Things I cannot say out loud....

[Kalah]

To everyone (inlaws especially):

stop hogging my baby and just let me cuddle her. You can blatantly see she isn't happy because she wants her mum or dad. No, she isn't like this all the time. She is isn't hungry or thirsty or got trapped wind. She is pissed off with you messing with her, jigging her around and talking to her like she is an utter idiot.

To everyone: Piss off and stop asking me the same questions over and over and over. Ie. Is she good? What the hell do you think i am going to say?

I never understood that question either!! Do they actually expect someone to say "no she's horrible, the devil!"
I've started answering "is she good?" with "she's a baby".

 

[jensonsmummy]

Lol i think mine will all be aimed at MIL
No you are not just going to keep him while we go away
No he hasnt slept long enough so dont start poking him in his pram
No he wont eat white chocolate, says who, says me GRRRRRR
No he cant eat hard drumstick lollies yet, or burgers, or chips or anything like that
Every baby cries when they are tired, or is grumpy when getting teeth, not just his daddy grrr

I cant even think of any more at the minute as its not as bad now hes older but this definately is theraputic

 

[emiliasmummy]

i love love this thread so here gos my rant

to my mum :
*please stop saying oh everyone thinks im her mum when pushing the pram ok your only 45 but jeez i think they can tell you are not her mum .
*everytime you she lo please stop going oh she looks like you today or oh she looks like huuby today of course she frigen looks like us we made her .

to hubbys family:
*yes my babys been feed she screams because she can sence what foul horrible people you are and im sure that when shes walking she'll run away from you .

to everyone else:
*stop touching my frigen baby seriously do i come over to you and start touching your face NO I DONT so dont do it to my daughter .

oh and to doctors:
*no im not a crazy 24 old mum i know when my daughter not right so please listen and stop fobbing me off .

oh that felt good lol xxx

 

[Babushka99]

MIL -
* Do not squish my daughters cheeks she will get varicose veins and it probably doesn't feel that great.

* NEVER tickle my daughter when she is flinching and clearly not enjoying it.

* Don't blow in my daughters face its just weird.

* Stop undermining me. No nanny will not take her to Mcdonalds and give her ice-cream and sweets. I will decide when those things will happen.

* Don't purposely wake my baby just so you can have a cuddle. That is your selfish need not hers.

* Wash your hands!!!!!!! what is your sodding problem with washing your hands.

* I don't want to see your wretched face every week. Once a year is sufficient.

* Don't pull the bottle out of her mouth when she is drinking because you enjoy her reaction. That is sadistic.

Wow that felt so good, dont all hate me for being a bitch pls

 

[cowboys angel]

Well done you! Nice rant!

 

[runnergrl]

MIL -
* Do not squish my daughters cheeks she will get varicose veins and it probably doesn't feel that great.

* NEVER tickle my daughter when she is flinching and clearly not enjoying it.

* Don't blow in my daughters face its just weird.

* Stop undermining me. No nanny will not take her to Mcdonalds and give her ice-cream and sweets. I will decide when those things will happen.

* Don't purposely wake my baby just so you can have a cuddle. That is your selfish need not hers.

* Wash your hands!!!!!!! what is your sodding problem with washing your hands.

* I don't want to see your wretched face every week. Once a year is sufficient.

* Don't pull the bottle out of her mouth when she is drinking because you enjoy her reaction. That is sadistic.

Wow that felt so good, dont all hate me for being a bitch pls

hate you? i praise you.. this is my favoite one so far

 

[runnergrl]

I have another one for MIL:

*quit opening and closing your hands saying "gimme, gimme!" the second you see MY son.

* no you cannot give him sweets, he isnt eating food yet, you loon!

*if you dare threaten to 'kidnap' him again, I might seriously report you... We dont invite you up to see him that often for a reason. you are a psycho.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh

 

[minkymoo]

I have another one for MIL:


*if you dare threaten to 'kidnap' him again, I might seriously report you... We dont invite you up to see him that often for a reason. you are a psycho.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh

 

[lindseymw]

Love this thread!

- is he good?
Why oh why do people ask this? Well he hasn't stole a car yet so I'm guessing yes he is good.

- Yes I'm still breastfeeding & no he doesn't need any F***ING WATER!

- If he's asleep, LEAVE HIM ALONE! You wake him, you feed him, oh that's right you can't feed him so P*** off!

- If one more older person says "well we didn't do it like that when xxx was a baby" I swear I'll punch them.

- If I say Joshua can't have biscuits, cake etc because he hasn't eaten all of his dinner/tea then he doesn't get it, that doesn't mean he gets one when I'm not looking.

 

[KellyC75]

I have one for those in the street that give me & my eldest Son 'weird looks'!

No I am not 'with' this 18 year old boy...

He is my Son & he likes pushing his little Sister in her pram......Is that Ok with you

 

[wiiwidow]

OMG this thread is hilarious, I think it might have to become a sticky so that we can all let off steam after a visit from the ils, parents, family etc...!

That is all I ever get, everytime she makes a noise "oh its wind, give her here, I'll get it up" No thanks, Im quite capable and btw its not always wind! Sometimes she just wants a hug and rocking back to sleep!

