The new Gender Specific Hopefuls thread (2014)

[30mummyof1]

annoyed me, probably you too. People commenting saying you should be happy regardless and you should just be happy they are healthy children blah blah..i think if it was an option people wouldn't choose it unless they'd had at least 2 of the same sex or at least most wouldn't because it comes at a cost. It would be a last resort for most, as going through ivf isn't a walk in the park. My take on it anyway!

 

[motherofboys]

Exactly. I think if it was regulated so only people with a few of the same gender or medical reasons could access it, then factor in the cost and what you'd have to go through, and the possibility you wouldn't even get pregnant at the end of it I think people wouldn't abuse it. Gender desire was not the cause, but it did greatly affect my mental health. I was already very down on myself and at times when I had a dip gender desire would pop back up and throw its two cents in as well. Like I'd be feeling I was a useless mother and GD would be like "yep that's why you don't deserve a girl. The scum of the earth get daughters without thinking about it but you can't"
People just don't get that it can be that way

 

[motherofboys]

I should add I don't think a girl will ' save' me. This was something that I went through long before wanting a girl but it's just not helped

 

[motherofboys]

Been doing the diet just over a week now. Seems to be getting harder! Tomorrow is Ds3 birthday so will have a cheat day then back on it and see how it goes. I seriously don't think I can do this for months on end. What if I'm not pregnant in 3 months, or 6, or a year?

 

[30mummyof1]

what things are you eating or not eating?

 

[motherofboys]

I've cut right back in meat, most days I won't have any but if I do have some I will have much less than usual. Say between a quarter and a half of what I would normally have. The hardest part is that I keep finding myself looking in the cupboard but not being able to eat anything as it isn't time to eat. I like to eat in the evening when the boys go to bed, but we always have dinner together, so I try to wait as long as possible in the morning. Usually until 11ish to eat 'breakfast', then I eat dinner with them, then something else in the evening. And I'm still able to eat most food as it's more about the daily limits. Trying to keep my calories, fat and protein below certain numbers. But I am spending my whole day thinking about what I'm going to eat later and if I eat this now can I eat that later and stuff like that. I seem to be getting hungry pretty quickly after my meals even if they are a bunch of stuff I've wanted to eat all day crammed in to one sitting ha ha

 

[30mummyof1]

Sounds tough

 

[motherofboys]

Yeah, I'm naturally a big meat eater and snacker. Thankfully I haven't had to give up my junk. Being a Low Everything diet it includes low nutrients. Its made me realise just how much fat is in some things though ha ha

 

[allforthegirl]

Koodos cause I couldn't do that

 

[motherofboys]

I honestly don't know that I can stick to it. I better get pregnant quick ha ha my friend I made through the other site was on the diet like 18 months and still got a boy. I think it would be a lot easier if it would 100% produce a girl. The place I am at right now I'm OK either way so kind of feel what's the point if I don't care. But I know at some point I will care again. Its that fear of regret that has kept me going so far.

 

[EmyDra]

I may have a go at the diet next time to sway. I might go vegan I'm thinking. But it has never taken very long to get pregnant for me x

 

[motherofboys]

I'm hoping this one breaks a few of my patterns. Mostly the taking longer to get pregnant each time, and the all being boys ha ha ha
I know that I can't do this for years. My friend who has, she said she can't bring her self to eat red meat any more, she had 1 burger while pregnant. She lost her son at 20 weeks and got back on the diet and that was over a year ago. Its completely changed her eating pattern. But I still feel like if I don't try will I wish I had?

 

[katherinegrey]

Hoping for a bit of understanding here.

Everyone I know is having girls. There are currently 9 (yes 9) girls pregnant on my Facebook and only 1 is having a boy. I keep seeing pink and 'our princess' posts and I'm happy for them but I'm grieving for me.

I keep being asked at hospital if I'm done with my family because they may not repair my birth damage and prolapses if not. No no no. I don't have my daughter how can I be done? But then I feel overwhelming guilt thinking I'm thinking of risking my health and can't be satisfied with my lovely boys.

I'm not ready for another baby of any description yet. I know that. But I can't say never. It's breaking my heart. Every girl update makes my heart sink.

It is so much worse because I recently heard the name I will 100% use if I have a daughter. My husband loves it too. It's a very uncommon name so we'd never heard it when contemplating names with our other pregnancies and now I feel I have my name and I need the baby to give it to.

Because of my health I want to do the IVF. I only have at the very most one shot at pregnancy, my health wouldn't cope with more. I'll save. I'll get a loan when I've paid off my car (4 years ) but my husband has ethical issues about it and although wants a daughter doesn't want to pay thousands when there's no promise of a baby.

What on earth do I do? I'm 25, how can I give up? How can I risk it? How am I not complete with my boys?

