Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[KamIAm]

Hi ladies,

I feel like an intruder as you all seem like good friends here. I am new to this part of the forum, almost a year ago I started lurking on the TTC forums, then graduated to first trimester in Aug when I got my BFP after what seemed like months of TTC & trying every trick in the book. Needless to say I was over the moon but always cautious about being pregnant. I posted my story earlier in this section of the site about my loss this week.

I feel a bit stronger after reading the messages people have left for me. I probably shouldnt even be thinking of this but.....how long did you all wait before trying again? From past ladies on here does it happen quite quickly in general as you are supposed to be more fertile after a baby?

I feel very lost not being pregnant & just want to be pregnant again.......now I know about labour and that I do actually have a maternal bone in my body (which I never thought I had) I dont feel scared that I couldnt cope with labour or that I wouldnt know what to do with a baby. I want to be a mum so desperately now....

Thanks ladies xx

Welcome Hon' ....

I hate that your lil guy was taken and you are now here with us.... But so glad you found your way here....

I found this website 8 months ago, right after my Emma was taken from me ... This has truely turned out to be the biggest blessing and my lifeline ...

Pretty much right after I gave birth to Emma those same feeling and desires came flooding in with me as well..... THink it's pretty natural ...

Once I went in to see my doctor at my 6 week recheck, he said for us to wait at least 3 months... To give myself and my body time to heal...

It took us a wee bit longer for our hearts and souls to be healed enough to start ttc again, this is only our 2nd cycle... (But if Emma was my first, I wouldn't have waited... I would have jumped right back into ttc....)

Good Luck Hon' and be kind and gentle on yourself.... One huge lesson I have learned in this journey (nightmare)... Mourn at your own pace... You do whatever YOU need to do ... There is no wrong or right way or definately NO time line in grief ...

We're always here for ya!!!

 

[KamIAm]

HA!!

I STILL have issues with some of the lingo.... I just go along with the flow or retreat back to the home page and look at their list of abbreviations! LOL!!!!!


Good Grief! I am an emotional wreck today .... One minute I'm fine then next I'm crying ... I dont even know if I'm preg or not and I'm already replaying the day Emma was born in my head... Scared to death! And really missing my Emma .....

 

[yazoo]

Kelly, omg girl you have been busy. lol

Hey Nat, any update on AF?

Hi Susanne. I had IB during Jakob's pregnancy. It was just a tiny bit of pink on the TP. I think I introduced myself, I can't remember. Anyway my name is Tanya, just incase.

Hayley- I think I just got sick in my thought at the mention of minced pies. Yuck. The Xmas smileys are pretty cool I have to say but still dreading it but I got a little bit excited today while in TK Maxx- I picked up some lovely wee bits of Jakob's grave. The Toy Show is on tonight here in Ireland. It is on every Xmas and has been for decades. Really looking forward to that.

Helen- I'm with ya bout forgetting things. I forgot my nephews birthday in October. I'm lucky my head is screwed on or I'd be forgetting it too.

Oh I'm a Celebrity talk, I'm sitting watching a pre-recorded one at the mo. I want Mark to win. He seems like a nice lad and I like his pecks, he isn't the sharpest tool in the box mind..

Well done for surviving your first day back at work Blav.

Bride2be- don't be silly, the more the merrier. Welcome to the crazy gang. lol. It sure has been crazy recently. Lots of us in the tww. I'm sorry I haven't seen your story yet. I have been AWOL lately so just catching up with the girls here until I have time to read through the other threads properly. I am very sorry for you loss. I hate that you have found your way here but you have come to a great place where you will experience tears, laughter and plenty of support. I waited for my follow up appt before ttc and I am so glad I did. Turns out I have a condition that is so dangerous for babies and it really needs to be treated. I'm so glad we waited to try.

