a Bear! We want Berties ashes to be buried with OH dad, but the plot is supposed to have OH mum buried there too when the time comes, so we are not sure how it would work as we are not keen on one day Bertie being dug up for his mum. I might suggest the build a bear to my OH. SLCMommy I like the idea of burying the baby with you one day, so maybe the bear could go with you instead of an urn. I think this is what I would like to do. I am glad this came up and that its taken so long for us to get the ashes (I've not collected them yet as only found out Fri they are ready) I think its fate that this has all taken this long as I really do love the bear idea xxx

 

[SLCMommy]

The build a bear idea is adorable, isn't it? A lot of the urns I have found have been...emotionally cold looking. I think if you can find an Urn that you LOVE - I think it's a great idea! Just like deciding to bury or cremate, what you do with your babies ashes and/or where you put them are all very personal choices that I feel every couple has the right to make. I'm a little nervous, as the baby "stopped" growing at 13w4d but that doesn't mean it stopped living than. The amino fluid was a lot smaller than what it should of been at 13w4d so chances are it lived a little longer but the processes of death probably started around the tail end of my 12th week. So the actual "date" of death I'll never know - but it's sometime between mid 13th week and mid 14th week. So, I'm really, really, really scared that they cremation service place won't even be able to get ANY ashes - but pathology said there was enough so it might just be a tiny wee-little bit? I don't know... this whole process sucks!


DH and I also decided to wait until May 2013 before we actively start TTC. So I am starting to think about birth control and what I want to do. I personally had the IUD in for 3 years and while I enjoyed no periods, I hated every minute of it! My bbs hurt, hair fell out, etc... It just wasn't very fun. In the past I've been on birth control pills which made me break out with acne, the Depo shot made me bleed all the time, The nuva ring kept popping out, and the birth control patch sucked because it would get that brown gunk on my skin like a band-aid. I don't do well with condoms because for some reason I'm really sensitive "there" and the latex makes me bleed...but does that sound more so like a latex allergy? I don't have any reactions if I were to wear a latex glove - so is it possible to have a latex allergic in just that area? So - I feel like my choices will be to 1) do Natural Family Planning or 2) Try and see about the new birth control pill options as it's been years since I've even been on the pill.

Did anyone here WTT after their loss by any chance? & If so, what BC method did you use?

 

[Nikki_d72]

Hi, I've laso had my fair share of problems with BC - I had the mirena coil which stopped my periods too and gave me all the symptoms of PCOS as well! Depo made me feel pregnant all the time and most birth control pills made me fat and miserable. I don't do well with hormones. I too am sensitive to latex down there and found some non-latex condoms - they were fine but expensive and don't stink like rubber ones. I can't remember the name of them but they were easily available, might have been Avanti or something - they were Durex ones anyway. HTH xxx

 

[Hellylou]

Hi SLC - shame about the condom irritation, as they have been my bc of choice for years (been married 13 years now) as I am intolerant to the pill, and anything with hormones, and hate the idea of the coil. We basically used either withdrawal or condoms - have you tried all brands/latex free? I think it is possible to be sensitive to them down below, even if not anywhere else. It's a very delicate area, and it's all about ph balance.

I think given the fact you are trying again in the future it is probably wise not to use anything that will interfere with natural cycles, as it can take a while after you come off them for cycles to get back to normal.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hi SLC - shame about the condom irritation, as they have been my bc of choice for years (been married 13 years now) as I am intolerant to the pill, and anything with hormones, and hate the idea of the coil. We basically used either withdrawal or condoms - have you tried all brands/latex free? I think it is possible to be sensitive to them down below, even if not anywhere else. It's a very delicate area, and it's all about ph balance.

I think given the fact you are trying again in the future it is probably wise not to use anything that will interfere with natural cycles, as it can take a while after you come off them for cycles to get back to normal.

