TTC #1 AL Buddies 2016 Newcomers Welcome

[lesondemavie]

Glad you liked the recommendation . I definitely have feelings like that. Even now seeing my friends' babies who were born when my first should have entered the world is hard. My worst fear right now is a later loss with this one, and then having to watch yet another SIL have a healthy pregnancy/baby while we once again grieve and struggle. You are not alone in those feelings no matter what stage of our journies we are at xxx.

 

[BronteForever]

Trying, I'm honestly not familiar with what all they show in the fetal karyotype. My loss was an ectopic pregnancy, so issue was mine not the baby and nothing was checked. However, from what I can tell usually sperm issues make it harder to get pregnant and not so much contribute to losses (not going to say all the time because it could be some other genetic abnormality too). I hope they can do the whole work up on you and give you more info. I think that's the best bet for you first before you attempt IVF. If they can find a reason that will help tremendously going forward. Good luck!

And yes, watching people get pregnant while you are still struggling is hard. It does get easier. My best friend had a child the same month I would have. She just turned 7 a few weeks ago and it was hard at first, but now I just love watching her grow up. But you are entitled to any feelings you need to have. You have been through several losses right in a row which would be hard on anyone. Plus, there's not a good known way to help at this time and the unknown is usually the worst.

AFM - finanlly have somewhat of an update. I have a SIS test tomorrow which I'm going to count as my official start of this next IVF cycle. Only because we are doing it as a way to do an endo scratch at the same time. Meds should start in about 2 weeks then and then stimulation meds will be in about 3-4 weeks. Excited to finally get started again.

 

[RichieesMom]

Bronte, im extra excited n confident about this next ivf round i have all the faith in the world that ull achieve success!

 

[Trying4first1]

Glad you liked the recommendation . I definitely have feelings like that. Even now seeing my friends' babies who were born when my first should have entered the world is hard. My worst fear right now is a later loss with this one, and then having to watch yet another SIL have a healthy pregnancy/baby while we once again grieve and struggle. You are not alone in those feelings no matter what stage of our journies we are at xxx.

Hey Les
Sorry for for the late reply.
I have been away from here for a while as needed a break from the baby talk. But thought I would pop on and see how you girls are 😊
It's great to hear that others feel the same too as makes us not feel as alien. I am used to my friend expecting now. But she constantly posts on FB about it all which I think is slightly insensitive to us. But I have just unfollowed her so I don't have to see it. At the end of the day she is excited and has the right to be happy.
I too would worry about later loss. It's only natural too. I guess we will always worry no matter what xx

 

[Trying4first1]

Trying, I'm honestly not familiar with what all they show in the fetal karyotype. My loss was an ectopic pregnancy, so issue was mine not the baby and nothing was checked. However, from what I can tell usually sperm issues make it harder to get pregnant and not so much contribute to losses (not going to say all the time because it could be some other genetic abnormality too). I hope they can do the whole work up on you and give you more info. I think that's the best bet for you first before you attempt IVF. If they can find a reason that will help tremendously going forward. Good luck!

And yes, watching people get pregnant while you are still struggling is hard. It does get easier. My best friend had a child the same month I would have. She just turned 7 a few weeks ago and it was hard at first, but now I just love watching her grow up. But you are entitled to any feelings you need to have. You have been through several losses right in a row which would be hard on anyone. Plus, there's not a good known way to help at this time and the unknown is usually the worst.

AFM - finanlly have somewhat of an update. I have a SIS test tomorrow which I'm going to count as my official start of this next IVF cycle. Only because we are doing it as a way to do an endo scratch at the same time. Meds should start in about 2 weeks then and then stimulation meds will be in about 3-4 weeks. Excited to finally get started again.

Hey Bronte.
Sorry it's take ages to reply. As I said to Les I had some time away from B and B over the Xmas period.

Firstly I am so glad to hear that your cycle is underway!!! you must also be ready to do the meds now!?
I have heard that the scratch is great to aid implantation. Bet you are so pleased to get started again. Wishing you the best of luck for this next cycle. Will be thinking of you.

