TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[purplelou]

Hi ladies - well, Im back from the scan and sadly, this baby was not meant to be. I think me and DH realised this, we did a lot of hugging and I did a lot of crying and sniffing over the weekend, so today it was sort of a relief to "know" if you know what I mean. the EPU nurses were just lovely, they could not have been kinder or more helpful. I didn't have to see a doctor, just the scan techs and nurse specialists and we weren't kept waiting around. they warned me that often after a loss AF can take some time to return to normal and gave me some info to read. I came back to work after, since there seems no point sitting at home, I'd just drive myself mad I think. I want to say again how thankful I am to each and everyone of you amazing women, for propping me. your kindness and thoughfulness is more than I could have asked for. bless you all

so now...me and DH chatted and have decided that we will try again. bless him, DH has pointed out that at least (small silver lining) we know our bodies seem to be working, so I am taking a little comfort in that.

Once again thank you so much for everything. love you all xx

 

[onmymind17]

Purplelou

OMM pmsl at your Katie Perry comment, my BFF hates her with a passion and says she looks like she needs a good scrub/bath ha ha.

HA, I think everyone here on this thread has also had a gutful of the celeb baby bump culture so you're more than entitled to gnash your teeth at this.

Respect to Celine Dion though who has actually spoken publicly about her fertility issues and treatment etc, too bad a few more of them aren't more open about this.

In Scotland one of our weatherwomen just had twins at 44 - I'd love to open the paper and read her true story instead of "my little surprise" or whatever

I so agree with you - I really admire and appreciate her being so open about it. I understand why celebs want to hold onto some shred of privacy, but if more people would talk about it, we could end the stigma associated with it. There is no shame in needing help to have a baby. Sure, none of us wanted to need help, but so what? Plus, the more 40+ celebs have babies without talking about what it took to get there, the more it misleads regular people to think it can happen for them with no trouble at all... how many of us knew before we started ttc how huge of a factor our age would be? The one that really gets me is Kelly Preston having a baby at 48 and saying nothing about how - sorry, but that doesn't happen without donor eggs. Why hide it?? It's just really frustrating for those of us in the trenches.

Bleh. Well ladies, today is officially the worst birthday of my life. I'm getting all these happy birthday comments on FB and all I really want to say is "My baby died a week ago and if there were ice cream in the house I would eat it for breakfast instead of crying into my cereal." I've always been very open about our struggles and our losses - I posted it on FB last week as soon as we'd told all our family in person, and got tons of love and support and sympathy when I did. But people who've never had a loss have no clue that I am still in hell over here - they have no clue how NOT happy this birthday is, how there is no way I could "enjoy this day" or "do something great". They have no clue that I cried myself to sleep last night, and cried again when I woke up this morning. I'm sure as the day goes on I'll think of something appropriate to post on FB about it, but I don't want my friends to feel like I don't appreciate their well-wishes, ykwim? I don't want to invite their pity by posting just how miserable today is, I just want more people to understand how this isn't something that just goes away in a week....

Love you ladies. Purple, praying for you today - big big hugs, and strength to get through the waiting today.....

I totaly agree, i love Celine Dion, and i love that she has shared her struggles and i think she went through 6 IVF's to get those twins, still wish i had her money to be able to do all those IVF's , cut congrats to her on sharing what she is going through instead of hiding it.

HA, super big hugs to you, if anybody can understand what your feeling right now its me, we did an IUI in August 09, we got pg, and the test lines stayed dark over the weekend, i had to go back in on monday for the second beta, i was POSITIVE this one stuck and the numbers would be great. I got the call at 3pm the HCG had dropped, we lost another one. I found this out on my birthday, so what started off as a joyous day, turned into a horrible sob fest. Worst of all i was alone, my dh was stuck at work, and all i could do was sit and cry. There is nothing wrong with you being hurt and angry, its a greiving process, just promise me something, dont loose yourself, its very easy i know, been there done that. And you make sure any time your angry, or sad or anything you let us know, you just let it all out here, we will never judge you, we love you, but dont keep it in, anger is a very bad thing. I truley believe that you will have your sticky bean!!!

