TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[FutureMommie]

You guys are so awesome! Just wanted to say that, and have a wonderful weekend.

 

[constancev18]

Dwrgi, thanks for posting that link. I was reading another article about endometriosis and it explained a similar kind of mechanism--there's some chemical that does not release in women with endo and this prevents the egg from stopping and burrowing into the womb lining. So many interesting things about the human body.

AH, keeping my fingers crossed that those 5 follicles continue to look good.

I had a cracked tooth pulled today and the infection from the decay had spread throughout my body. When the dr said this I wondered if this infection would have impacted my fertility as he said the infection had been raging for years. Humm, maybe it's one of those "straw that broke the camel's back" scenarios where endo+infection+God knows what else=infertility. If the cap and filling had not fallen off I would never have known what was going on.

I rescheduled my ivf consult for Dec 1 from Nov 3 due to dh's work trips. Hoping to have retrieval in late Dec and insemination in early Jan.

Hello to everyone!

 

[Butterfly67]

HA, great news on the follies

Pad

Dwrgi, interesting article!

Constance - good job they found that then and good luck for the IVF consult

and have a great weekend to everyone

 

[Macwooly]

Hello ladies Goodness this thread does move fast

HA - yeah for the 5 follicles and sending lots of

Well DH came home last night and ran me a hot bath then gave me a massage with some gel I forgot I had from when I had a shoulder injury last year and my back pain is so much better and only about 10% of what it was earlier in the week So DH has orders to do a massage daily with the gel till he heads off with work again for the whole of next week

 

[twinkle1975]

Wooly - glad it's feeling a bit better. Well done to DH for the massage xx

 

[purplelou]

Constance - ouch about the tooth! but it sounds like you have a plan for IVF - good luck.

HA - how are you doing?? Im hoping and hoping for you xx

Pad - thinking of you across the miles, and hoping that you are ok and that everything is going to plan!

Wooly - well done to your DH - Im so glad you are feeling better!

Dwrgi - how are you doing?

Missy - hope the meds are treating you good, when is your next appointment? Im rooting for you xx

Twinkle - how are you ? and how is the burlesque coming?

skye and lava - big hugs to you and your babies xx how are you ladies doing?

FM - you are awesome too! hope you're also having a lovely weekend x

to butterfly, never, northstar, and everyone else - hope everyone is having a nice sunday xx



afm - so far (finger crossed) there has been no spotting yesterday or today

 

[twinkle1975]

Yay Purple - long may the lack of spotting continue!!

I'm ok - work has been too busy to practise the burlesque, I'm on my knees when I get home.

I've had a rant about this in my journal but can I ask the opinion of the wise ones? I've done 3 OPKs so far, nothing on day 1, faint line on day 2 (first one ever!) day 3 (today) I ended up doing the test 6 hours later than yesterday & there's no line. Could this be because of the time difference?

 

[lavalux]

Twinkle,
I used a digital opk (with the smiley face) and I had times when I saw a smiley face in the morning and it was gone by the evening. I say you will ovulate in the next 24 hours so get busy. Maybe now is time to try some of that burlesque for a warm up!

 

[HappyAuntie]

I've had a rant about this in my journal but can I ask the opinion of the wise ones? I've done 3 OPKs so far, nothing on day 1, faint line on day 2 (first one ever!) day 3 (today) I ended up doing the test 6 hours later than yesterday & there's no line. Could this be because of the time difference?

I'm with Lava - I only used the digitals with the smiley face so that I never had to guess if the line was dark enough or not. I also only tested once a day, always with fmu (the digis are meant for fmu), so I'm sorry but I can't help you with anything, basically! Really, using the digis was all part of my rebellion, my refusal to poas obsessively. Not only are they easier to read, but because they are more expensive (and because I hate to waste money) I flat-out refuse to test more than once a day. I only use digi HPTs, too, for the exact same reasons - easier to read and their price prevents me from testing early and getting upset over early BFNs.

Aside from digis and back to the topic at hand, you also need to consider how concentrated your pee is - if it was too diluted when you tested today (either because you drank too much or because you didn't hold it long enough before testing), the level of LH in the urine is too low for the test to detect.

