Deb, I am so sorry... I love you and you deserve some peace. Whatever you need to do to achieve that peace is what you need to do. I would just encourage you not to make any permanent decisions right now. You need to grieve the fact that this cycle didn't work, and that will take just as long as it takes. I don't know if you got any frozen embies from this round, but the fact of the matter is that most IVF patients (over 60%) do not achieve pregnancy on the first round - on average it takes 2-3 cycles for most couples to achieve pregnancy.
This journey will have some sort of resolution for every single one of us - either a child through birth or adoption, or choosing to stop trying - but resolution just the same. And what that resolution is for one person may look very different to another. We all love you and of course will understand if you need to stay away from here for your own peace, but you are not a fraud and we will always welcome you. xoxoxoxo
Hearty and Amos, I've been stalking you two over on the RMC thread, and I'm glad you've popped in over here. Hearty, when is your IUI? You're on Femara, right? I wonder if that had anything to do with your thin lining... I know Clomid can create lining problems and I know Clomid and Femara act on your body in the same way, but I don't know if they cause similar side effects... but glad to read today that it's still getting thicker.
I always figure the first round is one big learning curve, anyway - they don't have any idea how your body is going to react to the stims until you start them, but they can use that info to make important changes for the next round. On my first IUI I was on 75iu follistim daily (a fairly low, starter dose) and only produced one follie, so for my next it was doubled to 150iu daily and my follies went into overdrive. So from the third cycle on I start at 100iu and then they bump it up about halfway through the stims. Like I said, it's a learning curve....
Chris, I think about you all the time.
My feelings are all over the place on this. I may have sounded resolute in my post but I'm really not. Even though the plan for months has been to take this break now, within hours of the BFN I caught myself thinking about not taking the break... but those moments are when I have to stop myself and look back and remind myself why we made that decision in the first place... how many times in the last month did I moan about how badly I needed a break?!
I am sad, I am angry, I am disappointed, I am relieved, I am cynical, I am scared, I am all over the place. I am glad we will get to spend the holidays and the Disney trip without worrying about miscarriages and timing of treatments, and I'm glad we'll get to spend the holidays with family instead of alone with our cat because we're afraid to travel too far from our dr, but all that said, I'd still rather be pregnant. It f-ing sucks. But like I said, we really need these three months to decide what what, if anything, to do next. One more IUI, then IVF? Straight to IVF? Stop trying? All three seem pretty equally unappealing right now - and pretty equally appealing. I've had a good cry, and the fact that I got the BFN on vacation meant I allowed myself to get good and snockered on the last night in Florida - another margarita, please!
For now, that is enough. To paraphrase Scarlett O'Hara, I'll think on the rest tomorrow - after all, tomorrow is another day!
Thanks to all of you. I know what Pad meant - we feel like we're disappointing a whole room full of women, not just ourselves and our partners, when we get a BFN. I know you all were hoping for the best for me on this one, and I appreciate that I have friends like you who can have hope when I don't. I love you, ladies. xoxoxo
Lot's of love, good luck and sticky bb dust for your journey xxxxx
We were all hoping that the result was otherwise. It's so unfair that all of the lovely ladies deserve to have babies yet we all struggle so much for it. 
HA
