TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[lavalux]

HA,
We may be disappointed for you, but you aren't disappointing us in the sense of failing us. We are here to love & support you only. Of course, your emotions are all over the place. But, I truly hope you take these next few months to rest and heal, get back in touch with your DH & how things were in your life before the all-consuming TTC rollercoaster started. It sounds like you have a lot of fun things planned with family & vacation.

Pad,
Honey, my heart breaks for you. You don't deserve this BFN. You know better than we do what your limits are with TTC. As someone said, it often takes more than one IVF cycle. Maybe take a much-needed break & reevaluate. I still believe donor IVF can work for you, or you may decide to adopt and approach parenthood that way. You & your DH would make amazing parents. But, no matter what you choose to do in this aspect of your life, I wish for you peace & happiness. You are always welcome here.

NikkiLeigh,
That was lovely. Thank you for sharing.

 

[caroleb73]

Hey HA and PAD I am so sorry to hear about your outcomes from your recent treatment cycles. There is not a great deal that I can say that will make you feel any better right now but I want you to know that I am thinking of you. Life really doesn't make any sense at times, especially when it comes to TTC but you have to know that you are 2 very special ladies that have brought so much support to all of us and we in turn are here for you.

Take time for the news to sink in and then decide what is right for you and your DH's. PAD I can see where you are right now thinking that you guys are done but you never know how you may both feel in the future. Take your time and I do hope that you pop in here when you feel stronger we were all brought together here by TTC but it is definitely not the only thing keeping us connected as long as we have been, we genuinely care for you and would love to know how you are. Take care

HA I really admire and respect your strength and pray that the NY will bring with it great things for you and your family. Enjoy your time with the family over the festive period and then see how you feel for the future. Big hugs to you my friend.

All I can say is that life completely sucks at times and I wish I could make all your pain go away

 

[Neversaynever]

I am totally rubbish at saying the right things but I can't not say anything....

Pad....I am so sorry that it didn't work out. I can't imagine how you feel, I just imagine it must be pretty damn awful. You are very much loved on here, we all want you to have your baby in your arms and you never disappoint, no matter how much you feel you do. always

HA...I am sorry this cycle didn't work for you too words will never be enough so I am not going to try and comforty you with them...just chucking you some

to everyone else too

XxX

 

[twinkle1975]

Sorry I'm still at the swearing point f**kity, F**king, f**k!!! https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/rant.gif https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/censored.gif https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/banghead.gif

 

[Neversaynever]

Sorry I'm still at the swearing point f**kity, F**king, f**k!!! https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/rant.gif https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/censored.gif https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/banghead.gif

Yup that was put better than me and totally agree

XxX

 

[onmymind17]

Chris, I think about you all the time.


My feelings are all over the place on this. I may have sounded resolute in my post but I'm really not. Even though the plan for months has been to take this break now, within hours of the BFN I caught myself thinking about not taking the break... but those moments are when I have to stop myself and look back and remind myself why we made that decision in the first place... how many times in the last month did I moan about how badly I needed a break?!

I am sad, I am angry, I am disappointed, I am relieved, I am cynical, I am scared, I am all over the place. I am glad we will get to spend the holidays and the Disney trip without worrying about miscarriages and timing of treatments, and I'm glad we'll get to spend the holidays with family instead of alone with our cat because we're afraid to travel too far from our dr, but all that said, I'd still rather be pregnant. It f-ing sucks. But like I said, we really need these three months to decide what what, if anything, to do next. One more IUI, then IVF? Straight to IVF? Stop trying? All three seem pretty equally unappealing right now - and pretty equally appealing. I've had a good cry, and the fact that I got the BFN on vacation meant I allowed myself to get good and snockered on the last night in Florida - another margarita, please! For now, that is enough. To paraphrase Scarlett O'Hara, I'll think on the rest tomorrow - after all, tomorrow is another day!

Thanks to all of you. I know what Pad meant - we feel like we're disappointing a whole room full of women, not just ourselves and our partners, when we get a BFN. I know you all were hoping for the best for me on this one, and I appreciate that I have friends like you who can have hope when I don't. I love you, ladies. xoxoxo

