Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[Andypanda6570]

Thanks andrea, I really hope so. I am just trying to take things one day at a time and will be happy at the moment if I get to tomorrow xx

How are you doing sweetie?

Yes take one day at a time and I just know each day will bring joy for you. I am doing fine.I actually got my AF yesterday I was like 4 or 5 days early.. First time in a long time, but I know it is normal for this to happen. So on my 9th day which will be November 19 th I will begin OPK..
I am also taking it slow and being positive.For now I love reading all the BFP
Everyone else are getting..XOOXO

 

[SarahJane]

Andrea - have you ever tried soy? I took 120 mg of soy this cycle from day 2-6. I have no idea if that was why I got my BFP but it certainly didn't harm!

Because we are older mummies, it is supposed to enhance egg quality xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Andrea - have you ever tried soy? I took 120 mg of soy this cycle from day 2-6. I have no idea if that was why I got my BFP but it certainly didn't harm!

Because we are older mummies, it is supposed to enhance egg quality xxx

Hey thanks I will try that and how are you? I bet I am older XOOXO

 

[ericacaca]

Sorry if I missed anything earlier was replying from my phone as you can probably tell with the spelling mistakes

I have so many regrets about the day Emily was born. I wish I had looked into things more, admitted that things were going downhill instead of believing that everything was going to be ok and organised to have a tiny hat and gown to put Emily in. I regret every day that she was left naked. I regret not taking my own photos and spending more time with her. But after talking to the psychologist I think it would be a good thing for me to have her pic - I know it wont be a very flattering one (she was left in a horrible white plastic tray for like hospital waste or something ) but I know how beautiful SHE is so nothing else will matter. Gosh, now I'm crying.

You really shouldn't have any regrets about what happened on that day hun. You dealt with it the best way you could. I couldnt bear to look at our little one. I didnt want to see her. I didnt even want to know whether she was a girl or boy on that day. I just felt that I didnt want to remember her in the state she must have been in on that day. Our midwife did mention that she was in a really bad way - for that I'm glad I didnt see her. There is a picture in my records of her should I ever want to see it, but I really don't. I didnt find out anything until the consultant told us the causes and that was when she said that she was a girl and she was perfect in every way and it was an infection that caused her not to survive.

Now I'm pregnant again with this little one I don't feel I have anything to hide from our first little one. I know she's in safe hands and far happier where she is now... heaven is so much better than the state this earth is in right now!

I still get really weepy about her, she should be 3 months today. And I'm really sorry if I come across as harsh and heartless with what I've just said.

 

[MummyStobe]

Yay for pregnant 2-3

I also POAS the other day and got pregnant 3+ I wish digis went all the way up!

You’re getting more and more pregnant

Mark went mad at me when he thought I'd been out and bought another test, poor guy didn't realise it was left over from when we were expecting Max. Don't think I'll get away with buying anymore to see a "pregnant 3+"

Still waiting impatiently on my first scan letter - hoping it comes in the next few days.

I hope it does arrive soon for you. I had an early scan with Max and although all we could see was the flicker of his heartbeat it was so reassuring to see.

My consultant has given me a phone number for a Screening Midwife based at the hospital to contact when I get my bfp and she’ll set the ball rolling with all my appointments so I don’t have to wait for GP referrals etc to be processed. Going to give her a ring on Monday and hopefully she’ll sort me an early scan too.

I am finding this so hard. I just feel like I am gonna lose the baby. I had an awful panic attack at 3am and it was similar to when I lost Evelyn. I was convinced I would get up today and I would be bleeding.

I am not having any symptoms really either which doesn't help. Aside for occasional waves of nausea and some twinges a couple of days ago I have nothing at all to really reassure me.

I’ve been feeling exactly the same Sarah. I'm convinced that every time I go to the loo I’m going to see blood. After what we’ve been through I think it is natural to feel like this. I don’t think any of us will relax properly until our babies are safe in our arms.

The only symptoms I’m having are the odd twinge and nausea after I eat and when brushing my teeth at night and I’m also really tired. I want my boobs to get really sore so that I can actually feel something changing.

I am supposed to be flying to Cape Verde for a holiday in 2 weeks time. I think it will do me good to take my mind off things but I am a tiny bit worried that the midwife may say I can't fly! I so need a holiday.

We’re looking at going on holiday next weekend, assuming my passport arrives in time! I really need a break too as not been away since our honeymoon last June. I think a break will do us both the world of good.

