Think I'm out already

[blakesmummy09]

Thanks Hun, every month I'm getting so depressed about it all now and I just want to me able to enjoy my children and the life I already have. We have been ttc since a week after our wedding and I feel I don't know what it's like tonne married yet because ttc has taken over our relationship. I certainly wouldn't of started this if I knew how much heartache it causes etc. I just want to wake up in the morning not symptom spotting and thinking about due dates etc now and have a happier life xx

 

[mrs unicorn]

Blakes, I am so sorry to hear that hun but I think we all totally understand. I know it's over a year since we started chatting on this thread and you were on it before that. What you and Belle are saying is right - you have a lovely family and DH and you should be enjoying life!

 

[BelleNuit]

We all go in feeling hopeful Blake's. By all rights it shouldn't be taking this long for either of us. Enjoy the holidays with your family and try your best to forget about all of this! You deserve to be happy, however that looks.

 

[blakesmummy09]

Thanks girls it will probably be the end of Januarys cycle I go back on contraception anyway so I can get Christmas etc out the way as it's hectic for an appointment. Literally the other day I said to my friend that I felt I was married to someone different but of course before the marriage there was no ttc so of course we were different. I feel I've been taking my children for granted in this whole process and I'm so lucky to be able to cherish every single day with them and I don't want to do that with the thoughts of something that isn't happening my focus I want to be fully on them and making their childhood the best that I can xx

 

[Jetset]

I think maybe some time out to enjoy things would actually help... you never know, relaxing about things could be the key x

 

[BelleNuit]

LOL relaxing doesn't help people who actually have infertility. The one thing relaxing is good for is your emotional state LTTTC is incredibly stressful, so anything that you can do to take care of yourself is a good thing

 

[blakesmummy09]

Exactly that belle this won't be a little time out this is a permanent decision to be happy with my wonderful children. I have so many plans for them like being able to split their bedroom so they can have space, to aim for a abroad holiday soon and to do all the things I have very fond memories of myself as a child. Life is too short and we never know what is round the corner so I intend to make the most of every second rather than trying to focus every minute of everyday on something that won't happen x

 

[Jetset]

Oh I didn't mean it like that. I have been through infertility issues with my very close friend and know what she has been through both mentally and physically until she could take now more.

Ttc does become all consuming, I have seen it happen to people I know and who knows, that could be me in the future.

 

[BelleNuit]

Blake's it sounds like you are doing what is right for you and your family. There is so much wonderful and positive about your life that it really doesn't make sense to focus all of one's energy on something that just doesn't happen.

I don't blame you. If after 2.5 to 3 years of trying if I haven't gotten pregnant with our first then we will quit as well. We won't adopt so we would be looking at all of the wonderful things we can do as a childfree couple.

This journey can have a positive/happy ending regardless of whether that ending includes children or not. I take comfort in the fact that eventually it will come to an end. All things do. I won't be stuck in this hell forever and you don't have to be stuck here either!

 

[blakesmummy09]

Oh definitely ttc shouldn't rule your life and that's how it's gotten for me. My cycle has sending me crazy weird with a week worth of fertile cm already. I'm just really looking forward to no stress and just enjoying life like I should be x

 

[BelleNuit]

Good for you Blakes

 

[BelleNuit]

Blakes I am so there with you. I am so tired of all of this.

I think we are going to take a cycle off this next cycle. I need to get my MMR vaccine updated anyway and since its a live vaccine you can't be pregnant when you get it.

I'm like ugly crying I knew I was out this cycle from the beginning anyway, but it still sucks. I wasn't even checking for spotting and wasn't prepared for it.

 

[blakesmummy09]

Oh Hun I still have faith you'll get your bfp at some point stay strong x

 

[blakesmummy09]

I hope that spotting stopped for you Hun, merry Christmas girls I hope you all have a lovely day x

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks Blake's Merry Christmas to you as well!

The spotting hasnt picked up at all, it's still just slightly tan cm. I should be 12 dpo by now and I always start spotting in the afternoon by 12 dpo (enough so that it shows up on TP). So far nothing more than slightly darker cm. I think I will test tomorrow morning so I know if I can drink or not. I don't want to get my hopes up as I've been disappointed so many times before. But I am praying for a Christmas miracle.

 

[hopefullys]

Merry Christmas girls!!

 

[BelleNuit]

Merry Christmas hopefulls

AF showed, so much for a Christmas miracle lol. Taking this cycle off for MMR shot and will be back at it Jan 20ish with femara

 

[hopefullys]

Belle just keep going try relax I'm sure it will happen eventually x

 

[BelleNuit]

I know you mean well, but "try to relax" is my biggest pet peeve. When you have infertility relaxing does squat all. Just because my infertility is unexplained doesn't mean that there isn't a problem. People with unexplained infertility have a 1-4% chance of pregnancy each cycle, regardless of how much they "relax".

It may happen eventually and I sure hope it does. But who knows.

 

[Jetset]

I have now been spotting since Christmas Day so just waiting for AF to get on with things now. I am expecting tomorrow morning from how I am feeling.

So now onto the next one! Hopefully the CBFM will play ball this month.