Think I'm out already

[BelleNuit]

Good luck Jetset

 

[hopefullys]

Belle no need to be so touchy when people try give you advice to relax! We tried for 14 months and on the cycle I conceived was the cycle I relaxed n focused on something else and most people do seem to conceive when more relaxed. I'm sure you will get that bfp one day

 

[BelleNuit]

LOL, telling someone to relax is not helpful advice.

But thanks anyway... I guess

 

[hopefullys]

Well it's coming from people who have actually conceived so u should take it as helpful advice!

 

[BelleNuit]

LOL no. The fact that you struggled to conceive is the reason why you should know better than to tell someone to relax or to offer false hope when you don't know if that person will ever conceive.

You know little of my life, my stress levels, how relaxed I am or really anything about me. Your "advice" was a platitude and nothing more

And talk about false logic. Does having a baby make you an expert on what it takes to conceive?? Didn't think so. There is actually a lot of bad advice floating around out there touted by people who conceived anyway. Somebody actually told me to drink 2 glasses of red wine a night to conceive.... When it's been shown alcohol lowers chances of conception!

There is no evidence that "relaxing" helps anyone conceive. It is a myth and it furthers the belief that many hold that it is somehow a woman's fault that she hadn't conceived. News flash type A people conceive all the time.

I appreciate that you are trying to provide comfort. So thank you for that, but platitudes are not comforting. Something I hope you remember if you ever talk to someone TTC in your personal life.

 

[blakesmummy09]

I don't think personally relaxing makes a difference I see it as if it's going to happen it will but if it's not going to it won't. My son was definitely convinced in a horrendously stressful time in my life and my daughter in a very happy environment, both on the pill too.

I've tried relaxing and stopping everything etc myself and nothing hence why decision to stop ttc completely the end of next month as mine just wasn't meant to be x

 

[hopefullys]

Belle you seriously need to get a grip n not be so pig ignorant. If people recommended I relax when trying before I actually CONCIEVED then I wouldn't spout off a load of rubbish n deny it! If it comes from people who have actually been through it then it's worth listening to!

 

[hopefullys]

Shame blakes that your stopping trying! If you don't think relaxing a little will help then I guess your going back on contraception then? X

 

[BelleNuit]

Hopeful I think you have forgotten completely what it was like to TTC. Women conceive all the time during horrible events in their lives. I have an aunt who got pregnant right when her husband died,. Stress, even horrifying toxic stress does not stop you from conceiving unless it prevents you from ovulating. I clearly ovulate every month, as does Blakes. In all likelihood "relaxing" did nothing for you either and it was just plain dumb luck.

I am done having this conversation with you. I must get back to my all important "relaxation". I mean if I don't relax hard enough then it's clearly my fault that I'm not pregnant!!!

 

[BelleNuit]

Blake's, have you decided to try this cycle after all? I fully support you and your decision either way. You deserve happiness in whatever form that comes in.

 

[blakesmummy09]

Not really Hun basically to go back on contraception I need a routine appointment and over this time of year that's impossible in my town as there's surrounding villages like the one I live in too so appointments book up for the whole day within 15 mins of the phone line opening. The end of Jan I should be expecting af so it means I can start it straight away without worrying about other contraception as I'd hate to fall pregnant if we don't protect within those two weeks and the pill cause any issues as such. A part of me thinks maybe I have been wanting a baby for the wrong reasons because my daughter is now at play school and definitely not a baby so maybe without reason that's the reason why and I don't want to realise that was it when I have another if that makes sense. I keep putting my data in ff though as it's helping track for af 😂 X

 

[BelleNuit]

Ypu could always NTNP after you've been on BCP for awhile and have shifted your mindset away from TTC. If we ever manage to have 1, I don't think we will actively try for another, but we won't prevent another either. it's a slippery slope though. I think ttc can become addicting.

So you think you were wanting a baby so that you didn't have to fully accept your kids were growing up? I think there are probably lots of people who want babies for that reason. So you aren't alone in that!

