FX! (this is alls I can talk about to dh...im seriously praying so hard for u!!) 
this cycle im pretty much just excited about a later O and curious to see how the rest of the cycle goes with the vitex . I wish my tube would have just cleared and then I would have more hope then everr!! (the odds go up by 25% the 3 cycles following an HSG bcuz the "cobwebs get cleared" in alot of cases) One day it'll happen... 
!!!!!!
so I know some of you know how I have some issues with cutting myself, and suicide attempts...tonight has been a bad night 
mike got home from his meeting around 10:30... I had cleaned and done laundry for him...his job is sooo stressful, I try to take little chores off of his plate when possible. anyway, I could tell he was upset..after we finished he got up and asked if I got a solid smiley... When I said no, he got so upset that he punched the window and then his closet. I have been in really horrible physically abusive relationships before, and have PTSD from a particular event when I was 14..then likely from when I was 19 and my bf strangled me constantly..and next bf would get mad and break things and punched me once. 
We had sex tonight, and he was just not into it, totally forced..I got another flashy smiley tonight
Mike hurt his hand pretty badly. I immediately dissociated and was ready to leave to hurt myself (such a bad habit)
He said he felt like a failure that i wasn't pregnant yet, and he is so overstimulated with work and everything. We decided if I'm not pregnant this month to go to the dr. I told him I was going to go home, he begged me to stay..I cried for a good hour. He held me and apologized. I decided I was going to have a drink and smoke and take my anxiety meds. Then I ended up bringing him his set of knives, which he was really proud that I did. He got a box cutter out of the garage too so I wouldn't be tempted.
I told him it would be a lot easier if we A lived together and B I had a key..he agreed about the key. I asked him if he really wanted this...all of it..if he was still attracted to me..wants a baby and to marry me, etc. He said of course and he was sorry. He has a ton on his plate at work, then was expecting 6k back from irs but ended up owing 2k. I told him I want to help him more with everything. I am sitting outside now crying and having a drink. I feel so pathetic that I have to give him knives to keep from cutting myself (which I have to get stitches every time I cut now, so he was proud that I at least didn't let them tempt me...but still)
I feel awful I haven't had a positive test yet, usually i do by now.i just feel so worthless. I'm glad he wanted me to stay..even though I know part of it is because he thinks I will hurt myself.
What is wrong with me?
Injection is tomorrow morning. At least I have the day off of work. I want him to be able to vent to me without wanting to hurt myself. I feel so pathetic.
I think it is hard not being under the same roof all the time, but I am glad he is going to give you a key. I hope your injection goes well!!
I appreciate you rooting for me!! I have seen a few convincing wondfo Evaps online the past few days so I'm just awaiting a temp drop at this point then AF. oh and my temp did go back up today, Ms. psychic!!!
!!!!!![/QUOTE] also if u are unsure or what a bbt thermometer is or where to get them, just go to either ur local pharmacy or if u have a WalMart and they have $7-$10 ones and it comes with good instructions in the box. I just got my crosshairs today making me 3dpo so if u want to click into my fertility friend chart in my signature it'll show what I mean about it rising higher than all other temps 1-3 days after O. I have I think 5 or 6 charts in there u can look at good luck! Oh also, while charting temps, bd BEFORE u see the temp rise because once u get a good sustained temp rise, u wont be fertile anymore so def keep using the opks while u try and get ur body to O! Coming off birth control can DEF be the reason u aren't truly O'ing yet. Some women have no issues at all and others have tons of issues..like all thing ttc, it depends on the person :-\. I have seen alot of bbt charts that show it was their first cycle off BC and some of them took vitex to help them O naturally quicker and it actually worked for them. I'm sure ur body will be back into business in no time! good luck and FX for u!
We had sex tonight, and he was just not into it, totally forced..I got another flashy smiley tonight
Mike hurt his hand pretty badly. I immediately dissociated and was ready to leave to hurt myself (such a bad habit)
He said he felt like a failure that i wasn't pregnant yet, and he is so overstimulated with work and everything. We decided if I'm not pregnant this month to go to the dr. I told him I was going to go home, he begged me to stay..I cried for a good hour. He held me and apologized. I decided I was going to have a drink and smoke and take my anxiety meds. Then I ended up bringing him his set of knives, which he was really proud that I did. He got a box cutter out of the garage too so I wouldn't be tempted.