Helen- if only it was as easy to get pregnant. I bloody wish. This ttc business even takes the fun out of sex. Its like Oh come on get it over with. lol. Any other time I'd be giving out if spermies came too quickly. lol. OJ I'm not that mean. Oh I know all about the lingo now too. The one that confused me was PUPO- I think Kelly said it here one day and I was like what the hell is that but didn;t bother asking. I was walking about all day wondering what it'd bee muttering "poo-po" to myself.

Anyway girls, afm- I have been a wee bit busy and OH has been hogging the laptop for work stuff and the pc is just sooo slow so I don't even bother. I am about 10dpo now- I have a feeling AF is on the way, my temp has been decreasing and I had bad cramps last night. TMI ALERT but Feeling very wet and keep checking for AF but nope just CM. I have tests here and all but I AM NOT TESTING. I love my self restraint these days but I can't stand seeing a BFN. I will wait for a few more days and see if AF arrives and then I will join the POAS craziness but I don't think I will take Kelly's crown. She is the queen of Peeing on a stick. lol

Sorry about the BFN Kelly but I get the feeling your not getting too down about it.

Mhairi- how are you hun? Has the cramps settled down?? Taking it easy I hope? xxx

I am not leaving it this long to reply again. I will fight OH for the laptop from now on. You girls are really keeping me on my toes but I love you all anyway.

 

[yazoo]

Aww Kel- just seeing your last posts now. Sorry your feeling emotional today. That has been me for the past few days. Tears galore but I'm not bad today.

Although I almost cried after doing my hair. I used a colour stripper to take my black out and now I am sitting with black, brown, orange and grey hair and I can't colour it because I have to wait a couple of weeks. I'm getting a good laugh at it now though. It could only happen to me. OH is trying to tell me its lovely. Yeah right darlin- what are you looking for. lol

 

[Ellie10]

Tanya, thanks for the info on the IB you had, gives me hope. Trying not to think about it too much because if I've learned anything over the last 6 years ttc it's that I should never listen to my body, cos she's a lying *itch haha.

Helen, took me ages to get a grip on the lingo too, and AF was the one that got me too. I guessed from the context what it was but was months before I realised what the actual words were. Dopey cow

Bride2b - I've only just joined the group this week myself and already I'm amazed at how lovely everyone is, I'm sure you'll feel the same. As for ttc, I can only speak for myself obviously, but before I even left the hospital I was already thinking about trying again. Maybe it was the maternal hormones or just simply the overwhelming need to be pregnant again so I could get back into that hopeful place but I can tell you I felt almost desperate to try again straight away. Unfortunately I couldn't, due to lack of aftercare (I had none) I hemorrhaged badly 7 weeks later, lost 4 pints of blood and (sorry to be a total drama queen girls) was told that I was lucky I made it as I had no pulse when I got to A & E. Had a 3 pint transfusion and D & C and was back home in 5 days thankfully. Felt so sorry for my poor dh, he went through so much last year it's a wonder he's not a nervous wreck, god love him. Anyway, recovering from that took me a while. But, my feeling is that you will know yourself when you're ready and you should just go for it.

For anyone watching I'm A Celeb..... have just watch another episode and have to say I am now rooting for mark to win too. He doesn't seem to have a nasty bone in his (very lovely!) body.

Well, my cramps finally died down after about 3 hours but they did get pretty bad at one point. But still no sign of AF, however, sorry for TMI but my cm has gone watery like it does just before AF so I'm not very hopeful. Never mind.

Right, I am now going to watch some appalling televison and try to get myself to bed before my drunken dh gets back from his work's xmas party he has previous for waking me up and talking me through the whole night out (and he is a stockbroker and my god his workmates are bloody dull)

Hello to anyone I have missed, I'm trying to follow the thread as best I can but sorry if I missed anyone. Hugs to you all

 

[Ellie10]

Aww Kelly I'm so sorry you're feeling all over the place but it's totally understandable hon. You deserve a medal for staying sane so far. Sending you some PMA xxxxx
xxxx

 

[Hellylou]

Tanya, thanks for the info on the IB you had, gives me hope. Trying not to think about it too much because if I've learned anything over the last 6 years ttc it's that I should never listen to my body, cos she's a lying *itch haha.

