Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[kiki04]

I agree... I know people have thought "Why is she still talking about that baby" and it kills me inside when you know they are thinking that No one will ever understand unless they walk a mile in our shoes, however I wish no one ever had too

In regards to my meds... thats what I am starting to wonder if they are delaying or stopping ovulation. It was only a 30 day prescription, low dose once a day for anxiety so maybe it really slowed my body down? CD20 now and still negative

 

[Bride2b]

Is it a total guessing game of when AF will arrive after bleeding stops? It's been a whole week tomorrow since Bertie came into my life & we lost him to the angels. I guess I want to focus on moving forward as tomorrow should have been the day we had our 20 wk scan & find out the sex. I was so excited & had planned to go out for a lovely meal to celebrate! I know tomorrow will be hard,also need to see my doctor about being signed off work & call the chaplain regarding the funeral.

I don't want to forget or replace my Bertie but so want to be pregnant again, I just hope by end of Jan we can start again,I was so worried I'd be a crap mum & not be able to bond but he has taught me that I can do it & I love him so much for that xxx

Good night ladies,sweet dreams & baby dust to all xxx

 

[KamIAm]

Hi Friends....

How is everyone's weekend going?? Mine has been super busy, guess that's a good thing, for me it is....

Amanda, Emily's Christmas pretties are beautiful and I just know she loves them!! I can't picture her now, running around to all of our lil ones, telling them all about the pretties her mom brought to her... ... Must say, it still sucks that you have been thrown into this nightmare and having to visit your daughters gravesite... hate it for all of us!!! And yes, No one understands us and our thoughts and feelings, except here, in the safe lil slice of the world, with you wonderful women... I get that feeling as well, like people think " good grief, is she ever gonna shut up about that baby?" .... Well, No... No... I'll never shut up about my daughter... This is a pretty emotional time for me... A year ago... Was such a wonderful time!! I had no idea that exactly a year ago today I was barely preg with Em'... My AF didnt' show on Dec 10 (the day it was due) so I took a test and was blown away.. Had NO idea! We wasn't trying at all!! What a lil blessing..such a surprise... I remember that day like it was yesterday... I had a house full of family and I didn't say a word to no one all day, in fact.. my OH was leaving town that day with friends and I remember kissing him goodbye, thinking.. "OMG! We're gonna have a baby!!!" .... but didn't say a word.... I couldn't keep it a secret from him long tho, as soon as he got home and we was laying in bed... I told him we had to talk... He looked scared to death! LOL.... Told him we was going to have a baby... He immediately started crying and grabbed me and we held each other for a long time, talked of so much excitement, planning...... WOW.....December 10th 2010.... One of the best days of my life.... Well, December 10 is rolling around again.... Man, these milestones hurt don't they....

I'm sorry... Not sure where all this came from.... I had a pretty decent day... I think the closer Christmas gets, the more ickier I'll feel...... We was suppose to have another lil here... in our family this Christmas.....

I do have so much to be thankful for... and I honestly Thank God everyday for all his blessings ... BUT dang it! I still wonder and think.... Why did he give her to me, only to carry her for a few short months and take her away??? Think that is my biggest question, and trust me.. i hope one day I'll get the chance to ask him .....

Sorry girls.... Whew...

Hope you all are doing well and I'll check back in on y'all tomorrow morning,

Good Night Girls....

 

[Nikki_d72]

Well, that's the strangest thing ever - my post was supposed to be about 2 pages back - it's moved away down the page and now it look as though I ignored loads! Unless you were all typing at the same time as me, but there is about 10 posts after mine that weren't there when I wrote it?! Too bizarre.

Anyway, yes I'm the same, I see people mentally drawing backwards whenever I even mention when I was pregnant, never mind talking actually about our boys. I pretty much never do discuss them, as I can't be bothered to see people squirm, except to a select few, and you lovely ladies of course. I'm the same re: lack of tolerance, I don't think that changes back either, by the way - my friend lost her wee boy at full term to placental abruption 4 years ago and she's still like that, she says she just can't do anyone else's petty stuff. It's natural enough, isn't it - it's all pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things really...

Kelly, I'm so sorry hon, it's so wrong.

Amanda - Emily's grave is lovely hon, I know it's so wrong that you have to go to a grave, but it is lovely.

