The Vasectomy Reversal Wives & Girlfriends Club. aka (VR WAGs)

[Pitterpatter5]

Hi Elmo,

Please don't feel so down... I'm not a religious person but I'm a great believer of fate and your time will come, probably when you least expect it!
I know this is a tough journey and I'm sure I can speak for everyone on here that we all share a portion of the pain your in right now

You have been blessed with a hubby and 3 amazing kids so the chances are that this will happen for you again, you also have age on your side and hopefully health... Take some time out, take your boys on holiday at easter, even if it's only local! Plan a date night with the hubby or maybe even a weekend away!
Rediscover why you fell for him in the first place and enjoy eachother again, if your feeling this stressed, I'm sure he is too and that will not help either of you in creating more beautiful bubbas.....

Now have some chocolate, a large glass of wine or three and reflect on now and what your lucky to be surrounded by today...

We are all with you Hun xxx

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

thank you that was really sweet, I teared up. I am SO emotional right now!

Please be honest Im not looking for false hope, just genuine opinion do you think I should still be hopeful for this month - I have done two first response tests, one of them this morning, I am only cd25 so not due on Af for 4 days yet BUT I ovulated early so I am about 14dpo (based on a solid smiley on my ovulation test and very strong ovulation pains) so if I'm 14dpo isn't that basically the same as if af was due today if I had ovulated in middle of month as a lot of people do? should be be holding onto hope or would it be healthier to accept that that's it for this month?

I just wish I really knew where we stood, hubby's SA results where great, apart from the fact that he had 100% antibodies which a lot of people aren't even tested for and our surgeon INSISTS has no bearing on wether or not we can acheive a pregnancy but other people such as Rachy on this thread and some things I see on the Internet say that it DOES very much matter xx

 

[Pitterpatter5]

Quite honestly I'm not expert in fertility or timing but I think 8 months is still pretty good going.... They reckon it takes most people up to 12 months to conceive and that's without any poking in the meantime!

I'm sure at the 8 month point I will be ranting, raving and pretty pissed at my hubby for his past choices but I guess in the meantime I just have to make sure I give us both the best possible start....
Take fertility supplements
Monitor my cycles (bbt)
Cut out most alcohol, caffeine and junk
De-stress
I'm not sure about you but I have been pregnant twice, neither times planned and both seemed to happen against great odds! That's the "irrit" for me as I've never been a patient person and I'm already fighting with myself to chill... We are both positive people although I waivered once I started reading forums but the hubby is sure it will work given time ( I love his enthusiasm!). We are only 3months post surgery and will have sa done when we return to the UK in the summer. I am crossing all my fingers and toes that they are wiggly and active....

The only other thing I plan to do is have hormonal screening etc for myself once he has the all clear if it hasn't happened by September as it's been 9yrs since I was pregnant last and a lot can change that you can't see! I am only just 31 but you never know.

As for antibodies, I have been told that it can make it more difficult but not impossible and again, once flow has been restored, antibody levels can lower. Do plenty of research, ( no offence, but not on forums... We are mums/ mums to be, not doctors and I have found a lot of "stories" that 'must' be true! Every single body is not only different but constantly changing) look on medical sites, email specialist vr centres and research different fertility supplements. In the meantime if your not already, set up fertility friend on your phone and start tracking cycles, that way you can pinpoint times!

Good luck, and enjoy all the fun practicing!!! X

 

[Pitterpatter5]

Oh and re AF.... Wait it out, if she doesn't show- test but I've literally just hit the deck this month with AF as I had full Preto symptoms, temp charts glowing and AF showed, even "felt" it! There's no kidding with AF so let her be, I'm planning (other than temping) to ignore my tww urges...
1. They become very expensive!
2. They leave me brain dead at work as I can't think of anything else!
3. Pisses the hubby off with can you see... Can you tell... You know how it goes!

Xxx

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

Thank you it's been so good talking to you. I think one thing I may do is ask for a second opinion on the antibodies from another surgeon, not sure if I would get a response but you never know! I will also book a repeat SA for hubby, you never know those antibodies may have decreased and I would feel a lot better, or maybe it would be bad news but at least I would be at a point where I knew what was what and start learning to accept it. I'm feeling a lot better today, probably because I cried it all out so badly on Saturday. Have given myself a goal over the next couple of months to distract me and for health reasons so I just put in a huge order from my fruit and veg man, going to do a juice detox, I gave up alchohol back in December and Smoking in Novemeber but it's made me gain rather more than a few lbs lol I'm not enormous but my BMI is overweight as im only 5"1 and weigh 10stone 11! So I have two stone to shed.

I notice you said you pregnant 9 years ago where they succesful pregnancies do you have any children?