Helen, took me ages to get a grip on the lingo too, and AF was the one that got me too. I guessed from the context what it was but was months before I realised what the actual words were. Dopey cow

Bride2b - I've only just joined the group this week myself and already I'm amazed at how lovely everyone is, I'm sure you'll feel the same. As for ttc, I can only speak for myself obviously, but before I even left the hospital I was already thinking about trying again. Maybe it was the maternal hormones or just simply the overwhelming need to be pregnant again so I could get back into that hopeful place but I can tell you I felt almost desperate to try again straight away. Unfortunately I couldn't, due to lack of aftercare (I had none) I hemorrhaged badly 7 weeks later, lost 4 pints of blood and (sorry to be a total drama queen girls) was told that I was lucky I made it as I had no pulse when I got to A & E. Had a 3 pint transfusion and D & C and was back home in 5 days thankfully. Felt so sorry for my poor dh, he went through so much last year it's a wonder he's not a nervous wreck, god love him. Anyway, recovering from that took me a while. But, my feeling is that you will know yourself when you're ready and you should just go for it.

For anyone watching I'm A Celeb..... have just watch another episode and have to say I am now rooting for mark to win too. He doesn't seem to have a nasty bone in his (very lovely!) body.

Well, my cramps finally died down after about 3 hours but they did get pretty bad at one point. But still no sign of AF, however, sorry for TMI but my cm has gone watery like it does just before AF so I'm not very hopeful. Never mind.

Right, I am now going to watch some appalling televison and try to get myself to bed before my drunken dh gets back from his work's xmas party he has previous for waking me up and talking me through the whole night out (and he is a stockbroker and my god his workmates are bloody dull)

Hello to anyone I have missed, I'm trying to follow the thread as best I can but sorry if I missed anyone. Hugs to you all

HOLY CRAP girl - I thought I had a rough time of it afterwards but I didn't actually nearly die! Jeeez...that really sucks! I am so glad you are ok

Tanya - I know, I was so naive about making babies. I guess I was always blessed in that respect, in that it wasn't difficult to make em for us, when for so many others I know since coming here how long, draining and soul destroying it can be, and until I lost Thomas I was blissfully naive about things going wrong... My biggest fear before I lost him was that there might be something wrong with him, as my 10 year old son is autistic with learning difficulties. It is always a risk as it can run in families. He's wonderful, but very hard work. My 12 year old daughter is fine, so it was quite a shock when he began to show signs of things being not right (I knew when he was a baby). So that was always my concern in pregnancy, not that it would have really mattered in the long run. I never thought for a minute he wouldn't actually make it here to join us at all... I think now, after all this, nothing could shock me.

 

[Ellie10]

Helen I'm almost embarrassed to mention what happened after I lost Ellie because it seems so outlandish. After not telling me she was born alive, they also told me I had delivered a boy so I had a funeral for a son I named Freddy, and grieved for a son I never had for 7 weeks before I got a call telling me they had got the sex wrong. This is at 19 weeks, unbelievable. Even the post mortem report said the external genitalia were female but a senior midwife and a consultant still got it wrong. That really messed with my head for a long time, I kept saying 'he' instead of 'she' when I talked about her and that killed me. It also took months to get the birth and death certificates changed because you have to involve lawyers etc so that was a total faff in itself.

The hemorrhage was just the last in a long line of *uck ups and if I'd had the energy last year to take any action against the hospital I would have. I did receive a formal apology a week after the birth for not telling me Ellie was born alive but to be honest that was cancelled out when the head midwife who attended the birth (and got the sex wrong) rang to ask me if she could attend the funeral as a mark of respect and then turned up wearing skin-tight jeans, hooker shoes and a spangly vest top There's all our family sombre in their Sunday best and she trots in looking like she's just staggered out of a karaoke bar. She was lucky I didn't knock her on her *rse, I can tell you but that's in the past so no point dwelling I suppose.

