Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[dancareoi]

kelly, my due date was also 15th June and my LO was born 12th Jan, from your ticker I think your LO was born 13th Jan.
We are both at the same stage of grieving so will know exactly how the other feels right now.
My LO`s birth was very quick and relatively painless, so in that respect I am thankful.
The staff who looked after me were very good and i left the hospital with a special memorial book in which they put the photos they had taken and the hand and footprints they had done.
As you say, everything is done for closure and physically I am fine (just waiting for AF to return) but emotionally I am still a complete wreck.
I think your signature about rainbow babies is beautiful.
xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Kelly9]

Yes we lost Hannah at 18 weeks exactly on Jan 13, friday the 13th, though I am pretty sure she passed away sometime before midnight on jan 12 I don't know for sure, I'm just going by what I felt physically and the fact that I never felt her move again after the surgery and was told she would wake up from the paralyzing meds by midnight.

 

[dancareoi]

We found out during a routine check up on mon 9th jan, that baby had died 3-4 weeks before.
We don`t know reason. Our scan at 12-13 weeks showed a very healthy pregnancy and baby. Baby probably died shortly after this scan.
We decided against PM so will never know why our LO wa taken.
Sometimes I think we just know when something i wrong.When I had my first MMC in a way I wasn`t surprised as I knew for a while something wasn`t right.
This time it was a bit more of a shock, especially after having had our scan. Although the morning of my check up I put a bottle of folic acid pills away and said to myself " I migt need these again"
Perhaps subconciously i knew tings weren`t right.
Sorry, but I don`t know what happened to your little Hannah.

 

[Kelly9]

We went in at our 12 week scan and a sacrococcygeal teratoma was discovered which is a very rare tumour that grows off the tailbone, from that point on we were being scanned 1-2 times a week to monitor the growth of the tumour. It was growing fast and was quiet large in comparison with the size of Hannah and because it had such a large blood supply we were told that if nothing was done her heart would give out due to its inability to pump enough blood to the tumour and her body so at 17+5 we were flown to Toronto to meet a doctor that was going to try to cut off the blood supply to the tumour and protect her heart. Surgery went well and an hour after she was still good. It was the next morning when they confirmed she had died. I had used my doppler minutes prior to the scan and it was eerie how quiet my bump was. Intuition is a funny thing, when we went in for the 12 week scan I felt something wasn't right as well but I was worried about down syndrome risks cause thats what the 12 week scan is all about so I was shocked when they gave us her diagnosis. Then again the night of the 12th, I felt something was wrong I knew in my heart that she didn't make it but I didn't use my doppler to find out for sure till the next morning cause I just wanted to sleep and put it off for as long as possible.

 

[dancareoi]

Those weeks of waiting must have been terrible, not knowing if everything was going to be ok or not.
I think, by putting things off and not thinking about it, maybe we think it isn`t actually happening.
Have the doctors said if this is likely to happen again when you TTC again?

 

[Kelly9]

They were the hardes weeks of my life. Thankfully the tumour Hannah had is not genetic some have the same chances of it Happening again as any one does.

On another note my bleeding from af has picked up and I'm now bleeding quiet a bit it's a little alarming. I have a fistula which can cause heavy serious bleeding and am wondering if it actually is af or the fistula. My temps are also way up like post ov and even though I just started taking my clomid the clomid has never caused high temps for me.

 

[blav]

Well...still no positive OPK but the line did seem darker than it has. My cervix is high and I've got some Ewcm so I'm thinking I should ovulate very soon! OH and I bd last night and have been keeping up with smep so fingers crossed ladies!!!!

 

[Bride2b]

Good luck Britney, sounds like you will soon! How is smep going? I've buggered it, but I am going to get back on track and BD every other day from tomorrow! Thats if I can get OH to stick to the plan (I've not told him the plan as I dont want to put pressure on!) xx

 

[blav]

It's going pretty well, Gemma! OH is doing well with it too. I told him what we were doing and he was up for it thankfully. I am over caring about him feeling pressure. We both want a baby and that takes sex....and lots of it! I feel pressure (even of its just from myself) so he can too! Although I know your OH has has a lot of sadness so I can understand where you're coming from! I'm going to do one more OPK before I go to work and then one when I get home. I O'd on CD 19 last month which is today sooooo come on eggy!!!! Good luck getting back on track!

 

[blav]

I just did the OPK and got a smiley!!!! Yaaaay time for extra BD! I was surprised to see it positive but I'm excited because 1 I'm fertile and 2 I O'd on the same day two months in a row which means I'm having regular cycles!!! Yaaaaaay!

