Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[Bride2b]

FET means frozen embry transfer we have to do fertility treatment. So I start the medication process April 3 with possible transfer of two day 3 embryos between April 30 and may 5. Does that help?

Good luck xxx Thats great news that its going to happen soon!

 

[Pinkorblue11]

Hi everyone, mind if I join in? About me..

My water broke in the early morning hours of April 13th, and I was rushed to L&D. The OB on call tried to assure me this wasn't my fault, there's nothing I could have done but there wasn't anything they could do to save my baby. They offered to induce but I chose to wait for my body to labor. I only felt cramps when my bladder filled up but that was it. My fluid levels were checked periodically and I had one vaginal exam. I was 3cm dilated and Azriel had some fluid around his head but his lower half had none. By the night, he had no fluid around him at all and no change by the next morning. I needed to go to the restroom when I woke up on Saturday since I didn't feel any of the pressure I was told about, I didn't ask for a bedpan. I sat down and felt a weird sensation down there and instinctively reached down and felt my baby's toes. Tears immediately filled my eyes as I rang for the nurse. They helped me back to bed and prepared a bedpan for me but I couldn't go anymore she then called for the OB to come in. She and the midwife on call, were as comforting toward me as they could be and expressed their sympathies for what I was about to do. It was so hard to let him go, I knew he was still alive but I couldn't hold him in anymore. So despite my heavy heart, I pushed. His chin got caught in my cervix and after resisting pain meds for the majority of my stay, I gave in and accepted. Azriel entered the world with a beating heart and was immediately placed on my chest. He had such a sweet little face and I kissed him and told him how much I loved him. His daddy couldn't be there with us so I put him on the phone so he could say his goodbyes. His brothers said theirs and after we hung up, I said my own goodbyes. He lived for just under an hour and I'm so proud of him for being so strong. I love him, I miss him and will never forget him. Rest in peace, my love, I hope to see you again someday.

When I got home that night, it took everything in me not to hop in my car, drive back to the hospital and ask for him back. Thanks in advance to the creator of this group and all the ladies here..

 

[Kelly9]

pinkorblue I am so sorry. These bad things happen for reasons we don't get to know and its heartbreaking. This thread has been quiet lately but the ladies here are great. Share and vent what you need to.

 

[dancareoi]

Hi everyone, mind if I join in? About me..

My water broke in the early morning hours of April 13th, and I was rushed to L&D. The OB on call tried to assure me this wasn't my fault, there's nothing I could have done but there wasn't anything they could do to save my baby. They offered to induce but I chose to wait for my body to labor. I only felt cramps when my bladder filled up but that was it. My fluid levels were checked periodically and I had one vaginal exam. I was 3cm dilated and Azriel had some fluid around his head but his lower half had none. By the night, he had no fluid around him at all and no change by the next morning. I needed to go to the restroom when I woke up on Saturday since I didn't feel any of the pressure I was told about, I didn't ask for a bedpan. I sat down and felt a weird sensation down there and instinctively reached down and felt my baby's toes. Tears immediately filled my eyes as I rang for the nurse. They helped me back to bed and prepared a bedpan for me but I couldn't go anymore she then called for the OB to come in. She and the midwife on call, were as comforting toward me as they could be and expressed their sympathies for what I was about to do. It was so hard to let him go, I knew he was still alive but I couldn't hold him in anymore. So despite my heavy heart, I pushed. His chin got caught in my cervix and after resisting pain meds for the majority of my stay, I gave in and accepted. Azriel entered the world with a beating heart and was immediately placed on my chest. He had such a sweet little face and I kissed him and told him how much I loved him. His daddy couldn't be there with us so I put him on the phone so he could say his goodbyes. His brothers said theirs and after we hung up, I said my own goodbyes. He lived for just under an hour and I'm so proud of him for being so strong. I love him, I miss him and will never forget him. Rest in peace, my love, I hope to see you again someday.

When I got home that night, it took everything in me not to hop in my car, drive back to the hospital and ask for him back. Thanks in advance to the creator of this group and all the ladies here..

I am so sorry for your loss, your story has made me cry, just thinking of you and your little one.

At least you got to hold him and say goodbye.

Heaven now has another angel.

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm so sorry for the loss of little Azriel. I'm not around here too much anymore but I wanted to wish you the gentlest days ahead possible. It's such ahard loss I know, I'm sorry xxx

 

[winterwonder]

Hello everyone!