So on my 9th day which will be November 19 th I will begin OPK..
I am also taking it slow and being positive.For now I love reading all the BFP
Everyone else are getting..XOOXO

Andrea I’ve got a really good feeling for you. I’m sure that Ava will send you your rainbow baby soon

Now I'm pregnant again with this little one I don't feel I have anything to hide from our first little one. I know she's in safe hands and far happier where she is now... heaven is so much better than the state this earth is in right now!

I still get really weepy about her, she should be 3 months today. And I'm really sorry if I come across as harsh and heartless with what I've just said.

Erica you don’t seem harsh or heartless at all. We all deal with our losses in different ways. Just because some people get comfort from seeing their babies and having pictures etc it doesn’t mean everyone does. As long as you have done what was right for you and your DH then that is all that matters.

 

[ericacaca]

[/QUOTE]

Erica you don’t seem harsh or heartless at all. We all deal with our losses in different ways. Just because some people get comfort from seeing their babies and having pictures etc it doesn’t mean everyone does. As long as you have done what was right for you and your DH then that is all that matters.[/QUOTE]

Wow! You ladies are so good at responding to everyone's posts! I'm really sorry I'm so rubbish at that! I'm trying my best! I see MummyStobe (is it Hayley??? I think I missed your name lovely?) you have a ticker on your siggy now! As stressful as it all is it is pretty exciting isnt it?

I can share with you the feeling of going to the loo and expecting spotting. I'm more shocked that there isnt anything out of the ordinary. I spotted loads of times last time and I believed it was down to stress at my horrible job that I had. Now I have a new job and there are a couple of days that are stressful I keep on panicking that I'm going to start spotting again! Urgh!

And I'm a bit confused about UK hospitals and really worried about it too. When we lived in Surrey the maternity unit was amazing... there was an Early Pregnancy Unit and there was a maternity ward etc etc. The EPU was only open 9 - 5 Mon - Fri so anyone under 12 weeks would go there or to A and E if any problems. After 12 weeks it was straight to the maternity ward. And so at 16 weeks it was comforting to know that I was around midwives and people who knew what they were doing. And then when Baby didnt survive at 18 weeks I was given a private room to deliver her and recover (trust me, I bled so much post partum I needed a private room! urgh!)

But where we are now there is no EPU and you have to go to A and E up to 20 weeks! So if the same thing happens again (Lord forbid!) then do I have to deliver a teeny baby in a general ward? I'm so scared that that is the case because it was horrendous even in a private room I couldnt bare the humiliation of losing a baby in front of other people even behind a curtain!

And if I needed a D and C is it in a general ward? If that is the case then I'm really really scared!

Sorry - thats the main thought in my head at the moment! It just nice to know that you''re in good hands and I'm worried I won't be! URGH!

xxx

 

[MummyStobe]

Wow! You ladies are so good at responding to everyone's posts! I'm really sorry I'm so rubbish at that! I'm trying my best! I see MummyStobe (is it Hayley??? I think I missed your name lovely?) you have a ticker on your siggy now! As stressful as it all is it is pretty exciting isnt it?

I can share with you the feeling of going to the loo and expecting spotting. I'm more shocked that there isnt anything out of the ordinary. I spotted loads of times last time and I believed it was down to stress at my horrible job that I had. Now I have a new job and there are a couple of days that are stressful I keep on panicking that I'm going to start spotting again! Urgh!

And I'm a bit confused about UK hospitals and really worried about it too. When we lived in Surrey the maternity unit was amazing... there was an Early Pregnancy Unit and there was a maternity ward etc etc. The EPU was only open 9 - 5 Mon - Fri so anyone under 12 weeks would go there or to A and E if any problems. After 12 weeks it was straight to the maternity ward. And so at 16 weeks it was comforting to know that I was around midwives and people who knew what they were doing. And then when Baby didnt survive at 18 weeks I was given a private room to deliver her and recover (trust me, I bled so much post partum I needed a private room! urgh!)

But where we are now there is no EPU and you have to go to A and E up to 20 weeks! So if the same thing happens again (Lord forbid!) then do I have to deliver a teeny baby in a general ward? I'm so scared that that is the case because it was horrendous even in a private room I couldnt bare the humiliation of losing a baby in front of other people even behind a curtain!

And if I needed a D and C is it in a general ward? If that is the case then I'm really really scared!

Sorry - thats the main thought in my head at the moment! It just nice to know that you''re in good hands and I'm worried I won't be! URGH!

xxx

Yeah it is Hayley...you remember better than you give yourself credit for.