Honey i know what you mean, even now i catch myself thinking hmmmmm and then stop myself, its so very hard, when something has been a part of your life for this long you cant just walk away, especially when you so want a child of your own, you always have that little flicker of hope. For me whenever i see the little flicker i blow it out, its over and i need to realize that, i think i am doing ok, and then the other day i woke up and took my temp, you know just to see if maybe it was up, af is due this friday, soooooo, and then i yelled at myself to stop being stupid. I have had more people tell me "Well maybe if you give up it will happen, lots of women give up and bam, they get pg" and i think yeah thanks so very freaking much for putting that thought in my head, so that now i am not giving up but back to hoping again. There are times that i am so excited, and i think i can go on vacations, and camping and do and eat whatever i want, i am free, and then there are times when i see a little one, that i am filled with sadness, then there are times which is most of the time that i am angry, angry that for some women it happens just like that, they dont want to be pg, they dont really care, but they get pg, and yet ladies like us have to struggle. There was just something in the news the other day about a woman who went into a Salvation Army store and gave birth to a baby in the bathroom and then she strangled and killed the baby and left it in there!!!!!!!!!! OMG, that poor innocent child never had a chance because of that woman!!!! Why do women like that get to have a child, but we cant!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah the anger is defiantly the main one right now lol. I guess what i am trying to say is your not alone in feeling this way, and please dont ever think that you are disappointing any of us, you dont disappoint us, we feel your pain and your sadness, but are never disappointed in you!!

Make sure you take time for yourself, just concentrate on having fun through the holidays, your not giving up, just taking a break for now, tell that stupid internal clock to shut the F up!!!! I love you honey, and thanks for thinking of me, you and all these other ladies are the reason i have not walked away from this thread totaly.

 

[hopeful23456]

HA - you girls never disappoint me! You all make me feel better that I'm not alone going through this shit. I recently found this board while stalking pad and you girls are awesome. So glad to have found some of the best people ever on these boards.

 

[tigerlily1975]

Sorry I'm still at the swearing point f**kity, F**king, f**k!!! https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/rant.gif https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/censored.gif https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/banghead.gif

Yup that was put better than me and totally agree

XxX

Twinkle hit the nail on the head there.

Much love and huge, squishie

C xx

 

[rebekah05]

Thank you for this post. I am 37 and ttc #1 also. I told someone I was a late bloomer and they said, "No honey, your just fashionably late." I got a kick out of it. I know my first month I drove myself crazy too phantom symptoms and 13 pregnancy tests! Not anymore. I am in my 2ww now and will not, not, not test until I miss (fingers crossed) my cycle on the 16th. Good luck to all of you. Let's hope we have something big to celebrate this holiday season.

 

[purplelou]

Hi Rebekah, welcome to the thread, I hope your stay here is short and that your BFP is just around the corner!

ladies, I can see everyone is, like me, feeling a bit down (although I am still very hopeful for missy!) so would anyone like to join me in a big squishy group https://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/grouphugg.gif ?? big loves to you all, you are without a doubt, the nicest, most wonderfulest group of ladies ever!!

 

[twinkle1975]

Yay I'm up for a group hug!!!! https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/grouphug.gif

 

[missyt]

Purple, thank you so much. I've been feeling down the past couple of days. HA and Pad's news really hit home. I just don't understand why things happen. I'm trying so hard to pull myself out of any negativity I am feeling but its so hard. (sorry, I can't find group hug icon anywhere)

Rebeka, your doggies are so cute. Best of luck!

 

[onmymind17]

I could use a group hug too, af showed 2 1/2 days early and with a vengance too, now i knew i was not pg, but dang i was hoping for a romp with my honey, oh and thanks to our mtg going up another $80 a month we wont be able to do our vacation in April either!! Sigh...............

Missy, i am still praying for you, we could sure use some good news here!!

 

[twinkle1975]

https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/band.gif - thought a band might cheer us up!!

And here is the link to the smiley page I've been using https://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/

 

[Butterfly67]

LOL thanks Twinkle that made me smile - Missy, Purple and Chris and anyone else who needs it!

 

[missyt]

OMM, stupid . Don't feel so bad about not being able to romp. I haven't BDd with DH is almost a month! Everytime I gave him the opportunity he fell asleep and then we couldn't 3 days up to when we did the egg retrieval. Then they told me no BDing for 5 days after the transfer but now I have a cold. Besides, I'm really not feeling up for it anyway with all the action I had going up there the past month between ultrasounds, the egg retrieval and embryo transfer and now all those supposititories I have to put up my hoo hoo 3x a day. LOL. Oh well, I can't say my hoo hoo isn't getting attention. The last action DH got was with his hand in the porn room at the clinic.

I figured we could all use a laugh and I found this great website. I hope you all check it out:

https://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/

 

[purplelou]

Twinkle - I love that band!!

Missy that is a great site, thank you!!

OMM - that witch is so blinkin' inconsiderate - she should have known you were ready for some lovin' with your wonderful man! you'll have to make up for it after she leaves

 

[Macwooly]

Popping by to send lots of to all

Missy sending lots of to you

AFM - CD1 and onto a new cycle so we'll see what this one brings

Finally a few more for all

 

[Butterfly67]

Missy that website is very funny

 

[missyt]

Missy that website is very funny

I happened to stumble upon that website yesterday. Perfect timing because I think all of us needed a boost.