Think I'm out already

[blakesmummy09]

So af stopped last night on and it should of technically started today so god knows what happened with that. How are you all doing? x

 

[BelleNuit]

I had an annoying AF this cycle too blakes. Spotting before, 2 days of AF, and spotting after. UGH. So friggen sick of spotting. 2 days of AF can't be normal, and that's what happened last cycle too. Maybe acupuncture will help.

I feel like there is a problem (obviously there is, we are on cycle 13), but no one knows what it is and so we won't be able to overcome it without expensive interventions (IUI, IVF, etc.). Last cycle I felt like "whats the point" and I feel that way even more strongly this cycle. Month after month it feels like a wasted effort. DH gets his hopes up every time. I don't anymore. Last cycle during the TWW I had a glass of wine (one glass of wine) and he gave me THE LOOK that said "you shouldn't be doing that." Month after month he thinks there's a baby. He hasn't figured out yet that there is NEVER a baby. It doesn't matter what we do or don't do. There is never a baby.

This thread couldn't be more aptly named for me today. I'm CD 5 and I already feel out. FML. Every cycle I feel angrier and more depressed.

 

[Aphy]

Ai Belle,what you feeling describes me so well too! A person can't be blamed for getting despondent after a while. But then again,the alternative is to just give up and stop ttc which means all the suffering this past year or so would have been for nothing. When you get your sticky bean,imagine how special it will be and how you can tell him/her one day how hard you fought to get them! I know it doesn't help right now though 😔

 

[BelleNuit]

I hope we both get our sticky beans soon Aphy TTC is SO hard

 

[blakesmummy09]

Belle I totally hear you! Af was really late last month with all that spotting and a week early this month so maybe it's trying to correct itself

I've given up with the hope of thinking I might be pregnant each month and knowing I'm not each month too hence why I gave up all the temps etc. we don't really discuss the future as having another child anymore either as I don't feel like it's going to actually happen in the timescale we have anymore.

My friends have said don't stop next year but even though they know my son and his difficulties they truly don't understand what it's like day to day and the impact it will have to the youngest if we have too much of an age gap as puberty will make things worse.

I've got my head round the idea that no baby isn't the end of the world for our family as we already have the two we have but I no longer sit browsing baby clothes etc anymore and buying outfits (I already have 6!)

Ttc by far is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I don't really discuss any of it with the hubby apart from the car changes but now we have planned all our things with the caravan etc working around the car we already have as there's no need for a bigger one unless I magically got that bfp but tbh I can't actually see that becoming a reality anymore x

 

[greenarcher]

Screw wonky cycles! Can't my body at least cooperate, even if my baby isnt??

Cd 12 here. O sometime this week. Bought ttc lube and a lily cup to try something new. Starting today, I'm going to add lube before and after bd, and also add some to the cup before inserting afterwards. I don't get ewcm, so I'm hoping the ttc stuff will substitute.

 

[hopefullys]

Preseed worked for us girls! I know it's a bit messy but the 1 month we used it after a year of trying n it worked x

 

[BelleNuit]

I've been using pre-seed for almost 6 months and it hasn't helped us. BUT that's likely because our problem isn't with the swimmers! It's definitely helpful for a lot of other couples, and I hope it's the thing that makes a difference for you!!

 

[Ask4joy]

Hi girls...misery loves company. I'm feeling pretty miserable today myself. Been moping and crying all day. I'm 9dpo and BFNs. DH keeps saying every month "you're pregnant" and I'm just not. He finally agreed to go see his doctor and request a SA even though my doc doesn't think it's necessary as he already has 2 children...but that was 12/14 years ago. All my tests have come out good/perfect. Only thing I haven't done is an HSG...doc wants to wait until I try clomid for a couple months because she said it is painful and the fact that I had a CP indicates I have at least 1 tube open. I know many of you have been trying much longer and I can only imagine your frustration and pain. Half a year of failed cycle after failed cycle and I feel like I hate my life.

I tried preseed for a few months too but after getting a UTI last cycle don't want to mess with it anymore.

 

[BelleNuit]

Welcome Ask. TTC can definitely be a miserable experience at times.

I remember feeling really upset around the 6 month TTC mark. Every month since has been harder and harder. The few days before AF and AF itself being the worst. It's like I go through an interrupted grieving process every month. Interrupted because my hopes always go up again around the time of ovulation.

