The Vasectomy Reversal Wives & Girlfriends Club. aka (VR WAGs)

[chattyB]

Ok - got a few questions for you oh knowledgable gals.

AF is due on Sunday (24 day cycle). The earliest I've ever been is 23 days. I started the Cambridge Diet and have lost 10lb in 7 days. I'm aware that such a strict diet is not good whilst trying to conceive so I've purposefully avoided BDing around Ov.

I've just noticed some brown spotting when I wiped.

Would this be due to the weightloss affecting AF? Could it make it arrive earlier OR could this (by some miracle) be implantation bleeding??

I have no symptoms at all other than feeling a little emotional/premstrual, no sore boobs, no cracking headache and extreme tiredness that usually accompanies prementrual spotting ect - I have a gut feeling that I'm not pregnant but this is freaking me out
a little

BTW - I'm 8dpo today

 

[sapphire1]

Ok - got a few questions for you oh knowledgable gals.

AF is due on Sunday (24 day cycle). The earliest I've ever been is 23 days. I started the Cambridge Diet and have lost 10lb in 7 days. I'm aware that such a strict diet is not good whilst trying to conceive so I've purposefully avoided BDing around Ov.

I've just noticed some brown spotting when I wiped.

Would this be due to the weightloss affecting AF? Could it make it arrive earlier OR could this (by some miracle) be implantation bleeding??

I have no symptoms at all other than feeling a little emotional/premstrual, no sore boobs, no cracking headache and extreme tiredness that usually accompanies prementrual spotting ect - I have a gut feeling that I'm not pregnant but this is freaking me out
a little

BTW - I'm 8dpo today

Oooh! I'm not sure if weight loss could affect AF, but 8dpo is about the right time for implantation bleeding. One thing I will say is that I am convinced I'm pregnant every month - apart from the month when I actually was. I also had implantation spotting which lasted for 9 days, and started roughly a week before AF was due. I guess you won't know for sure until a little later, but FX this is it for you! x x

 

[chattyB]

Well, not pregnant this month. AF started this morning so I imagine it was the weightloss that has made AF early. At least I wasn't waiting for days thinking "is it? Isn't it?"

Babydust to all!

 

[sapphire1]

We'll all get a BFP in August instead x x

 

[tallybee]

Yeah chattyB I believe any weight loss (or gain) can affect AF. It's because our hormones are affected by fat (they are fat soluble compounds) so changes in fat levels and nutrition can easily affect our lady hormones until things settle .

Sapphire, yep - let's get those s in August!

everyone!

 

[live_in_hope]

Hey ladies! :wave:
I've been away for the week and have just caught up abit!
@cjones- sorry to hear about your news about your childrens new baby sister. it's such a shame that they will never get to meet her.......
I am in a similar situation but from the other side....I am the ex husbands wife who is expecting a baby.....
I am 26 and have 4 step children, boys aged 21, 19, 18 and a girl aged 14. Their mum didnt take it too well when they split up and turned really nasty and things got even worse when me and him got together. I was 18 at the time and he was 36. She became very bitter and aggressive and banned him from seeing his children. It was an awful time and it got to the stage where the children who at the time were 13,11,10 and 5 were poisoned and forced to hate their dad It was so upsetting. He gave them everything in the divorce, made sure they had the same life they had before, giving her everything and without mortgage or debt but he is still the worst ex in the universe. He has always maintained a relationship with his eldest as he has always been quite mature for his age and always knew that whatever his mum said about his dad, that there was two sides to every story etc. His middle son and daughter he hasnt spoke or heard from in about 5 years and his youngest son occasionally sends tx messages but he has asked hubby to keep it quiet as he doesnt want his mum finding out that he has been in touch! he's 18 and his mum still causes probs for them if they get in touch so you can understand why its easier for them to not have a relationship with him.
Telling them about me expecting was a tough decision. We've been together nearly 9years and married over 4years but it was still tough. We knew that if we didnt say anything it would have been wrong and if we did it would have been wrong, so he sent them all a text (he has all their numbers and sends them texts most weeks but they never reply) and told them. He spoke to his eldest afew days later and said that it caused that much probs he had to get out of the house as his mum spent the whole weekend shouting and kicking off about it so we know it'll definitely be along time before his daughter comes around, its such a shame coz with his daughter having 3 brothers, she will have a sister that she wont even acknowledge or dare to have anything to do with because of how bitter and twisted her mum is.... very sad...

Wow sorry ladies for the long post, but I havent spoke about it all for a long time and I guess it all just came pouring out! xxx

 

[chattyB]

God that sounds horrendous . I hope your steppies will start viewing things differently when Emily is here.

