***Lucky Testers: 32 Testers, 21 BFPs, 9 Angels***

[arturia]

Congratz tiny!

Ladies, I'm going to fold from this topic. The people I got close to are now pregnant, and after some discussion with my husband we won't be having children. I'll be going on birth control starting next cycle.

Long story short his 'yes' became a 'no' and it's going to stick, because I refuse to believe him if his 'no' transforms back into a 'yes'. His reasoning at last discussion isn't going to change.

For me, having kids is pretty important, so I'm deciding if it's worth it to stick around and bear the resentment towards him. I'm kind of leaning towards 'no' at the moment, but this complicates things terribly. We have an upside down mortgage that we JUST established, we haven't even made the first payment. Neither of us can afford the house on it's own, and I'm not actually willing to destroy us both financially for this. Ugh. I don't know what to do.

In any case, I'm wishing you all the best. I -will- read for responses for a couple days. Maybe I'll be back someday, when I have a new partner or something.

 

[~curiosity~]

Oh my goodness Tiny, yay yay yay!!! Congratulations my lovely! That is wonderful news

I had a sneaky feeling you were

 

[~curiosity~]

Arturia we are here for you every step of the way Hun. I'm sorry you're in such a complicated position, hoping and praying you find a resolution. Regardless, we are all here for you xxx do you know what has changed his mind?

 

[tinymumma]

Arturia, I'm so sorry. I hope I didn't upset you I really hope everything works out for you sweetheart xxx I wish I could jump through the screen and give you the biggest hug right now. We're all here for you but totally understandable if you need time I'm sending you so much love. I really hope you can both move through this and have your happy ending. I'm so sorry xxx

 

[arturia]

Curiosity-Judging from his explanation, nothing. He never wanted them in the first place. He only agreed because he thought it would make me happy.

 

[arturia]

tiny - Not at all, I was rooting for you.

 

[~curiosity~]

Arturia I understand, my DH has said the same in the past and it was very hard to hear. Over time he has changed his mind, I can only hope this will be the case with your OH. Regardless, totally understand you needing space from here. Maybe once you've settled in perhaps his outlook will change? I'm so sorry this is all going on for you right now xxx

 

[arturia]

Curiosity - He can't come up with any positive sides to having children. Every time one cries in public he has a grimace of pain. He said he views children as only time and money sinks, with the frustration of needing to get a babysitter even to 'go out for a burger'. And there's the 'always on' aspect of parenting, he says he 'needs his downtime'.

To say I didn't anticipate this going in would be wrong, but we had already invested so much money in marriage and the house that I felt I couldn't turn back anymore without basically flushing tens of thousands down the toilet. We'd had the discussion before getting married (obviously) but at that time he told me he looked forward to parenthood. It's obvious now he either lied, or just assumed he would and didn't do the soul-searching to figure out the truth, and when it came down to the real thing, he realized it was everything he hated.

Tiny - I don't mean to steal your thunder. So sorry.

 

[~curiosity~]

that is a tough one. Have you got a friend or family member who knows you both well you can speak to? Sometimes it is can be helpful to get an outsider's perspective on the best way forward Xx

 

[arturia]

I have friends, my friends, who used to be his friends but aren't any more because he quit speaking to them. He's not an easy person to live with and manages to irritate just about everyone he deals with on a personal level. He's... not really an easy man to be married to either, which is why divorce is actually highly likely, as soon as I figure out how to manage it logistically without forcing us both into bankruptcy.

 

[tinymumma]

Arturia, don't worry gorgeous xx No thunder stealing at all That's so sad He could still change his mind lovely xx What's his stance about going back on medication? Maybe since he's still adjusting, things are harder for him to deal with at the moment? I really hope everything works out for you beautiful xxx I know how hard it was for me when hubby said we should wait, it must be so heartbreaking to hear a stern no.
Having children is a big decision and I know men more focus on the money side, which ultimately is only a small part. Maybe right now, everything is just too overwhelming for him?
I wish I knew what to say

 

[arturia]

tiny-As I said, if he DOES change his mind, I am not inclined to believe him. Changing his mind in this situation more likely equates to 'giving in in order to keep the marriage working' than it does 'realizing he wanted them all along'. I don't want to subject a child to this, especially if the former turns out to be the reality, as it likely will. Either he will ignore the child or we will just divorce later. Better I find someone who actually -wants- to be a parent.

 

[ProudArmyWife]

Arturia I am so sorry wishing you all the best. I'm sure whatever you decide will be what is best with you. You can't stay in a relationship where you resent your partner. I'm so sorry things turned out this way for you

 

[OhHappyZ]

Tiny!!!! Omg I freaking KNEW it!!! How very exciting! I am so happy to follow your journey

Arturia I am at a loss for words. I am shocked at this turn of events. I totally understand how you'll never be able to trust him again if he flops again. That is an awful web for him to tangle you in. Does he comprehend that you started this life journey with him in order to watch it grow? I am so sorry you are going through this. But hopefully it is all for the better.

 

[greenarcher]

I'm really really sorry to hear this, arturia. I think you're making the right decision in not trusting any change of heart he might make. He would end up resenting you and the children, just as you might resent him if you had no children.

As for the mortgage, is renting an option? Maybe people want a house without the responsibility of ownership. Look at the rental rates in your area. If you could manage a few hundred dollars above your mortgage, I think that's the way to go.

 

[greenarcher]

Happy, your chart looks good! Looking forward to testing with you on Friday!

 

[OhHappyZ]

Green omg this Friday?! Eek ok I'm down. Report back here will we?

 

[glong88]

Congratulations tiny what's your EDD

 

[tinymumma]

Green and Oh, excited for your tests!! I will be watching xx ❤️❤️

Glong, 6th March I'm thinking about going in and getting my hcg and progesterone levels monitored. It's not routine here but I feel like it will ease my anxiety a little. Not so much the hcg levels but the progesterone, what with my lpd and all. Of course a dating scan as well, which you don't usually get unless you don't know when your lmp was.

 

[glong88]

Yay! Onto March babies already! How exciting xxxx