 

[Bride2b]

I just did the OPK and got a smiley!!!! Yaaaay time for extra BD! I was surprised to see it positive but I'm excited because 1 I'm fertile and 2 I O'd on the same day two months in a row which means I'm having regular cycles!!! Yaaaaaay!

Woop woop!!! fab Britney, so loads of action for you over the next few days! :babydust:

keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!!!

 

[Bride2b]

Its CD14 for me and still reading low on my CBFM!

 

[kiki04]

Hey I just ovulated on sat....cd32 ladies. I normally ov on cd17-19 but these last 2 cycles have been something else! Last one I ov cd53 this on cd32.... wth? At least we are O'ing lol

 

[dancareoi]

They were the hardes weeks of my life. Thankfully the tumour Hannah had is not genetic some have the same chances of it Happening again as any one does.

On another note my bleeding from af has picked up and I'm now bleeding quiet a bit it's a little alarming. I have a fistula which can cause heavy serious bleeding and am wondering if it actually is af or the fistula. My temps are also way up like post ov and even though I just started taking my clomid the clomid has never caused high temps for me.

that`s good news that it`s not genetic

Hope everything else sorts itself out. If you are worried about anything, you should go and see your doctor, just to check all ok.

i am still awaiting first AF which shoud be thurs or fri this week.

DH has still not said yes or no to TTC again, but thinks I am too emotional still to talk things though rationally.

Although he did say if we could guarantee a baby with nothing wrong with it (I am 40 hence the worry) he would TTC straight away!

Let`s hope we all get what we want soon.

 

[Bride2b]

Lisa I reckon he'll come round...hes obviously very scared. At least he said if he knew everything would be ok he would try straight away! The chances are they will be. I'm so hoping he agrees as I know how much this means to you! xx

Yes Krissy I agree at least we are OV'ing (hopefully) and your ov has come earlier this month than last.....lets hope this is THE cycle, I think we are on a roll for BFPs on here, it has been a few weeks since the last lot so its about time! xx

 

[Bride2b]

Ladies I now I posted a thread a few days ago about not being able to answer anyones threads as I feel my 'journey' back to a normal life isnt being helped my reminders of sadness.

I have decided I am going to take a short break away from BnB as its becoming an obsession (well it became that a long time ago). I need a clear mind & need to stop stressing about not being pregnant & thinking about how long it will take me. The more I think of it the more I think it will ultimately stop me from achieving my goal in getting pregnant.

I will be back, but I am going to try and stay away for a while, then try and keep the obsession to a minimum after that! Good luck to you all in the mean time, I'm hoping there will be lots of good news when I've finished my BnB holiday! xx

 

[dancareoi]

Ladies I now I posted a thread a few days ago about not being able to answer anyones threads as I feel my 'journey' back to a normal life isnt being helped my reminders of sadness.

I have decided I am going to take a short break away from BnB as its becoming an obsession (well it became that a long time ago). I need a clear mind & need to stop stressing about not being pregnant & thinking about how long it will take me. The more I think of it the more I think it will ultimately stop me from achieving my goal in getting pregnant.

I will be back, but I am going to try and stay away for a while, then try and keep the obsession to a minimum after that! Good luck to you all in the mean time, I'm hoping there will be lots of good news when I've finished my BnB holiday! xx

Gemma, wishing you all the best. i know what you mean about taking a break. It does start to become an obsession and can make you sadder sometimes.
Hopefully when you come back there will be good news for all of us.

 

[jojo23]

Gemma i hope you'll feel better after taking some time. it gets totally addictive in here at times and i understand that sometimes we can rely too much on coming on here every day, i know i defintiely do lol!

i wish you all the best and just want to let you know if you need anything we are here and will be here for when you return and hopefully there will be lots of news waiting for you!

love to you xxxxxxxxx

 

[Nikki_d72]

Gemma, i get where you are coming from exactly hun. Enjoy your break and I hope it does you the world of good. Your time WILL come, please don't lose hope, it's early days yet. xxx

 

[Kelly9]

See you when you return, hopefully you and a bunch of us others will be rainbow makers soon. I am very much in the "need to be pregnant again" phase. I feel like life will not continue properly till I am.

AFM: Hopefully 4 more weeks till I find out if I can do FET next month or start the process anyway. I"ll be very upset if they make me wait an additional month the only thing is if we get accepted next month and get pg I'll have a january baby which means I may run the risk of delivering on my Hannah's birthday which terrifies me. But if we wait it's another month gone, another month to struggle through until I get a chance at a bfp and another baby.

Bleeding has slowed down so it's AF. I'm not worried anymore.