Its been awhile since i've been on, but i need some advice, i am yet again pregnant (god all i feel like i do is get pregnant) i am 5 weeks an a couple of days, i'm pondering when to tell my boss because i work in a hospital, and my mum keeps pestering me to tell them soon as she's so worried that i'll lose another, i want to wait because i've become a real pessimist, and if something does go wrong then i dont have to deal with work knowing.

anywho i hope everyone else is well and that there are lots of new rainbow mummies!

pinkorblue - i am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you can find all the support you need here xxxx

christine xx

 

[Pinkorblue11]

Thank you very much ladies. Friends and family have been wonderfully supportive. My husband and I are getting help from a friend of mine to plan a balloon release for Azriel, either at the end of August or beginning of September.

Congrats on your pregnancy, Christine!

 

[mhazzab]

Hello everyone!

Its been awhile since i've been on, but i need some advice, i am yet again pregnant (god all i feel like i do is get pregnant) i am 5 weeks an a couple of days, i'm pondering when to tell my boss because i work in a hospital, and my mum keeps pestering me to tell them soon as she's so worried that i'll lose another, i want to wait because i've become a real pessimist, and if something does go wrong then i dont have to deal with work knowing.

anywho i hope everyone else is well and that there are lots of new rainbow mummies!

pinkorblue - i am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you can find all the support you need here xxxx

christine xx

Hiya Christine, it's lovely to hear from you, and I am delighted to hear you are pregnant again. If you think your boss may be able to help make things easier for you, I would tell him/her, but on the understanding that it is to go no further until you are ready to share. I actually did this with both my pregnancies and my boss did what he could to keep me less stressed while I was going through those tiring first few weeks. I'm glad I did it.
How are thing with you? Are you finding this pregnancy hard so far? I think the very early days were the worst for me, but it did get better, and my confidence grew as time went on xx

 

[winterwonder]

Hello everyone!

Its been awhile since i've been on, but i need some advice, i am yet again pregnant (god all i feel like i do is get pregnant) i am 5 weeks an a couple of days, i'm pondering when to tell my boss because i work in a hospital, and my mum keeps pestering me to tell them soon as she's so worried that i'll lose another, i want to wait because i've become a real pessimist, and if something does go wrong then i dont have to deal with work knowing.

anywho i hope everyone else is well and that there are lots of new rainbow mummies!

pinkorblue - i am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you can find all the support you need here xxxx

christine xx

Hiya Christine, it's lovely to hear from you, and I am delighted to hear you are pregnant again. If you think your boss may be able to help make things easier for you, I would tell him/her, but on the understanding that it is to go no further until you are ready to share. I actually did this with both my pregnancies and my boss did what he could to keep me less stressed while I was going through those tiring first few weeks. I'm glad I did it.
How are thing with you? Are you finding this pregnancy hard so far? I think the very early days were the worst for me, but it did get better, and my confidence grew as time went on xx

Things are going ok, we did have a little scare last week a few days after we found out, i had a few small smears of blood when i went to loo which turned me into an absolute wreck, but everythings been fine since, i just want to get to 12 weeks really, and that first scan.

I cant believe you're thirty weeks! how are you feeling at the mo?

xx

 

[Kelly9]

Winter that's great news. I agree with what the others have said.

My little Hannah's due date is fast approaching id be 32 weeks pregnant now I want to do something for her due date but not sure what. I may just end up staying in bed all day. Well be back home on vacation over her due date so I'll be surrounded by family something I didn't get when we lost her so I know my son will be looked after while I "check out".

Also we're getting closer to transfer day. It looks like it'll be somewhere around the 27-30 of this month. Im Excited but nervous and scared it won't work. This is my only chance to be pregnant before her due date something I want so badly.

 

[mhazzab]

Pinkorblue - I was so sad to hear your story. I love the name you gave your son. I hope you can find some comfort in here.

Kelly I'm very happy to hear you have got a date for your transfer. I'm wishing for it to be a success for you, to help you deal with Hannah's due date. On my due date, me and hubby went away for the day and just walked, talked and held hands. Simple yet peaceful. Two days later I got my BFP with my rainbow.

Christine- I'm doing good, getting to around the 23 weeks stage was tough mentally, but once I passed this my confidence has grown that I will get my happy ending. I'm sorry you had a scare but I hope all is ok now. Will you be getting an early scan? Xx

 

[Kelly9]

I don't know if my husband would want to do anything with me, he's been over this whole thing for so long and I'm still hurting, I may just decide to spend it on my own. I need the FET to work otherwise there will be no happy surprise before on or around her due date, if it doesn't work we'll be starting a fresh ICSI cycle when we get back from vacation but that will be after.