A girl I now here had the same due date as me, she was induced early due to a condition she developed and just had a wee boy. I text'd to congratulate her but I can't bear to go round, I don't know what to do about that. I don't know her really well but she was good to me when I came out of hospital. My neighbour who knows her better and is about to drop herself (I'm surrounded girls, it's so hard) started telling me all about her "awesome birth" this morning, I'm starting to wonder if she's just really stupid and genuinely doesn't realise that what she's saying kills me or if she just doen't care about my feelings? I think it's the former but how can anyone be so silly? I don't really show what I'm feeling in front of her any more as I cried so much to her at the start, I don't think she needs it, she's pregnant herself, so maybe she thinks I'm "over it"? I dunno, I just want to hide at the moment though.

xxx

 

[Nikki_d72]

Is it a total guessing game of when AF will arrive after bleeding stops? It's been a whole week tomorrow since Bertie came into my life & we lost him to the angels. I guess I want to focus on moving forward as tomorrow should have been the day we had our 20 wk scan & find out the sex. I was so excited & had planned to go out for a lovely meal to celebrate! I know tomorrow will be hard,also need to see my doctor about being signed off work & call the chaplain regarding the funeral.

I don't want to forget or replace my Bertie but so want to be pregnant again, I just hope by end of Jan we can start again,I was so worried I'd be a crap mum & not be able to bond but he has taught me that I can do it & I love him so much for that xxx

Good night ladies,sweet dreams & baby dust to all xxx

I think it is abit of a lottery hon. I had PP bleeding for about 3 weeks and then AF came 2 weeks later, then exactly 28days after that and has been regular ever since, but the last 2 have been really wierd in that they only lasted 2 days, so my body obviously isn't right yet. I'm older though, 39, so that may be something to do with it, probably menopause, knowing my luck.

Anyway, hope it comes soon and regular for you so you gan get on track. It's worth keeping a note of thngs to help you when you do decide to go for it. We know you can never replace your angel, there's no need to justify to us, hon. xxxx

 

[kiki04]

Oh I just tested at 11:00 at night and got 2 lines and it is almost positive! I am sure of it tomorrow I will get a positive!! Such a relief... I was getting worried there for a bit. I am thinking maybe it is my meds I am on that just delayed OV this month but at least I know its coming

 

[blav]

Is it a total guessing game of when AF will arrive after bleeding stops? It's been a whole week tomorrow since Bertie came into my life & we lost him to the angels. I guess I want to focus on moving forward as tomorrow should have been the day we had our 20 wk scan & find out the sex. I was so excited & had planned to go out for a lovely meal to celebrate! I know tomorrow will be hard,also need to see my doctor about being signed off work & call the chaplain regarding the funeral.

I don't want to forget or replace my Bertie but so want to be pregnant again, I just hope by end of Jan we can start again,I was so worried I'd be a crap mum & not be able to bond but he has taught me that I can do it & I love him so much for that xxx

Good night ladies,sweet dreams & baby dust to all xxx

Hey hun...AF just came for me, 5 weeks to the day that Mateo was born. It seems normal so far (not heavier or lighter than it was before). I hope she comes soon for you. I read your story in another post and it reminded me a lot of mine so I really understand what you're going through and feel for you.

We also don't want to forget or replace Mateo, but I want to be pregnant again too! I know that we won't forget him, we think of him every day and you won't either!

I'm going to post this is TTC as well, but I was wondering with the ladies with rainbows...so my doctor told us we could TTC after my second normal period but we really would like to try after this period (which is my first after a loss at 22 and a half weeks). I delivered normally and had a follow up appointment 2 weeks later and everything was normal. I feel great. Plus, I feel like, what are the chances we'll get pregnant the first month? What are your experiences and do you think we should wait?

 

[Ellie10]

If I had one wish right now i would wish people would understand us and our pain, I am so sick of people telling me to get over Ava, i am about to loose my mind. Why can't people just shut up and say nothing, do they have ANY ANY ANY idea what it is like to live with this pain every single day till you die?

Amanda I'm so sorry, I feel exactly the same. I almost feel apologetic anytime I mention Ellie, especially in front of my in-laws, who quickly change the subject and it makes me want to scream. She is NEVER mentioned by anyone in mine our my dh's family, never, and that makes me so sad. It's like she never existed. There isn't a day that goes by without me thinking about Ellie yet for everyone else it's just something that happened last year and I should be over it by now. Makes me so mad. But, here's a lovely quote from Elizabeth Edwards that I had read out at Ellie's funeral to try to get across how I was feeling (even that early on my MIL was avoiding the subject). You have all probably read it before but anyway....

'If you know someone who has lost a baby, and you’re afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died ~ you’re not reminding them … they didn’t forget they died. What you’re reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift.'