I told him it would be a lot easier if we A lived together and B I had a key..he agreed about the key. I asked him if he really wanted this...all of it..if he was still attracted to me..wants a baby and to marry me, etc. He said of course and he was sorry. He has a ton on his plate at work, then was expecting 6k back from irs but ended up owing 2k. I told him I want to help him more with everything. I am sitting outside now crying and having a drink. I feel so pathetic that I have to give him knives to keep from cutting myself (which I have to get stitches every time I cut now, so he was proud that I at least didn't let them tempt me...but still)
I feel awful I haven't had a positive test yet, usually i do by now.i just feel so worthless. I'm glad he wanted me to stay..even though I know part of it is because he thinks I will hurt myself.
What is wrong with me?
Injection is tomorrow morning. At least I have the day off of work. I want him to be able to vent to me without wanting to hurt myself. I feel so pathetic.
. It took a while for my mom and my bff to catch onto what I was doing cuz I hid it good and ended up needing an evaluation and a bunch or counsiling. I never actually wanted to kill myself, I guess I did it as a stress "reliever" most of the time (there were a few really bad days). Anyways, it's just a hard thing to go through. And ur not pathetic for having to give him the knives...u made a very good decision by doing that and I'm proud of u for it. I remember my mom took EVERYTHING from my hidden spots in the bathroom back then because I wasn't strong enough to just hand it over to her at that time. U are strong and made a good choice by protecting yourself from getting hurt ahead of time. And I know how stressful it can get when ur not getting pregnant and dh starts getting activated and then the "forceful sex" comes into play. Sometimes I feel like its a chore for dh and it does hurt inside to think about. Ugh. I just hope u feel a little better this a.m! And hey, now u have a key! lol that's one good thing that's coming out of that whole argument and you got reassurance that you ARE still what he wants . Good luck hun and I hope u just get ur bfp so u dont have to stress anymore...i wish we all would! Our lives would be way less stressful! :sigh: soon enough I suppose...
. I'm not saying this is the case for u but its something to be cautious about so ur heart doesn't get broken like mine did. I hope that's a true bfp for u! Also, can u get ur hands on a frer? If that test is showing a positive, frer would almost def show up as well since they're very sensitive and then ull know for sure that blue dye didn't just run on ur test or anything like that. GL & baby dust!
so a CD 15 O and I'm 3dpo today hope my temp goes and stays super duper high!
I do but is this test wet or dry? Ive had bad evaps on these exact tests (even after only 10mins!) and I got them on 3 of the tests and I was so excited thinking I got my bfp cycle #2 of trying but all the other brands (pink dye brands) and the bloods came back as BFN
FX! Cant wait for a pic of a wondfo today!!! U should pull out a frer tomorrow lol. 9-10dpo are very common days to get a bfp on frer I see alot of frer bfp even before 9dpo but I know u want to wait before going to a frer. Eek! I'm getting more n more excited!
I do but is this test wet or dry? Ive had bad evaps on these exact tests (even after only 10mins!) and I got them on 3 of the tests and I was so excited thinking I got my bfp cycle #2 of trying but all the other brands (pink dye brands) and the bloods came back as BFN
I can't get one until this evening as little man has the pox so we are in quarantine. These are the same tests I got my positive on with Dylan and it came up straight away. Oh I don't know now lol
I'll speak to Rob when he's home and go and get a FRER or a digital and see. I got a line on an opk done the same time as the test too if that means anything.
. I hate that! Lol anyways, for me, ill still use those tests but I dont let myself FULLY believe it until I see something darker. Ur line is a decent shade so FX for u! Hopefully ull have a nice dark bfp tomorrow a.m! also, did that line show up right away on this test or with ur last pregnancy? Plz dont let me get ur hopes down, this was simply just a "warning" msg but I'm sure that's not the case for u. if the line came up right away and everything then I think ur most likely in order for a congrats! Congrats!!
