Rainbow Makers - WTTAL, NTNPAL, TTCAL & PAL friends

[mummymarsh]

our problems began at our 20 week scan which we had at 19 weeks..... and i think it was the amnio test i had that made him go to baby heaven.. i think it was too much for his tiny poorly body... somewhere between the test on thursday and no heartbeat on monday he went.... and i will tell you what makes me SOOOOOOOO ANGRY...

at begining of my pregnancy i was really poorly with cold and flu type symptoms i was ill for almost 2months in total december/january.... anyways after few weeks of being poorly i decided to go doctors to see if i could take something bit better than paracetemol etc i had headaches so bad that even a dark room wouldnt make them go away (apparently thats normal with a cold!)

anyways i NEVER go to doctors unless im dying but i had just had enough, along with morning sickness and this illness i felt like i was actually dying... anyway doctor was a TOTAL BITCH!!!!!!

she did check my vitals ( eyes ears chest) but just said i had common cold and coz i was pregnant my immune system was down and i was having cold after cold (thats y i had been ill for so long) i said so these headaches normal, she siad yes... and i said so is there nothing you can give me.. and these words came out of mouth "if i had a cure for the common cold, i would be in a beach hut in malibu, not here!!) HOW FLIPPING RUDE!!!

and i cant help but think, if she had sent me for some blood tests or something maybe we could have caught what happened to Charlie early on or at least it would have been picked up sooner and i wouldnt have gone through as mjuch of the heart ache that i did.......

i blame her for it all going wrong

 

[Tasha]

Hey girls,

Thank you so much for sharing your birth stories they have me so much. Beautiful.

I will do mine, but be warned there are many

Baby number one; Morgan. I had had a perfect pregnancy, except my blood pressure was gradually creeping up, yet because I never saw the same person, no one realised. A week before I went on holiday, I woke up and I had gone from 0 stretch marks, to around 20 in one night. I told the mw and she said it is because I am a red head I went away and my feet were so swollen I couldnt walk, my hands, face everything so swollen, so I went to the hospital and they said they would induce but no point as going home in a few days, and so as soon as I got home I went to my hospital, who took my blood pressure and it 190/110. And then they all start to panic. I was 35 weeks and induction was began, at some point pre-eclampsia was confirmed. I wont bore you with all the details at it was a 40 hour induction, 27 of which were established.

I had an epidural as the pain was really intense. That was a really horrible decision for me, it worked down one side, and that side just went completely numb. Whilst I was pushing my leg kept falling off the bed (quite amusing actually ). I got to the pushing stage and it took two hours, the mw was awful, shouting at me all the time including things like you dont have time to breath but eventually at 00.52 on the 27/04/2004 my little boy was born weighing a big for gestation (especially with pre eclampsia) 7lb 5.

Baby number 2; Naomi-Mae. This pregnancy I was counted as high risk, so was having regular hospital visits. At 24 weeks, I got put on medication to control my blood pressure as pre eclampsia was already rearing its ugly head, it was early this time and so more of a worry. Luckily with the help of medication we got to 37 weeks, and so at 37 weeks exactly I went for induction. I remember my MIL saying dont you wish you could do it naturally just once whilst I was waiting for a bed, a few twinges came and pretty soon they were full on contractions 2 minutes apart, I told the mw, who found me a bed but said I was too comfortable so she would be back in an hour to check my cervix, she walked out the door and woooosh, my waters went (all over my white shoes ). She came back in and checked me over, turned out I was 8cm all ready, so mad dash upstairs to labour ward. I got there and was 10cm's already but I told my new mw I was ready yet, so she told me to ring the bell when I was (she had two or three other women all at 9cm+), so after about 10-15 minutes I rang the bell, she came back I did one push and out come baby, her cord ruptured because delivery was so fast. My whole labour was 1 hour 30 minutes and around half hour established. Naomi-Mae was born on the 21/7/2005 weighing 7lb 14.

Baby number 3; Honey. My waters had broken eight weeks before (28+6) with Honey, and we had a failed induction at 29+2, which resulted in them saying to me no section because you are young and wont wear a bikini again On the 8th May we had a scan where they over measured her abdomen by 10cm's, induction was booked for 37 weeks despite the fact that her CTG trace showed there was no variablity in her heartbeat. Just six days later on the 14th May 2007 (my 22nd birthday) she grew her wings, on the 15th it was confirmed) and I took that tablet. I went in for 8am, they gave me a pessary around 11am and at 12.30pm whilst stood in the lunch line (which I was made to go to, in antenatal ward with all the other mum's) I had my first contraction, it took my breath away. I went back and tried to eat but wasnt able to. At 12.50 I asked for pain relief, the mw said I was too comfortable so got me paracetamol which I took at 1pm and went to the toilet, the pessary fell out and I thought to myself oh no it is not going to work now. But then an incredible pain came and I got on to the bed, and gave birth to Honey, she was born at 36+6 weighing 5lb 11 on the 16th May 2007.

