Planned Teen Pregnancy?

[aob1013]

I completely agree too Rocky's Mama

In my case Evie wasn't planned, but I do know a girl at college who's daughter was. She's 18, in a stable relationship, and was thrilled to pieces when she found out she was pregnant because, as she told everyone, the only job that had ever appealed to her was being a mum.

It's odd when you think about it, if a girl of 16/17 said she wanted to be a doctor or a teacher everyone would give her all the support she needed to succeed, but if a girl of the same age said she wanted to be a mother she's instantly frowned upon, since when did motherhood not count as a valid life choice?!

As some have said, a couple of generations ago, women getting married and having babies in their late teens was the norm. Realistically it's the time nature intended us to get pregnant, hence why it's easier for us to conceive and the rates of gestational complications in young mothers are significantly less that those in older mothers, it's modern society that's decided an 18 year old will instantly be a worse mother than a 30 year old, something that just isn't true.

Because at 16/17 many young Mums can't provide for their baby's without assistance from government/parents, can't sign contracts, can't do many things.

I don't support under 18's TTC, but if you are over 18, can financially and emotionally support a baby, then go for it!

But if you have to depend on people in any way, then i think it's totally inapproprtiate - obviously my view on accidental pregnancy's are different, as you don't plan the situation.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

If your under 18 and you cannot provide for you child then you should not be TTC even over 18 aswell. You should never plan a child if you can't pay for them
xx

 

[rubixcyoob.]

I agree with Heather.
It does not matter what age you are, if you are not financially and emotionally stable enough to support a child, do not plan children.
Obviously this case differs from accidental pregnancies, as no one foresaw a child coming into their life so did not have to think about the financial and emotional side of things beforehand.

Under 18's cannot legally do many things that would make them financially stable. They cannot sign contracts even for things like phones, minimum wage doesn't exist etc. so therefore they will not be in an appropriate situation to try and plan a child without this backing. The younger you get the more and more restricted you become until you are no more than a barely there teenager and at 12/13/14 I don't think you should plan children. Unless you have someone else to support you (whether that be financially or emotionally), you cannot do it on your own at that age.

 

[vaniilla]

just to point that actually that's not the way biological clock works, physically there is such as being too young, peak in your late teens and it starts to decline at 30,
You are still growing yourself. This can affect the development of the placenta, which in turn can affect your baby's health. Babies born to underage mothers are at increased risk of suffering health problems, there's study's now showing that their growth is being stunted and so on the younger the mother is, I'm not saying it as propaganda, I'm saying that its also physically the wrong time to have children because medically you're body is still that of a child's, so as far as nature goes you should wait until you're body is more mature

 

[Jayde1991]

My first was not planned at all but my secound was planned and my 3rd one was not planned.
our first was not planned but we knew we never wanted her to be an only child,so we said when she was older we would have another one so we tryed for another and we got another one.
and the 3rd one was not planned at all,at first i thought i was ill lol

 

[Bride2Be]

Yes, but the US (I'm not sure about the UK) minors may be emancipated. Florida law states that once you are emancipated, you can do any and all things that a person of 18 is allowed to do. So as for signing contracts and getting a lease and such, I was throwing that into the equation.

 

[stephx]

Under 18 you are restricted- but it certainly isnt impossible to support yourself, you can still get a tenancy with a garentor, or get a private let.
You are still able to get a job at 16-17- yes its alot harder, but its definatly still possible to be financially stable at a younger age.

Im not supporting under 18's TTC, but I started TTC at 17 and I was completly stable

xx

 

[we can't wait]

hello everyone. im coming into this one kind of late. i am not a teenager now (barely), but I still wanted to share my opinion. My darling fiance and I have been in a loving friendship and relationship for 4 years. We began TTC when I was 18 & he was 19-- after we were engaged. Two years later, we are still trying. We're currently seeing fertility specialists. I don't have shame in saying that I was an 18 year old woman trying to conceive. I agree with many of the ladies who have already posted comments- i.e. 13-16 is kind of young to be TTC. I'm certain that you could be a fantastic mother, and nothing can take that away from you. However, there are so many things that you will never get to experience in life. & so many things that your baby could miss out on. If your pregnancy was accidental, that's one thing-- you can't help what's already happened, and you have to try to make the best of your situation. But trying to have a baby, seems a little misguided. 17-19 year olds-- you do whats best for your life. You can be 18 and a fantastic mother who is supporting your child & yourself--- while you could be a 25 year old living off the system, ignoring your childs needs & living for yourself. Age doesn't define if you will be a good mother or a poor mother.
On that note, I just wanted to say if any of you ladies need support - Feel free to message me. We, as an online community, should be there for one another.