 

[missyt]

HA, sounds like you got some good things going on with those follies. Fx'd that all keeps going well.

Constance, I've read in several fertility books that infections can cause infertility. Hopefully being on those antibiotics will do the trick. I've read of couples who did antibiotic therapy and that did the trick.

Mcwooley, your DH sounds wonderful. Nothing like getting a hot bath drawn up followed by a massage.

Purple, fx'd that AF doesn't show.

FM, you know I love your positivity. I know we all your bad days but you take the prize for holding it together and encouraging the rest of us ladies along.

AFM, I had my first scan yesterday. It was day 3 of stimming. I have 9 follies, she said it looks like there could possibly be a 10th one starting. My E2 was at 71 so they had me increase the Menopur. I'm not sure how to take that but a friend of mine who was an egg donor said that is normal and the same thing happened with her. She said that is why they do a scan early on when you start the meds, to see if they need to tweak anything. I go for another scan tomorrow. I've been consuming lots of protein and making smoothies with lots of greens and other fruits and veggies. I'm just staying positive and imagining those eggies multiplying and growing.

 

[Macwooly]

Missy so pleased to hear about the follicles and sending loads of positive thoughts for more and for all to be good

 

[Neversaynever]

Pad...hoping all is going well for you

Twinkle...I used the smileys and the normal OPK's and would get not what I would think were positives yet the smiley's were telling me it was positive I can't remember if you have PCOS/irregular cycles (I'm sorry) but if you do, you sometime have the surge then it goes and it comes back then releases (apologies if this is totally irrelevant or offensive) it's all frustrating eh?

Purple...glad the spotting has stopped..hoping you get a sticky bean soon

HA..Looking forward to seeing what happens next ..I wish I had your resolve and mental attitude...mine sucks

Missy...good to see you back here and for the IVF cycle...looking good so far

FM...keep up the positivity

Constance..hoping the infection clears up quickly ready for IVF in December

Butterfly...hoping this is the month for you

Wooly... and thanks and glad DH is looking after you and your back. for the month

Lava...thank you too and love hearing how well things are going with you and the twins

Skye..hope you get the bathroom sorted soon

Dwrgi... and hoping you are making the most of the half term week

OMM...so sorry to hear of your news all here for you when you are ready

to everyone else I have missed..sorry

AFM...not in the best place and just trying to find other things to focus on right now. Does anyone have any coping strategies for parts of the month? I struggle getting OH to DTD when necessary and even if we manage it, the total devastation I am now getting when AF is on her way as well as the BFN puts me in a hole.

Every cycle since both losses I have snapped out of it by the time AF has left and have had a plan of action for the next month...this cycle...I am completely the opposite gah

XxX

 

[purplelou]

dear Never, I don't really have any coping strategies for you, but I wonder, if you are struggling, and it sounds like you are - would you consider counselling?? I seems to remember you have a good GP, so he might be able to help. something I am learning is that you start to think you are ok...then 10 minutes later you feel like a complete mess again. I can't trust my emotions at all - I feel at times like my body is just letting me down. It sometimes happens at home and DH knows to not be "too nice" cos then it takes me longer to pull myself together, however I do tend to feel a bit bettter after these meltdowns. (temporarily at least) I wish I had something more for you..... but Big huge loves anyway xxxxx

 

[Neversaynever]

dear Never, I don't really have any coping strategies for you, but I wonder, if you are struggling, and it sounds like you are - would you consider counselling?? I seems to remember you have a good GP, so he might be able to help. something I am learning is that you start to think you are ok...then 10 minutes later you feel like a complete mess again. I can't trust my emotions at all - I feel at times like my body is just letting me down. It sometimes happens at home and DH knows to not be "too nice" cos then it takes me longer to pull myself together, however I do tend to feel a bit bettter after these meltdowns. (temporarily at least) I wish I had something more for you..... but Big huge loves anyway xxxxx

Thanks Lou...I have had counselling before for another issue and it wasn't productive...however, I went to see my GP last week to ask for a referral. He got back to me this morning saying that to have specific counselling, I still need to have three losses but he is pushing to speak to someone other than the front desk person. I aslo suggested to him to try the lovely lady at the EPAU if she had any ideas as such and he is taking that forward.