What I hate the most is that I have unexpectedly started feeling really resentful towards OH about it. I don't think I would feel that way if he at least seemed to want this to happen as much as me xx

 

[Pitterpatter5]

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better and have a plan of attack! ;-)

I was pregnant at 16 while on the pill, I chose to terminate... I then fell pregnant at 21 while on the contraceptive injection and partying too heavily for my own good... I have a beautiful 9yr old daughter who saved me from the madness

I haven't taken any contraceptives since as I did not have another relationship until my hubby and he told me immediately that he had a vasectomy.

My oh has 3 boys from his previous relationships so between us we stand a good chance as long as those swimmers are getting through!

I agree with another sa and I would read other vr expert sites and email, I'm sure someone will respond! Which surgeon did you use? My husband chose Mr Harriss... I had a few on the list but he liked him best, he said his balls, his choice!!! Haha

I'm in a similar situation re weight... I gave up smoking 18 months ago and drinking ( except the occasional consulate do as we live in a dry state) 3 yrs ago when we moved here. We eat pretty healthy but it's very american so there's fast food and huge portions everywhere!!!

Fingers crossed for you and your family... X

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

We have a lot in common! I also fell pregnant at 16, my mum had just moved to another county, I was at 6th form, my boyfriend was really controlling it was a nasty relationship and he DID NOT want me to have that baby thanks to his psychotic mother. I dropped out to have the baby and moved to be with my mum but within a week or two he followed me up there and won me over saying if I went back with him we would have the baby, we even talked of names but once we got back home to his mums everything changed and within another couple of weeks I had the termination. I have never really gotten over it to be honest and I drank ALOT, at 21 I gave birth to my eldest who like you changed everything and saved me I have since had two more boys with my husband xx

 

[rachy28]

Elmo, im sorry you're finding it difficult at the moment. Ive been there so i know exactly how your feeling. Its been 2 years since dh's reversal with only 1 cp in that time. We're on cycle 27 and ive given up hope for it happening naturally now. I can tell you that antibodies do not decrease over time, our numerous sa's suggest levels stay around the same despite everything we've tried. But I will say keep on trying, miracles do happen after all i have gotten a bfp albeit a short lived one! Xx

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

I wrote a lengthy reply but then it wouldn't load - story of my day that!!

I emailed Dr Harris's PA today and she suggested a repeat SA. I also said this (it's actually not very well written now that I read it back but never mind!)

Hi Bev thank you for such a speedy reply. I appreciate how busy Mr Harriss is, but I wondered if possible for him to confirm to me wether or not he thinks the problem is likely to be the antibodies? I only ask again but he did tell us they would have no bearing on wether or not we would conceive but he did shortly after post something to his website stating that antibodies could be a problem but only when in the semen not in the blood (bens are obviously in the semen) and even then only when the antibodies are very high (bens are 100%) If he would be able to respond to this it would be of so much help. I personally am beginning to find this process really quite difficult and am wondering if we are wasting not out time but emotions, if the antibodies do indeed make it near enough impossible for us to conceive?

I will also enquire with the GP as to wether or not we can be referred for another SA.

Many thanks

 

[rachy28]

Elmo, we've had all our subsequent sa's through our gp at no cost. Our last test in January was through a fertility clinic because we start icsi soon, again it was nhs funded so i dont think you'll have a problem getting one done.
Its important to remember that it was the original vasectomy which is the cause of the antibodies, not the urologist who performed the vr. Its easy to throw blame but we are told a vas should be considered a permanent form of contraception before the procedure. I Think they should develop a test which looks at the titers of antibodies in the blood, surely extremely high blood plasma levels would suggest a high presence of antibodies in the semen. A test like this should be offered to anyone wishing to undergo a vr. Perhaps its time i made my millions by developing this test

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

I hope they don't get that impression from my email , as im not throwing blame to them at all (though I do feel we should be warned about antibodies before making the decision to go through with a reversal) what I don't understand is why he insists to me that antibodies will not affect our chances of conceiving at all but then shortly after said something very different publicly on his website. Why? why not just say I'm sorry Mr & Mrs Renshaw but there is a small likelihood that you will conceive with such high antibodies (a result of the original vasectomy?)