I suppose you have to have been in our shoes to truly understand. Big hugs to everyone of us, who sadly understand all too well

Susanne xx

 

[yazoo]

Hello gang,

So I'm on CD 28 and no AF this morning (it usually comes first thing). Tested with an IC and got a BFN. I wasn't even going to test but I felt positive so I said I'd give it a go. AF could arrive in the next few days. She has been known to hide her ugly head til CD 32 but recently its usually CD27/28.

Kelly I'm sorry the witch got you. I'm gutted for you. I really thought this would be our month.

Goodluck with the house offer Helen. FX'd for you.

Bride2b- I'm really glad being on here is helping you.

Hi Hayley, Thats awful about your Mum's house. scumbags. I hope they are caught. You will be an absolutely gorgeous bridesmaid whethere you are six 8 or 18. xx

Olive- yay for trying again. I wish you all the luck in the world. Go easy on yourself though. I had really geared myself up for a BFP our first cycle trying again and I was devastated when it didn't happen.

LOL Nikki- 500 quids nothing to be sniffed at.

Natalie- I'm sorry hun. I wish you could know one way for sure. Either AF arrives or not, its so frustrating being in limbo. My OH hasn't really been showing how he feels either lately and at the start he really did. I was uncontrollably upset on Saturday and we had a good chat and he said he thinks about Jakob all the time. Like me he is thinking about his due date looming and about how he should be here for Xmas but he just doesn't say it as he thinks it will make me more upset. Maybe that is the case with your OH- he cold be trying to protect you from his feelings. My OH said just because he isn't a crier doesn't mean its not on his mind all the time as it is.

Kiki- the waiting game is super hard. I hope your cycles get back to normal soon.

Blav- for one I will do a wee for the witch being here. Delighted for you. I was the opposite when my first one arrived. For me it was a sign of my body getting back to normal and I hated that but then if it didn't arrive I know I would be like you and wanting it so bad so we could ttc again. xxx

Hi Christine, how long has it been since your last AF? Yes I'm watching the Xfactor. I can't believe Misha went. She had such great talent. And see Tulisa crying as Misha was performing? Tears of bloody guilt coz she prob knows she's partly to blame for her not being there anymore.

Amanda- massive hugs love. It really is so unfair. I was buying Xmas decorations for the wee mans grave on Sat too and it just killed me. I would be almost 39 weeks now. Oh I'm so sorry you got that text. I hate the thoughts of that happening to me and its the reason when I rejoined fb that I deleted everyone on my facebook friends list who didn't know what happened. I couldn't bear getting messages from people asking how baby was or when I was due etc etc. I wish I could give you a massive hug right now. Oh By the way Emily's grave is gorgeous. I bet she loves it.

Bride2b- I bled for 2 weeks after and then AF arrived 3 weeks after that. We know you won't be replacing Bertie as he is irreplaceable. He was his own person and you could never replace him. He will always be a part of you. We of all people understand that.

Aww Kelly- that story was lovely. I'm sorry hun. These milestones are very hard. Massive hugs.

Nikki- I'm sorry hun. I know someone who had a little boy yesterday too. I text her last night and she replied saying how happy she was and how perfect he was and I am so ashamed to admit it but I was actually jealous reading it.

Blav- I think every doctor is different. Some say wait until after first Af, others say wait 3 months but my OB gave us the go ahead at the follow up and said it is up to each and every person when they want to try again. If you feel mentally and emotionally ready then go for it. I really thought it would happen for us the first month as I read loads about being more fertile but nope it didn't happen.

Susanne thats a really lovely quote. I love it.

Mhairi- hope your doing ok. Thinking of you and your sweet little rainbow.

I hope I haven't forgot anyone and if I have I'm sorry.

Ok so I'm off now to obsess and drive myself crazy. I avoided it up until now but the craziness has started ladies. BEWARE.

