Things I cannot say out loud....

[Lettuce]

Babyboo I know it's not nearly in the same league, but my mil cried at jennifers jags, then made me feel bad cos I didn't! one of us had to keep it together!
Hope Freya feels better soon. Xx

DH, Jen has cried more in the last 2hours since you came home than in any other point in the few days you've been away... Are you that rubbish at looking after her??!!? Youve given her back to me 3times already! wtf is wrong with you? I was trying to sort out her clothes! Not bloody enjoy myself.

 

[MrsPOP]

Oh LO - please please please have a good night. You did so well getting those nasty jabs today and it broke my heart (and my eardrums) when you got so upset a few hours later. Thank goodness for paracetamol after 40 minutes of you being so distraught, I was close to tears and frantic because your daddy wasn't home. I just hope we don't need to give you any more tonight.

 

[MrsPOP]

Oh and first period after childbirth - WHY did you have to show up in all your migraine-inducing, nauseating-and-bloody-painful cramping, gushing glory today of all days!??? WHY?????? You fricking douche, I need to be 100% for my poorly daughter tonight and don't need to put up with your shit.

 

[stardust599]

Oh and first period after childbirth - WHY did you have to show up in all your migraine-inducing, nauseating-and-bloody-painful cramping, gushing glory today of all days!??? WHY?????? You fricking douche, I need to be 100% for my poorly daughter tonight and don't need to put up with your shit.

Oh hun

Ibuprofen and a hot water bottle with an early bed xx

 

[Cupkake.Luver]

To Erica:

I don't want you to come to miami with me you jerkface. I fucking hate you.

 

[Kalah]

I this thread!

Nice to know I am not the only one with crazy inlaws!!!

Dear MIL... my child is wonderful, yes, but the sun does not shine out of his ass and if you keep thinking he is advanced and doing things he clearly isn't doing, you're going to end up making him think he can do things he really can't like you did with your other grandchild who thinks she's an expert at everything. Please stop worshipping him and let him be who he is, which is pretty darned wonderful all on its own.
He will NOT be talking 'any day now' ...he's 4 freaking months old!
He babbles, it is not some message coming right from his soul and you are NOT psychic.

This part made me laugh so much, I just started imagining what if babies could talk at 4 months old...
"wow poo makes my butt warm, I should do this more often!"
"hey mom I'm bored can you change me so I can try to pee on you?"
"I bet no one heard that silent burp I did, so I think I'll just throw up to stop all this patting"
"Hey grandma my mom says there is no sun shining out of my butt, I think you should get really close and check, just to be sure"

 

[lisaf]

PMSL!!! Thanks so much for the comic relief on that! I needed it! I will be thinking of this next time she says that!

 

[shambaby]

I this thread!

Nice to know I am not the only one with crazy inlaws!!!

Dear MIL... my child is wonderful, yes, but the sun does not shine out of his ass and if you keep thinking he is advanced and doing things he clearly isn't doing, you're going to end up making him think he can do things he really can't like you did with your other grandchild who thinks she's an expert at everything. Please stop worshipping him and let him be who he is, which is pretty darned wonderful all on its own.
He will NOT be talking 'any day now' ...he's 4 freaking months old!
He babbles, it is not some message coming right from his soul and you are NOT psychic.

This part made me laugh so much, I just started imagining what if babies could talk at 4 months old...
"wow poo makes my butt warm, I should do this more often!"
"hey mom I'm bored can you change me so I can try to pee on you?"
"I bet no one heard that silent burp I did, so I think I'll just throw up to stop all this patting"
"Hey grandma my mom says there is no sun shining out of my butt, I think you should get really close and check, just to be sure"

lol, my mil reckoned hayden was waving at her and about to start talking before we even left the hospital, and i am not exaggerating!!!

 

[Kalah]

To MIL - yes I know its upsetting that LO was so distressed yesterday, but you didn't help by crying. After 4 days in hospital on a camp bed and no sleep, I was struggling to hold it together myself, and didn't need your histrionics. And how many times do I have to tell you, she still has spina bifida. Removing the cyst does not remove the condition. Yes, she might still have bladder issues when she's older, we won't know until she's being potty trained. Stop crying about it and saying "It's such a shame" because I want Pud to grow up feeling she can manage her issues, whatever they are.