I agree your DH could definitely benefit from an SA. Mine had one done and it came back perfectly, which was reassuring. Only issue is his pH is a little high. I want to talk to the doc about that. Will be having my HSG next cycle (#14). Hoping this cycle will be the lucky one for us. Started acupuncture today and felt so well supported by the acupuncturist. She agreed that it sounds like my lining is on the thin side, so hopefully the acupuncture will help with that

 

[Ask4joy]

Thanks, Belle. It's nice to have others who understand. You're right that the days just before AF are the hardest.

Glad to hear the acupuncture is going well! Keep us posted! I do believe we will all get our babies eventually...hopefully soon!

 

[blakesmummy09]

So do I joy we need another bfp on the thread x

 

[BelleNuit]

I hope you're right Ask. I'm on a couple different chat groups and it feels like there are a bunch of us ladies who have been waiting an awfully long time.

Back when I first started trying a bunch of my cousins started announcing their pregnancies. The first of the births started today. Like 7-8 of my cousins are pregnant right now (I honestly can't keep track). Guess I'll be hiding a lot of baby pictures/posts on facebook over the next few months.

Mid cycle I usually feel pretty apathetic about the whole thing. Around the time when AF starts to show I get super angry.

I know life is unfair. But I also know that DH and I are young with nothing wrong with us (all the testing has come back normal). We should be pregnant or holding our baby right now. It makes no sense to me.

 

[blakesmummy09]

I really hope it happens for you soon belle, I'm around ovulation time now but waiting to see if af comes early again fingers crossed it doesn't. I have already made plans now as to what I'd do with the baby clothes if the bfp doesn't come and I don't feel so bad about if it doesn't anymore and come to accept it as such ☺️. I'm still crossing my fingers but if it doesn't happen I know it's okay too x

 

[hopefullys]

I keep checking in girls for an update n cant believe there's no more bfps yet! R u getting plenty of BD in? I'm 37 weeks n having a caesarean 2 weeks today! Cant wait cos I'm really struggling now!
Unicorn how you doing? X

 

[greenarcher]

Blake's do you use opks? Give the clothes to a relative and forget about them. Then they'll give them back during your baby shower

Belle - I feel so hard for you. And I'm almost certain I'm going to go down the same path. That or my oh is going to have his own fertility issues. My home SA kit arrives tomorrow. I hope we get good news

 

[blakesmummy09]

Nope no opks anymore I used to but I got too stressed out about seeing that second bold line x

 

[BelleNuit]

Green, I hope your SA gives you good news! Just keep in mind count is only part of the picture! If you do end up trying for quite a bit longer he'll still need a formal SA (so he's not off the hook!). We did an at home test too and it definitely alleviated some of our concerns earlier on.

Hopefullys thats very exciting that you are almost due. Those 9 months seemed to go by quick.

Blakes it sounds like NTNP is working well for you. You aren't closing the door completely on having a 3rd, but you aren't losing more of your life hoping for one. I feel like I'm starting to reach that point to. 13 cycles in, its time to start living my life again and forget about TTC (as much as I can while still TTC lol). I have really altered my plans and changed my decisions around on the thought that I could be pregnant at any given month. I have to stop doing that.

 

[mrs unicorn]

Girls I'm so sorry

Belle - so if all your testing came back ok, how have they left it? Have you discussed IUI or anything like that? Or is that not something you want to do?

Green - good luck with the testing at home. Really hope you don't end up having to have all the tests done and that bfp shows up soon.

Blakes - you are sounding so much better than I've heard you in months! I definitely think NTNP sounds like it's working for you. I'm sorry you haven't had that bfp yet but if you can carry on enjoying life whilst NTNP that's the best place to be.

Hopefullys - wow 2 weeks to go!! Good luck! Let us know when baby arrives - when you can of course!

I'm good thanks, almost 13 weeks! Cannot believe it. I'm starting to enjoy it now especially since getting my Doppler. I know some people think they're a bad idea but after a mc they are a god send. It takes away those horrible creeping anxieties. Also, I've got my dating scan on Thursday. Cannot wait! Then we can finally tell everyone.

 

[hopefullys]

Unicorn that's great I can't believe you are 12 weeks already! Let us know how your scan goes! I have a Doppler was brilliant for those first 5 months I used it as n when I wanted n was very reassuring so I wouldn't say they was a bad idea at all n my daughter loved to hear her heartbeat! I had the sonoline b one its marvellous! Haven't used it in a long while now as I feel this little madam wriggling n kicking me all the time! Shes just been kicking me in the ribs lol x