"Only female volunteers over 18 can change diapers"....

[lozzy21]

^^ She is making a fair point tbh, no-one unless the relative in question had previously abused would expect their own relative to abuse their child. But of course it happens

Not only does it happen but its more likely to happen by a family member or a family friend than it is a stranger.

 

[onetwothreebp]

i think you should be on your guard, regardless who is changing your lo's diaper, that's all. men related to you shouldn't get a free pass.

I'm sure my Dad and my DH will appreciate that...

hey, my DH changes our son's diaper and my father has and so has DH's father. but i'm just saying that you shouldn't say you'd have more of a problem with a stranger when it's proven that it's more likely to be a family member. that's all

 

[lhancock90]

I'm as wary of female strangers as of male.

 

[mommy0629]

Our church only allows parents to change diapers, so if a kid poops, the parent is paged. Also, for toddler/pre-school aged kids, only females are allowed to accompany to the restroom and can help undo their pants, but if a kid needs help wiping, a parent is called. If the volunteer has to help the child get on the toilet, the door to the stall has to remain open so they are not in there alone.

They made these policies off of a bible verse about "avoiding all appearance of evil". There are a lot less opportunites for false accusations this way, and if some guy really is a molester, well, he doesn't get his chance at our church. The church is covering it's ass, if you will. I think it's smart, and the parents appreciate it.

This is most likely the reason for it. In my church there aren't even any men (or teen boys) who volunteer for the nursery room at all, they help with the age 4+ and older kids rooms. Not that they're not allowed to help in the nursery, they just don't choose to. Not that it's for this reason either necessarily, it's just that caring for the babies/toddlers is more of the women's domain. I know that sounds old fashioned and even sexist, but it is what it is. As far as I know we don't actually have a policy like this in our church and there's definatly no sign like that, but I'd be very shocked to ever see a male in the nursery changing a diaper unless it was his own child.

I also agree that the church has to cover themselves. Church childcare isn't like a school or daycare, it's just volunteers, not professionals. Church's unfortunately have to be carefull, people are putting their children into their hands and that's a huge responsibility. Our church also does a mandatory background check on any member who wants to volunteer to help with the children (any age) even if they've been a member of the church for YEARS, it's just policy.

 

[momofone08]

I know it might sound like they are discriminating, but I kind of agree with it. I was molested, by my step dad, and am TERRIFIED of my daughters being hurt this way. I know that women do it too, but I just feel even more scared of men. Only their dad changes them besides me or grandma.

 

[marron]

Makes me so sad that 99.9% of men have to be judged for the behaviour of a tiny, tiny minority. Excluding men makes it considerably more likely that you will cause problems in the future in my opinion. Men become removed from children, less used to them and more likely to develop unhealthy relationships with them. My husband always feels uncomfy in children's play areas and will only go if I there. It's so sad. I have no issue with males who have passed back ground checks in nurseries etc changing my children or with male relatives doing it.

Surely you're not blaming that on a church or daycare and it's diaper policies?

Indirectly, yes. It suggests men can't be trusted or can't control themselves when they are alone with a child but women can. Means you create a culture of suspicion around men and their motives around children which men pick up on, which then makes them nervous of putting themselves in situations with young children.

Yes, and that's just sad.

 

[minties]

My OH won't even changes Sophie's nappy because it makes him feel uncomfortable, this makes me very sad.

Obviously he does if he has to, but won't wipe her privates unless she has done a poo. His brother has been in prison for molesting kids and he's terrified people will automatically assume he's that way inclined as well.

 

[AllyTiel]

IMO, I think people are far too sensitive and politicly correct these days.

 

[Missy86]

My OH won't even changes Sophie's nappy because it makes him feel uncomfortable, this makes me very sad.

Obviously he does if he has to, but won't wipe her privates unless she has done a poo. His brother has been in prison for molesting kids and he's terrified people will automatically assume he's that way inclined as well.

That's so sad

 

[bookworm0901]

I feel like a jerk saying it, but I'm on the side of women changing diapers only. Ill be politically incorrect and hurt a nice guys feelings, if it also keeps the creeps away and saves my LO from being harmed.

Edited: obviously not babies fathers and well trusted men (I trust my brother). Just talking about this daycare situation.

 

[marron]

I feel like a jerk saying it, but I'm on the side of women changing diapers only. Ill be politically incorrect and hurt a nice guys feelings, if it also keeps the creeps away and saves my LO from being harmed.

Edited: obviously not babies fathers and well trusted men (I trust my brother). Just talking about this daycare situation.

Women can be creeps too.

 

[mommytobe11]

I feel like a jerk saying it, but I'm on the side of women changing diapers only. Ill be politically incorrect and hurt a nice guys feelings, if it also keeps the creeps away and saves my LO from being harmed.

Edited: obviously not babies fathers and well trusted men (I trust my brother). Just talking about this daycare situation.

Women can be creeps too.

the chances are far greater of men abusing children than women. that's not to say it never happens. but that wouldn't change my, or i think PP, view on not letting a male change LOs diaper.

 

[jenkins]

It's even adults! There is a notice at my Doctors asking if people want a chaperone for their appointment. What do they think the doctor is going to do to them? It all signals a breakdown of trust in society that is good for no one. The reason we hear about these sort of cases is that they are so incredibly rare. We can't let these incredibly rare instances make is scared of people around us.