When we first were TTC it was for all the wrong reasons. I wanted a baby so I could go on a mat leave because I hated my job lol. I also was quite angry with my MIL at the time and had all of these crazy thoughts about how intrusive she would be etc etc, and essentially how having her grandkids would give me power in the situation. We were newly married at the time and things were weird for a couple months with her lol I know it probably doesn't make much sense to read it and I'm not describing it well.

I think this year TTC has been good for us in a way. It gave DH and I a chance to get to know each other as a married couple and gave me a chance to find my footing at work and start to thrive. My relationship with my MIL has also much improved and I don't think I would find her help intrusive anymore. My own mother is absent in my life, we are pretty much estranged and she lives in another country. Sometimes she sends me videos/pics of her cat and that's the extent of our relationship. So I think my MILs help would be nice, even if I'm a little sad that my own mother sucks and won't be there.

We are in such a different place now then when we were first starting out. I know you're never "really" ready, but we are about as ready as we will ever be.

 

[hopefullys]

Belle stop concentrating on such rubbish about how people conceive cos u clearly don't know much! N yes I'm done with this conversation with you too cos it's boring me now yawn yawn!

 

[hopefullys]

Blakes Yeh I get what u mean it is hard when they grow up n to think no more babies can be sad, even now Megan is almost 12 weeks old n I'm already thinking it was so lovely her being newborn n now she almost 3 months already! I've been on this page so long n really hoped to see u get that bfp but whatever is meant to be will be, relaxation or not lol x

 

[BelleNuit]

Lol hopefuls. Get over yourself.

My whole point is that I do live a healthy, relaxed lifestyle and it hasn't mattered. I have taken whole cycles off where I didn't focus on TTC and it didn't matter. I went on vacation and didn't come back pregnant. I ate a fertility diet and didn't end up pregnant. I quit alcohol, caffeine, junk food and started exercising, and didn't end up pregnant. I pumped myself full of supplements, Chinese herbs, and went to acupuncture, and didn't end up pregnant. I even tried positive self affirmations! Sometimes no matter what you do or don't do it doesn't matter, you don't end up pregnant. I am tired of the all of the "advice" out there (old wives tales) that ultimately places the blame on the woman and what she does or doesn't do on her not getting pregnant. Sometimes there is actually something wrong on a biological level and no amount of relaxation, supplements, BDing with your hips in the air, pre-seed, etc etc will help. Generally this is the case in people who have been trying for longer than a year.

So no I don't believe relaxation will make a difference. If it was going to help, it would have by now. I'm on my 17th cycle. Instead of focusing on "advice" that's never going to make a difference it is time to look seriously at fertility treatments, which is what we have been doing.

But thank you for the scintillating conversation that utlimately ended up in you bashing a poor woman who has done all she can to have a positive outcome and more.

 

[blakesmummy09]

See the thing is too when we decided to ttc we had literally gone through a rocky patch in our marriage too. It's bizarre as I used to feel I desperately needed a third child but not i can take or leave it without sounding harsh. I suppose I've just shifted my mind set to the four of us together and exactly what the future will hold plus I have been a stay at home mum for 7 years and tbh I would like to go back to work soon, I really want a career to show my children that their mum can be successful too x

 

[BelleNuit]

Blake's I think that is a great mindset to have. I think we have both learned a lot about ourselves this past year. It takes courage to accept what will be will be and to choose to be happy with your life in the moment.

 

[zoe2010]

Belle: I'm so sorry you're struggling with TTC Fingers crossed for you! I'm new to this whole thing so I've enjoyed reading other peoples stories.

 

[BelleNuit]

Thank you Zoe for your kind words.

 

[hopefullys]

Belle I simply said in a kind gesture of a way to try relax n hopefully it will happen n u just snapped right back which was out of order! Just because your bitter about it n struggling doesn't mean u need to be nasty to people who are only trying to give u advice no matter what that advice is!