Luck of the BFP! Welcome back groupies and wevwelcome new friends!

[clynn11]

Nikki- Eeeek i'm waiting to see it too! I'll test Saturday morning- it's the 30th and my mama's birthday so hopefully we can give her an awesome present

 

[overanalyzer]

Nikki, as Emily said, that child problem totally shot her self in the foot! I'm secretly hoping she shots the other one in the upcoming days. Glad they got to see her true side!

Cassidy, I love love love your chart! I think it is very promising! And your symptoms...crazy! It is your month!

 

[NDTaber9211]

Hey ladies, I hope you don't mind but I need to vent something personal. First I'll do a little background to catch everyone up. This will probably be a really long post.

Sept 2011 my husband was diagnosed with Stage 3a Nodular Sclerosis Hodgkin Lymphoma. We weren't even married a month when He was diagnosed. My husband having cancer and going through treatments was hands down the most traumatic time of my life.

He went through chemo treatments and I was by his side every second. The chemo just made him so sick. He went from 170lbs to 125, ran a 102 temp constantly. He had the most horrid night sweats. Literally from the moment he closed his eyes to when he woke up he would sweat. I had to wash our sheets 2x a day because he slept all the time. He also had to sit through at least 10 blood transfusions.

They took awhile to diagnose him so he had to go through a ton of tests. From surgical biopsies to having to suffer through 2 bone marrow biopsies. For those of you who done know what a bone marrow biopsy is, the basically take a chisel to your hip bone (least that's where they did his) and ram it through your bone to get a sample of the marrow inside. I was in the room for the first one and nearly passed out. My husband was in so much pain. He ripped apart the bed/seat thing in the exam room.

Not being able to do anything for him was by far the worst part. I had to sit there and watch him go through more pain then anyone should ever suffer. Watch him slowly wither away from chemo knowing I couldn't stop it. All I wanted to do was make him better and I couldn't. Watching the person you love the most in the world fight for their life is just...so... soul crushing

Just thinking about all of it makes me cry again. Anyways, thank the heavens above, after 6 months of treatment my husband was officially in remission. There were no signs of the cancer anywhere. We were so happy but our fight was just beginning.

During the treatments my husband lost his job, lost his insurance, and we lost our house. He went on government medical to cover the rest of his treatment but that meant I couldn't work. They only gave it to him because of his condition and that he lost his job. They would have taken it away if I worked. Since we couldn't work, we couldn't afford house payments so we had to move in with family until we got on our feet.

Oh gosh I just noticed how long this is already. Long story short, husband busted his butt until we were back on track. Everything is amazing now. 6 months ago he went in for a check up scan and they saw something in his chest. They feared the worst and sent him in for a chest biopsy. That made my world crumble. All the horrible nightmares of that time came flooding back. Luckily everything was ok and he was still cancer free. The surgery was brutal and I found myself nursing my husband back to health again but I was more then willing to do it.

Well, his next check up scan is tomorrow and I can't help but freak out.. Its been over a year but it feels like it was yesterday. I am so scared he will have cancer again. I honestly don't know what to do. I am still so raw from the first time that I don't know if I could handle it again. Well, I would handle it again because my husband would need me but It will be so hard. I try to talk to friends and family about it but they pretty much just brush me off. "He will be fine don't worry" is the response I get. I do understand why they do it, I know they think it will help and don't want me harping on it but I just can't help it. I wish one of them would let me talk at least. Get all my pain and worry off my chest. I talk to my husband a little bit about it but I don't want to burden him with my craziness. However hard that time was for me it was 5x harder on him.

Thanks for letting me vent and write this novel to you all. In my heart of hearts I know my husband is ok but it is hard not to worry.

 

[goldstns]

Wow Nichole, you both have been through a lot. I totally understand why you need to talk about it. It's a place you never want to go back to. Its something you have NO control over. Its true pain. (ps. I cried reading your story). You have every right to be worried for tomorrow, but have faith in your husbands health. Be grateful for the past 6 months of health. However, know that your feelings are real and allowed. I wish I could say more, but I have never been in such a situation. All I can say is live ever moment like its your last!


Cassidy- didn't you just recently have a cancer scare in your DH? what happened?

Kyla- MISS YOU! Hope you are doing ok!

 

[NDTaber9211]

Thanks Nikki, going through all of that definitely makes me appreciate every moment I have with him. Even though that was the worst time ever, the silver lining of it is that it brought us closer then I ever thought possible. It made us reach new levels of love with each other.

Looking at my husband now I know he is fine. He is so freaking healthy. He does not have a single symptom like he did the first time around. Him having do go do anything cancer related just automatically makes me freak out a little.

It will get easier in time. After 5 years they will claim him to be "officially" cured and he wont have to do these check up scans anymore. 1 year down 4 to go!

 

[BubsMom17]

Nichole - I find when people just respind with quick responses like, "Don't worry it'll be fine..." it's more for themselves than it is for you. They are assuring themselves everything is going to be fine, not you. I know you are scared because it IS scary. We all hope everything will be fine, and all you can do is take it one step at a time. You are an amazing wife!