 

[rachy28]

I hear you. We should be warned. Problem is, if they warned us then what is the likelihood that we would have gone ahead with a vr? I imagine they see ££££££ when unsuspecting couples such as us approach them. I have no doubt that it can and does work so i would never say don't do it, but i would definitely recommend paying privately for antibody titer and typing in serum before going ahead. It would save alot of money and heartache if we could have just gone straight to ivf. Its just all shitty!
Im about to ovulate but im at the point where I just don't want sex because I can't deal with the disappointment anymore. I wonder if i can get a refund

 

[live_in_hope]

hey ladies :wave: elmo im sorry to ehar you're struggling at the mo, this really is one of the most emotional journeys we can go on, something we allver considered when booking the vr in the first place im sure. Although i have a vr baby already, my frustations come from a different angle.....it worked before so why not now!!? I am 3 dpo on my last ttc cycle as i am on month 14 of trying and i need a break. It has taken its toll on me and our relationship, ive got the pill waiting to start on cd1. Im hoping 3 months of that will straighten out my cycles and coming off will give my body a boost as it has for so many (including me. My 2nd vr baby i conceived within a month of coming off the pill)..... I have worries that hubby may have scared over and his swimmers arent that good as they were very poor to begin with... I may book him in for another sa sometime soon.
Rachy did you just phone the gp and ask for one? Xx

I wish you ladies all the best of luck xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx

 

[rachy28]

No vickie, we made an appointment with our gp and told him of our concerns regarding scarring & antibodies, we asked him to refer us for a semen analysis and said we didn't mind paying at all but he did it for us anyway. We had it done at our local acu then went to our gp for the results a week later X

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

I understand just what your saying liv , it has been 9 months for us (I thought I was 8 so was even more upset when I recalculated lol) and already I think it's taking a toll on our relationship. We had a talk last night and had some thoughts on doing a semen analysis and NOT abstaining for 3 days prior as surely if ejaculating very regularly can reduce antibodies then maybe the figure wouldn't be as drastic as 100%? Surely there is a little logic there? If we got results saying he had even 80% antibodies I think that would be enough for me to continue.

I still haven't given up all hope for this month I know how silly it is but I can't stop myself. I'm due Af tomorrow, haven't tested today. Just doesn't feel imminent? I had hormone spots around my chin a good week ago or so and now nothing, I don't even feel particularly irritable which is unusual for me as I get serious pmt rage! Also have odd pains in my boobs that I haven't had before. Most likely it's in my head again x

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

By the way rachy my mum said the same thing (except she was serious! Lol) "well if I was you I would sue and get my money back! You have been misled!" Ha

I said mum somehow I don't think it would stand up in court lol

 

[live_in_hope]

thanks rachy, i think you said before actually when id mentioned it before. But as seans been working away its been put on the back burner. He finishes next week so hopefully we can talk and get him an appointment first.

Elmo, i dont know much about antibodies, nor do i know what my hubbys were? Im sure our results were just count and motility? I did email afew months ago asking for the full report.....i didnt even get a reply.... it was 4.5yrs ago though.. Interesting about regular ejactulation and antibpdies though as dr harriss told us to ejaculate as much as poss and sean literally did it everyday.....most days himself and then with me (obviously) afew times a week and despite our poor count and even poorer motility we conceived within 3 months.....now we are ttc again, i dont know how much he is doing himself, but we arent doing it very much at all, not even at ov times (very frustrating!) so i wonder if antibodies are a problem for us now too?? Xxx..

 

[lewiepud08]

Hi ladies please can i join

Im Jen from Yorkshire 37 and my DH is 39,

we are hoping to have reversal around Jan time next year, we are going with DR Payne at manchester spire hospital. we are gonna ttc from april aboutn 8 weeks or so after the op, so we can work round our wedding

we have 6 between us, me 3 boys and DP 2 boys 1 girl

sending you lots of love hugs and babydust, my heads a bit of a mess at the moment with it all, excited nervous anxious xxxx

 

[live_in_hope]

hey! :wave: welcome to the group and congrats on the start of your vr journey....we are proof that it isnt an easy journey and you will experience many thing you never thought possible but we are all here for you, so please share your journey and feel free to rant whenever and theres no such thing as a silly question or too much information! good luck with everything and your upcoming wedding! Xxxxx

 

[lewiepud08]

thank you hun

we were going to have it done in the next few months but the consultants secretary advised us to have it done once we know we will be ttc straight away or at least in the first few months after it as its more sucessfull straight after the op and the first year after...whether theres any truth in that i dont know but due to the wedding and other reasons we are waiting until about feb for it now..i do worry about antibodies as DP had a twisted testicle at 19 but it was a routine thing not a severe form of it...he went on to have children after (hes 39 now)....and ive read loads more positive than negative things including men who have had 100% antibodies and then she got preg...quite a lot are from dr harris also...are you on their fb page as theres positive posts on there loads. dont give up elmo.... ive researched and researched everything for the last year and we have just decided to give it our best shot and just do it and think positive and not look back. ive heard menevit is good for DP to take but its expensive...

sending big hugs...when did Dp have the op? im gonna be a nervous wreck when neil has his... sending lots of babydust girls xxxx