As for our treatment we will know more in a few months. Will be asking about the soerm tests and possible DNA fragmentation. I don't think they will do that on the NHS but we are willing to do that test privately.
I am also thinking of having the NK cells uterine biopsy done in a couple of months time. I will explain more when I have completed my research.

Good to hear that the resentment feelings are normal. I am getting used to it over time. I just sometimes feel it's a bit in my face at times and they just have no idea how it is to struggle so seem to be in their own bubble. I guess they are lucky though to have that innocence. I have kind of accepted now that our journey is different and that's how it is. So may as well dance in the rain as they say
Really want these next few months to be over as be nice to know where we stand. I will update you after St Mary's next week and will let you know more about our private tests and clinics

 

[RichieesMom]

Hope all is well with everyone

Just wanted to give a quick update. baby rayden should be here sooner than expected! early stages of labor have officially began! im suppose to be induced in about 2 1/2wks but from the looks of it, he might make his grand entrance sooner than that! i lost my plug last week, n as of tuesday, im 2cm dilated, 75% effaced n feeling crazy amounts of pressure n pain (like I'm basically splitting in half). im seriously sooo done n want him out asap! hopefully things speed up n active labor kicks in by the weekend or at least sometime next week. i cant take all this prolonged pain anymore. epidural im coming for u!!

 

[mrs unicorn]

Good luck richiees!!! So exciting! Make sure you come back and let us know how it goes! Xxx

 

[BronteForever]

Already? Oh wow. Good luck Richieesmom and hope everything goes well!

 

[LuBru]

Hi everyone, the user lesondemavie invited me to join this thread and I hope it is okay!

I am 32 and my husband is 40. This will be the first child for both of us. I have endometriosis and used a Mirena IUD for 6 years to manage the pain from the endo. In April 2016 I got the IUD taken out and we've been TTC since then. I knew the endo might make it difficult to conceive so we took a very proactive approach from the very beginning. I track my cycles carefully with an app called Kindara and am working with an RE.

We got our first positive on the 6th cycle - which was a very happy surprise, as we thought the endo may delay things much more - but sadly it ended up as an early miscarriage. We were both very sad about that but doctors all told us that it was a "good" thing that we conceived in the first place in light of my endo.

I got pregnant again in December 2016 (cycle 8) and January 2017 (cycle 9) but they were both chemicals.

Just over the past few days the RE ordered blood work for me and my husband, and next Friday (which will be CD9 for me) I am getting an HSG test. I feel so emotionally drained and sad about everything. This third time hit me very hard. I think mentally I was prepared for a long TTC journey due to the endo but I did not expect to experience multiple losses for some reason. I guess no one does.

I don't know how much to "worry" about the chemicals. I see some women on here who say they are normal, common, and nothing to worry about. I also know that if they had gone farther along I would likely be much sadder. However it just seems strange that they keep happening and while I used to be excited about TTC...now I am full of anxiety and dread.

Anyway that is my story! Thank you for reading and providing a place to share! If the HSG doesn't show any obvious issues in my uterus on Friday, then we will probably try again this cycle. I know that if/when I ever see a positive pregnancy test again I will be so anxious and holding my breath...and I'm not sure when I would ever relax.

Love to you ladies who have been through so much!!!

 

[lesondemavie]

Hi Lu! Sorry it seems to have gone a bit quiet in here. Trying and Bronte still pop in now again, so feel free to keep us posted on how you're feeling and where you're at. Going to the RE was so bittersweet for me, but it's how I got here. She turned out to be an absolutely amazing doctor. My hsg was easy no cramping or leaking to speak of, but I hear it can be a bit more uncomfortable for others. DH and I started trying August 2016, and we also conceived on our 6th cycle trying...but our Gremlin had no heartbeat and was far too small at our 8 week ultrasound. We waited a cycle after the missed miscarriage and then got right back to trying, but nothing. I found out I had low luteal progesterone and went on suppositories and still nothing. We didn't get a referral to an RE until we hit a year since we started trying in August 2016. I upped my progesterone dose and we conceived on our 7th cycle after the MMC, but it was a chemical pregnancy. I had one more bfn, and then started seeing an RE. The journey has been a whirlwind since then. I found out that I have subclinical hypothyroidism causing a corpus luteum defect and I needed to be on both progesterone and estrogen after ovulation. We conceived our first cycle with the RE and things have been great ever since. It's so nice to feel cared for by someone who knows what they're doing. They gave me weekly ultrasounds and lots of reassurance which is sorely needed after loss. Hope upon every hope that your RE helps you find your way to a baby as well . Keep us posted on your blood tests and hsg. Always feels odd to say this but fx they find quick and easy fix