I couldn't resist the ticker. I know it is still early days and I'm taking each day a step at a time but I figure it isn't going to do me any good to think the worst all the time so I'm trying to stay as positive as possible. We've decided that we aren't going to tell anyone about being pregnant yet, we're going to try and wait til Christmas if we can so having a ticker on here is my way of shouting about it.

I'm sorry you feel like that about your local hospital. I'm sure that you will get the best possible care from any medical staff that you have dealings with. If you don't mind me asking, which is your local hospital?

I've always used my community midwife as a first point of contact for any problems. When I started spotting at about 17 weeks when I was expecting Max I rang them and they told me to ring the Maternity Day Unit and I dealt with them directly after that. They were only open 8 - 6 so I always contacted the Delivery Suite out of hours.

Sorry that probably hasn't helped you at all, I've just rambled on

 

[ericacaca]

Wow! You ladies are so good at responding to everyone's posts! I'm really sorry I'm so rubbish at that! I'm trying my best! I see MummyStobe (is it Hayley??? I think I missed your name lovely?) you have a ticker on your siggy now! As stressful as it all is it is pretty exciting isnt it?

I can share with you the feeling of going to the loo and expecting spotting. I'm more shocked that there isnt anything out of the ordinary. I spotted loads of times last time and I believed it was down to stress at my horrible job that I had. Now I have a new job and there are a couple of days that are stressful I keep on panicking that I'm going to start spotting again! Urgh!

And I'm a bit confused about UK hospitals and really worried about it too. When we lived in Surrey the maternity unit was amazing... there was an Early Pregnancy Unit and there was a maternity ward etc etc. The EPU was only open 9 - 5 Mon - Fri so anyone under 12 weeks would go there or to A and E if any problems. After 12 weeks it was straight to the maternity ward. And so at 16 weeks it was comforting to know that I was around midwives and people who knew what they were doing. And then when Baby didnt survive at 18 weeks I was given a private room to deliver her and recover (trust me, I bled so much post partum I needed a private room! urgh!)

But where we are now there is no EPU and you have to go to A and E up to 20 weeks! So if the same thing happens again (Lord forbid!) then do I have to deliver a teeny baby in a general ward? I'm so scared that that is the case because it was horrendous even in a private room I couldnt bare the humiliation of losing a baby in front of other people even behind a curtain!

And if I needed a D and C is it in a general ward? If that is the case then I'm really really scared!

Sorry - thats the main thought in my head at the moment! It just nice to know that you''re in good hands and I'm worried I won't be! URGH!

xxx

Yeah it is Hayley...you remember better than you give yourself credit for.

I couldn't resist the ticker. I know it is still early days and I'm taking each day a step at a time but I figure it isn't going to do me any good to think the worst all the time so I'm trying to stay as positive as possible. We've decided that we aren't going to tell anyone about being pregnant yet, we're going to try and wait til Christmas if we can so having a ticker on here is my way of shouting about it.

I'm sorry you feel like that about your local hospital. I'm sure that you will get the best possible care from any medical staff that you have dealings with. If you don't mind me asking, which is your local hospital?

I've always used my community midwife as a first point of contact for any problems. When I started spotting at about 17 weeks when I was expecting Max I rang them and they told me to ring the Maternity Day Unit and I dealt with them directly after that. They were only open 8 - 6 so I always contacted the Delivery Suite out of hours.

Sorry that probably hasn't helped you at all, I've just rambled on

Ooooh yeah! I remember now! I should call my community midwife up first! and she also told me to still call up the labour ward to see where they think I should go to get checked up if there is a problem!

Our hospital is Milton Keynes General. I've heard they have improved... now they have 1 to 1 delivery care ( so what did they have in the FIRST place? )

And I understand about the ticker giving you the chance to be loud about it on here! We arent going to be too loud about it for another couple of months. I really want to get the 18 week mark out the way and see if we can make it past then! People who know are praying and supporting us in whatever way they can whatever happens and we're happy with a few people knowing - just not my entire friends list on Facebook! lol!

Erica x

 

[ericacaca]

And I'm getting rather excited now as I have a pizza delivery on its way! Naughty I know - but I've been after one all week!

 

[SarahJane]

I am 35 Andrea! I feel about 90 tho

Mummystobe - I hope you have a wonderful holiday too and that it takes your mind off the stress. I have just noticed that we have an identical EDD, we are having twins! Incidentally I am also on my 3rd pregnancy so I am also hoping for 3rd time lucky...