Unfortunately it's not "incredibly rare" at all. I also think we do not hear about it enough and when we do it's very dramatic like the whole jimmy saville situation.

It frustrates me when people say things like "oh I'd never use a male child member, but I would let uncle/grandpa/friend etc etc look after lo because I trust them. In the vast majority of cases the peadophile WAS trusted! That's how abuse took place! No sane mother/father would say to a grubby, anorak wearing, bearded, greasy looking old man 'yes of course you can take my children and look after them a while'

My lo did used to go to nursery and I made a point of asking about nappy changing procedures and looking at the set up. I'm sorry but in many cases background checks mean nothing when it comes to this kind of crime just because of the nature of it, and how it may not have been reported - or may never be reported at all.

So although politically incorrect I think it's sensible in this situation. To take the sexism out they could perhaps do it in pairs instead, but then you may get women feeling victimised too?

 

[jenniferttc1]

I see it no different a woman changing a boy, and a male changing a female. How about daycares just don't hire creeps and keep a close eye on workers?!

 

[lozzy21]

https://digitaljournal.com/article/280407

Three mothers were found to be molesting children who were in their care in a day nursery, the had passed CRB checks too. Having a clean CRB dose not mean they are not paedophiles, it just means they have not been caught.

 

[kassiaethne]

https://digitaljournal.com/article/280407

Three mothers were found to be molesting children who were in their care in a day nursery, the had passed CRB checks too. Having a clean CRB dose not mean they are not paedophiles, it just means they have not been caught.

wow that is just sick. but what people are saying is talking about women compared to men who are pedos is like saying oh here is a thing of M&M's and the majority of them are blue....and you saying oh but look at these orange ones!!! there are orange ones too NOT JUST BLUE!!!

Okay....no one is saying there are not women child molesters out there. And we should be careful either way. But the majority thus far documented and caught are male

 

[marron]

I feel like a jerk saying it, but I'm on the side of women changing diapers only. Ill be politically incorrect and hurt a nice guys feelings, if it also keeps the creeps away and saves my LO from being harmed.

Edited: obviously not babies fathers and well trusted men (I trust my brother). Just talking about this daycare situation.

Women can be creeps too.

the chances are far greater of men abusing children than women. that's not to say it never happens. but that wouldn't change my, or i think PP, view on not letting a male change LOs diaper.

Fair enough. It just breaks my heart knowing that one day my little boy is going to be painted with the pedo brush by people, that he's not going to be able to go into teaching young children or be an OBGYN without being questioned about his motives. Because clearly the only reason men choose those fields is because they're sleazes.

 

[bookworm0901]

I agree with mommytobe. Yes, there are women pedos. But if I'm going by statistics, to minimize risks, I'm keeping men away.

By the way, it's an interesting subject and I'm glad everyone has managed to stay civil! I like hearing all the varying opinions.

 

[bumpy_j]

Right: here's a parallel example and I hope this doesn't offend as I know this can also be a sensitive subject - change 'sex' to 'race':

Lets say there was a shopkeeper in a 50% white, 50% black neighbourhood, his shop does not have CCTV and he is the only member of staff who works in the store - his shop gets held up at gunpoint 5 times by 5 different black people and 0 white people. His shopkeeper friend in an identical setting gets robbed by 6 black people and 2 white. What should he do?

a) Put a sign up saying 'No Blacks Allowed' as according to his experiences he is far more likely to be robbed by a black person

b) Increase staff so he is never alone, put CCTV in the shop and a panic button - more money spent but also counteracts the threats from white people robbing his shop which, although his personal statistics claim that he is more likely to be robbed by a black person the threat isn't eradicated completely by a simple sign.

Why is B clearly the moral option? Because criminals are a big minority in society and NO race ever deserves to be vilified by the actions of a very few - even if statistics ever say otherwise. The same should absolutely go for gender! We are talking about 50% of the people on the planet. How can we ever expect true equality with this sort of attitude? OF COURSE you can never be too careful but ruling out a gender equality over something like childcare is not morally justifiable at all - it is far fairer to focus on supervision for everyone in charge of a child that isn't their own rather than trust someone alone more because of their genitals. Equality is freedom for all regardless of sex, race, orientation isn't it? .

 

[mommytobe11]

I feel like a jerk saying it, but I'm on the side of women changing diapers only. Ill be politically incorrect and hurt a nice guys feelings, if it also keeps the creeps away and saves my LO from being harmed.

Edited: obviously not babies fathers and well trusted men (I trust my brother). Just talking about this daycare situation.

Women can be creeps too.

the chances are far greater of men abusing children than women. that's not to say it never happens. but that wouldn't change my, or i think PP, view on not letting a male change LOs diaper.

Fair enough. It just breaks my heart knowing that one day my little boy is going to be painted with the pedo brush by people, that he's not going to be able to go into teaching young children or be an OBGYN without being questioned about his motives. Because clearly the only reason men choose those fields is because they're sleazes.

my OBGYN is a male, and i don't think he's a sleeze and i don't think all men are creeps or molesters. but when it comes to my child, i will be overly cautious. i am his mother, it's my job to protect him. and if that means not letting a man change his diaper or not letting a man babysit him, then that's what i will do.

(**before anyone attacks, i'm not saying mothers that let men watch their children don't protect their kids.**)