 

[beccabonny]

Welcome, Lu! I'm so sorry about your losses. We also had recurrent losses, one was a mmc at 12 weeks with no heartbeats (twins) and then an early loss the month before we got a bfp that stuck this past August immediately upon getting I was put on progesterone, which seems to have helped. You will see that positive test one day! I don't post too often on this thread because I know some ladies don't want to see my ticker, etc, and am trying to be sensitive to that, but I just wanted to say you are welcome and if you ever need to talk please don't hesitate to reach out to any of us. I'm always checking for updates here.

 

[LuBru]

We conceived our first cycle with the RE and things have been great ever since.

lesondemavie, that's so amazing that it happened so fast after working with the RE - such great news! I just found the WALL OF INSPIRATION and that is truly comforting as well - thank you so much for creating this space.

We also had recurrent losses, one was a mmc at 12 weeks with no heartbeats (twins) and then an early loss the month before we got a bfp that stuck this past August immediately upon getting I was put on progesterone, which seems to have helped.

- Again, amazing how things worked out so quickly after trying something new. Thank you ladies so much for your support.

I used to feel so anxious about getting a BFP...now I don't know when the anxiety will end. The end of the first trimester? The birth? When they turn 18?! Anyway...thank you...I have moved out of a dark hole this time and am now trying to focus on trying again.

 

[mrs unicorn]

Welcome, Lu. Just wanted to echo what becca has said - I always check in on here but don't comment quite so much for the same reasons. It may look quiet on the surface but I think most of us are here in the background. These ladies helped me so so much, so this thread kinda feels pretty special to me. If I can offer some help and support to anyone who needs it then I will do my best, it really wasn't that long ago we were all in similar positions to you.

Hopefully, seeing that there are quite a few of us on here who are (thankfully) now pregnant will give you some hope and energy to keep going with ttc, because you will get there! And yeah, I dunno when the anxiety stops - it certainly hasn't for me but it does get easier and the happy times do far outweigh the worrying times. I really hope those times are not too far away for you now. xx

 

[MissYogi]

Hi Lu! I haven't been posting much recently as it's all been quite hard for me so I took a bit of a break from BnB for awhile but it sounds like you and I have had similar journeys. I had an early mc in September, a chemical in November, then a suspected chemical this month. I don't actually know if it was a true chemical since I wasn't testing early, but AF came about 5 days late so I think that's what happened. I also had a Mirena IUD like you and had it removed last January, although we only started trying in July.

TTC after a loss is truly terrible, I feel your pain. I'm at a point now where I just can't keep planning our BD sessions and I have stopped testing early because it just feels like just a good start, nothing to write home about though. I am still hopeful that it will happen for all of us, but I have also found it very helpful to begin focusing my efforts on other things. Recently I have decided to leave my job in June to begin teaching yoga so that has been nice to have something else to think about. It's also just been nice to do a lot of yoga where I basically don't allow myself to think about TTC. Do you have anything like that to help distract you?

 

[LuBru]

Hi mrs unicorn - you are totally right, reading the stories on here really is very helpful and comforting. I'm new to online message boards like this but reading through this thread is helping me understand how to use it and I think I'm going to make a TTC journal soon.

A for MissYogi - thanks so much for sharing your story - it does sound similar. Have you done any testing like an HSG or bloodwork regarding the losses? I've read online that some ex-Mirena users blame miscarriages on the IUD...but then again who knows. I am currently working while chipping away at a PhD...but TTC has been a major distraction from both. I have tried to do yoga (I have an app with pre-recorded sessions) but honestly TTC lately makes me a little depressed and I'm finding it hard to muster up the energy. The first six months or so, TTC was fun and exciting...now the "innocence" is gone and I guess I'm in a slump. I really admire women who have been TTC for much longer (I'm only on the 10th cycle TTC). But I really, really need to get back in the groove of my PhD!!! MissYogi - that's so exciting that you are going for the yoga full-time!! I admire that!