 

[Ellie10]

I saw this poem recently and I thought you ladies might relate;

"My Shoes"

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by
before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author Unknown

xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I agree... I know people have thought "Why is she still talking about that baby" and it kills me inside when you know they are thinking that No one will ever understand unless they walk a mile in our shoes, however I wish no one ever had too

In regards to my meds... thats what I am starting to wonder if they are delaying or stopping ovulation. It was only a 30 day prescription, low dose once a day for anxiety so maybe it really slowed my body down? CD20 now and still negative

I am so glad you are getting ready to ovulate, I wouldn't worry about the medicine if it is only a thirty day script, I take Xanax very rarely though only when i have to go some place where there are ALOT of people. I don't like crowds and Xanex calms me down. I have never took a pill in my life until after loosing Ava, I just don't likel crowds .. Wish you all the best

 

[Ellie10]

Girls, if you have a second can you please have a quick look at this. Was taken yesterday and the faint line came up at about 10 minutes. Had a similar nasty evap on Friday with Clearblue. All other tests have been BFN, including a 10miu one I did this morning. Am seriously considering phoning the Clearblue helpline to complain. I have used CB for years and never had evaps like this before but I willl never use them again. So annoying!

https://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/pregnancy-test-gallery/image.php?galleryid=9924

 

[Andypanda6570]

Girls, if you have a second can you please have a quick look at this. Was taken yesterday and the faint line came up at about 10 minutes. Had a similar nasty evap on Friday with Clearblue. All other tests have been BFN, including a 10miu one I did this morning. Am seriously considering phoning the Clearblue helpline to complain. I have used CB for years and never had evaps like this before but I willl never use them again. So annoying!

https://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/pregnancy-test-gallery/image.php?galleryid=9924

I don't see anything when I click the link, what should I see, a test? I just see a page

 

[Ellie10]

Amanda (sorry! Andrea) i think you have to scroll down a bit once the page opens to see the test. Thanks! x

 

[Andypanda6570]

Amanda, i think you have to scroll down a bit once the page opens to see the test. Thanks! x

LOL, I am Andrea not Amanda ok I will look again

 

[Ellie10]

Eek, sorry Andrea! I have the memory of an 80 year old

 

[Andypanda6570]

Oh wow i do see the line....I would give a call and ask, but I definitely see the line

 

[Andypanda6570]

Eek, sorry Andrea! I have the memory of an 80 year old

LOL;;;;;;;;;; It is fine, don't worry

 

[Bride2b]

Is it a total guessing game of when AF will arrive after bleeding stops? It's been a whole week tomorrow since Bertie came into my life & we lost him to the angels. I guess I want to focus on moving forward as tomorrow should have been the day we had our 20 wk scan & find out the sex. I was so excited & had planned to go out for a lovely meal to celebrate! I know tomorrow will be hard,also need to see my doctor about being signed off work & call the chaplain regarding the funeral.

I don't want to forget or replace my Bertie but so want to be pregnant again, I just hope by end of Jan we can start again,I was so worried I'd be a crap mum & not be able to bond but he has taught me that I can do it & I love him so much for that xxx

Good night ladies,sweet dreams & baby dust to all xxx

Hey hun...AF just came for me, 5 weeks to the day that Mateo was born. It seems normal so far (not heavier or lighter than it was before). I hope she comes soon for you. I read your story in another post and it reminded me a lot of mine so I really understand what you're going through and feel for you.

We also don't want to forget or replace Mateo, but I want to be pregnant again too! I know that we won't forget him, we think of him every day and you won't either!

I'm going to post this is TTC as well, but I was wondering with the ladies with rainbows...so my doctor told us we could TTC after my second normal period but we really would like to try after this period (which is my first after a loss at 22 and a half weeks). I delivered normally and had a follow up appointment 2 weeks later and everything was normal. I feel great. Plus, I feel like, what are the chances we'll get pregnant the first month? What are your experiences and do you think we should wait?

Thanks hun, I see this is quite recent that you found yourself here too, I'm so sorry for you, as you were a few more weeks along than I was.

I can see myself posting something similar in a month or so about TTC. I hope I would follow my doctors advice when I finally have my follow up & only start trying when my body is ready...so that baby making machine is in full working order to start to look after the next little bean. I'm sure the wonderful ladies here will have loads of advice, I have a feeling most will say wait until the second period as your doctor says. Good luck hun xx

 

[Bride2b]

Girls, if you have a second can you please have a quick look at this. Was taken yesterday and the faint line came up at about 10 minutes. Had a similar nasty evap on Friday with Clearblue. All other tests have been BFN, including a 10miu one I did this morning. Am seriously considering phoning the Clearblue helpline to complain. I have used CB for years and never had evaps like this before but I willl never use them again. So annoying!

https://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/pregnancy-test-gallery/image.php?galleryid=9924

Ohhh wish I could help, I get so confused with these things I need the ones that literally spell it out like for OV or literally 'Pregnant' 'Not Pregnant' as I need to see it in black and white & hate bloody instruction manuels!!!

GOOD LUCK