Baby number four; Kaysie Blossom. So I got pregnant with Kaysie Blossom quite quickly after Honey. She was in fact born 361 days after Honey. It was as you can imagine stressful, pre-eclampsia again. A change in hospitals because their care wasnt adequate. And then I went in for induction on the 12th May 2008, the consultant had given strick instructions, go in break my waters left for 6 hours and if not had happened begin the drip. The mw decided she knew better, broke my waters and started the drip right away. After 1 hour 30 minutes, baby was showing signs of distress, she got the dr, who got a high risk dr, who got the high risk consultant, who pulled my consultant out of her clinic and she decided it was emergency section time, we were in theatre and baby getting pulled out within 15 minutes. She didnt cry at first, but after a few minutes she did and then I sobbed in relief and sadness for the cries we never heard with Honey. Her placenta was beginning not to work, it didnt look good. Any way Kaysie Blossom was born at 39+4 weighing 6lb 13.

Baby number five; Riley Rae. At 14 weeks I wrote a fb status saying that there was something different about this pregnancy but I couldnt quite put my finger on it. At 16 weeks I had a private gender scan and that week the hospital took me off my clexane. At 21 weeks (22nd March) I had my anomaly scan baby was under the 5th centile, but they werent worried, didnt even let me see the dr. Next day I had prem clinic (because of my waters breaking so early with Honey), so I went a bit mad, cried a lot etc, they got the consultant in who said that growth scans at 28, 32 and 36 weeks was adequate, but the prem clinic consultant saw I was really scared so booked me in for a scan at 24 weeks on the 13th April. I still wasnt happy, so went for a private anomaly scan on the 3rd Feb, she was now below the 3rd centile (mostly on the 1st) and her bowels showed signs of placental insufficency/brain sparing. Any way to cut a long story short on the 13th the scan showed no heartbeat. I was given the tablet and told to come back for induction at 8am on the 15th. On the 14th I could feel tightenings and I didnt like it at all, I knew what it meant but by 1am on the 15th the tightenings were now contractions and three minutes apart, so I went in. At 3am they looked at my cervix, half a cm. I really couldnt understand it, I was pacing and pacing, the contractions were 2 minutes apart and every bit as intense as the end of my labours with my other. So I tried to sleep, which was nearly impossible with the contractions so close. Then at 6.55 they checked my cervix (3cm's) and asked if I wanted my waters broken, I said yes. They broke them, and then I got up and walked for 5 minutes, I asked for the windows to be open as I was hot, then went to the toilet, sat down and could feel her coming so shouted at OH to help me get back to bed and my mum to get someone. So OH was helping me back on the bed with my knickers and pj round my feet, door open, curtains open (prison over looking my room) so was he was trying to close the door and curtains, plus help me get on bed and take my pj's and knickers off. Then I asked him if she was coming he nodded. The mw came in, and tried to get everything sorted asap and told me she was breech, then at 7.15am Riley Rae was born at 24+3 weighing a tiny 340 grams. I said sorry to my OH and mum, the mw said I didnt have anything to be sorry for. After a couple of minutes I looked at Riley Rae and saw she was perfect. The mw put her in a towel, and I had a cuddle, it was amazing

There are more details to both Honey and Riley Rae's birth, I will tell you in time.

 

[hannpin]

So hear we go...

Well i was due on 15/12/09. However my little gril Elsie was born 8 days early by emergency c/s on 07/12/09 weighing 7lb13oz.