Ericacaca - how was the pizza? What sort did you have? x

 

[jojo23]

hey girls just had to have a rant... im so annoyed with first trimester forum lol... i cant believe how unsupportive the ladies are there, i come on here and i know you all care so much and we all understand each other and are happy and sad together! then i go on there and theres people actually telling other women not to get their hopes up when they think they may be pregnant because its silly and they havent had a 'real loss' so they dont know what its like and the same commenter told a lady she wasnt sympathetic that the lady ttc got her period this month!!... im shocked as we all know how devastating it is getting af each month of ttc! i really thought it was all about helping each other when we feel down and giving each other hope when we need it most!

sorry for the rant but im seriously annoyed and also wanted to say how amazing everyone of you are for giving support and keeping my hopes up when i felt down and out of the race!! im grateful for you all xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[SarahJane]

I know that feeling Jojo!

I get so annoyed with the "real loss" comments. I am 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant, if I lose this baby I will be heartbroken. I also lost Evelyn at 23 weeks. There is no bloody scale of grief which makes one loss worse than another.

In reality I would probably deal with an early loss better now but if I hadn't lost Evelyn I would be totally devastated regardless of when it happened and it would be like the end of the world.

When TTC if you don't have hope you would go insane xxx

 

[jojo23]

I know that feeling Jojo!

I get so annoyed with the "real loss" comments. I am 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant, if I lose this baby I will be heartbroken. I also lost Evelyn at 23 weeks. There is no bloody scale of grief which makes one loss worse than another.

In reality I would probably deal with an early loss better now but if I hadn't lost Evelyn I would be totally devastated regardless of when it happened and it would be like the end of the world.

When TTC if you don't have hope you would go insane xxx

agreed hun!! i was so disgusted when i saw these comments im afraid i had a little rant at the women in question hope i dont get into trouble lol! but i just think its awful to bring anyone down when they are already losing hope.... i know wat you mean hun i lost lily at 22 weeks and im now 9 weeks pregnant, i keep telling myself that the chances of something going wrong are so slim but yet im preparing myself for bad news...crazy isnt it!!!

huge congrats on your pregnancy hun, the gorgeous Evelyn will be your guardian angel for this precious little one!! how are you feeling hun?xxxxxxxxx

 

[SarahJane]

OMFG I just read that - she has had a REAL loss???????? I am so tempted to be really nasty but am gonna bite my tongue. You were spot on in what you said!

I would like to rename the last part of name from girl to child!

I am so happy to be pregnant, I am like you though and expecting the worst. For me, the best outcome at the moment will be to get to the end of the day without losing this baby x

 

[jojo23]

yeah hun see this lady josephine was having some wacky things go on with her body but her hpts were negative and she wasnt really getting much help from her doctor so she started the thread to get advice, and lets face it we all get a bit crazy when we think we may be pregnant. anyways she ended up getting AF but it was very heavy and she thought she may have had a very early loss. but this other lady then says she shouldnt get her hopes up in future and its silly to go on the way she did and she was glad that af had got her and had no sympathy for her!

i just think its awful like everyones body is different, lots of us symptom spot, i didnt get a positive hpt until 4 weeks late and really needed advice here. if i had eventually gotten af i would have been so upset! really is not nice to say things like that to someone.

yeah hun i have my second scan tomorrow and im just not getting my hopes up at all its a terrible way to be but i think after a loss it really taints pregnancy for us. i always thought before i lost Lily that pregnancy was this magical lovely time and i never realised how many women had early and late losses. my doctor told me 50% of women that have an early loss never even realised they were pregnant just thought AF was a little later than usual, thats crazy!
but she also told me the odds of anything happenin this time in pregnancy are so minute!! just think i am so happy that i can come here and ask everyones advice and share happy news and hopefully give advice to those poor ladies who are going through what we all did! god knows its hard enough without feelin alone!are you going to have an early scan hun???xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[mhazzab]

OMFG I just read that - she has had a REAL loss???????? I am so tempted to be really nasty but am gonna bite my tongue. You were spot on in what you said!

I would like to rename the last part of name from girl to child!

I am so happy to be pregnant, I am like you though and expecting the worst. For me, the best outcome at the moment will be to get to the end of the day without losing this baby x

I just read the thread too -wow! Nasty words, I feel sorry for the OP all she wanted was some advice and reassurance, poor girl, well done you for stepping in, you did it very tactfully although someone sounds like she could do with a slap around the head! real loss? Who is she to define what that is?

I mostly avoid the first tri section I feel I just don't fit in there at all, my innocence has been taken from me.