Who knows it's all just not a familiar place to be in in unlike previous cycles.

Whatever eh?

Sorry you are having emotional ups and downs too...they always come when you least expect it too

XxX

 

[HappyAuntie]

Never, please don't be so hard on yourself. My "resolve and mental attitude" are called weekly counseling and anti-depressants. I just reached a point sometime back in the spring where I could not continue on my own without some help/making a change. I found a counselor who specializes in counseling infertile couples, and she has been a godsend. A few weeks into weekly sessions she suggested I might need drugs. I resisted for several more months until one day when I literally could not get out of bed, and as I lay there all day - not crying, not moving, not doing anything but lying there - the thought crossed my mind of how easy it would be to go hang myself in the closet, because all I had in my head and heart and life was hurt and pain and grief, and I couldn't escape the hurt and pain and grief, and dying honestly seemed like the only way to end them. That's the moment I realized something had to change - I could not continue like that. I started drugs for depression and anxiety that week. I am no hero, I am no super woman, I have no secret strategy for dealing with all this crap. I got help, that's all. I still have lots of hurt and pain and grief, they just aren't overwhelming anymore. I have the ability to manage them now because I'm not drowning in them anymore. I have the ability to deal with other smaller stuff in my life now because I don't have to spend all my energy just trying to get through the day without falling apart. And before drugs and counseling, I didn't even realize how much energy that was taking. I didn't even realize that I wasn't managing things anywhere nearly as well as I thought I was. I didn't think I was depressed, I just thought I was dealing with the same thing anyone in my shoes would be dealing with. It was my normal, and I had no idea a different normal was even possible. But it is. I'm still scared, I still hurt, I still grieve, I still have bad days (had one yesterday, in fact - fell apart and sobbed in public at a festival - but that's for another post). But now I truly can manage them. Now I no longer see them as a permanent part of my life.

So many of us here have been through so much, and we blame ourselves for it in some way or another - I waited too long, my body has betrayed me, my eggs are useless, I'd be a terrible mother anyway, ..... We really have to work hard to remember to be kind to ourselves. For me, that includes finding a way to stop being angry at myself, to stop blaming myself for choices DH and I made 10 years ago. This is where we are now, and thinking ugly things about myself doesn't change that, it just makes it harder to handle by weakening my soul and leaving me even fewer resources to handle what we have to do now. I have to be as kind to myself as I strive to be toward others. That's what I try to remember every day. I would never blame another woman for having a miscarriage, why do I blame myself for having three? I have to be as kind to myself as I strive to be toward others. Kind to myself. Kind to myself. It's my new mantra. And to do that, I got the help I needed and deserved to help me get through our current trials.

I'm sorry I've rambled. I just know how dark and horrible things can feel. I've been there, and I can tell you honestly and from my heart that you don't have to stay there.

 

[Neversaynever]

HA..why is it that I knew I would if you repsonded to me

The other weekend I was thinking how easy it would be to just walk in front of a car without a care in the world

Thankfully..it passed and I know that I am not depressed...but I do know that I could so easily become depressed if I don't action things now which is why I am trying to get myself sorted now.

You always have a way of words that fill me with warmth and hope so thank you for taking the time to reply.

I haven't posted in here because I have been so low, not because I don't about you ladies because I do. Sometimes it's hard to take the fake smile and bravado away and let people see the reality of it all.

Anyway..HA I really am hoping this cycle will be the one and you have a sticky egg or two coming your way

XxX

 

[FutureMommie]

Constancev- glad you had that tooth taken care of! good luck with your consult

Macwooly- That massage sounds lovely! What a great hubby

Missy- 9 follies! That's awesome! Grow follies grow!!!!!

Never- ((((hugs)))) I so wish I had the perfect words for you.