It all started early hourse of the Monday morning. 1am in bed my waters broke with no prior contractions or any type of warning I was a little shocked. Contractions started about 1 hour afer this, they came on v. quickly and strong. So by 4 am the midwife was called and came out to the house to examine me. At this time I was 4cm, and we agreed that I would stay at home until I felt I wanted to go in to our local birthing centre. So the midwife left, and I got into the bath to help the contractions. A few hours passed, things progressed Painfully, and at 8am the midwife was called again as I felt that I needed some kind of pain relif at this point.
The midwife arrived back with us around 9am, and again examined me only to find out that i was now 9cm dilated, and the baby was breech!!!
Due to this the ambulance was called and I was rushed to the local general hospital for an emergency c/s. About half way through the 40 min journey I started to have the urge to push, at this point I became quite eratic, as all I remener the paramedic and midwife saying was DO NOT PUSH!
So we eventually get to theatre where they found I was fully dilated and the babys bottom has crowned and was coming out. from this point it all went a bit haywire in my memory, but basically I had a spinal block and an emergency section to get the baby out.
And Elsie was born at 10.58am on Monday 7th December 2009.

Now I think you guys know that we had to make the worst decision of our lifes, and let Harri go due to him being so poorly. I have copied the following from a thread I started in Ethical losses section

So we went for our 20 week scan on Wednesday 16th March to be told there were a few abnormalities picked up and they thought our baby had Spina Bifida. We were asked to go to the main hospital the following day to discuss further, so Thurs 17th we met with specialist midwife who explained things further. We decided at this oint we were not ready to give up our little boy so asked for a referral to Bristol foetal medicine unit for further advice.
Fri we went to Bristol and the worst was confirmed. Our little man was to be very poorly and had spina bifida, problems with his head and heart. So the decision was made to end his suffering and let him go.

Wednesday 23rd March we went to the hospital to meet our little man. they started to induce labour at 12.30, and things progressed quite quickly. We had a lovely room with access to outside and we could come and go as we pleased. By 4pm the labour was well under way, with contractions constant every 2 mins I had gas and air (love this stuff) at this point, as they couldnt contact the anetnatist to give me anything else. The midwife was great, and agreed to sort out me having the room with a birthing bath. So we moved into there around 6.30 - 7.00pm. At 7.45pm my waters broke (at thins point I though he had come, and was trying to find him in the water) but shortly after at 7.56pm Harri was born into the water where I cradled him onto my tummy, while the midwife sorted out daddy cutting the cord.
He weighed a tiny 300g

He was perfect to us with 10 tiny fingers, 10 tiny toes. We got to cuddle him and kiss him and wrap him in a blanket we brough with us. The hospital also provided us with hand made clothes we dressed him in. We took lots of photos and made the short time we had together very special.

We will always love you Harri. Sleep tight little man, lots of love Mummy, Daddy and your big sister Elsie xxxxx

 

[hannpin]

Tasha Thank you for sharing your births, you are one brave and strong lady

So ladies how has your day been?

Well we finally got Harri's ashes today, the lady delivered them to Ieuan at work (how awful is that) but at least he is now safe and home at last I don't actually know what to do with them, or where to put them though??? they are on the shelf by his photo at the moment, but that kinda feels wrong. I think I want to put them in what would have been his nursery (Elsie's old bedroom), but does that seem weird to you, I think Ieuan will think it is weird, even though I havent said to him about it yet.

We too have nothing planned for this weekend, Well except going to see Ieuans stepsisters new baby. They have decided to call her Evelyn. SJ i thought of you when I was told

 

[hannpin]

our problems began at our 20 week scan which we had at 19 weeks..... and i think it was the amnio test i had that made him go to baby heaven.. i think it was too much for his tiny poorly body... somewhere between the test on thursday and no heartbeat on monday he went.... and i will tell you what makes me SOOOOOOOO ANGRY...

at begining of my pregnancy i was really poorly with cold and flu type symptoms i was ill for almost 2months in total december/january.... anyways after few weeks of being poorly i decided to go doctors to see if i could take something bit better than paracetemol etc i had headaches so bad that even a dark room wouldnt make them go away (apparently thats normal with a cold!)

anyways i NEVER go to doctors unless im dying but i had just had enough, along with morning sickness and this illness i felt like i was actually dying... anyway doctor was a TOTAL BITCH!!!!!!

she did check my vitals ( eyes ears chest) but just said i had common cold and coz i was pregnant my immune system was down and i was having cold after cold (thats y i had been ill for so long) i said so these headaches normal, she siad yes... and i said so is there nothing you can give me.. and these words came out of mouth "if i had a cure for the common cold, i would be in a beach hut in malibu, not here!!) HOW FLIPPING RUDE!!!

and i cant help but think, if she had sent me for some blood tests or something maybe we could have caught what happened to Charlie early on or at least it would have been picked up sooner and i wouldnt have gone through as mjuch of the heart ache that i did.......