 

[we can't wait]

Yes, but the US (I'm not sure about the UK) minors may be emancipated. Florida law states that once you are emancipated, you can do any and all things that a person of 18 is allowed to do. So as for signing contracts and getting a lease and such, I was throwing that into the equation.

Hello I just wanted to share this with you, in my state (Virginia) once you have a babym, you are considered emancipated. So you won't have to go through the process of getting emancipated from your parents-- it would just be something that occured after you had your child.

That being said, I'm not certain if that law applies to each state, or just Va.

 

[Bride2Be]

Yes, but the US (I'm not sure about the UK) minors may be emancipated. Florida law states that once you are emancipated, you can do any and all things that a person of 18 is allowed to do. So as for signing contracts and getting a lease and such, I was throwing that into the equation.

Hello I just wanted to share this with you, in my state (Virginia) once you have a babym, you are considered emancipated. So you won't have to go through the process of getting emancipated from your parents-- it would just be something that occured after you had your child.

That being said, I'm not certain if that law applies to each state, or just Va.

Virginia is totally awesome then! In Florida, all you can do is make medical decisions for your baby if your not emancipated

 

[rubixcyoob.]

Bride2Be, would you want to be emancipated from your parents at 14?
You might be ahead in school but that doesn't mean you have the same life experience as someone 18+, especially since you may have to work under the table just for finance etc, would you want to have a mortgage and contracts etc? Or would your fiance be paying?

 

[Bride2Be]

Bride2Be, would you want to be emancipated from your parents at 14?
You might be ahead in school but that doesn't mean you have the same life experience as someone 18+, especially since you may have to work under the table just for finance etc, would you want to have a mortgage and contracts etc? Or would your fiance be paying?

We would both be paying. We're not interested in a morgage right now either because neither of us are interested in the time and finance it takes to manage a house. We're looking more in the apartment range of housing.

 

[rubixcyoob.]

I'm not meaning to sound bitchy at all but there seems to be something odd about your situation.
At 13 you meet an 18 year old and within 10 months you are engaged, shortly after that you and him try and concieve a child. I just do not see what in the world an 18 year old and a 13 year old, or a 14 year old and a 20 year old can have in common. You might be advanced a year or so academically, but that doesn't mean you are as mature mentally, physically and emotionaly as a 20 year old. Plus your parents are happy you two were trying to concieve and got engaged at 13. Now at 14/15 you want to live with a 20 year old from another state.

I don't know if its just me but that just puts some form of flag up in my brain. If my sister came in (she is your age) a year ago with an 18year old and said she was engaged then it turned out she was trying for a baby with this man, I personally would castrate him for going near someone so young, never mind what my parents would do. I just can't comprehend your situation.

I'm not in anyway saying in anyway that you will be a bad mother, because I do not think that at all. I'm just baffled at all of what you have said.

 

[vaniilla]

I'm not meaning to sound bitchy at all but there seems to be something odd about your situation.
At 13 you meet an 18 year old and within 10 months you are engaged, shortly after that you and him try and concieve a child. I just do not see what in the world an 18 year old and a 13 year old, or a 14 year old and a 20 year old can have in common. You might be advanced a year or so academically, but that doesn't mean you are as mature mentally, physically and emotionaly as a 20 year old. Plus your parents are happy you two were trying to concieve and got engaged at 13. Now at 14/15 you want to live with a 20 year old from another state.

I don't know if its just me but that just puts some form of flag up in my brain. If my sister came in (she is your age) a year ago with an 18year old and said she was engaged then it turned out she was trying for a baby with this man, I personally would castrate him for going near someone so young, never mind what my parents would do. I just can't comprehend your situation.

I'm not in anyway saying in anyway that you will be a bad mother, because I do not think that at all. I'm just baffled at all of what you have said.

I have to agree with rubixcyoob on this one, 13 just about classes as a teenager and just the fact of getting engaged at that age puts up a lot of flags, my dad is a police officer so I know he would never take something like that well but I don't think most parents would, they will still see you as a child I don't want to sound horrible, I'm seeing your interests here and trying to offer the best advice I can but I feel you are too young to be starting all these problems by choice

 

[aob1013]

What would an 18 year old see in a 13 year old?

 

[Bride2Be]

I'm not meaning to sound bitchy at all but there seems to be something odd about your situation.
At 13 you meet an 18 year old and within 10 months you are engaged, shortly after that you and him try and concieve a child. I just do not see what in the world an 18 year old and a 13 year old, or a 14 year old and a 20 year old can have in common. You might be advanced a year or so academically, but that doesn't mean you are as mature mentally, physically and emotionaly as a 20 year old. Plus your parents are happy you two were trying to concieve and got engaged at 13. Now at 14/15 you want to live with a 20 year old from another state.