I'm quite lucky that my ex and I (we have 3 children) get along really well - far better than we ever did when married. He's a great dad, the children adore him as does his fiancé and theres a mutual respect between the four of us (hubby, ex hubby, his fiancé and myself). It could've been very different but we made the conscious decision to draw a line under the marriage but recognise that we needed to stay friends for the children's sake - we have both experienced a childhood living with divorced parents at war and vowed not to do that to our own children. It wasn't easy at first but absolutely fine now. We've told him that hubby and I are trying for a baby and he'll help us break the news to the children when the time comes (as in that he'll speak to them positively about it and reassure them if they voice any concerns to him). The children are happy and well adjusted, they don't have any insecurity hangups or feel a conflict of loyalties between myself and their dad - just they way we wanted it.

Hubby and his ex? That's a completely different ball game altogether!! Phrases like "daddy doesn't love us anymore, he's got a new family now" make a frequent appearance (from his ex of course). I could write a whole book on the things she's said or done over the years and call it "How To Emotionally Screw Up Your Kids For Life"

(hugs) for all you VRWAGS who are dealing with psychotic ex's and their poor kids.

 

[live_in_hope]

Wow, I admire you for how things are with your kids and their dad as it must be hard, but why upset the children when a divorce is between two adults? My hubbys ex always said that too but when she found out about him being with somebody half his age (there's 18years between us) she changed her tune. Even after nearly 9years I know that she still talks negatively about him in front of the children who are virtually adults but are way too scared to do anything about it and go against her. Those comments you mentioned I imagine is what his children are hearing and have been hearing all this time too She has made her children miss out on having a good dad in their lives. My hubby never had a bad word to say about her in front of the kids, it's just not his style. We live in a different county now as she used to all sorts of horrible things. We've had cars damaged, threats, she even created problems for my sister and mum at their work places??? psycho or what??? poor kids thats all we can think about.....
Apparently she has never had a long-term relationship since as the daughter causes problems when her mum goes out with men....hmmm I wonder why??? May be because she spent most of that poor childs life dissing men and her dad then wonders why her daughter (who is now 14 but has been hearing all this since she was 5) doesnt like the thought of her mum with a man.... she's made a rod for her own back. We just hope that one day the kids will turn around and say 'dya know what mum? I want to see my dad and there is nothing you can do to stop me. I know he loves us as he tells us every week when he texts and it was you that he fell out of love with, not us!' Thats whats we hope for anyways........

 

[tallybee]

live_in_hope....Oh hon the bitter ex thing is horrible isn't it

I have had to witness some level of disgusting behaviour from OH's ex, it's really heartbreaking because she is trying to hurt us but really just hurts the children. It's just horrid. The bit you wrote about your husband giving everything but still being (in her eyes) the worst ex imaginable, that's EXACTLY what we have with OH's ex! He walked away with nothing, nothing but debt, leaving her with no money worries whatsoever and still she bitches about it. The age difference thing isn't as big with us but the ex is older than OH and I am 11 years younger so I do think that's part of why she's so pissed off. I could go on but I'll refrain here, check out the steppie thread if you'd like to see more of the shocking situation!

I would like to offer you massive though as knowing a situation not dissimilar to the way it sounds yours is, I can only imagine the problems and pain it must cause.

The children will make their own minds up in time, the ex can't poison them forever.

 

[live_in_hope]

Thanks Tally! We always said that, about the kids making their own minds up, but we thought it would have happened by now with all th eboys being 18+...we'll see. Maybe when they moove out and are away from her they will try. My hubby found it hard when he knew he gave her everything so her and the kids wouldnt go without and still doesnt understand why he hasnt got a relationship with his children, when there are blokes that leave and dont give two hoots about what money the children etc have got and still get to see their children My hubby too, took all her debt.(i say hers as it was. She took things out and didnt tell hubby then denied knowledge of it and said hubby did it in her name...). We're still paying it off now, all these years later and is the reason why we cant get a mortgage etc. Hubby didnt make a fuss about it, he just left quietly, knowing that him leaving was bad and upsetting enough...bet he wishes he had have kicked up abit and not paid for everything and given her something to moan about I duno....he even paid for her and the children to have holidays....he didnt have to, but he did and with no thanks at all or even acknowledgement. He's a good man my hubby, he didnt deserve any of this bless him xx

I've just noticed the step parent support thread in your sig. I know technically I am a step parent, but I've never considered myself a step mum. Hubbys eldest (who we do see) is only 5years younger then me and the 3of us get on like a bunch of mates, we have a great laugh and him and hubby are like best pals than father and son, its lovely to see.... anyway, yer I may pop over! thanks! xx

 

[sapphire1]