I agree with Helen. I mean for me it has taken me 10 months to try again, but I didn't want any form of birth control, cause it does mess up your cycles.
Have you thought about condoms? I just know for me I have never used any form of birth control, only the pull out method sorry TMI...
Wish you all the best SLC Mommy ..xoxox

 

[SLCMommy]

I think we will try latex free at first and see how that goes? I'm glad to hear somebody waited 10 months before TTC. I feel like everyone TTC right after they get the green light too, and that left me feeling kinda lousy about my choice to wait. LOL

Ugh, and of COURSE my very jealous ex, who - mind you, is engaged to another woman and we haven't been together for over 6 years - still seems to be jealous because he is VERY judgmental of me and any of my choices. He found out about my toss, and on his facebook called me "stupid and reckless".

I barley even know him anymore, and the fact if he knew I lost a child - to say something SO cruel? Ugh, I don't know what the matter is with people.

 

[Hellylou]

I think we will try latex free at first and see how that goes? I'm glad to hear somebody waited 10 months before TTC. I feel like everyone TTC right after they get the green light too, and that left me feeling kinda lousy about my choice to wait. LOL

Ugh, and of COURSE my very jealous ex, who - mind you, is engaged to another woman and we haven't been together for over 6 years - still seems to be jealous because he is VERY judgmental of me and any of my choices. He found out about my toss, and on his facebook called me "stupid and reckless".

I barley even know him anymore, and the fact if he knew I lost a child - to say something SO cruel? Ugh, I don't know what the matter is with people.

How horrible. Good thing he's your ex, is all I can say to that. Do you have to be in touch on facebook?

I wouldn't compare your choice about TTC to anyone else's. It's a very personal, individual decision for everyone. At first, my OH didn't even want to try again, which destroyed me, but then he came round. Some people want to be pregnant again straight away, others feel they want to take more time to heal. There is no right or wrong, and it's a choice you make as a couple, and personally as a mother. You will know the right time, and you may find as time goes on that your feelings change. It's such early days for you, so try not to put yourself under any pressure over that side of things. You just need to take time to get through this at this moment.

 

[Nikki_d72]

WSS! i was just about to say thank God he's your Ex and I would delete him off your facebook!

I was also going to say it is an individual choice and I too changed my mind a million times before deciding. I'm older though at 39 so don't have time on my side, if I did I would probably choose to wait longer. Don't worry about others, you just focus on what's right for you and yours, we will be here to support you whatever you choose. xx

 

[Andypanda6570]

WSS! i was just about to say thank God he's your Ex and I would delete him off your facebook!

I was also going to say it is an individual choice and I too changed my mind a million times before deciding. I'm older though at 39 so don't have time on my side, if I did I would probably choose to wait longer. Don't worry about others, you just focus on what's right for you and yours, we will be here to support you whatever you choose. xx

Your old!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????????
I am oldddddddddddd..I will be 42 in June
You are not old my dear friend..

I am also glad that moron is your EX SLC, I can't beleive anyone would be that cruel Believe me Karma comes back to all of them..

 

[Nikki_d72]

WSS! i was just about to say thank God he's your Ex and I would delete him off your facebook!

I was also going to say it is an individual choice and I too changed my mind a million times before deciding. I'm older though at 39 so don't have time on my side, if I did I would probably choose to wait longer. Don't worry about others, you just focus on what's right for you and yours, we will be here to support you whatever you choose. xx

Your old!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????????
I am oldddddddddddd..I will be 42 in June
You are not old my dear friend..

I am also glad that moron is your EX SLC, I can't beleive anyone would be that cruel Believe me Karma comes back to all of them..

Thanks Andrea, but I'm feeling every second of my years at the moment! And I'm not fit either so even though you may have a couple of years on me, I bet you're physically younger, IYKWIM! I'll be 40 in September, where did that go? Where did I go?!

 

[Andypanda6570]

WSS! i was just about to say thank God he's your Ex and I would delete him off your facebook!

I was also going to say it is an individual choice and I too changed my mind a million times before deciding. I'm older though at 39 so don't have time on my side, if I did I would probably choose to wait longer. Don't worry about others, you just focus on what's right for you and yours, we will be here to support you whatever you choose. xx

Your old!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????????
I am oldddddddddddd..I will be 42 in June
You are not old my dear friend..

I am also glad that moron is your EX SLC, I can't beleive anyone would be that cruel Believe me Karma comes back to all of them..