Hey, has anyone heard from Rachel???

 

[Disneybaby26]

I'm gonna go with girl for Bubs and boy for Laus!

Over- is this a new brand of OPK for you? One brand I used (cvs I think) was always positive for me no matter what!

 

[BubsMom17]

I was reading a list of "Cringe Worthy Baby Names" and the name I picked was on there! BOTH the first and the middle! Tell me honestly! Is this a cringe worthy name???

Ariel Celeste Becerra (our last name) There is meaning behind it!

Ariel means "lioness of God." Ariel is also a high archangel and is the protector of caregivers and healers. Celeste in my mom's name so it's non-negotiable...

Plus I think it goes well with Daniel (my son's name). And this may sound silly, but the story in the bible of Daniel and the Lions was always one of my favorites. So the correlation with Daniel and the Lions, then the meaning of Ariel as "lioness of God," well, I like it!

I might not even have to worry if bean is a boy, but it bugged me!

 

[clynn11]

Nichole- you and your DH have been through so much together. You've already been to hell and back, and your love sounds like it came out stronger than ever. I truly hope tomorrow's appointment goes well for both of you and that DH is still cancer-free!!

Alissa- thanks hun I think my chart looks good too, but it's my first month BBT so I really have nothing to compare it to. FX this is the month!!

Emily- I actually LOVE that name. But a lot of people think the names on my list are funky. I just like non-traditional, unique names.

We did have a scare. And it's still very much on my mind. His first appointment they told him to come back in a few weeks if his lymph node is still swollen and the bump on his head is still there. Well.. his lymph node has been getting bigger, is much more painful- and he's been having a ton of other crazy symptoms including numb fingers and toes, double vision, intense muscle pain, restless legs, and insomnia. He's miserable, I feel horrible. He had an appointment Tuesday, showed up and waited for an hour then they said they couldn't see him that day because he hadn't seen that doctor since 2005 and was now considered a new patient. So we made him an appointment for a different doctor this morning, he showed up and waited about 45 minutes before they told him the doctor called in sick. So now we have to wait until next week. I'm just so stressed and want to know that he is ok.

 

[HWPG]

the name is yours to choose, and regardless of anyone's opinion, you have to refer to them for the rest of their lives, so you should pick what you like, not what a list likes. my sister is naming her baby Arya Snow - which we are all groaning over - but she's going for it.
nichole, that is such a beautiful and heart wrenching story! you wont konw anything until tomorrow, and we all totally understand your anxiety, but wait for something to be anxious about, becuase nothing that happens between now and those results *changes* the results.

 

[NDTaber9211]

Oh man Cassidy I'm sorry for what you guys are going through. That makes no sense that they wouldn't see him that day AND didn't call you before hand to let you know the doctor was out sick. I can imagine how frustrating that was. Keep us posted with everything! Have you thought about going to the emergency room because of the symptoms he is having?

 

[Lausie]

Here is my BFP chart.....

Ooooh we so need a BFP this month.....come one girl!!

Gosh Nichole you have both been through so much, let us know how it goes.

 

[BubsMom17]

Cassidy - Have you guys been googling his symptoms at all??? I wouldn't suggest it... I always think it causes more harm than good! But I am surprised they are dragging their feet so much on getting him seen!

 

[NDTaber9211]

I wouldn't google. I did with my husband and everything I found basically said he was going to die.

I also heard a DR throw around a possible diagnosis (before they knew it was cancer) so I googled that and freaked myself out. The possible diagnosis was basically a death sentence. That god that isn't what he had.

 

[clynn11]

Oh, he googled. He's convinced he either has a brain tumor or lyme disease. I told him Google always tells you the worst and that we can't start freaking out until we know lol. It's been very frustrating- I wish we could just get him seen!

 

[Disneybaby26]

I might consider the ER hun, it's sounds like he's really uncomfortable and it's absolutely unacceptable what the doctor did today! How unprofessional! So sorry you and DF are going through this! Thoughts are with you for the best!! Xx

 

[BubsMom17]

I might consider the ER hun, it's sounds like he's really uncomfortable and it's absolutely unacceptable what the doctor did today! How unprofessional! So sorry you and DF are going through this! Thoughts are with you for the best!! Xx

I'm leaning in this direction, too. He can really exaggerate his symptoms if needed... but I really am thinking he needs to be examined. He might have something as simple as a bad virus, or mono, but it might be something more...

 

[pdxmom]

Nichole...it scares me to even think of being in the situation u were in..... im gonna keep u guys in my prayers today wen i go to church for maundy thursday...
Cassidy...i agree with the other tht u might want to consider goin to the er...in my head i just imagine situations getting worse with every passing day... will b keeping u guys in my prayers too...
Emily...i just LOVE tht name...so unique so pretty...and the theaory behind it matching to your son is also so sweet....fx its a girls for u

 

[pdxmom]

Oh also i have a question for the ladies u use ff...so ff gave me dotted cross hairs....???? wat is the difference between the dotted and the solid lines?

 

[Disneybaby26]

Oh and Emily! I love the name too, it's very pretty!