Think I'm out already

[blakesmummy09]

Spotting has just started onto cycle 18 x

 

[hopefullys]

Oh no nevermind!

 

[mrs unicorn]

blakes

 

[BelleNuit]

Oh Blakes, I am so sorry

I am just heading into O (will likely happen within 1-2 days). But I already feel like I'm out because I caught DH smoking weed again last night. We had a huge blow out but it ended with him getting rid of what he had left.

This is so exhausting blakes. We've done our time. I hope it happens for both of us soon.

 

[blakesmummy09]

Oh no belle I hope he understands the impact that could be having. I know we've done a long stint now ttc it should be our time soon lol x

 

[BelleNuit]

I think he's just been in denial this whole time. But it's been a year. We are considered infertile by this point. Things likely won't get easier from this point forward. He just doesn't want to see that. Somehow he keeps a blind optimism going all the time and thinks that his actions don't have consequences.

 

[BelleNuit]

Well I have had really strong signs of O. Positive OPK 3 days ago, tons of ewcm, O cramps and spotting yesterday, but I still haven't shown a temp rise. Don't know if that's just a coincidence and I had artificially high temps for a couple days there, or if it's because I didn't O yet.

 

[blakesmummy09]

Maybe you've had a surge but your body hasn't actually released the egg yet, is keep bd etc and see what happens. Hopefully having a weird cycle means it's the one as the amount of people I've seen on the forum with strange cycles and it's ended up in a bfp is unreal x

 

[BelleNuit]

Well I got the clear temp rise I was looking for! So it's possible I didn't O until yesterday. We would have totally missed our most fertile days if we had relied on OPKs. I think I'm going to switch from the digital OPKs to the standard ones. I think the digitals are giving me an earlier result for the LH surge. My fertility clinic actually said that you shoukdnt use digital OPKs when doing IUIs and I think it's for this reason.

 

[blakesmummy09]

Yes that's a definite clear temp rise now, I'm so glad it's now shown for you as it makes life easier. I tried digitals I wasn't keep so I switched to the normal ones again. I think I'll start using them again this month x

 

[Jetset]

I have just started using the CBFM and although I forgot to use it on day 6 (oops) I have had highs day 7 and 8 which is where I am at the moment.

I can't remember what it showed last time, it was 5 years ago! But I think I had a high, then a peak and then another high.

It seems I must ovulate quite early in my cycle as I literally finished the AF on day 5

 

[blakesmummy09]

Wow that is early, I normally ovulate 16-20 but I'm getting loads of ewcm early this month but no pain so suspect I'm having a wonky cycle which doesn't bother me because it's over Christmas anyway x

 

[Jetset]

Well since my last post I have had consistent high days...

Cd 7 - high
Cd 8 - high (DTD)
Cd 9 - high
Cd10 - high (DTD)
Cd11 - high
CD12 - high (DTD)

So god knows!!!

 

[blakesmummy09]

That's really bizzare I haven't used them myself so not much help, have you tried starting a thread about it x

 

[Jetset]

Yes I did as got some bright red teeny tiny bits of blood in my cm too on cd 9 and 10 and now back to normal. Could just have been from DTD, who knows!

I am debating whether to POAS tomorrow for the CBFM as just thinking it will be high again!

 

[BelleNuit]

You must be getting close to O again Blakes?

I'm about halfway through TWW, not counting days this time, but AF should show sometime next weekend. Not feeling too hopeful

 

[blakesmummy09]

Oh belle don't give up there's still time. I actually ov around xmas anywhere from xmas eve to Boxing Day I think but I'm not really that bothered about this cycle as I want to be concentrating on our kids having a wonderful Christmas rather than thinking when we should be bd for it to work etc x

 

[BelleNuit]

Funny, your O days are exactly the days that I'm expecting AF... somewhere in there anyway. I think thats a great idea to focus on the kids and having a good christmas with them. Christmas is such a busy time that there is lots to focus on besides TTC which sure is nice. I'm not going to symptom spot at all this cycle, not tracking anything this TWW. I just don't care.

 

[blakesmummy09]

One of my friends has just got a faint bfp and I don't know how to cope. Both of my closest friends have got their miracles but I'm still left at the sidelines and I can't take it much longer. I think I'm going to go back on the pill after Christmas now because I can't take anymore of staring at blank tests and having fake symptoms. I've had ewcm and watery cm everyday since about cd 5 now which isn't like my body so I suspect that it's just completely out this month and it won't be suscessful either x

 

[BelleNuit]

Oh Blakes, I'm so sorry to hear that. I have a couple friends who are also TTC and I'm dreading when they'll give their pregnancy announcements. Somehow it hurts more when its someone close to us. We want to be happy for them, but it hurts too much.

I also know what you mean about reaching your breaking point. Every cycle I wonder "how much more of this can I take." That answer is going to be different for every person depending on their own circumstances. For me, because I have no children I'm willing to put up with it for another 2 years at least. But I already know that once I have one, I'm not going to bother TTC for a second... we won't prevent, but I'm NEVER doing this again. Its hell.

No matter what happens Blakes, there are people who love you, and care for you, and support you. You have a beautiful family And you have a great group of people here to vent to when things get too much.