Sticking Together Until We All Get BFP's!!!!

[Megamegan]

I haven't decided yet if I'm temping or not. I keep going back and forth. I'm seeing the doc one week before my next period is due, for a Pap smear, and I guess he will give me some guidance on whether or not I should make another appt and how soon... so he probably won't care to see my charts at that point but maybe if I get an appt with an RE after the next AF, I'll bring my charts. So you're right, having 3 months of charts at that point would be a good idea. Plus I have this new BBT that I want to use for the whole cycle. It reads a little hotter than my old one and also only goes to the tenth degree but that's enough for me to confirm O, seeing how high my temps get. TCOYF says the same. I like this one because it has a light and it remembers my last temp.

Side note, I hope that when I DO get pregnant, it doesn't feel this terrible. This was a yucky awful stomach bug and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, lol. But ya know, if it has to be that way to get a baby in my arms, then so be it

 

[Megamegan]

Oh, also, I just marked yesterday and today's temps as "Fever" and FF removed those temps. Interesting!

 

[aidensmommy1]

I was wondering if u marked it or not. A fever, sleep deprived and a few other things will either make ur temp not count at all or will give an open circle. When I remember the other ones that FF will count as a possibly "off" temp, ill share with you.

 

[Jrepp]

I'm sorry Megan . At least u got an answer I guess...just wish it was a different one. I have a good feeling for all of u ladies for the spring/summer months.
As for your LP Megan, id just note the fact that you could have a 15 day LP (getting AF on 16dpo) but u can also have a 14 day LP. This cycle you'll know better which one is more regular for you. The docs usually look at 3 months worth of charts to try and analyze things and FF does the same when estimating your LP. It can differ by 1-2 days but for the most part will be the same. So yea basically next cycle just expect AF after a 15 day LP (unless ur bfp comes of course!) but AF may show after 14 days and that'll still be normal for u too . I wish you the absolute vest of luck for this cycle! Im curious to see if dh and I still bd alot during my fertile time without planning it or using opks. Well I do have 5 opks left over that ill prob just use up. Ive had a really weird light AF but it had ALOT of blackish blood clots (sry tmi) and I'm secretly hoping its blockage from my tube coming out with AF lol Im a wishful thinker But either way my enzymes will be here in 1-2 days, maybe even today so I'm super excited to see how that goes. Ill probably be fully back in the ttc game in about 3 months. Ill prob try pretty harr for one month before I even go for my second hsg. I can't even describe how much less stress I'm feeling not obsessing over getting pregnant this month. Its only easy for me to just let it go right now because I know it's not physically possible YET for me. Before I knew for sure about my tube, I wasn't even able to imagine NOT trying. Idk I cant explain it and once again in rambling lol. But I hope cycle #8 is ur lucky cycle and i hope my tube at least is a tad bit healed by the end of the month lol. I don't expect it to work extremely fast or even on its own without an hsg to push it through for that matter but i did read this stuff works fast for tissue anywhere in the body so hopefully it'll at least reduce it a tiny bit or keep it from getting worse anyways. FX everything goes great for all of us! We all certainly deserve it!

I can't remember or not, but did you spot after your hsg? That could be why your period is lighter this month. Mine was definitely lighter following my sis.

I haven't decided yet if I'm temping or not. I keep going back and forth. I'm seeing the doc one week before my next period is due, for a Pap smear, and I guess he will give me some guidance on whether or not I should make another appt and how soon... so he probably won't care to see my charts at that point but maybe if I get an appt with an RE after the next AF, I'll bring my charts. So you're right, having 3 months of charts at that point would be a good idea. Plus I have this new BBT that I want to use for the whole cycle. It reads a little hotter than my old one and also only goes to the tenth degree but that's enough for me to confirm O, seeing how high my temps get. TCOYF says the same. I like this one because it has a light and it remembers my last temp.

Side note, I hope that when I DO get pregnant, it doesn't feel this terrible. This was a yucky awful stomach bug and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, lol. But ya know, if it has to be that way to get a baby in my arms, then so be it

In my experience with the re, the more data you have the better. I personally would keep temping just in case. It would suck to have to put your treatment on hold to collect data. How are you feeling now?

Oh, also, I just marked yesterday and today's temps as "Fever" and FF removed those temps. Interesting!

You can always just check the discard temp button so that the temp stays but doesn't count in interpretation.

I forgot to temp this morning, but I don't think one temp is going to make or break me. It's tough getting back into the habit. I just looked at ovufriend and I'm on cd 30 so technically my period should be here in a few days.

 

[AmySan]

Ugh ladies....I messed up bigtime I haven't gone back to catch up yet...but I had to get this off of my chest...I am seeing my psychologist tonight...

So...I think I told you all my surgery went well, my foot is much better, but back is very sore.