 

[onmymind17]

Hi ladies - well, Im back from the scan and sadly, this baby was not meant to be. I think me and DH realised this, we did a lot of hugging and I did a lot of crying and sniffing over the weekend, so today it was sort of a relief to "know" if you know what I mean. the EPU nurses were just lovely, they could not have been kinder or more helpful. I didn't have to see a doctor, just the scan techs and nurse specialists and we weren't kept waiting around. they warned me that often after a loss AF can take some time to return to normal and gave me some info to read. I came back to work after, since there seems no point sitting at home, I'd just drive myself mad I think. I want to say again how thankful I am to each and everyone of you amazing women, for propping me. your kindness and thoughfulness is more than I could have asked for. bless you all

so now...me and DH chatted and have decided that we will try again. bless him, DH has pointed out that at least (small silver lining) we know our bodies seem to be working, so I am taking a little comfort in that.

Once again thank you so much for everything. love you all xx

Awwwwww dammit!!!!! Honey i am so very sorry, man this is just so hard, i just want to cry for all you ladies!!!! Sending you massive warm hugs honey, we are here for you to vent and cry. I love your attitude, and your DH is right, you know its possible, dont give up, that golden egg IS in there!! You go do something really nice for yourself. Oh and i know for me with all 4 m/c, it never messed up my cycle one bit, after i bleed, af would show up again, exactly 27 days later, so hopefully you wont have a problem. Take care of yourself honey, we love you!!

 

[Neversaynever]

Hi ladies - well, Im back from the scan and sadly, this baby was not meant to be. I think me and DH realised this, we did a lot of hugging and I did a lot of crying and sniffing over the weekend, so today it was sort of a relief to "know" if you know what I mean. the EPU nurses were just lovely, they could not have been kinder or more helpful. I didn't have to see a doctor, just the scan techs and nurse specialists and we weren't kept waiting around. they warned me that often after a loss AF can take some time to return to normal and gave me some info to read. I came back to work after, since there seems no point sitting at home, I'd just drive myself mad I think. I want to say again how thankful I am to each and everyone of you amazing women, for propping me. your kindness and thoughfulness is more than I could have asked for. bless you all

so now...me and DH chatted and have decided that we will try again. bless him, DH has pointed out that at least (small silver lining) we know our bodies seem to be working, so I am taking a little comfort in that.

Once again thank you so much for everything. love you all xx

So sorry

XxX

 

[purplelou]

HA - I would like to send you extra birthday xxx (and cake - big chocolate gooey cake!)

 

[HappyAuntie]

Hi ladies - well, Im back from the scan and sadly, this baby was not meant to be. I think me and DH realised this, we did a lot of hugging and I did a lot of crying and sniffing over the weekend, so today it was sort of a relief to "know" if you know what I mean. the EPU nurses were just lovely, they could not have been kinder or more helpful. I didn't have to see a doctor, just the scan techs and nurse specialists and we weren't kept waiting around. they warned me that often after a loss AF can take some time to return to normal and gave me some info to read. I came back to work after, since there seems no point sitting at home, I'd just drive myself mad I think. I want to say again how thankful I am to each and everyone of you amazing women, for propping me. your kindness and thoughfulness is more than I could have asked for. bless you all

so now...me and DH chatted and have decided that we will try again. bless him, DH has pointed out that at least (small silver lining) we know our bodies seem to be working, so I am taking a little comfort in that.

Once again thank you so much for everything. love you all xx

Honey, I am so so so sorry for you. I know exactly what you mean about finding out being a relief - I felt the same way last week. I'm so glad the nurses were so supportive and told you a little about what to expect... I had no clue what to expect with my 1st mc and that made the whole process so much scarier for me.... That time AF took about 6 weeks to arrive from the day of the mc, about 4 weeks from the day the bleeding stopped. (That one I lost at 12 weeks, so I bled forever - there was a lot of lining to shed.) My second was a D&C (I think it's called an ERPC over there?) and I only had spotting for about 2-3 days, and AF arrived 4 weeks after the bleeding stopped... I'm curious to see what happens this time, but I'm expecting her 4 weeks from now (bleeding stopped Sunday or Monday)... so if you usually have regular 28-day cycles, I'd watch for her to arrive about 4 weeks after the bleeding stops.

The physical part will be over long before the emotional part is, though. You just have to be gentle with yourself and DH, and do whatever you need to do to get through each day. Take care of yourself, go home early today if you need to, and know we'll be here to help you through.

xoxo

 

[Macwooly]

Purple - so sorry

I've not have a lose so really don't know how you feel and desperately don't want to say the wrong thing so sending loads of for you & your DH

 

[NorthStar]

Purplelou, so sorry for your loss

 

[manuiti]

Huge huggles purplelou

Your hubby sounds lovely, and he is right, at least you guys know that things seem to be working ok. You've got to look for those silver linings. I hope AF shows herself and you guys are able to try again soon.