 

[MissYogi]

I'm not sure if I blame the IUD. I sort of want to choose to believe it is not the problem, just bad luck, because if I find out that it caused them I'll feel so guilty for ever having gotten it. No, I haven't got any testing done yet, I'll keep trying for a few more months I think but if my cycles don't regulate I'll definitely get checked. Your PhD must be a ton of work! What are you getting your PhD in?

 

[LuBru]

MissYogi - I also really, really hope it is bad luck as opposed to any root cause. With my first miscarriage I really grasped at straws trying to figure out what I did wrong - I totally blamed myself! I read about people taking progesterone supplements and I thought - if only I had done that I could have saved the pregnancy!! - well, I am over that line of thinking now for sure. Anyway! The PhD is in the philosophy of education. What kind of yoga are you going to teach???

 

[lesondemavie]

Lu - By my 4th month trying after loss, the anger I hadn't yet let myself feel rushed in (mostly triggered by seeing DH's very pg sister who was due just 1.5 months before me). By my 5th, I felt a release after working through my anger. By the 6th month, I sunk into a deep, dark place and stayed there, but I found peace being in that dark place. I stopped fighting it and just let it be. I was there then, and that was ok. I didn't know how or when, but I knew one day I wouldn't be there anymore. One day, I'd be happy again, and that thought brought me peace. I had prepared myself to stay there and keep trying for much longer.

As for hoping it was just bad luck, a part of me did and a part of me hoped to find an easy fix. Luck was a bit scary, since there was nothing I could do about it. I also had this gut feeling that something was wrong, and I was right. I was and still am so mad at my obgyn for not listening to me and helping me sooner. When I found out it was me, I felt vindicated but I also struggled a bit with it. Only my best friend and my brother/SIL (who struggled over a year with pcos and is now due in August) really know (besides DH). It's easier to have everyone else think that it was just bad luck, and could have happened to anyone. Even if there is something, it's not your fault (even if it feels like that sometimes), and it's better to know now so you can treat it.

 

[Trying4first1]

Hey Ladies
Sorry it has been a long time.
A huge welcome to the new ladies and so sorry that you find yourself here. Any questions please feel free to ask. I suffer from recurrent pregnancy loss and I now know a fair bit on the subject,
Anyway just a quick update......
I had my appointment at St Mary's recurrent miscarriage clinic last week. I had a 3D scan of my womb. All seemed well, normal shape etc which was good news. I then met with the Dr who was very nice. He went through our history and answered any questions that I had. He things we have a very good chance still but was realistic and said that the next pregnancy may not work out, it may take a couple of attempts depending on our issue. He also agrees that I should have the NK cells test through endometrial biopsy. He said the blood test one isn't as effective as isn't accurate as it measureS a different type of NK cell. Whereas the uterine biopsy will be more accurate. So I may try to have that done in March, that way work will have plenty of notice plus I will be away for Februarys cycle anyway.
I have had bloods taken and I have to go back for repeats in 6 weeks time. Bloods are for clotting issues, Factor v leiden and something else I can't remember
I am also having to go for surgery. The doctor is concerned by the fact I have had two D and Cs. So he wants to do hysteroscopy. If they find any scarring they will cut it out there and then. I will then have a copper coil fitted to stop any scarring from forming. I would have this for 4-6 weeks. The waiting list is 4-5 months for the surgery. The doctor doesn't want us to TTC in the meantime as its likely that I will only miscarry again so we are taking his advice. So we won't be TTC again until July- August time which feels like ages away, but we need to give the next pregnancy the bests chance. My Dr also thinks the break will do me good too as my body has been through so much.
Sorry for the essay

Hope everyone is doing well. Always think of you all even though I am in the background more these days x

 

[RichieesMomma]

Well, I managed to keep rayden in there alil longer!

I'll be checking into the hospital Sunday evening n pushing by Monday. Dr changed the date on me to the 3oth. I will keep everyone briefly posted on stats starting Sunday, IF that is ok with everyone.

N try to figure out how to post pics on here once he's out.