And you all know about Mike and his scandalous internet stuff...Which I do believe that he deleted...but I found out about that Wednesday night...then Thursday had the procedure...and then was sore...I guess I never really processed it.

Saturday night we went to his friend's house and were drinking (and for the time being I take klonopin and ativan for both anxiety and pain...will get rid of them when I am pregnant..if I ever get pregnant now....)

Well after we left his friend's place...I only kindof remember this stuff. i wanted to get something to eat...and I don't remember what the issue was, but I think he must have been like, put out or something, so we got to taco bell..and I was being really shitty and decided that I wanted to get out of the car and hell, walk home? I have no idea. So I was trying to get out, he was trying to pull me back in...I was saying I wanted to kill myself and that it was his fault and that he though I was ugly and wanted to find someone else, etc...

THEN we got back to his place after he ran a ton of red lights apparently so that i wouldn't get out of the car. I guess he went to change and i had grabbed like 4 knives and was telling him that it was his fault I was going to kill myself, and that I could be pregnant, and it was his fault that I was going to die, blah blah blah...I have vague memories of comparing him to other boyfriends, although he never said that.

I was so drunk. He was literally pinning me down on the ground trying to get knives away from me, and I stabbed myself in the stomach...like on the side...it was deep..but not too bad....He was freaking out of course and while he was trying to hold me down I bit his wrist (to which he said 'you are seriously going to bite me?') and had scratched his arm...both of which are pretty nasty looking...

The neighbors called the police. The door was open...during our struggle, he had been trying to hold me by my clothes and I wriggled out of everything down to my bra and panties..and he was in boxers because he was changing...So the police came in to see him on top of me like this, probably initially looked like a rape scene...

2 police came up and talked to me...and the others were with him...I told them I was upset about finding him on the internet telling people he was single, etc...and that I had wanted to hurt myself...etc...and he apparently told them I wanted to kill myself AND HIM...which...I have some serious issues, but I never ever would hurt anyone else.

They took me to the hospital. I had to wait for my alcohol content to come down, and for a social worker to evaluate me. My Mom came after Mike had texted her...told her I wanted to kill myself and him. She asked if I had been drinking...etc etc...She told the social worker that I could not drink a lot, etc...Anyway...they let me go around 9AM.

My back of course was killllling me and somehow i had messed up my lip, it was black and huge...and they decided if they stitched my stab wound it would be a risk for infection, so steri-stripped it and that was it.

My Mom took me over to his house...i got my bag and we talked a bit. His cat Lexi had gotten out while the police were there. He was being nice...but was super worried.

Update as of last night, he wants me to see my psychologist before we see one another...seeing him tonight. I asked him to come as well because he said he thinks he needs to talk to someone too...has been in a fog the past 2 days. Was really upset about Lexi. Which I completely understand.

Lexi ended up coming home last night, thank god. He sent me pictures today of his wrist and arm. I feel so terrible.

I have no idea if I was having flashbacks of past abuse or what the fuck happened. I know of course if I hadn't been drinking and of course hadn't mixed pills with alcohol, I never would have done that.

He said we can meet in a PUBLIC place after I see my psychologist. He truly thinks that I want to kill myself in front of him to get back at him for hurting me. He said he would be afraid to sleep with me around because he wouldn't know what i would do.

I asked him if I am pregnant, if he would be happy still. He said that at this point, he would be scared...because I could have killed all 3 of us (potentially) driving down the street...and that if I get off of my medication that he doesn't know what i will do.

I feel completely completely horrible. Like I seriously have never been through anything like this before...well...where I did something so bad. I've had horrible things done to me. And he has NEVER been through ANYTHING like it before...and trying to kill myself with the tylenol in february really fucked with him.

He said he wouldn't change his facebook status, or look for anyone online, or anything like that. I have begged him not to give up on me. Am going to sign a waiver so my psychologist can talk to him, etc.

I wish I could take everything back....drinking that night...it never would have happened if I hadn't been drinking. I feel SO SO horrible. And scared to death I am going to lose him. I know he messed up being on the internet etc..but he was honest about it and didn't turn it around on me at least...I have a lot of abandonment issues and that hit them all on the head, for sure. But my god. I feel like a terrible terrible person.

If his cat didn't come back, I know he probably would have hated me forever. Other than get counseling and apologize profusely, if he doesn't let me show him I am not like that, I don't know what I am going to do. I love him so much you guys

What is wrong with me?

And I am on CD 28 now, have taken preg tests every night, all negative. I am supposedly 9DPO today...And now FF is estimating that my period will start on cd 33 because of late ovulation...but having 2 positive ovulation tests is throwing me off. I am praying so hard that I am pregnant, but have had no symptoms whatsoever.... which is odd...always have 'tons' of symptoms. I don't know

I have a feeling it is going to be a long road before he trusts me again now...and I have no idea if he will want to keep ttc...doubtfully. And I doubt he will want to go to the OB now.