I think I'd have to slap her for that. Not to sound insensitive, of course it's always sad when a baby is sick (weather it's a cold or spina bifida) but I just think it's so silly when a person who is not the parent is more upset than the parent, as if they care more or something or they're only looking at the negative side. She should be looking at it more positive, thinking "oh bladder issues, well I'll buy you some nice cloth nappies then and I'm so glad it's not something much worse"

 

[Kalah]

Oh and first period after childbirth - WHY did you have to show up in all your migraine-inducing, nauseating-and-bloody-painful cramping, gushing glory today of all days!??? WHY?????? You fricking douche, I need to be 100% for my poorly daughter tonight and don't need to put up with your shit.

Paracetamol with codeine! That is my saviour for cramps, it says take 2 every few hours but I just take 4 all at once one time and that's enough to make the pain completely gone long enough to get things done.

 

[Lettuce]

This part made me laugh so much, I just started imagining what if babies could talk at 4 months old...
"wow poo makes my butt warm, I should do this more often!"
"hey mom I'm bored can you change me so I can try to pee on you?"
"I bet no one heard that silent burp I did, so I think I'll just throw up to stop all this patting"
"Hey grandma my mom says there is no sun shining out of my butt, I think you should get really close and check, just to be sure"

DD: how can we be at the dreaded wonder week 19 already?!

DH: (this is one I def can't say out loud, it's truly terrible) I didn't really miss you when you were stuck down south for 3 days. My life with Jenny was actually easier. It's made me realise was a lazy, messy, slob you are. You're not a bad person, and I still love you, but I wish you'd pull your socks up, or at least pick them up off the floor.

 

[MrsPOP]

Oh and first period after childbirth - WHY did you have to show up in all your migraine-inducing, nauseating-and-bloody-painful cramping, gushing glory today of all days!??? WHY?????? You fricking douche, I need to be 100% for my poorly daughter tonight and don't need to put up with your shit.

Paracetamol with codeine! That is my saviour for cramps, it says take 2 every few hours but I just take 4 all at once one time and that's enough to make the pain completely gone long enough to get things done.

Unfortunately codeine makes me hurl! I was given it in early induction and barfed it up straight away I'm pretty opioid sensitive, after the 2nd dose of diamorphine (i managed to go for a good while before screaming for the epidural...fcking evil induction...but my cervix didn't seem to want to play the little beehotch ) I was hurling like Linda Blair from the Exorcist!

Luckily I was so coked up I found the constant projectile vom hilarious poor DH didn't though, he got covered a few times

I guess one of the 'positives' of not BF ( it was upsetting seeing the 'not BF at all' box ticked in Alice's red book today at her jabs appointment ) is that I can take ibuprofen. I have Endo and used to be on Mefanamic Acid for my painful periods but had to take double the dose for even them to work. I used to vomit with my periods. Only 1 month to go and I can have my beloved Mirena again! I can't WAIT!!!!!

It seems Alice is ok now, she's not needed a second dose of calpol. And she's gone 5 and a half hours between feeds. Bless her, I wish I could take all the pain away from her, she's such a little darling

 

[Natsku]

This part made me laugh so much, I just started imagining what if babies could talk at 4 months old...
"wow poo makes my butt warm, I should do this more often!"
"hey mom I'm bored can you change me so I can try to pee on you?"
"I bet no one heard that silent burp I did, so I think I'll just throw up to stop all this patting"
"Hey grandma my mom says there is no sun shining out of my butt, I think you should get really close and check, just to be sure"

And yay for getting your flight home!!!

Step-MIL: I really appreciate that you want to help me and OH with our problems but why do you always have to phone either when I'm settling Maria to sleep or I'm trying to eat my dinner?? Cold stew is not so nice

OH: Do not call me lazy - I am exhausted from trying to sort out Maria's sleep (which I've let you off helping with because I know your back can't handle leaning over the cot. If I can be considerate why can't you??). Please don't blow our chance of fixing our relationship already.

Maria: Its so so great that you slept well tonight (and are still sleeping too) but I wish you would inform me beforehand that you're going to sleep well so I don't keep waking up and staying awake thinking you're going to start crying any moment!

 

[Lauki]

Sophie - Thanks for sleeping well last night and only waking up twice, but I'm not impressed by you thinking the day starts at 5AM!

 

[LadyRoy]

Dear OH ex: please try not to be a super bitch in court today. OH just wants to be able to have his girls for holidays and alternate Xmas. It is not unreasonable and he is a good dad. And well done for screwing the system so you get a barrister and we have to self rep. I hate you you lying bitch.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

DH: The sun does not shine out your ass for "letting" me have 2 hours of solid sleep. FUCK YOU! I'm up EVERY night with him while you get to sleep. You're not doing me any fucking favors. And you wonder why I'm grouchy....emmmmmmmm DUH!!!!!!