i blame her for it all going wrong

isn't it amazing how one scan can bring your whole world crashing down. We too did not know anything was wrong until 20 week scan. I had such an amazing pregnancy with Harri no morning sickness or heartburn. Where as with Els I was sick all day, and at night also some times, until 6 months and has terible heartburn.
I remember saying to my mum it must be too good to be true, and unfortunatley I turned out right

 

[mummymarsh]

Tasha - your stories are beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time.... to go through so many losses (especially late ones) is numbing...... life can be so cruel sometimes... and so far im realising there is nothing anyone can say that makes the pain go away...

the only comfort i get from people are those who have experienced losses them self and say the truth, that the pain doesnt go away it just becomes more bearable, but you never forget and the fear of future pregancies stays within you.......

Hannpin yes scans can destroy everything everyone decides to keep things quiet until the 12 week scan, but as some of our stories have proved.... the 12 week scan safety barrier means nothing......

i have to say when our problems first cam to light i was petrified i was gonna be brushed under carpet and they were gonna just say i was doomed and end of....BUT..... my care has been unbelieavable.... i was sent to various hospitals for tests and 2nd opinions.. i was offered what i think was almost every option under the sun....

my midwives were fantastic through my normal antenatal care and at the hospital.. although my friend delivered Charlie she is a midwife tho after emma had left the other midwives still helped us.. once let them take charlie at neaerly midnight we still stayed in our little private room and folloing day we were told we could even stay longer (even tho charlie wasnt with us)

after care has been good too, ive seen few midwives and they said if i evr need to talk to themm or for them to come out even months after he is born they will....

However next pregnancy i will be DEMANDING im looked at like im high risk.. i will be demanding extra scans, tests and options... i will takke no chances.. and if im not given it i will be kicking up a huge fuss.....

Sorry for long post

xxxxx

 

[SarahJane]

Wow, some beautiful and very touching birth stories there. It is so sad, we all have some really happy memories but in there so much sadness and anger too.

You know what?!... WE have every single right to be angry, it isn't fair, life has treated every one of us badly so we should be angry.

We also do need to keep going though and for me the thing keeping me going is the desire to be a mum. I am determined to be a mum soon.

MM - I had wonderful care too, I was one of the lucky ones who was treated with respect and looked after the way I needed when I lost my baby. I can't praise the staff and midwives enough. I do still just wonder why it happened to me all of the time and I still ask myself if I could have done something differently.

hannpin - I am so glad you got Harri's ashes finally (albeit a bit weird to deliver them to work!) I don't think there is anything at all wrong with your decision on what to do with them. It is a personal choice. No-one will ever know and you are the one who needs to grieve. I am sure that whatever you decide you will make the right decision, make sure you talk to Ieuen as I am sure he is hurting too

I know what you mean MM about the fear for next pregnancy. I have no idea how you coped Tasha, after losing Honey. You have been inspirational to me in the way that you have picked yourself up and carried on despite so many sad losses. Your children are so lucky to have such a fab mum

Hannpin - give your stepsisters baby a big cuddle from me. A very special new baby with a very special name

AFM, had a weird night where I got sad about something really trivial and then felt guilty because I felt I was betraying Evelyn by being sad about something else.

On a positive AF less nasty today so she may be on her way. Here's hoping for a normal cycle this month. (pre pregnancy I was 28 or 29 days every single month so let's see) Paul is doing his bit too bless him, he has been out and bought multivitamins and zinc and he has cut back on the wine and is even trying to lose a couple of lbs by doing more exercise. He wants to be a dad as much as I want to be a mum! AWWWWW

How are you guys doing?

PS what are your 1st names? (I am assuming Tasha is Tasha and I am Sarah but MM and hannpin what are yours?)

 

[mummymarsh]

just quick reply as im having a cup of tea then ready for my 2 hours cleaning the nursery

Im Kayleigh...

chat to you all later...

xxx

p.s glad you got Harris Ashes Hannpin xxx

 

[hannpin]

Hi all, I am Hannah. hope you have all had a good day? We have had a very un-expectedly busy day. My sister ended up haing the day off as the kid she was due to look after was ill (she is a childminder) so we went with her and my nephew to a local indoor soft play place, then for lunch in town after. I am now officially knackered, and my house is still the tip it was thismorning!!! Ieuan is not going to be impressed, as Fri is norm my cleaning day, but who cares!!