Back to my crappy tv!

xxx

 

[Ellie10]

Oh god, just read my post and it is just soooo depressing. Sorry girls, please don't think I'm being all dramatic, I'm really not. I'm fine now and it all kind of feels like it happened to someone else, if you know what I mean. I was just really unlucky in that I had the worst hospital ever nearest to me. In fact I deliberately didn't choose that hospital for my antenatal care because it had such an awful reputation, but on the day, in an emergency we went there.

On a happier note, I've had two glasses of wine and wey hey, I'm feeling gooood!!!!

Mind you, no more for me tonight, as much as I'd love to wipe myself into oblivion so I don't have to watch dh climb the stairs to bed on all fours later. He doesn't drink much and sadly gets in a right old mess on these occasions. But, I must be good

xx

 

[babylou]

Helen I'm almost embarrassed to mention what happened after I lost Ellie because it seems so outlandish. After not telling me she was born alive, they also told me I had delivered a boy so I had a funeral for a son I named Freddy, and grieved for a son I never had for 7 weeks before I got a call telling me they had got the sex wrong. This is at 19 weeks, unbelievable. Even the post mortem report said the external genitalia were female but a senior midwife and a consultant still got it wrong. That really messed with my head for a long time, I kept saying 'he' instead of 'she' when I talked about her and that killed me. It also took months to get the birth and death certificates changed because you have to involve lawyers etc so that was a total faff in itself.

The hemorrhage was just the last in a long line of *uck ups and if I'd had the energy last year to take any action against the hospital I would have. I did receive a formal apology a week after the birth for not telling me Ellie was born alive but to be honest that was cancelled out when the head midwife who attended the birth (and got the sex wrong) rang to ask me if she could attend the funeral as a mark of respect and then turned up wearing skin-tight jeans, hooker shoes and a spangly vest top There's all our family sombre in their Sunday best and she trots in looking like she's just staggered out of a karaoke bar. She was lucky I didn't knock her on her *rse, I can tell you but that's in the past so no point dwelling I suppose.

Back to my crappy tv!

xxx

That must have been really awful for you. I know that the nurses on duty when I delivered Samuel wouldn't tell me gender, we had to wait for the amnio results to confirm. The nurses said that even if they are 99% sure that they knew they weren't allowed to say. It was hard for us to hear that because at the time it's all you want to know.

At least you did eventually find out, and were able to put it right.

love and hugs

(P.S. I think Dougie should win Celeb - AND i'm not a McFly fan either!)

 

[yazoo]

OMG Susanne, I'm so sorry that happened to you. That must have been an awful thing to go through. How could the idiots get it so wrong and that stupid midwife. grrr.

Don't be sorry for sharing your story. It isn't depressing. We are here to listen to everything.

Anyway I'm going to go watch the Toy Show and enjoy a nice cool bottle of beer. I had a hankering for one all day and sent OH off to the shop. Haven't drank in ages but tonight its DRINK TIL ITS PINK.

 

[Ellie10]

Helen I'm almost embarrassed to mention what happened after I lost Ellie because it seems so outlandish. After not telling me she was born alive, they also told me I had delivered a boy so I had a funeral for a son I named Freddy, and grieved for a son I never had for 7 weeks before I got a call telling me they had got the sex wrong. This is at 19 weeks, unbelievable. Even the post mortem report said the external genitalia were female but a senior midwife and a consultant still got it wrong. That really messed with my head for a long time, I kept saying 'he' instead of 'she' when I talked about her and that killed me. It also took months to get the birth and death certificates changed because you have to involve lawyers etc so that was a total faff in itself.