AFM- I think I'm around 8 dpo right now. I was a little crampy on Friday, saturday and sunday but I'm not symptom spotting because my uterus is so jacked up that there is not telling what is going on in there. I'm feeling rather lost still, I'm at a stand still right now just waiting until January and in my mind hoping that even though my uterus is a mess that I get pg before then....I believe anything is possible. I'm not sure how I will feel if af comes, I guess I will cross that bridge when and if I come to it. I have those days that it would just be a lot easier to give up but then I go and visit my little nephew in the NICU who is fighting for life and then I know that I have to go on a little further.

 

[purplelou]

never - I was just poking around and found this:

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/support/how-we-can-help/

I see they have support groups in the black country and B'ham - which may be close by, they also have telephone support. I remember seeing this up on the wall on the EPAC when I went there in Dudley.

 

[Dwrgi]

Missy-brilliant news about the follies. Grow follies grow! Your healthy eating regime sounds very effective! Keep it going girl! xx

Lou-so glad that spotting has stopped! Hope you're feeling okay hun? x

Pad-how is it going? I'm on pins to find out what's what... Fingers crossed!! BTW, terrible weather in the UK today. Hope it's nice and sunny there! xx

Macwooly, hope your back is better. Bath and massage sounds fabulous! xx

Twinkle, hope you got the answer you need. Fingers crossed you catch the eggie! xx

Never-I'm so sorry that you feel like this, although I think that what you describe sounds like a completely normal reaction, considering what you have been through. Be kind to yourself hun, and remember that you will have your forever bb, it's just a matter of when. HA and Lou have given you some fabulous advice, and if you think that taking anti-depressants whilst the hurt is still so sore may not be a bad idea, just to 'tide you over.' It's not a crime to admit that you are struggling, and we all know how you feel and I so want to give you a big cwtch, as I so know your pain. This whole process is completely shi&e and so completely unfair, but you have to convince yourself that this is a temporary blip, and you will be a mum.

Put yourself first, spoil yourself, you're a very special person, you have NOT done anything wrong, and remember, it WILL happen, hun!

Lots and lots of love to you and to everybody else.



Hello to everybody!

 

[onmymind17]

HA..why is it that I knew I would if you repsonded to me

The other weekend I was thinking how easy it would be to just walk in front of a car without a care in the world

Thankfully..it passed and I know that I am not depressed...but I do know that I could so easily become depressed if I don't action things now which is why I am trying to get myself sorted now.

You always have a way of words that fill me with warmth and hope so thank you for taking the time to reply.

I haven't posted in here because I have been so low, not because I don't about you ladies because I do. Sometimes it's hard to take the fake smile and bravado away and let people see the reality of it all.

Anyway..HA I really am hoping this cycle will be the one and you have a sticky egg or two coming your way

XxX

Honey, if you thought about walking in front of a car then you are depressed. Its not a shameful thing, we all get depressed, it just depends on what degree it goes to. You need to post in here, low or not, thats what we are all here for, if you dont get out how your feeling to someone, it festers inside, and you isolate yourself, feeling like nobody knows what you feel, when they do, we do!! I myself am batteling it right now, in part because i have to give up my dream of having a child, and a big part is that winter is comming, i know that sounds silly to some people, but i hate winter, i have to fight with myself to not be depressed, and its so very hard when you have very little sunshine, and everything here is brown and white. Please dont be so hard on yourself, we did nothing wrong, i am trying to remember that each and every day, i keep thinking maybe if i lost weight, maybe if i keep my sugars lower, i would have a child now, but no, there are just too many women who have happy healthy babies, and they are in way worse shape than we are. At one point in my life, when i was in my 20's i did not care if i lived or died, i was lucky and talked to people and got myself out of that, and i am so very happy that i did, there is so much to live for, and while having a baby is what we all want, we all have to realize that its not everything in life, we all have so much that we are blessed with, for me its my absolutly wonderful husband, we are supporting each other through this time when its so very hard seeing so many babies, and knowing we cannot have one. Dont be afraid to seek help, be it from a professional person, or us, or your friends, some people dont understand, they never will, but we do!! Live each day as it comes, and take it day by day, enjoy the good days when you have them, and deal with the bad ones as they come. Love you honey, sorry for the rambling.