I am so unbelievably sad I don't know how I could have done this...and wish I had talked to him about how hurt I was with the internet stuff...it was like the perfect storm...finding out about that the day before surgery..then being caught up in the pain from surgery..then drinking and..yeah.

I hate myself so much right now

Thanks for reading my book I love you girls.

 

[aidensmommy1]

Its like the first day of AF it was some what normal and since then its been like black strands...like almost like EWCM but black! Its gross but I really feel like old stuff is being cleaned out of my body from the way it feels and the way it looks. And Jessica, I had some spotting after my HSG but it wasn't much at all. Just some here and there for a couple days.

Wishing, dh and I just bd'ed in the shower randomly and then I thought about u after (not right after lol that sounded weird..) anyways, idk if u and ur dh shower together but water stops AF while ur in it so you guys could try that until stupid AF goes away! And that way if there's still any mess ur already in the shower. Just an idea lol

 

[tuesdaysbaby]

Oh Amy, what a night! I'm sure seeing the psychologist is a good next step for both of you - definitely mixing the drugs and the alcohol has done something and caused a reaction in you that in ordinary times, it totally wouldn't.

I hope that you are able to work things out - I'm not up to play with the other stuff that happened beforehand (internet) but I can work it out and see why you would be upset about that.

Take it one day at a time, and don't be too hard on yourself - you are making amends and trying to do the right thing.

xx

 

[aidensmommy1]

Omg Amy. I am soo sorry! I actually found out about my ex on a wed night and that Saturday night we too were drinking and im prescribed to klonopin as well and have been for 10yrs but anyways, we were drinking and even tho I had said I had forgiven him, I freaked about it while drunk and his laptop ended up broken, his stuff on the lawn. That was all meant to happen and I MYSELF wanted to leave him because he was just a liar! Nothing like the way mike sounds. I think mike will change for you in that aspect and I bet he will work with you on things. I feel very sad for you but I know everything will be okay. Your an amazing person! Really.
And if you could get him to go to the physiatrist with you, that'd help alot I think because then as you are discussing what you did, you can also discuss what HE did and how it just hurt you so bad and even though you forgive him and believe him, you obviously had some unresolved emotions still left inside of you building up. Its good it came out last night rather than later, u know? And not only can the psychiatrist help him realize stuff about himself but can also help him understand YOU more than he already does. If that's not possible for him to go right now, I'm sure ur psychiatrist will give you plenty of ideas any how.
I hope u heal up fast as well. This has been an extremely difficult month for all of us in soo many different ways . I pray everything gets better from here on out. Your in my prayers hun. I understand anxiety and depression very much so and I'm always here to talk. I could never actually kill myself because of Aiden but there have been times when my depression was so bad I seriously thought about it. Its an awful feeling and no matter how hard u try to shake that anxiety/stress/depression out of ur body, it just won't go away!!! That's how I feel anyway when i just feel like lifes completely against me. It'll get better and its very good your going to talk to someone about it all. You will truly be in my prayers. I'm sorry your going through all of this feel better hun.

 

[Wishing1010]

Amy...I am so sorry. I hope everything works out for you, Hun! Just try to hang in there. I know it's tough but you must try to keep it together for the sake of your loved ones.

 

[Wishing1010]

And thank you for the suggestion, Aidensmommy I think I am good to go now, a little bit of spotting but I think DH can deal with it

Stuck a tampon in to try to absorb anything extra lol sorry if tmi.

 

[Jrepp]

Amy, I agree with what Tuesdays baby said. I think that Mike needs to go to counseling with you because you both seem to have some unresolved feelings and/or doubt that need to be worked out. Are you ok otherwise?

 

[aidensmommy1]

Ur welcome wishing . And I'm happy to hear the evil witch is fading away!

 

[AmySan]

Thanks so much ladies i am asking him to go with me, and he will, but he wants me to go by myself first. I wish he would just come with me now. It sucks. Because I am going to say exaclty what I am saying to you girls, and have said to him...we need to work on it together...and he rightfully is scared out of him mind. I asked him if he cares about me enough to work through it and he said yes...but I just don't know/how long it will take, too. I am so frickin thankful his bitch of a cat came back (she is the meanest cat ever..if the other one had gotten out i know it would have been worse..but he was really upset about that) so...at least tha ti sone good thing.

I just feel so alone..he says he feels uncomfortable around me now...and I get it. It will take time. But what he doesn't realize with depression and all of this (I have horrific abandonment issues) is that (and trying to keep it together in case this does happen, god forbid) but if something goes wrong with us, if he breaks up with me, leaves me alone because he is scared I will hurt myself around him....I am way more likely to hurt myself when I am alone than around him.

