Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[Bride2b]

Gosh I'm not surprised! They wouldnt show that on TV here I dont think, as too many people would probably complain.

Last night a woman had a 10lb something baby and the shoulders got stuck, they spent what seemed like ages in theatre trying to get this baby out. They had the womans knees up by her ankles and I know initially they gave her an episiostomy (sorry cant spell it) but I think they had to cut her more as they tried to turn the baby & get the arm out. The midwives all looked scared and worried, and they kept showing the clock as each minute passed with this poor baby stuck. Loads of people on facebook had made comments on 'how lucky we are to have had no complications & healthy babies' etc. I just thought these people on facebook dont know the half of it, and hopefully never have to experience what some of us have. It really upset me how they are all so 'sheltered' from the harsh reality of some pregnancies.

What CD are you on Britney? x

 

[blav]

So true Gemma, people just don't understand. This is truly the only place I feel 100% comfortable talking about my feelings and things. I do with OH as well, but other people just don't get it.

I'm on CD 8, first day of SMEP...we're going out of town this weekend and could have stayed with family but opted to get a hotel instead (because we have to BD on Saturday ).

Really hoping this is the month!

 

[jojo23]

Amanda im so so happy for you.. a lovely lil boy congrats hun... only a week until my scan eeeeeek! hopefully ill be able to find out what gender it is...im so excited/terrified lol!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[feeble]

its exactly a week til my scan too jojo!

i'll be 13+1 but going to ask for a gender guess anyway!

 

[Kelly9]

I don't think I'll find out the gender when we're pregnant next time. I think it's going to hurt either way. Ive wanted a girl for as long as I can remember and when I finally got her i lost her to soon. So if it's a girl I'll be sad cause I'll think of Hannah and if it's a boy I'll be sad cause I still want a girl. That being said I'll also be happy with either so based off of that maybe waiting till birth to find out is better. I still reserve the right to change my min though. I guess it all depends on how I feel about the pregnancy.

The last couple of day have been rough for me. Lots of tears and sad moments. I can't even bring myself to watch obem I have a bunch of episodes recorded but I know I can't handle it now.

I ended up bawling at moms group today cause two New moms joined who are pregnant. One due only 2 week after me. It's just so hard.

 

[jojo23]

awe kelly im sorry you've been feeling sad! sending you so many hun and we're all here for you.xxxxx

i know what you mean about finding out the gender, i have changed my mind so many times about it and i know if its a girl ill be upset because it will make me think of Lily but i just pray every day for a healthy baby!!. my 20 week scan is so scary for me.... ill be 22 weeks and its exactly a year to the date i lost Lily and i was 22 weeks when i lost her! but at the same time i want to be able to tell my parents and close friends if its a boy or a girl so we can celebrate together.. i never got to do that last time it was just like wham bad news and that was it!

i cant watch obem anymore im too emotional when i watch those women so ive given up lol anyways i hope you feel a lil better soon hun xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Kelly9]

Thanks. I honestly thought I'd be in a better place by now not 100% but better then where I am.

Jojo I think I'll know the gender anyway. I was bang on with both my kids I just got this intuitive feeling each time. The only way I might not intuitively know is if I end up with twins but if I'm expecting twins then I'll find out anyway just so I can be prepared.

 

[jojo23]

i think a womens intuition is her best guide for everything in life!!

i know hun its such a long road to feeling someway 'normal' again. its only really since christmas that i feel im in control of myself again. at first i couldnt control when i would cry or anything. i would be in work and someone would mention somethin stupid and i would literally have to run to the bathroom because i couldnt stop the tears. now i still cry often but i do it on my own with some of Lilys things and i just let it out.

i promise there will come a day when you dont feel like you have this huge shadow hanging over you! it will just become part of you that you live with and its there but its not overwhelming you. now i look back and think how happy i am that i had her and i wouldnt change a thing but for months i was so angry and kept saying why would god let me get pregnant only to take it from me... i couldnt understand it!!!but im so happy i had that little time with her, however short.that feeling has only come to me through time.

Hannah has an amazing mummy and she will be helping you through the tough times, and there through the happy times too!! she would be so proud xxxxxx

 

[feeble]

I have never had any clue what sex i am having! I thought Jasper was a girl and got that wrong. Liam knows every time though, he knew straight away with J, straight away with our angel and this time he has decided its another girl...

I am unsure, going to wait til the scan when i think i will be more clear x

 

[Bride2b]

Hello all, just thought I'd see how you are all doing?

I had my first reflexology session today. I hope I feel the benefits but I know it will take a few sessions. The lady is super dooper nice that does it. I do find it hard to switch my brain off and relax. She said my body felt relaxed and that the only thing she felt on my feet was the lung part, she said it seems I am not taking in enough air, rather short breaths through stress / anxiety. Which I think is right really. She said my left side is really relaxed & that the side that has the reproductive organs. So thats a good sign. I have just ordered a hot stone aromatherapy diffuser & some oils to have at home so I can keep up the calmness. The last thing I want to do is start feeling stressed as I know this wont help me to conceive.

I start taking soy today to hopefully make some nice strong eggs!