Big liveinhope, and all of you with crazy exes. I'm so fortunate that I don't have any of that to deal with. We're not friends exactly, but DH's ex at least tolerates me and doesn't give us problems - I found even more so since Holly was born. You might find once Emily's born things might change, I really hope so. The best thing about being a step parent is at least you can see that your OH is a fantastic dad, before you have kids with him. I always view it more like a friend role too, if they already have a mum, they don't need another. There's a fantastic forum called the second wives club, that really helped me alot when I was first with DH. You have to pay to join, but all of the ladies on there are in similar situations. I couldn't believe some of what people have to put up with x x

 

[live_in_hope]

Thanks Sapphire I really can't see her changing when Emily gets here, I know it'll get worse coz of how she reacted when she found out I was expecting. The day she found out was the same day the eldest child (whose 21) got accepted into the pokice force so insted of celebrating the evening with him celebrating, she spent it ranting and raving about me and hubby. Sam told us he had to get out th house as it was just awful....we then felt bad for telling them that day, but we werent to have known....
But apart from that ,She has been really quiet these past few years which is quite worrying. My hubby lost his parents 4years ago and has just managed to sell their house which they owned outright. We are expecting her to try and get her hands on that too I duno....
You're right though about knwing that they are good fathers. I first met hubby when I was 15 (met, not got together!)lol he was my kick-boxing instructor and him and the 3boys used to all go and as far as I was concerned he was my instructor who was this big family man,I was too busy with mates and boyfriends etc to think anything else....it wasnt until I was 18 that I saw him in a different light and the rest they say is history! lol. xx

 

[tallybee]

I think with these exes we need a particular way of dealing - which for me is to absolutely expect the worst from them, but keeping out the dread that usually comes with that. I am never surprised by anything OH's ex does any more. There's been so much bullshit that I cannot ever be disappointed when something happens now. But - I don't live constantly worrying about it either. OH is getting to that point too.

live_in_hope did your DH and ex have a separation agreement when they split? That was the thing we were told was the most important to get, since it would cover everything and so mean there would be no future claims on anything even if there was a lotto jackpot win or whatever (or inheritance or anything like that ).

 

[live_in_hope]

oooh, I dont know? Is it bad that I dont know! lol I was 18 when they were going through the divorce and to be honest I kept out of it. He even admitted to adultery as although they had been separated for 5months, he was still legally married when we got together and therefore by admitting and having my name on file, it was over quicker, he just wanted out. I dont know about the finance side of it all in detail. I do know that if she ever remarries, co-habits, sells the house or when the youngest child reaches 18 (whichever comes first) hubby will get 16.5% of the value of the house. He had 100k equity in the marital home which he gave all to her to buy anew one with, he even paid for a conversion on the garage into a 4th bedroom! The only thing he left with was his 15year old kirby vaccum cleaner, bloody thing, its a tank! no wonder she didnt fight to keep it! lol. so yer. The youngest is now 14 so at most we will have to wait another 4years...but we reckon she'll come up with some rubbish and try and appeal it.
Actually thinking about it, I dont think he has got that agreement coz we were fantasizing the other week about winning the 161m on euromillions and said that if we won, we'd give it all to my dad so she couldnt claim any of it (then get my dad to buy us the things we wanted). xx

 

[tallybee]

Na I don't think it's bad, in fact I feel sometimes I know too much about OH's shitey ex-business. We have supported each other through a lot of crap our exes have put us through though, and I would feel rather put out if OH kept things from me.

We are STILL waiting on the divorce to come through - getting that separation agreement was the tough part because OH's ex couldn't let go of this greedy attitude of entitlement to the point where she was demanding all the equity from the house PLUS half his private pension - not only that, but she wanted the pension money NOW - her attitude was he should take out a loan to give it to her because she 'needed it to buy a new house'. Needless to say she was told to eff off with that idea, but she just refused to accept any agreement that gave her an equal (or anything like reasonable) share, and that was that in stalemate for a couple of years. It was only when it looked like OH may have been made redundant that kicked her arse into signing a reasonable agreement - she thought she would still get the hefty maintenance it stipulated and the equity from the house, which would be better for her than dragging it out further until OH had no job in which case maintenance would be negligible.

By the sounds of what you've said they must have had some kind of agreement at the time for that thing about him getting a % of the house in those circumstances... sep agreements can vary a lot based on circumstances though and if there isn't a clause in there stating that the terms of the agreement are final and no further claims can be made, that's when exes could dig their claws into any windfall one comes into. There was a thing in the news not long ago where this happened (an ex-wife actually did get to claim a portion of the guy's winnings even though they'd been divorced for years ) and it was said in the article that this was why separation agreements should be properly done even if there's not much to divide between them at the time.