The hemorrhage was just the last in a long line of *uck ups and if I'd had the energy last year to take any action against the hospital I would have. I did receive a formal apology a week after the birth for not telling me Ellie was born alive but to be honest that was cancelled out when the head midwife who attended the birth (and got the sex wrong) rang to ask me if she could attend the funeral as a mark of respect and then turned up wearing skin-tight jeans, hooker shoes and a spangly vest top There's all our family all sombre in their Sunday best and she trots in looking like she's just staggered out of a karaoke bar. She was lucky I didn't knock her on her *rse, I can tell you but that's in the past so no point dwelling I suppose.

Back to my crappy tv!

xxx

 

[Ellie10]

Just lost a post. Ack. Got serious mushy brain tonight. Mind you, that's nothing new And had NOTHING at all to do with the wine

xxx

 

[jojo23]

hey girls..eeek i feel like ive missed everything lol

welcome to suzanne and bride to be... i hope we can help you girls in whatever way you need, im so sorry you both found a reason to be here and my thoughts are with you xx

kelly i hope your feeling better hun, sometimes its good to have a right old cry and let out all the emotions!! better out than in...

andrea how are you hun????xxx

tanya lol im laughing thinking of your hair, wish i was nearer to you and id fix ya up lol (im a hairdresser!dunno if i mentioned lol)i know this month is tough on you but im always thinking of you xxxx

Mhairi how are you feeling??hope everything is going well.

dont want to be waffling all night lol so all my other lovely ladies how are you?and how are we on the baby making??????any news yet xxxxxxxxxxxxx

love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Nikki_d72]

Hi Ladies, my Gawd, there's heaps to catch up on again! Good to see you all so chatty!

Bride2b, you're so welcome here, you're not invading at all, unfortunately we do have to welcome new ladies here quite often, I mean unfortunately bacause I wish no-one ever had to come join us in this section. You'dre more than welcome to just hang with us till you decide to try, or whatever you decide. I know what you mean about wanting to be pregnant immediately, it's such an awful empty feeling. I would also second what Helen said about waiting for the follow-up though, to see what would be done next time, to give you the best outcome, but it's totally up to you. I'm not sure about the fertile after a loss thing, I've read that a lot in M/C but not sure if it applies to birthing situations like ours?

Kelly, still all the best for you hon, hope you're hanging on in there!

Helen, I've forgotten everything since this happened to us, my OH unfortunately relies on me too to remember everything so we forgot MIL's birthday too, but she was s**tty enough to call up and lay the guilties on DH about it. I've not been impressed with her at all since we lost the boys TBH and we have to go there for Xmas, gah! Anyway, my point is, most folk will understand and it seems to be common to have mushy brain syndrome from what everyone else is saying here. I've decided it's time DH took responsibility for remembering his own families birthdays now anyway - he must have before he met me, so why should I be the one to do it all now? I've got a terrible memory at the best of times anyway. I also forgot my Mum and Dad's anniversary but she's never mentioned it and I just realised it was my nephew's b'day a couple of days before and Mum offered to get something for him from me, so that was good. I have everything written on a calendar on the wall but then I froget to check the demn thing!

Suzanne, my God, you were put though it hon! Don't worry about being dramatic, you're just telling it like it is. You can't be upbeat about it all the time! I hope you get to California one day. I came travelling here with my mates from Glasgow, who I lived in Ireland with, supposedly for a year. I started to really enjoy myself after a bit of a bad start so decided to stay another year. In that time I met my DH, even though I'd no intention of getting hooked up with a Kiwi, as I didn't want to give myself the dilemma of staying here or not but these things tend to happen when you're not looking for it, don't they? Anyway we got together and OOps I fell pregnant pretty quickly. looking back it was the best thing to happen, I don't think I would have ever decided "right, time to settle down now". I was blessed that he was the right guy for me and we've been together ever since. We came back to Scotland when DD was a few months old and we ended up staying for 7 years - we bought a house to do up and it took over our lives forever. We just got back here a year ago last March so I haven't been back snce then but my Mum offered us tickets to go and visit after we lost the boys but I wasn't on the form then to get on a plane for 36 hrs! I might take her up on it soon though but don't want to miss yet another summer here and go into 2 winters again. (that happened both times we moved!)