Thanks Andrea, but I'm feeling every second of my years at the moment! And I'm not fit either so even though you may have a couple of years on me, I bet you're physically younger, IYKWIM! I'll be 40 in September, where did that go? Where did I go?!

Aww Nikki, it is hard I know. I am still trying daily to loose another 15 pds, it is hard. I love food and we need it to live, but i cut back a lot, it is just really hard. I feel old also and the years are slipping away good god I will be 50 in 8 years
XOXOOX Thinking of you XOXOXOX

 

[Hellylou]

It's a strange thing, getting older, isn't it? I turned 37 a couple of days ago, and I can't quite work out how that happened! It's like getting older is something that happens to other people. I remember writing in my diary when I was 17 and saying that 20 was just ancient! I do think as well about being an 'older' mum now. My other kids are 13 and 11 this year. I was so young when I had them, and I liked being one of the younger mums out of their friends' mums - many of them are now late 40s or 50. Now, I'll be the other way around with this little one, all being well, and one of the older mums. I get to see both sides of the coin!

 

[Nikki_d72]

Thinking of you too hun, don't think too far ahead, you'll blow your mind! I better go to bed, it's 1:40am here and I have plumbers coming in the morning and a wee girl who will need organised for her swimming lesson. Another night lost, ooops! Ah well, I hadn't had a chat for ages to you girls on here, I so miss you when I'm busy and can't get on here! Speak soon and everything crossed. xxx

 

[Nikki_d72]

Haha, you're right, Helen - it happens to other people, not us!

 

[Bride2b]

I am now doubting the OPKs as by the sound of this they are not accurate.....my OPKs have been totally white - with just the control line. I'm wondering if I have a duff batch. I had the faintest line I think Fri am but it was almost not there. I've added my chart now to my signature. I'm obviously not TTC this month so I'm not worried about catching the egg. I just want to make sure that I know what my body is doing for next cycle. Maybe I will OV later as this is my first cycle since my loss & my body is returning to normal. Any advice would be great xxx

still negative opks, not even a hint of a line ....what's going on? Did anyone else find ov dates changed after pregnancy / loss?

Any advice on what might be happening would be great that's if anyone has any ideas of what's happening....could the opks be duff? I doubt I ov before I started using them coz of my temps xxx

 

[Kelly9]

I'm going to ttc as soon as possible but we need to do an frozen embryo transfer and the waitlist for that is 3 months. We'll be trying naturally but with our issues it's not likely to happen. I think having gone through what we did to have Hannah (ICSI) made things a lot harder on me because I know we can't just get pregnant without the help of doctors and our embryo's don't guarantee us another pregnancy. I am trying not to be negative but I just can't fathom getting our hopes up for good news knowing all the bad news we've had.

SLC mommy, I found the urns cold and not right as well which is why we went with a small trinket box. We're expecting Hannah's ashes in a few days so I'll let you know how much there are for an 18 week baby to give you a better idea. What I am expecting is maybe the amount the size of a quarter.

Question about sex, how long did you guys wait to have sex again? I don't have any trauma to my netherbits since Hannah was so small so I know I can go for it whenever I want but I just can't seem to feel in the mood for it. I want to start resuming a normal life and this is part of it, so I don't know if I should just jump back in or wait? I'm afraid if I wait I'll never want to again but if I do it then maybe those feelings will come back and I'll feel like doing it, if that made any sense.

 

[Nikki_d72]

Hi Kelly, I waited until after our follow-up appt just after 6 weeks, by then I'd had my first AF too. I wanted to be sure the cervix was all closed up again, but in the end nobody checked anyway. I think the usual wisdom is that once you are done bleeding then there shouldn't be any risk of infection. I was particularly paranoid as I had traces of infection found in my babies' placenta. I also just didn't feel like it. The urge will probably come back to you when you are ready emotionally but I know what you maen, if you leave it too long it becomes a bit wierd. I wouldn't force it, I felt the desire again naturally after a while, though it was emotional.

What about everyone else? Did the urge to have sex come back on it's own or did any of you have to sort of make yourself do it the first time?