And Mary that is such a funny coincidence with the dates!!!! I'm glad you broke his laptop, lol. But yes, klonopin and alcohol (too much alcohol anyway...with being upset) can definitely lead to bad things... thank you

Ugh....waiting for work to be over then go to my appointment. I'm going to tect him again to ask how his GI appointment went. Sunday he said I could come over tuesday...now it is different...but...ahh..it'll be ok...

On sunday when I got back from the hospital...(we haven't had sex in like 2 weeks now and that was the plan for saturday night...that didn't happen...ugh) But I was kindof joking and saying do you want to have sex now...and he said that he was really not in the mood after all of that...Which I got...I don't remember half of what happened so I really just wanted to feel nromal and be close to him...but last night he texted me that the more he thought about that i wanted to have sex and just pretend nothing happened, the more disturbed he was. Ugh. I told him I was hungover and in shock too...but that really hurt

And all of my coworkers are being shitty because i didn't come to work yesterday (my back was sooo sore BEFORE wrestling around Sat night...holy cats was it sore yesterday and today) But I work with like, 6 women...and am only really super close with 1...They were talking shit about me Friday when I came in late...it's all jsut been a trainwreck

Thank you so much you all for being here, I don't know what I would do without you

 

[aidensmommy1]

Amy, we will always be here. And that's good he is willing to go to counseling. And it is very true you need his support at times like this. With depression, it just gets worse if things aren't made right and then you just get this feeling that is bigger than urself that you feel like u cant over come...its hard. It took me an extremely long time to over come most of my issues and I still have some to work on. Trust is my biggest thing. I do trust dh and know he would never cheat on me but because of my horrible past, he kinda gets the raft of it sometimes :-\. I feel bad but he knows its nothing personal towards him and that I'm working on it. I know you can take control and you will feel do much better when u do. It'll take time...it certainly has taken a ton of time for me and I still am dealing with depression but for the most part I have control over it...for example, I dont cut for a stress reliever anymore and haven't for yrs. The two of u working on this together will help u greatly and I think him hearing that and other things from an outsiders point of view (the psychiatrist), will help him understand everything that much more...u know? I know its you you want to work on but working on ALL the issues will make ur depression that much better. again good luck with everything hun. I always really really feel for you because ive been thru alot of similar things in my life as you and I know how hard it is :-\.
And yes I wont even drink anymore because I cant go without my kps and I can't seem to predict what ill end up drinking so I just dont lol. I hate the feeling of waking up sick wondering if I fought with dh or if I did anything stupid. Blacking out SUCKS! And to think, I used to like getting like that when I was younger! Lol. Thankfully, no more of that for me! A drink or two is fine but I never know if ill end up with more because ppl would offer to buy us a round of shots when we went out and we accepted so it was unpredictable lol. We actually haven't been to the bar or even had a sip of alcohol in 12 months. That's good for me well I'm rambling again . I hope tonight goes good for you and mike. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[steph_466]

Hey ladies, on a positive note, we are going for our first iui procedure tomorrow

 

[aidensmommy1]

Hey ladies, on a positive note, we are going for our first iui procedure tomorrow

good luck!!! That's very exciting!

 

[steph_466]

Hey ladies, on a positive note, we are going for our first iui procedure tomorrow

good luck!!! That's very exciting!

Thanks!! We are really excited, it was our one year wedding anniversary on sunday so hoping for some good news

 

[Jennuuh]

Amy, I really think you guys should work out your relationship and work on communication. I haven't said much on here, but I have read your past posts and I think your best option is to work on your guys relationship before adding in more stress with continuing TTC. I know just from reading your posts how much having a baby means to you - No one can doubt that! I know you're not asking for opinions, I just think it would be the best thing for you both to get back on the same page and make yourselves comfortable once again with each other. Then, come back even stronger than before and have a ridiculously adorable family together!

I wish you a TON of luck and I know you both can work things out! Just make sure you give him time - You're still dealing with your past traumatic experiences years later, and going through this past experience was obviously traumatic for both of you. Give yourselves time to heal and love unconditionally!

You got this!

 

[Jennuuh]

Hey ladies, on a positive note, we are going for our first iui procedure tomorrow

good luck!!! That's very exciting!

Thanks!! We are really excited, it was our one year wedding anniversary on sunday so hoping for some good news

Good luck Steph!!! I just had my first IUI yesterday! It wasn't too bad - Cramping was the worst of it, and the super heavy/tender feeling in my abdomen. Felt like a baby elephant was sitting on it!

Our 5th wedding anniversary is May 23rd, and I'm reaaally hoping for a BFP beforehand! Fingers crossed for all of us!!

 

[steph_466]

Crazy ttc question here. So iui is tomorrow, and I had my temp spike today, and my first +opk, I also am having strong ov pains. Am I to late for the iui then technically??