 

[Butterfly67]

Purple and HA

 

[lavalux]

HA, Purple, and Never,
I'm on my phone so I can't post a long message, but I want to give you all a big hug. Please don't give up on your dream of being mothers because you will be such good ones. I know I've mentioned this before, but my mom had 3 miscarriages (including a mid-term loss) before she had me. I am so glad she kept trying. It is only now that I have some appreciation for what she went through and she didn't really have the good support you ladies have - even my dad, as much as he loved her, didn't really know how to be involved. He sent mom flowers then didn't mention it again. Can you imagine? A taboo topic in her own home. That was generations ago, but still. I just wanted to encourage you b/c like my mom, you are all fighters who deserve a precious little one so hang in there. I hope this isn't unwelcome coming from me, but my heart aches with you.

 

[binksmommy]

Hi ladies... I'm 36 Hubby is 40 next month.. We have been TTCing since Feb 2011 and no luck.. Clomid is scheduled this month ... I have a 7 year old that is iching to be a big sissy!! I really want one more baby and then I'm done.. family of 4 is perfection I'm praying for you all.. I know how hard it is to have babies later in life.. I was 29 when I had my daughter and it was rough..so I know I'm in for a even harder time but as they say... "I'm not getting any younger" (darn it!)

 

[Dwrgi]

Dear Purple, I am sooooooo very sorry to hear your news. Oh, my heart goes out for you. I am sure that having to wait until today's scan braced you for the worst, but still it is a shock when it is confirmed. I think you have a marvellously supportive and senstive DH, and he is dead right. You got preggers after, what, 5 months of trying (is that right?). Well, before you know it, you will be pregnant again, I am sure of it, so just let yourself grieve, be kind to yourself, and when you are ready, go girl! You so deserve it!

I'm sending you HUGE hugs, and lots of love too.

Axxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Butterfly67]

Hi binksmommy, good luck with ttc your 2nd, hope you don't have to wait to long.

Just to let you know that this thread is for ladies ttc number 1 but there are plenty of other threads in the over 35 secion of ttc

Best of luck!

 

[purplelou]

wooly - you could NEVER say anything unwelcome! bless you xx

and lava, how sad for your mother, I think in "those days" problems with concieving were probably terribly taboo and how awful - she must have felt so alone. I count myself as so lucky to have a wonderful dh and partner in this, and also to have all of you ladies to share this with, and I find your message completely welcome, thank you xx How are those twinnies and you doing?

 

[padbrat]

Purple I am so sorry. It doesn't matter how many words are said they never completely heal the hurt. I know I took enormous comfort from everyone here with my losses and I hope you do too.

Be gentle with yourself... you body and emotions may still do strange things for a while.... and I love your DH's positivism... xxx

HA rant away baby.... you aint saying nothing we all don't think most of the time! hahaha

 

[ttc11]

So sorry to read the news, purplelou. Wishing you a quick AF so you can try again real soon. Dang it!!!

 

[Sus09]

Hi ladies - well, Im back from the scan and sadly, this baby was not meant to be. I think me and DH realised this, we did a lot of hugging and I did a lot of crying and sniffing over the weekend, so today it was sort of a relief to "know" if you know what I mean. the EPU nurses were just lovely, they could not have been kinder or more helpful. I didn't have to see a doctor, just the scan techs and nurse specialists and we weren't kept waiting around. they warned me that often after a loss AF can take some time to return to normal and gave me some info to read. I came back to work after, since there seems no point sitting at home, I'd just drive myself mad I think. I want to say again how thankful I am to each and everyone of you amazing women, for propping me. your kindness and thoughfulness is more than I could have asked for. bless you all

so now...me and DH chatted and have decided that we will try again. bless him, DH has pointed out that at least (small silver lining) we know our bodies seem to be working, so I am taking a little comfort in that.

Once again thank you so much for everything. love you all xx

 

[goldie66]

Hi ladies

I'm so sorry to HappyAuntie,Purplelou and Never for all your precious losses.I'm so heartbroken for you all.

Tears are streaming down my face reading all your posts...

Sending you all a protective white light around you and your angels to look after you all...


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[tigerlily1975]

I'm so very, very sorry, Purple I'm glad to hear your lovely husband is looking after you. Please take care, sweetie. Thinking of you.

C xx