 

[tommyg]

Babyboo. I am 100% certain your LO will grow up and lead a relatively normal life as she won't know any diffrent. I haven't seen her about recently but when I was in pregnancy club there was a lady 'Army wife' who was expecting her 2nd baby. She was also a spinabifida sufferer but seemed to have a relatively normal life. I'm sure you could PM her if you have questions about the future.

 

[Natsku]

Maria: Nap for longer than 15 mins please

 

[Kalah]

Oh and first period after childbirth - WHY did you have to show up in all your migraine-inducing, nauseating-and-bloody-painful cramping, gushing glory today of all days!??? WHY?????? You fricking douche, I need to be 100% for my poorly daughter tonight and don't need to put up with your shit.

Paracetamol with codeine! That is my saviour for cramps, it says take 2 every few hours but I just take 4 all at once one time and that's enough to make the pain completely gone long enough to get things done.

Unfortunately codeine makes me hurl! I was given it in early induction and barfed it up straight away I'm pretty opioid sensitive, after the 2nd dose of diamorphine (i managed to go for a good while before screaming for the epidural...fcking evil induction...but my cervix didn't seem to want to play the little beehotch ) I was hurling like Linda Blair from the Exorcist!

Luckily I was so coked up I found the constant projectile vom hilarious poor DH didn't though, he got covered a few times

I guess one of the 'positives' of not BF ( it was upsetting seeing the 'not BF at all' box ticked in Alice's red book today at her jabs appointment ) is that I can take ibuprofen. I have Endo and used to be on Mefanamic Acid for my painful periods but had to take double the dose for even them to work. I used to vomit with my periods. Only 1 month to go and I can have my beloved Mirena again! I can't WAIT!!!!!

It seems Alice is ok now, she's not needed a second dose of calpol. And she's gone 5 and a half hours between feeds. Bless her, I wish I could take all the pain away from her, she's such a little darling

Oh no that doesn't sound very fun! My body is ridiculously sensitive to most pills, only because I've taken the full dose for so long. I recently had to stop taking paracetamol because it not makes me feel really sick for about 4 days after. Ibuprofen gives me hives =( And codeine turns me into a big bitch But since codeine comes in tiny little 30mg tablets it's the only pain medications I can take anymore

 

[chichestermum]

Dear neighbour,
Thanks for getting your back garden repathed so that ours looks like a sh!t hole
Thanks also for not even bothering to think that maybe this work that your getting done is going to annoy the hell out of me, a little knock on the door a few weeks ago to tell me you were going to be having men at your house going in and out, digging up the garden and annoying the dog is really what i want, i could of arranged the pooch to stay at a friends house if you would of told me! so dont go complaining in the garden loud enough for me to hear when she goes and barks and scratches at the fence, she refuses to come in when i shout because its strange to her and i will not be running around the garden to chase her in at 8 months pregnant!
Thanks also for getting all these bloody petrol tools! yea i love the smell of petrol invading my home and making me gag have a headache and affecting my breathing! Poor DD has a headache with it and even the dog has been sick a few times from the fumes!
Oh yes and do you remember that time you came around and asked us to switch off the generator in the garden because it was affecting the signal on your tv (we live in a well dodgy signal reception area, If anything gets plugged in/ turned on outside the signal has 40% chance of fecking up!) Well we happily obliged and we only turned it on when we knew you were all out. Well the same thing happens every time you use the stupid petrol tools! OH asked you the other day (it was 7pm they were still working loud) to pack up for the day since LO was in bed and it was evening and we had no tv or broadband and my family were due to skype us, well thankyou for turning it all off for an hour! since when did children only sleep from 7-8!? and thanks for still leaving everything on every day when you know were in because the dog is outside barking at you! you are effing annoying and i hate youuuuu! and your noisy children! i cant wait until you finish your stupid garden, you wont be in it because its too cold! its going to get covered in the green slimy stuff that everyones patio gets covered in around here and it will look old by the time you come to use it in summer!
And in future, if i want to put the generator on for the garden lights, bug zappers, heaters and whatever else in the garden i will! i will not be turning it off because its affecting your signal, if you get that bored without the tv then you can go and feck your new patio!

Sorry i rabbited on a bit there! lol!
I cant say this out loud, if OH heared me he would go around there all guns blazing and then we would be the most hated family on the estate and get booed away lol!