Just off to make a homemade butternut squash, spinach & goats cheese lasagne! Yum yum! Hope it tastes good as I'm starving! :drool:

 

[feeble]

you seem so healthy and good at giving your body what it needs Its lovely

I think when Liam is making more money, we will both treat ourselves to a massage a month each

Today i am okay, yesterday was a bit shakey, i was really concerned that everything wasnt okay with the baby... but i feel a bit more positive today about it, which is good x

I think i am just always going to feel that something is wrong until i have my baby in my arms

i am dreading the scan, but looking forward to it at the same time...

 

[Bride2b]

I think its understandable to have lots of shaky moments! I dont think you would be human without them! I'm sure your scan will be fine, but again I know what you mean I think the next time round I will be more scared, even though the 12 wk scan for me was fine & I havent had to hear any bad news at a scan. xxx

 

[feeble]

it was at a scan that we got the worst news ever

 

[Bride2b]

its going to be fine! just remember that! its so highly unlikely for us to have to go through what we have been again xx

 

[Hellylou]

I'm starting to wonder whether I should have this scan next week or not...

See, it was the 13 week scan where they tried to get the NT measurement and pushed really hard into my uterus causing bruising and pain for days afterwards, and I lost my mucus plug 4 days after that scan. It took 3 weeks but I think it started a chain of events that led to my waters breaking. I have always had that suspicion and I can't prove it.

My gut instinct here, is although I want to know everything's ok, I'm also terrified someone is going to hurt me again...

 

[Bride2b]

Jesus Helen what were they doing with you? They shouldnt be doing that! Can you remember the person who did it? I'd probably ask not to have them again if they were rough. Thats just shocking!
I dont know if being rough like that can cause what happened, but thats still so wrong to treat you like that!

 

[Nikki_d72]

Helen, I think you just need to go in there knowing that you won't suffer that again - if they can't get the measurement quite quickly and they start to press hard you can just tell them to stop, that you'll make another appointment to try again another day. You are in control, not them and you know you will assert yourself if there are any problems. With that in mind you will be fine honey. It may have been nothing at all to do with your last scan but if that is something you have in your head and your gut at least you know you can control this one to mitigate against it. All the best xxx

 

[Kelly9]

No scan should cause bruising, just tell the tech your concern before they start and if it hurts tell them to stop.

jojo, is it terrible that I wish I'd never been pregnant then? Or that I'd lost her super early? I know this feeling may someday change but right now thats how I feel. At this point I feel the pain would have been less not knowing her the way I did, for those 5 hours when I just held her and cried but other times I'm happy I got those 5 hours. I'm seeing a counsellor on wednesday at the pregnancy and infant loss program out here, they deal with counselling specifically for this kind of situation. I don't know that it will help but it's worth investigating.

My opks are still faint, I don't think there is any change in the last couple of days. I am so eager for ovulation so I can get out of limbo and begin counting down the days for each cycle. I've been having light cramping for over a week now that feels menstrual but nothing comes of it and I haven't bled for about a week now either. I guess it's just residual cramping from the postpartum bleed?

 

[feeble]

No scan should cause bruising, just tell the tech your concern before they start and if it hurts tell them to stop.

jojo, is it terrible that I wish I'd never been pregnant then? Or that I'd lost her super early? I know this feeling may someday change but right now thats how I feel. At this point I feel the pain would have been less not knowing her the way I did, for those 5 hours when I just held her and cried but other times I'm happy I got those 5 hours. I'm seeing a counsellor on wednesday at the pregnancy and infant loss program out here, they deal with counselling specifically for this kind of situation. I don't know that it will help but it's worth investigating.

My opks are still faint, I don't think there is any change in the last couple of days. I am so eager for ovulation so I can get out of limbo and begin counting down the days for each cycle. I've been having light cramping for over a week now that feels menstrual but nothing comes of it and I haven't bled for about a week now either. I guess it's just residual cramping from the postpartum bleed?

My friend (who lost her husband at 25) told me that when she went to see the death councillor, they told her, that ANY life, no matter how short, is valid. It happened, we cannot wish it away or wish it was 'more' because life just is.

You offered a wee soul an opportunity to experience the unconditional and perfect love of a mothers womb, sometimes thats all the souls are ready for, they arent strong enough to go skin-side yet, they just have to experiendec love to get them ready for the next step.

I know your hurting and its so tough, but one day soon you will realise how special you are for being strong enough to give that experience to a soul who needed it xx

 

[OliveBay]

I still feel like I'm in limbo until my early scan next week. Everything is going fine I think and there's no reason for me to worry, but I'm anxiously checking the paper everytime I go to the toilet and haven't really go any pregnancy symptoms expect for looking a bit bloated and feeling slight off my food every now and then. I'd just feel so reassured if i woke up with obvious morning sickness - I promise to never complain about any pregnancy symptoms, I just want some reassurance.

It seems I spoke too soon when I wrote this the other day. Have been feeling absolutely exhausted, totally starving and like I could vomit for the last 2 days. It seems my morning (and afternoon and evening) sickness has arrived. Not actually puked yet but feel like it is a constant lurking threat! Never have I felt so happy to be feeling so queasy!

Helen, I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious about your scan. It sounds like last time was awful. I'm sure it'll go fine this time, but maybe you could talk to them when you go in and let them know why you're feeling like that, then hopefully they'll reassure you and be really gentle with you