God, I totally agree this was my main rant about mil...no its not sodding wind. Every time he cries, its JUST NOT WIND! FFS woman! And breathe!

The ILs

- As above the solution is not wind! He's usually tired or hungry or overwhelmed by you shoving your face in his face, but if he happens to burp an hour later you are not allowed to say "See I told you, it was wind!" it wasn't.

- If it is wind, I'm quite capable of winding my own baby, you do not need to try and grab him off me.

- When I've put him in his pram for a nap, please do not shove your face inside it to see if he's awake yet, he's only been in there 10 minutes.

- Please do not shove me or OH out of the way in order to do the above!

- Refrain from popping upstairs to check on my baby and coming down with him...miraculously awake, when I know for a fact he always sleeps at least 45 minutes! I will not ask you to babysit if you insist on doing this!

- Please stop talking about yourself, if you've come to visit us, I'd appreciate it if you asked about your grandson. Your stories are snories and I havent got the time or patience to sit and politely listen.

- Step Mother in law...if you DARE to ever smoke in the room which lo is in you will NEVER see him again? OK

Mum

- I love you dearly and you have been a great help, but my son is my son and is NOT your little boy/man/baby - he's MINE!

I just know I've got more and more, but I can't think of any now! It is so satisfying writing these down though, the keyboard just took a good bashing! I didn't realise how much they had annoyed me!

 

[lindseymw]

Sorry I've just thought of one that I need to get off my chest.....to my In Laws

My childrens names are Joshua & Jacob, NOT Josh & Jake, if I wanted them to be called that then thats what I would have put on their Birth Certificate.

 

[wiiwidow]

Sorry I've just thought of one that I need to get off my chest.....to my In Laws

My childrens names are Joshua & Jacob, NOT Josh & Jake, if I wanted them to be called that then thats what I would have put on their Birth Certificate.

OMG...I totally agree...forgot this one too!

My sons name is Oscar, not Osky! I don't actually mind it being shortened but Osky is the same length and sounds rubbish!

 

[MarchMummy11]

Dear MIL
Do NOT just walk in to my house uninvited and then proceed to pick up my sleeping child whilst i'm doing housework in the kitchen. You may think it's fine but it then scares the crap out of me when I go in too his room to check him and he's GONE and I then find you in the lounge holding him.

 

[sultanas]

to my fil.

NO my 2yo does not NEED milk when shes hungry, she NEEDS food. and by food i dont mean you should give her countless jammy dodgers.

I am NOT cruel to her by giving her a cup for her drinks, she i not a baby anymore - she is a toddler.

taking the sides off her cotbed is MY decision and one that i made because she is ready and wanted it to happen, i am not 'forcing' her to grow up too fast she's just growing up at her own pace... if thats faster than her daddy or his siblings then maybe she has my brains.

She runs away from you because you are overbearing and you scare her. shave your scruffy beard off and smile more and it might be different.

yes, i do play with both kids thankyou, just because when you see them its in the evening so they are both overtired and dont want me bugging them doesnt mean thats what happens all day.

and finally - to my MIL.
NO WE WONT BE F***ING COMING TOMORROW! WE HAVE A HOUSE!!! Stop asking everytime we leave if we are coming tomorrow and stop cooking for us then calling up saying oh i thought u were coming over, we didnt say we were coming over FFS!

Oh yeah - and both of you stop pronouncing their names wrong!!!

 

[Louppey]

To my Mum
- Stop pronouncing my daughters name wrong
- I hate the way you look after my Daughter! (Sadly I actually have to say this at the weekend )

To my InLaws (whom I actually love very much!)
- When Coralie is crying, she wants me! Not either of you, not to be carried around and prodded and patted. She just wants her Mummy.

To my Brothers Fiance
- We are nothing alike so please stop acting like we are. You are a useless Mother who has had 5 children taken away from you. So please stop comparing us like we're best buds

To my Work
- Yes my Doctors surgery is a 30 minute drive from the office. I'm sorry that is such a huge inconvenience to you, but it's 2 minutes from my HOUSE!

To my Hubby
- I get up for work at 6.30am, I am then on the go until 9pm. What with working, feeding LO and getting her into bed by 8pm only to come down and wash bottles and prepare your packed lunch. When I finally sit down at 9pm I do not want SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Mizze]

This thread Sooooo needs to be a sticky!

Frankly its a miracle any of us is sane!

Mizze xx

 

[Scarlett316]

To my mil - No I'm not teaching you how to do the baby massage I have learned, its a mummy thing and you aren't Jacobs mummy. Feel free to massage your own son if you want but frankly, he prefers me massaging him too!!!

 

[Kalah]

To my mil - No I'm not teaching you how to do the baby massage I have learned, its a mummy thing and you aren't Jacobs mummy. Feel free to massage your own son if you want but frankly, he prefers me massaging him too!!!

 

[msmissa]

To my mil - No I'm not teaching you how to do the baby massage I have learned, its a mummy thing and you aren't Jacobs mummy. Feel free to massage your own son if you want but frankly, he prefers me massaging him too!!!

too freaking funny