I don't know if its just me but that just puts some form of flag up in my brain. If my sister came in (she is your age) a year ago with an 18year old and said she was engaged then it turned out she was trying for a baby with this man, I personally would castrate him for going near someone so young, never mind what my parents would do. I just can't comprehend your situation.

I'm not in anyway saying in anyway that you will be a bad mother, because I do not think that at all. I'm just baffled at all of what you have said.

I'm not offended by what you have said and I'm not meaning to sound bitchy either, but let me explain. My parents weren't happy that I was TTC our baby. We had been together for about 14 months before we started TTC which I have already admitted was a bad idea. You haven't talked to my OH and you really have no concept of my maturity level but anyone who has met my OH and myself are completely supportive of our relationship because of the way we relate to each other.

Our relationship is based on love and not anything else. We went over a year without seeing each other and we lasted very well. As for being as mentally, physically, and emotionally mature as him, I'm not as physically mature as him and being as physically mature as someone has virtually nothing to do with being in a relationship.

And yes, both parents living and functioning together under one roof who love each other and the baby is the best POSSIBLE way to bring up a child if that situation is doable and I have nothing against people who choose not to do it. We have quite a bit in savings, we have health insurance, and we are going to make this work. Knowing what I know now I would not have tried to TTC and I admit that we both should've thought it through before we did but now that I'm pregnant I'm just going to make the best of it.

 

[vaniilla]

I'm not meaning to sound bitchy at all but there seems to be something odd about your situation.
At 13 you meet an 18 year old and within 10 months you are engaged, shortly after that you and him try and concieve a child. I just do not see what in the world an 18 year old and a 13 year old, or a 14 year old and a 20 year old can have in common. You might be advanced a year or so academically, but that doesn't mean you are as mature mentally, physically and emotionaly as a 20 year old. Plus your parents are happy you two were trying to concieve and got engaged at 13. Now at 14/15 you want to live with a 20 year old from another state.

I don't know if its just me but that just puts some form of flag up in my brain. If my sister came in (she is your age) a year ago with an 18year old and said she was engaged then it turned out she was trying for a baby with this man, I personally would castrate him for going near someone so young, never mind what my parents would do. I just can't comprehend your situation.

I'm not in anyway saying in anyway that you will be a bad mother, because I do not think that at all. I'm just baffled at all of what you have said.

I'm not offended by what you have said and I'm not meaning to sound bitchy either, but let me explain. My parents weren't happy that I was TTC our baby. We had been together for about 14 months before we started TTC which I have already admitted was a bad idea. You haven't talked to my OH and you really have no concept of my maturity level but anyone who has met my OH and myself are completely supportive of our relationship because of the way we relate to each other.

Our relationship is based on love and not anything else. We went over a year without seeing each other and we lasted very well. As for being as mentally, physically, and emotionally mature as him, I'm not as physically mature as him and being as physically mature as someone has virtually nothing to do with being in a relationship.

And yes, both parents living and functioning together under one roof who love each other and the baby is the best POSSIBLE way to bring up a child if that situation is doable and I have nothing against people who choose not to do it. We have quite a bit in savings, we have health insurance, and we are going to make this work. Knowing what I know now I would not have tried to TTC and I admit that we both should've thought it through before we did but now that I'm pregnant I'm just going to make the best of it.

I think I have finally seen what my main concern is, in my eyes just the fact that you would consider engagement at that age and the fact that you have been together for 15 months but you've only seen him for 3 of those months shows that you cannot possibly be in such a serious relationship let alone contemplating moving and starting work, maybe its a different way of life over here? I really do wish you all the best and hope that life works out the way you want it to but any 20 year old that has the same maturity of a 14 year old regardless of your mental state will get a big ? from reasoning.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I am rather concerned that an 18 year old is sleeping with a 13/14 year old. Isn't that illegal?
xx

 

[rubixcyoob.]

By physical maturity I meant he has been and gone through his adolescent years, he has went through puberty etc, whereas at 14 you are just a teenager and not through all the physical changes and everything you will experience.

As for not seeing each other for a year, the majority of your relationship has been apart. I just feel for you. You are young and should be experiencing life. Not tied down with someone in a baffeling relationship who you don't see etc. You are just a young girl and to me it seems like you are being taken advantage of by this man. It may not seem it, but that's how it can be percieved.

I don't want to sound rude, I just look at my little sisters life and then hear what you are saying and it doesn't seem right to me.

Again I'm not doubting you as a mum, I do just genuinely have some form of concern.

 

[EmandBub]

i'm with Heather and Amy!
i don't understand how that can even be possible!
-no offence intended
just isn't it illegal?
especially since your OH is 18
xx