 

[motherofboys]

Understanding is something we have in abundance here.
Those posts on Facebook are hard to see. Last year I unfriended a lot of people, and chose to hide a lot of others from my news feed. Petty? Maybe, but I had to do it for my sanity. I deleted Facebook for a while too. It was actually around this time last year. Some people I have allowed back in to my news feed. Others I just can't handle. Its something to consider, so you don't have to keep seeing those princess posts but don't have to offend anyone either.
Dh has a car. A classic car. Its not yet fully restored but he offered me the money from it for gender selection ivf. I wasn't sure if I wanted to use his money from his car that he has had way before we even met, but the option was there. I struggled with the idea of whether it was right or not, and if I was supposed to have a girl wouldn't I get her. Is it playing God? But I saw something saying that God have is the technology to do it (I'll say I'm not very religious here, but it is a point but if you do believe) that maybe you are meant to get a girl, you just have to work harder and go about it a different way. I'm not explaining it very well but it made me feel better anyway. But the situation has changed and the money won't be there so it's just tough now and I've got to suck it up and get on with it.
I find motherhood is so full of guilt anyway. Heck I feel guilty if I buy myself a new pair of shoes! I second guess everything I do and even whether it's right to have any more babies at all. But it comes back to that regret.
I hope I can be happy to be done after the next one. Dh keeps messing around when I mention things we could do but I'm not going to and saying "oh no its another boy and we'll have to do this all over again" after he made me promise that this will be the last time so I really don't know what he is getting at. If he would be OK to go again. But I can't think about that.
I'm 29, 30 in July. Honestly, I thought I would be done by now. We planned 6, but I wanted them all close together, and imagined I would have had the last one before Ds1 turned 10, which he did in February. Now I just hope I can be pregnant before I'm 30.

 

[30mummyof1]

Lots of understanding here

Oh i know what you mean about the term princess, i hated seeing it used all the time and it would fill me with anger/upset/hurt, so even now i stay away from it.

 

[motherofboys]

I'm very aware that if I did get a girl, I do have people now on Facebook who would be happy for me but hurting for themselves and I would try to avoid being ott about it all

 

[allforthegirl]

I completely understand We may all have a different story but all can relate closely to the feelings.

I have 5 boys now and pg with my very last and is a boy, and due anytime now. I am 37 and DH has been fixed. I cannot go through another pg and end up having another boy! I have been working extremely hard at being ok being over run by boys, and not getting that chance to ever have a girl. My heart still breaks seeing little tiny baby girls any where I go. I even have these day dreams that they all were wrong and it is actually a girl. I too wonder why I am not happy either with what I have....but it is hard to get over the wishful thinking for over 30 years that I would have a girl.

Allow yourself to have all of these feelings. Work through them they way is best for you.

 

[caro103]

had our 12 wk scan today, all looked good. Any guesses?

to those who need them, we all understand in here! xx

 

[katherinegrey]

Thank you all so much. I love you all.

I get so sick of 'be happy' and 'maybe you're just meant to have boys' and 'some would kill for what you have'.

I am happy. I was absolutely meant to have my boys. I would kill for my boys.

Doesn't change a thing. That feeling of incomplete isn't wrong. I know that. I'm not being a bad person. I can't help my feelings and my feelings don't hurt anyone but me.

DH has said he wants a daughter but doesn't want to go the IVF route. It's all hypothetical at this point anyway as like I say I'm not ready right now.

I'm currently studying for a better position at work, I'll qualify in about 6 months, I need medical treatment, we need a pay a few things off.

But in my mind I'm set that when all that's done I want my daughter. I know that sounds crazy. But the only way I can choose that is IVF. Maybe I'm a control freak and can't stand the not knowing. Pregnancy is rough for me though and I don't have the option of trying again more than once.

I'm going to hide some people. It's so strange but part of me wants to see their beautiful babies and see their happiness but another feels too sad to summon up real happiness for them.

 

[motherofboys]

I'm in two minds (still) about whether it is best to convince ones self that you'll have a boy or to allow yourself to dream. I didn't think much either way in the past then with ds4 I tried not to get my hopes up and I keep saying I need to just believe it's a boy, but if I do that I won't ever actually have got to dream about that little girl. And i see so much about good vibes and visualisation of what you want. That you should see yourself succeeding and then you will. My personality is the type that would usually think that seeing yourself succeeding is a jinx and a recipe to fail flat on your face. But maybe I should just let go and allow myself to dream.
It's only been a couple of weeks and I've not even ovulated yet and I'm driving myself nuts with this ttc thing.
I guess my point is (after all that rambling) that maybe that determination of "once I've done this I'm going to get my girl, is a good thing