Another set of friends of ours I just found out are 13 weeks pregnant, she would have conceived her baby either on or just a few days off of the day we lost Hannah. As much as I dislike hearing about my close friends pregnancy at the moment I am happy for them because they've been trying for this baby for 4 years. I NEED to be pregnant to be able to go home and see them and show that I'm happy for them or else it will be impossible. I'm scared it could work but I'm even more scared that it won't work.

 

[mhazzab]

I know what you mean Kelly, I needed the new pregnancy to help me deal with my pregnant friends or new babies, and even my return to work. I'll admit it does help, it doesn't fix it all, but It does help. It also provides a whole heap of extra emotions to deal with, but its worth it.

Do whatever you need to, to help you get through Hannah's due date whether it's finding a friend or family member to share it with you, or going somewhere peaceful alone. I'm sorry your husband is reacting differently to you, that's men for you. I think it just tends to hit us women harder, because we have more time to bond. Could it be that he's hiding his emotions, to try and protect you?
X

 

[Kelly9]

No I don't think so, he just didn't get attached like I did especially when we found out at 12 weeks that she only had a 50/50 chance of surviving, of course those odds went down at every apt as the tumour grew so large. He also wasn't there when we had the surgery or when we lost her or for the delivery since I was in Toronto having the surgery, he had to stay with our son. I don't hold his reactions against him but he doesn't understand me. He asked me a week ago why I was crying (something I usually do at night when he's sleeping) and all I could muster was a "why do you think?, Why do I always cry these days?" He seems to think I should be over it but he sees my face when we find out another friend is pregnant, he knows it upsets me, he just doesn't get it.

 

[mhazzab]

I'm really sorry, that must be hard for you. I don't think my husband understood the extent of my hurt, sometimes he would ask what was wrong when I didn't think there was any need to explain. He was hurting alongside me but he was able to get on with life much easier than me. I think it's just different for men, we feel our babies growing inside us and are the ones who give birth to them, try as they might, they can never understand that.

At least you can speak to people in here who understand how you feel, I'm not sure how I would have coped without that x

 

[Kelly9]

bnb has been a good thing but a bad thing as well, in the last few months I haven't been on here often, all of my usual circle on here were pregnant or had just had their babies so it was to painful to constantly be reminded that I was no longer pregnant. I haven't gone into any of their journals since we lost Hannah and I don't suspect I'll be back in them anytime soon. I have a few close friends that I call when I need to talk and I have been seeing a counsellor which helps, it's nice to know every 2 weeks I can go into a room and just talk about her without worrying about crying or asking how other people are. I see my counsellor tomorrow, and I think our next apt will be scheduled with when I test after the FET, I'll need someone to talk to if it's neg and if it's pos. I think test date for me will be may 7th.

 

[Bride2b]

Hi Pinkorblue, I'm so sorry to read your post, I cant imagine how hard that must have been to go through what you did, and without his daddy by your side. This place is quieter these days BUT there is always overwhelming support through those dark days that you think will never pass. I hope the near future is kind to you.xxx

Kelly - good luck with the FET, I have everything crossed that it works for you before your due date with Hannah. I cant wait to hear some good news from you!

Christine congrats on your news! Maybe you should tell your boss then at least if your not feeling well he knows there is a genuine reason and hopefully they will understand your circumstances xx

I know I dont come here often but I think of all of you who I dont speak to on a regular basis. As I have said numerous times this area of BNB has been my saviour, but I have also felt great sadness coming here & it being a reminder of the painful journey I am on. My due date is in 2 days, at the moment I am OK. I am just keeping busy. I have had a few more tears this week than the last few but I am also thinking its going to be worse than what it will be if that makes sense. I am hoping that my darling baby boy Bertie is looking down on me and blesses me with a present on his due date - I am due to ovulate & I hope he can help me be blessed with a new pregnancy as a gift. I cant wait to have kids and tell them about their special big brother xx

 

[Kelly9]

^ I do the same thing, when I talk to Hannah before I go to bed every night I ask her to send us a rainbow with this cycle, I don't know why I think she can help with that but there ya go. I hope to be giving good news to.

Has anyone else ttc in here had any luck? I know kiki was in the midst of it did she get her bfp?

 

[Bride2b]

She is about to O or just O I believe. Britney (Blav) got her BFP 2 weeks ago!! So hopefully its the start of a nice little lot of rainbows! x

 

[Kelly9]

That is good news. I hope we have a string of bfps to, looks like kiki, myself and you bride will be close this cycle. Maybe we'll all get lucky.