Blav, hope the witch turns up soon so you can get on with TTC.

hope all the rest of you are well, sorry I've forgotten lots but can't scroll back and if I can't read it I can't remember!

xxx

 

[Ellie10]

Ladies, having just posted such depressing posts I thought I'd share something a little lighter with you, and which shows my extraordinary stupitidy. As improbable as it might sound, I was recently publicly reprimanded for drugging my imaginary baby...

Two weeks ago I bought a book by Dr Alan Beer about infertility and immune testing etc, and in it he recommends taking a low-dose of 'baby aspirin' while you're trying to conceive to improve blood flow to your ovaries and womb, and since I'll try anything once I popped in to my local pharmacy that morning to get some. I couldn't find any on the shelves so I went to the counter and without thinking I asked the girl behind the till for 'baby aspirin'. She looked a bit blank for a second until I explained I meant the low-dose 75mg one, and she then fetched a bottle from a shelf behind her. As she was ringing it up she asked me if they were for my baby. She had obviously misunderstood my request for 'baby aspirin', but being in a bit of a rush and also not really wanting to go into the fact that I needed them to give my creaking old ovaries a bit of a boost, I just said 'Yes' thinking that would be the end of it and I'd be on my merry way home to blood-thinning heaven. Nope. Looking slightly alarmed, she asked me how old my baby was. Bloody hell. I now either lie again or look like a total looper. 'Erm, he's 18 months' I replied, realising this conversation was moving slowly into the surreal. 'I really don't think you're supposed to give these to babies, you know.... wait here, I'm going to have to get the pharmacist'. Eek. I am seriously considering doing a runner at this point, why did I have to say 'yes'? A minute later out comes a stern looking man in a white coat, presumably the pill-pusher, with till-girl in tow, who is now clearly delighted at catching her first child-abuser. This is how the conversation went;

Pharmacist: You haven't been giving these to your baby, have you?!
Me: (Reaching into my handbag for a spade to dig myself in a bit deeper) Oh no, no...I just, well...he hasn't been very well...
Pharmacist: (Looking highly suspicious) What's wrong with him?
Me: (desperately trying to think of a non life-threatening ailment that might require aspirins) 'He's got, er...a cold,...headache, runny nose and stuff...and well, he's just a bit under the weather (shut up Susanne. Shut up NOW)
Pharmacist: Well you can't give him aspirins, do you know how dangerous these are to children?! They could kill your baby! You CANNOT give these to babies! What else have you given your baby for this cold? (by his tone and the way he was glaring at me he was obviously thinking something along the lines of crack cocaine)

How in god's name did I manage to get myself into this; i am standing here being bollocked for poisoning a child that doesn't actually exist. Also, I'm thinking we are starting to drift towards a possible citizen's arrest and a call to Social Services here - it's time to 'fess up. So I meekly mumbled 'I'm really sorry, the aspirins are actually for me. I don't even have a baby'.... and went swiftly from baby-drugger to mad-woman who invents babies. Lordy lord :-O

 

[Ellie10]

Nikki, sorry I'm just obsessed with emmigrating. So sick of the damp british weather Sometimes I get angry that I'm so far from my family but hey, life ain't perfect. Got to stick it out xx

 

[KamIAm]

Girls .... I know, I know, I am bogging up this thread with my crazy rambling but i can't help it!

All afternoon, I have felt terrible.. physically.... Nausea and exhaustion has settled in keeping my company ..... Wheww ... Wow ...

I can NOT explain how sick I feel.... The last time I felt like this was in my early pregnancy with Em' .... Really!

 

[mhazzab]

Susanne I bet you just wanted the ground to swallow you up during that encounter with the pharmacist! Oops!

Kelly I'm so glad to hear you are feeling rubbish and still have no AF...please please please get on here in the morning with your poas results!! I will be stalking you

Just heading to bed now...so just a quick post from me, hope you are all well xxx

 

[Bride2b]

Thanks ladies for welcom