Hope you and your rainbows are both well, jojo and Sarah xx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Those forums really piss the shit out of me (sorry I cursed) I got jumped on in the third trimester cause some idiot was asking if Labor and having a Miscarriage were similar I called the person disgusting and everyone jumped on me and said it was a legitimate question, well I didn't think it was. How could they be the same, with labor your going to see your child with absolute joy miscarraige your feeling dead inside to greet your dead baby Idiots I say....
I am so sorry if any of you are hurt, I think we are better off staying here, cause if I go off on some of the nitwits I will get banned.
OXOXO

 

[collie_crazy]

Oh Sarah I am exactly the same... My OH is just so excited, he's talking non-stop about names and plans and has even started clearing out the back room (its a big job!). But I just cant. I actually cant even visualise bringing a baby home. Infact last night I had a dream that I was burying another tiny baby in a blue coffin - I woke myself up sobbing and then almost had a panic attack when I realised that they wouldn't be able to be buried together because the lair only permits one Now I feel guilty for having such morbid thoughts but I just cant help it. Everytime I go to the toilet I expect blood and I dont know why because its not as though I had that experience with Emily -- I just keep expecting something to go wrong. I will be having a 6 week scan and I just feel that something will be wrong then too - they wont be able to see a heartbeat or somethig. I think thats why I keep POAS, because its the only way I can tell that things are still ok... for now. I'm struggling big time and trying to just keep my head down and not really think about it - which is horrible but the only way I can get through it I think.

Last night I read about another angel mummy on the FB group who got her BFP the same day as me and she is miscarrying now. I sobbed so hard last night. For her, for her baby, for how enormously unfair all of this is. I am terrified

I am sure the MW will allow you to fly, I flew in my first trimester last time. I think there is only concerns after the 28 week mark or something I think the holiday will do you good and give you time to relax

Erica You dont sound harsh or heartless at all. We all deal with things differently. For me I knew I wanted to see Emily, but then when I did it was all too much for me - I was in a real mess. Now I regret not touching her and looking at her more, but if I actually think about it sensibly I know I was in no state at the time to do that.

About the A&E thing... I would imagine if you went in through A&E you would then be referred to the maternity unit if needed. And if you have a D&C I believe you would go to a general gynae ward... I was in a general gynae ward when I had mine 8 weeks after delivery. There was a woman in the next bed to me who had just had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, one across that had ovarian cysts and another that had general pains in 'that area' so a bit of a mixed bag But everyone was lovely.

Andrea so happy 'that time' is coming up soon I'm sure you will be cooking that rainbow baby in no time at all!

Jojo I peeked in at the first tri boards like once and then ran out again. I guess in there people are only really there for a couple of months at most and everyone comes and goes... whereas in here its been the same people for a while so you get to know each other and can support each other more. There are some really really bitchy people out there I prefer to hide from them LOL! I have ventured into Pregnancy after Loss board which I feel more 'at home' in but its a bit quiet in there... so I just stick to in here

WOW long post sorry! Thats what happens when I dont come on for a few days so much to reply to!
Hope the rest of you girls are doing well?

 

[yazoo]

Hey girls,

My nose got the better of me and I went looking for the thread you were talking about Joelene. Wow that girl is a bitch. I have noticed some very bitchy people on these boards (obviously not in here you are all fantastic )

Amanda its sweet that you OH is excited about the pregnancy but I think I'd feel the exact same as you. I can't say for sure as I'm not yet pg but I think I will find it hard to be excited and won't be happy until after I reach 22 weeks. Even then I think I'd be scared of everything.

I ordered conceive plus from ebay the other day. AF has finished so I am eagerly waiting for it to arrive. I really hope it arrives in time.

How is everyone doing? xx

 

[jojo23]

glad you feel the same girls thought it might be just me and my hormones lol... hate anyone being mean in this situation!

andrea i agree people can be very tactless in some of the forums and i do understand that we know the horrible side of pregnancy and perhaps they are just ignorant to it and im glad they are cause i wouldnt wish it on anyone, but we all need advice!!def better off sitckin to all you lovely ladiesxx

thanks mhazzab im doing well, have another scan in the morning so literally have everything crossed thanks for thinkin of me xxxx

Tanya im so happy your keeping positive and cant wait for you to get started this month, ill be literally praying every day for everyone to get their bfps..no one deserves it more! xxx

amanda i totally know the feeling, im not even getting my hopes up with this pregnancy cause im half expecting something to be wrong tomorrow when i go in! its a horrible way to be but thats what pregnancy is for us now, wish we could all go back to the blissful ignorance of it all! everything will be fine for you hun, worries and fear are totally natural and if we didnt have them id be worrying lol!! so glad your OH is so supportive xxxx

hope everyone else is doing well...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx