TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[NorthStar]

I don't think PMA is the answer for everyone twinkle, really for me it would just give me a higher height to fall from, so don't make not being positive another thing to make yourself feel bad about.

If you need to protect yourself by being cautious then that's what you need to do, my approach is pretty conservative and I've studied the stats in some detail so I tend to say to myself that it will be a long a challenging journey, but hopefully we'll get there, if not naturally then by adoption or AC.

Think about the kickboxing though, nothing like some endorphins to perk up the mental resilience.

 

[purplelou]

Hi Ladies,

I'll be 38 on Wed. & my DH & I are ttc our first. This is our 2nd month trying and I absolutely feel like there has been an explosion of babies all around me. On tv, with friends on FB, just everywhere! FXed for everyone. I had to print out all the abbreviations, it's a whole new language here. Kids texting have nothing on us!!!

Hi there! welcome to this little corner of the www. hope your stay here is short xxx

 

[purplelou]

twinkle - huge for you, because it sounds like you need them xx (what a poo day!)

 

[twinkle1975]

I don't think PMA is the answer for everyone twinkle, really for me it would just give me a higher height to fall from, so don't make not being positive another thing to make yourself feel bad about.
If you need to protect yourself by being cautious then that's what you need to do, my approach is pretty conservative and I've studied the stats in some detail so I tend to say to myself that it will be a long a challenging journey, but hopefully we'll get there, if not naturally then by adoption or AC.

Think about the kickboxing though, nothing like some endorphins to perk up the mental resilience.

Haha Northstar - you've got me pegged there!!!

 

[FutureMommie]

This thread moves at an insane rate, it's so hard to keep up sometimes. Anyways just poppin in to check on you all.

Pad- so excited for you!!!

OMM- IVF that is so exciting!!! you and Missyt, and Pad you can be IVF buddies!!!!!

Twinkle- totally understand what you are saying about disappointment with ttc! Its not always easy to have pma when you are faced with disappointment month after month. I've been ttc for almost 4 years now and sometimes it gets overwhelming especially when af comes and although I try to have PMA most of the time, it usually takes me a day or so to recover. Sending big hugs your way!!!!

Hi Purple, Dwrgi, Skye, northstar, missyt

AFM- AF has finally left the building. I am having lots of cm, I guess it's probably a result of being on bc for a month, I haven't had this much cm in years. I know what the dr's said about the scar tissue in my uterus but I know that anything is possible so I'm not giving up while I wait to have the scar tissue removed. I'm a faithful person and I want this way to bad to give up. I may have been knocked down once again but I am back in the fight!!!!!! Enjoy your day lovlies!

 

[missyt]

FM, thats right, anything is possible. You are a fighter and and anything worth fighting for is worth having. All of us ladies will appreciate our children and be much better mothers because we've gone through so much to have our babies. So when did they see your scar tissue? When you did the mock embryo transfer?

Ladies, thank you for supporting me in my decision to keep a distance with my friend who just announced her pregnancy. You all understand and I can't tell you how much that means to me.

 

[FutureMommie]

FM, thats right, anything is possible. You are a fighter and and anything worth fighting for is worth having. All of us ladies will appreciate our children and be much better mothers because we've gone through so much to have our babies. So when did they see your scar tissue? When you did the mock embryo transfer?

Ladies, thank you for supporting me in my decision to keep a distance with my friend who just announced her pregnancy. You all understand and I can't tell you how much that means to me.

They found the scar tissue when they did a 3-d ultrasound!

 

[lavalux]

Twinkle,
Sorry you had a crappy day, but you know what I love about you ... you have a great sense of humor, irreverent and witty, which is the best kind. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Missyt,
I'm so sorry about the timing of your friend's pregnancy. One of my very best friends has been trying for 3 years and had already one failed IVF attempt and another IVF scheduled when I got pregnant. When we had lunch I told her the news (she asked since she knew I was doing IUI and we had been sharing our treatment progress). She told me face-to-face that she was happy for me but she would need some space. She explained that she might not be in touch b/c she had to protect herself and conserve her energy to ensure that her continued treatment would be successful. That conversation was in May. She just left me a quick VM to say hello on Friday but that was the first I'd heard from her since this Spring. And you know what? She is right to have taken the time away from me. I know she loves me, but needs to make herself the priority right now. Our friendship will make it through this (even if it means she needs another year or more). Other than a birthday card, a couple of text messages saying "thinking about you" and voice mail with the same message and an added comment that she did not need to call me back ... I have given her space. I miss her, but I cannot be upset with her. I instead need to put myself in her shoes. However, I will say that what has made this easier for me is that she told me directly what to expect. If I didn't understand fully what was happening, I may have been hurt, selfish, and insensitive to her feelings. You can take this suggestion and tell me to shove it, but if you need your space, please tell her. If she is a true friend, she will give you whatever you need and the friendship will remain intact, and hopefully grow even stronger in the future. If she can't understand or at least give you what you need without resentment, the friendship may not be worth keeping. You, your husband, and your future baby come first. I am praying and rooting for you that your IVF is successful. I like your PMA!

 

[padbrat]

Hey lovely ladies...

OMM, Missy and FM... look at us all going for gold on the IVF race! Think gold gold gold BFPS! Am still bricking it though.... am wishing and hoping for us all!

Twinks... a truly crapppppppp day chick.... so how come you can make it sound so funny... awww bless ya..

North... you speak such sense... except for kick boxing... nah, not doing that!
IMHO I think we need to all do what ever is needed to get what we want... and if that means we distance ourselves from certain people so be it... if they don't understand they never were the friend you thought they were... self preservation fan club here!

Dwrgi... I have a CBFM... excellent gadget.. however never got a BFP on it.. all mine were as a result of a huge drinking sesh and a hangover shag.... go figure eh?... maybe give it a go ... worked for me.... hahahhaha... though the hangover is hell!!

hey Lava!

 

[HappyAuntie]

Holy cow, FM is right! I have a hard time keeping up with this thread! It's a nice problem to have - at least I know we're in good company.

I know I'm going to forget some of what I wanted to say, but oh well...

OMM, we each have to decide for ourselves what we are able and willing to do, and the two are not always the same. I know you've gone back and forth several times as to whether or not to proceed with IVF, and you need to quit thinking we will be disappointed in you if you don't do it! For starters, none of us are here to pass judgment on each other - we are here to support each other, to be shoulders, cheerleaders, sounding boards, research teams, friends.... More importantly, you could put 20 different couples in your situation and you would get 20 different answers as to what is the "right" thing to do. The only thing that matters is what is right for you and your DH. You're in a difficult position, and even if someone here might choose differently for herself if she were in your shoes, I think we're all mature enough to know there's a difference between what's right for her and what's right for YOU. There is no good or bad, no better or worse, just different. Good luck with your application for assistance. When do you expect to get a response?

Butterfly, I'm sorry you're in a rough spot, too. I guess the good news is at least your OH was honest with you about it instead of stringing you along. Any news on the decision to move? 'Cause you might wanna consider staying in the middle east until the end of winter.

Welcome MommyToBe! I'm glad you found us on here.

Padbrat, how are you feeling on those steroids? Grouchy yet? When do you start stimming? (Or are you already and I missed it?)

Twinkie, I'm sorry the witch got you. Like NorthStar said, just don't feel badly about yourself for having a little hope - it's not like you were suckered in by a con man! You had legitimate reasons to get your hopes up a little this month, and it sucks that it didn't work out. Plus, from what I've read, statistically the HSG bumps up your chances for three months afterward, so FX'd it will still be of use!

Like NorthStar, I consider myself a realist. I totally get what Missy said about negative thoughts affecting my mood in general, and for that very reason I try to stick to the middle ground. The power of positive thinking is not going to prevent another chromosomal abnormality. And acknowledging that thought is not going to actually cause another mc. It is what it is. I know the odds, I know the stats... I know it's not impossible AND I know it's not easy. If I had spent the last 34 months allowing myself to only think positive thoughts about this month after month, I would have checked out long ago. I have to allow room for my down moods as well as my good moods. I'm not going to feel badly about myself for having days when I think this is never going to work.

I had a lot of hope for this cycle, with the way our numbers looked. Today, not so much anymore. I'm 12 dptrigger, and lo and behold my boobs don't hurt anymore... definitely on knicker watch for the first signs of spotting. I'm a little bit sad/disappointed, and a little bit relieved. DH and I have both had a ton of anxiety in this tww, and I really think we may have jumped back in too soon after the last mc. We are trying to decide now whether we should forge ahead next month or just take a break until Feb - that would relieve us of the stress of timing IUIs over the holidays and allow us to just enjoy our big family reunion/vacation in January, and then come back to ttc a little more refreshed. Idk. We definitely have a lot of talking and mulling things over to do before testing day (so that we're ready to start a new cycle at the end of the week if that's what we want to do). I may still be wrong about this cycle, we'll see. I just want to be prepared in case I'm not.

On the bright side, we had a great weekend - Oktoberfest on Saturday (omg I love soft pretzels! I could have eaten a hundred of them!), and we went to our favorite state park yesterday to do some hiking. It was crowded because the leaves are gorgeous right now and we had spectacular weather (unseasonably warm), but we chose some of the more remote/more rigorous trails and that kept us away from the crowds for the most part. (OMM, you're a camper, right? I seem to recall stories about you and your DH and a tent.... We were at Turkey Run State Park, which is probably only about 3 hrs south of Chicago - it's really close to the IL-IN state line. You might want to check it out - it's my favorite spot in the whole state. Just gorgeous.)

Have a great day, ladies.
xoxo

 

[purplelou]

I think it's fine to do whatever you feel comfiest with, so if thats a PMA then great, or if you are a born pessimist, and don't get your hopes up over anything, then that's also ok, we all do what we need to do. strangely, for me, I am a pessamist but I have huge amounts of positivity for everyone else. odd!

big loves all round xxx

 

[purplelou]

and carrying on from what I said above..... HA, it sounds like you had a fab weekend! I am remaining positive and hopeful for you xxxx

 

[missyt]

Lava, when my friend first told me it was at happy hour when I was introducing her brother to one of my single coworkers as a set up. I was totall blindsided and needed to put on a happy face in front of the rest of the crowd amid my shock. I just would've appreciated it if she would've told me somewhere else one on one (like the lunch you mentioned with your friend). I tried to suck it up and when she left I hugged her and told her congratulations and everything. First thing the next day she was emailing me complaining about how fat she felt, about when her baby's due date is, trying to find a prenatal yoga class. I think thats when I decided I just can't do this and I need space. I spent the entire weekend trying to destress myself and put myself in a better place emotionally. I think our situations may be a little different because she is 7 years younger than me and wasn't even ready for a child. She is all about traveling and going to different places and spending money on clothes and she bought a sports car last year. I bought an SUV last year anticipating on having a baby. It was just a double whammy shock because I had no clue she was trying or was even ready judging by her lifestyle. She even mentioned about a month ago how she tried to talk to her husband about when they wanted kids and he was avoiding the conversation, he wasn't ready. He wanted to finish his masters first. She even told me when she told him she was pregnant that he freaked out and was worrying about money. Everything in my life for the past 2 1/2 years has revolved around me preparing for a baby. I sent her a text yesterday saying that I have to take care of myself and work some issues out and I'm not the best person to be around right now. She knew I am in the process of IVF and I was telling her early last week how I need to relax and keep myself stress free during this process. I think what is different in my case is I did not ask her if she was pregnant, she just dropped a bomb on me. I just feel like she could've waited until after my IVF treatment to tell me. Just a couple of weeks. I just don't want to be all stressed out and have a strained relationship while I'm trying to grow all these eggs in me and keep myself mentally healthy. Yes, I need space from her. I guess if it were me in that situation, I would've handled it differently.

 

[twinkle1975]

HA - your knicker watch comment made me guffaw!!

 

[lavalux]

Missyt,
Wow! That was a completely insensitive way of telling you her news and you handled it way better than I probably would have in that situation. I am so sorry, but I think you are a class act for holding it together that night. Based on the different places that you two already were before she got pg (she didn't seem particularly interested in TTC & had different priorities), you really will need space from her so you can focus on yourself & your treatment. You told her & now it is up to her to respect that. I truly believe that this all needs to be on your terms right now. You have an awesome husband and the support of all the ladies on this board. Just rely on the people that will keep you calm & centered. You can do this!!

 

[missyt]

Dwrgi,
Wow! That was a completely insensitive way of telling you her news and you handled it way better than I probably would have in that situation. I am so sorry, but I think you are a class act for holding it together that night. Based on the different places that you two already were before she got pg (she didn't seem particularly interested in TTC & had different priorities), you really will need space from her so you can focus on yourself & your treatment. You told her & now it is up to her to respect that. I truly believe that this all needs to be on your terms right now. You have an awesome husband and the support of all the ladies on this board. Just rely on the people that will keep you calm & centered. You can do this!!

Thats what hurt, that she wasn't particularly interested in the first place. A mutual friend popped over tonight trying to make things right. She tried to explain that she wanted me to share her joy. I brought her upstairs and showed her my huge box of injectables, and yes, I mean huge. I was shocked when they dropped them off. I also tried to explain to her that our friend could've waited a couple more weeks until I was done with these drugs to break the news. Anyway, long story short, I ended up educating her on how you don't know after a week of being pregnant. Its more like 6 or 7 weeks before you get an actual positive. IDK. I still don't think she got it because she isn't in the situation or anywhere near it. I gave her a hug and asked to pray for me reminding her that I was the one that got the SUV last year anticipating a baby, not the one who bought a sports car last year. I told her to please understand I need space, prayers and positive thoughts. Thats all I can say. Sometimes I kick myself for confiding in those I think are close to me but such is life.

 

[lavalux]

Missyt,
You are good to educate your mutual friend & anyone else that needs a schooling on TTC & fertility treatments, but only if you are in the mood to. I've had my parents & friends make ridiculous comments about the IUIs I did and our plans for IVF, and some days I felt like giving the public service announcement and other days I just didn't have the energy & shut down for a bit. Whatever you have to do to take it each day at a time. The IVF process is so involved. It's like a full-time job! That plus all the other things you surely have on your plate, it requires focus to stay positive & practical at the same time. Only be with people who help you stay grounded & keep you positive, block out everything else for now.

I am really excited for you & your DH. If you ever falter in feeling faith in yourself, then remember we are here to keep the faith for you on those days. When you get pregnant we will still be here for you because although some of our journeys have been shorter & less demanding than others, we didn't typically have the worry-free, easy-peasey "oops, guess I'm pregnant" path like your friend. We will all appreciate our babies more and have just a bit more compassion for others who may struggle.

Oh & sorry about calling you Dwrgi in my initial post... of course, I was directing that message to you & just edited it.

 

[onmymind17]

OMM, we each have to decide for ourselves what we are able and willing to do, and the two are not always the same. I know you've gone back and forth several times as to whether or not to proceed with IVF, and you need to quit thinking we will be disappointed in you if you don't do it! For starters, none of us are here to pass judgment on each other - we are here to support each other, to be shoulders, cheerleaders, sounding boards, research teams, friends.... More importantly, you could put 20 different couples in your situation and you would get 20 different answers as to what is the "right" thing to do. The only thing that matters is what is right for you and your DH. You're in a difficult position, and even if someone here might choose differently for herself if she were in your shoes, I think we're all mature enough to know there's a difference between what's right for her and what's right for YOU. There is no good or bad, no better or worse, just different. Good luck with your application for assistance. When do you expect to get a response?



On the bright side, we had a great weekend - Oktoberfest on Saturday (omg I love soft pretzels! I could have eaten a hundred of them!), and we went to our favorite state park yesterday to do some hiking. It was crowded because the leaves are gorgeous right now and we had spectacular weather (unseasonably warm), but we chose some of the more remote/more rigorous trails and that kept us away from the crowds for the most part. (OMM, you're a camper, right? I seem to recall stories about you and your DH and a tent.... We were at Turkey Run State Park, which is probably only about 3 hrs south of Chicago - it's really close to the IL-IN state line. You might want to check it out - it's my favorite spot in the whole state. Just gorgeous.)

Have a great day, ladies.
xoxo

Honey you are like a warm hug to me, your words give me so much comfort, and i cannot thank you enough.

Yep lol DH and I and our tent and my bent up neck lol, ohhhhhh i will write down that name, we were just talking about going camping again, i so want to go!!!

Honey i am keeping my fingers crossed for you still, i understand you are preparing yourself for the worst, but honestly just because your boobies stopped hurting does not mean that your not pg, i have heard so many women say that symptoms come and go, but I like you do the same thing, i used to have a great PMA, i used to picture that little one snuggling in and growing, and then 4 m/c later, i just cant do it, the last time we got pg, neither one of us got excited, we just said yeah lets see if this one sticks. I think i have just run out of PMA. The only word i can describe for myself right now is i am tired, and i am sure you feel the same way. I think if this IUI does not work, then you should take some time and just relax and have fun until Feb, then you can re group and try again, dont feel like you HAVE to do it the next cycle, your not running out of time, and a month or two or three are not going to make that much difference. Thanks again honey, your support is such a comfort to me, just like all these ladies on here.

Oh and OMG i love soft pretzels too, yummmmmmm!!!!!

 

[NorthStar]

Missyt,

Your "friend" she has no empathy or sensitivity. At least mine emailed me the news (complete with baby scan ) and didn't tell me in public that was cowardly and to me shows that she knew it would cause you pain.

That is pretty much what my friend said, she thinks I should be sharing her joy, whereas I'm thinking, ok so when do you share my pain lady
If I ever get pregnant I'm not going to be insensitive and rub peoples faces in it like these women

Don't feel bad, you need to protect yourself, my other friends baby is turning 1 shortly and rather than torture myself looking at baby clothes I'm just going to send her money, you do what you have to do to get through this.

Hi to everyone else

 

[Dwrgi]

Missyt,

Your "friend" she has no empathy or sensitivity. At least mine emailed me the news (complete with baby scan ) and didn't tell me in public that was cowardly and to me shows that she knew it would cause you pain.

That is pretty much what my friend said, she thinks I should be sharing her joy, whereas I'm thinking, ok so when do you share my pain lady
If I ever get pregnant I'm not going to be insensitive and rub peoples faces in it like these women

Don't feel bad, you need to protect yourself, my other friends baby is turning 1 shortly and rather than torture myself looking at baby clothes I'm just going to send her money, you do what you have to do to get through this.

Hi to everyone else

I so agree with what everybody has said on here. The weirdest thing though is that it is really amazing how insensitive even our closest friends can be. You just don't expect it. The have heard us worry and fret about what we are going through, and yet they still behave like this. Unfortunately, on the day of my egg collection when I was worried sick at the prospect there were only two eggs with consequently pretty grim odds, I found out that my BF had had her baby boy. She knew what was going on with me, and must have guessed how I was feeling, and didn't even get in touch. I was really shocked as we'd been friends for so long. And, Missy, it did add to my grief as I lost the hope of a successful IVF at the same time as I lost my BF. I have gone through all the emotions, and now just feel sad that my friendship with her wasn't very solid. She clearly didn't care about me.

People are very strange, and I think that you have to accept that some aren't going to behave the way we would like them to. It was good to try and educate your mutual friend, at least she can then relay exactly how you are feeling to the other friend and she can see what you are going through.

It's very hard, but that's a chapter that has closed for now. You now need to concentrate on you and getting a positive BFP! And I am absolutely certain that will happen. So, back to the PMA and out with the dead wood!!!