Eeeeeeh step families and exes surely make life complicated - and my position as an old cynic has been sealed more strongly with every step and turn of it all!

xx

 

[Jungleland]

Hi all we had our VR consultation yesterday and I have a question for you girls if I may, we hav been offered the opportunity to hav an embryologist present at the VR to extract sperm during the op and freeze it in case the VR doesnt work and we need to look at other fertility treatment options in a few years. We're gettin the costs later today, has anyone else done this? Either way, we're definitely going ahead with the VR, prob around the end of August During the physical examination the consultant could feel both ends of the pipes on his right side, but only the top end on the left side,its been 27yrs since his original vasectomy Xxxx

 

[live_in_hope]

Hey! Glad to hear it went well and with lots of options too! I personally haven't heard of anybody having an extraction done at time of the VR but its a good idea and I have heard people say that the surgeon said that he was able to see live sperm when carrying out the op...(our surgeon didnt say that he saw any, and we didnt ask) but alot of people have been told that so it's a good idea I reckon.
Yay for the end of august!! xx

 

[live_in_hope]

Na I don't think it's bad, in fact I feel sometimes I know too much about OH's shitey ex-business. We have supported each other through a lot of crap our exes have put us through though, and I would feel rather put out if OH kept things from me.

We are STILL waiting on the divorce to come through - getting that separation agreement was the tough part because OH's ex couldn't let go of this greedy attitude of entitlement to the point where she was demanding all the equity from the house PLUS half his private pension - not only that, but she wanted the pension money NOW - her attitude was he should take out a loan to give it to her because she 'needed it to buy a new house'. Needless to say she was told to eff off with that idea, but she just refused to accept any agreement that gave her an equal (or anything like reasonable) share, and that was that in stalemate for a couple of years. It was only when it looked like OH may have been made redundant that kicked her arse into signing a reasonable agreement - she thought she would still get the hefty maintenance it stipulated and the equity from the house, which would be better for her than dragging it out further until OH had no job in which case maintenance would be negligible.

By the sounds of what you've said they must have had some kind of agreement at the time for that thing about him getting a % of the house in those circumstances... sep agreements can vary a lot based on circumstances though and if there isn't a clause in there stating that the terms of the agreement are final and no further claims can be made, that's when exes could dig their claws into any windfall one comes into. There was a thing in the news not long ago where this happened (an ex-wife actually did get to claim a portion of the guy's winnings even though they'd been divorced for years ) and it was said in the article that this was why separation agreements should be properly done even if there's not much to divide between them at the time.

Eeeeeeh step families and exes surely make life complicated - and my position as an old cynic has been sealed more strongly with every step and turn of it all!

xx

oh no, I hadnt realised you were still going through it all! poor you! Thankfully, that was probably the only time she cooperated over anything as the divorce was done and dusted within 3months which was nearly 9years ago. Although we haven't had dealings with her for years now, what we did go through all those years ago, made us so strong and at the tender age of 18, I grew up very quickly...I was always quite mature, but still, being in a position where your partner is going through a divorce and being a stepmum to 4kids is a big thing for anybody,let alone an 18year old...my friends never understood. But we survived! lol.

I'm sure if hubby were to approach his ex now with talk of a separation agreement over claiming on money she would get suspicious and assume he was coming into money.... although I am sure she knows that his mums house has sold and 1/3 of it is coming his way... we'll see...

 

[cjones82]

Hi ladies, havent been on for a while but it seems i may have sparked a conversation about exs. My ex husban is a nasty piece of work when we first split up he had nothing to do with our boys for 3 and a half years, then my eldest son decided he wanted to contact him, so i let him, they were both then seeing him for 2 hours on a tuesday every week for a year he then got his new wife to text me to tell me he could no longer come and pick the boys up on a tuesday as he was selling his car to get a motor bike!! in the year he was seeing them they got married, they werent even invited to the wedding. I am glad he doesnt have anything to do with them as there is alot more stuff which is to shocking to say on here but he was evil. Im just glad my new DH is a gent and treats my boys the same way he does his own we have now started the process of him adopting them so fingers crossed that all goes through. On the other hand DH ex is wonderful, they have always got on well for the kids sake, we arent good friend but we talk when we have to if she needs me to have her boys or anything and we are even friends on facebook lol, why cant all seperations involving kids be so pleasant?? The kids should be the priority not scoring points against each other.

Well switching subjects i am due to ovulate soon, feeling a bit more possitive about things this month, not feeling so down and sorry for myself, that could be due to the kids being off school now, i have no time to sit a dwell on things i should or shouldnt be doing. Hope all you lovely ladies are well. xxx

 

[cjones82]

quick question, nothing to do with TTC, but is anyone elses pages not loading properly? i can see all the writing but no pictures and the page is all white, not purple like it was before.