Thanks, Skye. I am trying to limit the amount of time I obsess over ttc until my break is over (even no OPKs, no progesterone, no calendar, no nothing!), which might be June or maybe July, idk yet. I miss all the women here and the chit chat and the connection, but I really need a mental health break as much as a ttc break, so that's why I've been trying to stick to lurking.
It's funny you should say I sound happy because the last few weeks have quite possibly been my lowest ever. This Sunday (May 8) is Mother's day in the US and it's also the 2nd anniversary of our first loss. And last week DH finally confessed to me that he's having a major crisis of faith over our ttc and losses... he feels infinitely better now that he's opened up to me about it, and I feel infinitely worse. Since May 8, 2009, we have lost two babies, our 14yo kitty, my favorite aunt, we have moved cross-country 1200 miles away from all our family and friends, and learned that it's some kind of miracle that we ever got pregnant once, let alone twice, without intervention. I feel like I've spent the last two years just barely hanging on by my fingernails and forcing myself to continue putting one foot in front of the other, and DH's revelation to me last week that he isn't sure what he believes about God anymore has left me feeling like I've lost my anchor completely. I feel like I am caught in the perfect storm of all this grief and uncertainty backing up on me at the same time as Mother's Day and the anniversary of our loss, and something has to give. I have been in pretty intensive counseling for the last few weeks and I am starting on anti-depressants next week.
But as long as I'm here and posting today....
I do have a few comments on a few other topics.
Ginger - as far as SMEP goes, I think it's good in theory but a little much in practice. I don't think it needs to be THAT exact. My cycles have always been fairly regular, and both times we got pregnant it happened by just me knowing roughly what week I should be ovulating (I did not use OPKs) and having sex every other night that week. That's it. And I was over 35 already, so it happens, it really does. I used this website to help me determine my fertile window dates and we went at it every other night. No legs in the air, no softcups, no preseed, no lying down for 20 minutes, no progesterone, no nothing. Now, don't let the fact that I miscarried both of those pregnancies scare you off... we know the 2nd one was a chromosomal problem, and because all my mc tests came back negative (aside from MTHFR but I'll get to that in a minute) I believe the first probably was, too. That is just the sad truth about being over 35 - we face a higher rate of chromosomal problems in pregnancy. But that's a little beside the point here. Go for it! Couldn't hurt!
Since I brought it up, I'll move on to MTHFR next (can't remember who was asking about that). MTHFR is a gene mutation that can cause blood clotting and problems absorbing folic acid. It is something that should be checked for in every woman who's having recurrent miscarriages (defined as two or more consecutive with no live births). Approx 40% of the population are heterozygous MTHFR, meaning one of your two copies of the MTHFR gene are mutated. (Remember, every human being has two copies of every gene, one from each parent.) I am one of those 40%, and statistically almost half of the women on here will be as well. But being heterozygous MTHFR does NOT cause mc or any other problems - being homozygous for MTHFR, meaning BOTH of your copies of the MTHFR gene are mutated, is linked with mc and other problems. But very few people are actually homozygous MTHFR. Heterozygous = two different genes, just like heterosexual = man and woman; homozygous = two same genes, just like homosexual = man and man. (Best example I can think of to illustrate how to decipher the terms, since it uses something we're all familiar with. No political or moral judgment intended!
) If you're heterozygous MTHFR, it means you still have one unmutated, normal MTHFR gene and it takes over the work of the gene. If you are homozygous MTHFR, it means both of your MTHFR genes are mutated so there's no normal gene left to pick up the slack and you have mc troubles. That's MTHFR in a nutshell.
Lava, not sure what to make of you lining questions other than to say that my cycles were always quite regular and consistent (28 day cycles on avg, 4-5 days of flow) until I started taking follistim - now all bets are off. Both of my medicated cycles have been accompanied by shorter cycles and MUCH heavier but MUCH shorter flow (like 2 days instead of 5). Definitely bring it up with your RE, but if they are checking your lining when they check your follies (which it sounds like they are), then trust them when they tell you it's thick enough. The thing with the drugs is that they change everything. I was concerned about my shorter cycles but the nurse pointed out that with the ultrasound monitoring, the calendar goes out the window - everything is now based on the external stimulation of the ovaries and the timing is based on how the ovaries are responding. As for having one follie that's bigger than the others, that's generally how it will be. That's how the body works - in an unmedicated cycle, the development of the lead follie each month prevents the other follies from developing at all. In a medicated cycle, the drugs help overcome that mechanism, but there will still be one that will be a little bigger than the others. Now, that said... I agree with MA that if I were you, I would push for something more aggressive. Chalk up your first femara cycle as a learning curve so the dr can learn how your body would respond to the drug. But if the dr isn't doing anything with that info (ie changing your dosage to get more follies to develop), then what good is that learned information? I'd push your dr on this. Clearly lay out your concerns, given your age, your FSH, and your disappointment in your follicular response for the last two femara cycles. Choose your language carefully so it doesn't set him up to feel defensive - tell him why you're concerned, not what you think he needs to do. If he refuses to change anything for the next cycle but explains why, then trust your gut. But if he refuses to change anything AND refuses to explain why, he is not interested in educating his patients or helping them allay their concerns, and I would go for a second opinion at that point. I'm very curious to hear what happens.
And finally, as for moving our thread back to its original location, I think that decision by the admins had a lot to do with the respectful tone of the complaints... kudos to all of you for not attacking the admins. (And I think that says a lot about the respectful tone of this thread in general.) Some of the other threads were not moved back and if you look at their complaints about it, some of them got pretty mean! My mom always said you catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar... I guess she was right! In the end I'm glad we're back. I understand why they moved us but I certainly feel better right here.
Sorry this is so long!
That's what I get for trying to keep quiet for a while!
Fire away anything you want to know or want to talk about as we go along. 
) that references that and the links you mentioned?
to you for all you've been through. I will keep looking for the posts you've mentioned. 
shows her face. I was on 200mg 3x/day for purposes of the IUI, but when that failed I paired it back down to 200-400mg/day. Unfortunately, I've learned that the progesterone delays the 
do I stop the progesterone, resulting in AF showing up 3-5 days later. All the waiting is what makes you nuts, I think.
I STILL avoid church during that day and am STILL having an issue with it. Here I am pregnant and I should be excited to be a mommy, but the last few weeks I've been missing and thinking about my Jackson. I love this little one in my belly but I feel as though someone is missing. I don't feel like a mommy yet. It's a bitter-sweet day for me. I can't imagine what you are going through dear. 
Any symptoms? I never feel a thing..but then again I've never gotten pregnant
Oh well I know that doesnt mean a thing!!!! FX'd for us both!
! Jacquzzi sounds FANTASTIC!!! Enjoy the break and fingers crossed for you! You blast away-music really does help the soul! I've been listening to the new Duran CD which is fab!!! I can't wait to see them on June 1st in Cardiff. I shall have to try very hard not to throw my nickers on the stage at John-Swoon-Taylor!! Am sending you lots of 