We also had excellent care while in hospital with Harri, I really could not have asked for more, I do feel slightly let dwon with the after care though, or should I say lack of after care. As we have not herd a thing from anyone, even though they said I would be offered a follow up appointment at 6 weeks

MM I agree with you, I will be demanding to be High risk and have the extra SB blood test and scans etc next time, I think it is going to be such a hard time. I have decided I am not telling anyone until after 20 week scan, although I was quite big with Harri so I dont know how I will manage to keep it under wraps.

SJ I will def give Evelyn a cuddle from you I am actually quite looking forward to meeting her now, after dreading it for the past 6 weeks I hope your feeling better today hun, and I am glad AF has settled down for you, fingers x'd for a normal cycle for you

xxxxx

 

[mummymarsh]

soooooo we did the deed last night although according to my period tracker (only rough guide) on my phone im way past ovulation..... but practise makes perfect eh....

so saturday morning, what have we all got planned????

xxx

 

[hannpin]

I totally agree, practice makes perfect

i have a totally weird feeling today, woke up feeling pregnant i am 99% sure i am not, but th feeling has got me scared

and the positive of today is elsies swimming lessons re start, so just off there now. she loves swimming.

catch u laters xxx

 

[SarahJane]

Oh my goodness Hannah, not sure whether to say fingers crossed as I know you need to take the medication until July. I will just say that I hope it works out for you either way.

It is really strange that you said you would want to keep it secret next time until 20 weeks as I said exactly the same to Paul this week. I will post a pic below of me on the day Evelyn was born (22+5) - bearing in mind she was my first baby, I would never be able to keep it secret but I do intend to not say anything for as long as possible. With Evelyn I told everyone at between 6 and 8 weeks. I am not sure I'd even want parents to know until much later next time.

Kayleigh - ha@ practice! I really hope you do get your suprise BFP this month so no more practice is needed.

AFM plans this weekend - I had forgotten that a friend is having a BBQ today so I have that to go to. It is therefore now pee'ing down with rain and we are all going to get soaked - TYPICAL!

Other than that, a bit of exercise and may nip over to see Evelyn either today or tomorrow to make sure she has her cardi and hat on still as it's cold out!

 

[SarahJane]

Oops forgot to put pic of fat me!

 

[hannpin]

SJ love the bump pic I don't have any of me preg with Harri

I am sure I am not preg, I think it is just my mind and body trying to play tricks on me, but if i still feel like this in a few days i will POAS just to make sure!!

Have a good week end Girlies xxx

 

[SarahJane]

How is everyone today?

Hope you are ok Tasha - saw that today is a sad anniversary of Honey's so thinking of you xxxx

When are you expecting AF Kayleigh?

I am now CD5 on CBFM and AF has gone away Yipppeee. Hopefully the last I will see of her for 9 months I would expect that I will need to start POAS tomorrow or the day after and having looked back at fertility friend from last time I TTC I used to get first peak on CD14 or CD15. Let's hope my cycle stays the same this time and the spotting was a one off.

Hannah, how are you feeling today? Still got that pregnant feel?

 

[mummymarsh]

Hi Girls - been to steves dads for night and just got home so not been on....

according to my period tracker im not due to 20th may, but im never regular, so who knows really

ill post a pic of me when i was 19 weeks with Charlie (after this my bump got smaller as i think i was loosing fluid).....

Hannah - im to excied test now lol...

Tasha - do you mark your angles birthdays and due dates at all???

SJ - are you peeing on OPKs to work out when ya ovulating????

xxxx

 

[mummymarsh]

did my pic work??? xxx im rubbish at this haaha

 

[mummymarsh]

yes it did

ill post pic of Charlies little grave....

 

[mummymarsh]

will have to do grave later need to work ou how to take the pic off my phone.... x

 

[SarahJane]

Wow, your bump was gorgeous kayleigh. I miss my bump loads, I was in the bath the other day trying to remember it and I got really sad because I couldn't

You are due AF around the time I am due to ov! I am using the CBFM and nothing else. It is pretty good and some lovely girls on here who were in a pregnancy thread with me have sent me some of their leftover sticks to use with the CBFM which means I now have enough for about 5 months (Hopefully I won't use them though and will be able to pass them on to someone else!!)

Had a nice day today, we went over to David Austin roses which is coincidentally only about 5 miles from here and I bought an Evelyn rose. It is going to be stunning when it flowers - I will post some pics when the flowers come out. Tomorrow I intend to plant it in the front garden so every time I come into the house I think of Evelyn.

Hope everyone else had a nice weekend

BTW - I have lost 1lb this week
On a depressed note BMI is still 31 so still a long way to go!